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A sticky stituation....
Ok... I'm in desprate need of some advice. I was involved in an abusive relationship ( i ended it last year in January) I have since then graduated from high school. When i was in high school I had a little crush on my spanish teacher (i was 18 he was 24), never thought much of it, but i was up at my old school the other day and i saw him again and feelings resurfaced. We talked for a while and he asked me out. This is the first relationship i have even considered entering since ending my abusive one...and i'm not sure if i'm doing the right thing ... please don't say that " i'll know when I'm ready" because thats all i've heard latley ... and it doesn't help...because i'm so confused about the entire thing that i don't know anything anymore.
Thanks so much
*i rate*
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Abusive relationships are very difficult to move past. There's no set time where it's ok to jump back into the dating pool and everything will be smooth. Your trust has been deeply affected and that's something that takes a very long time to heal.
Remember, each person is an individual. If you feel stronger, more sure of yourself, I don't think it would hurt to go on a date with this man. Take things as slow as you need to. Don't scare yourself into not getting involved. If you hold onto that fear for too long, you're letting your ex control you subconsciously.
I'm very happy to hear you ended the relationship. It's one of the most difficult things to do, and the fact that you did shows that you're already stronger than you were. As I said, go ahead, and enjoy yourself. Take it at the speed you need to so YOU feel comfortable.
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Ok, a few things:
1) Do you feel stronger than you did at the end of your relationship last january: i.e. enough that if it began to happen again you could walk away? This would be a good idea before getting into another relationship.
2) Possibly it would be a good idea to mention to your old teacher after a few dates that you'd like to take this slowly due to a previous unpleasant experience. You can go into as much or little detail as you feel comfortable but just clues him in a little which is always helpful.
3) All that said, perhaps the best way to help you move on now that quite a lot of time has passed is to begin dating again and refuse to let the past hold you back. Just remember you can stop seeing this teacher or anyone at any time you like- you have no obligations to this man and have made no promises so your only responsibility is to stay safe and have a good time.
Really hope it all works out for you x
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it will probably be fine. if you know him, then you know whether or not he is a good person. also, you shouldn't be scared, because if you're always scared to go into another relationship, you're never going to get over your fear of relationships. it's simply basic psychology. if you have a fear, you have to face that fear to get over it. i think it's a great opportunity and i'm sure that you'll be fine with this relationship.
Alan
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Since he's a teacher, in all probability, he's a great guy that's not going to hurt you. I think that it's the right thing to do. Even if the date doesn't lead to any more dates or a relationship, you'll have a great time and it's the first step to getting back into the dating world. Definitely take it slow. If it comes up tell him about your situation and how you're a little tentative to start dating again. He should be very understanding. You can't really know what his feelings are for you yet though. Make sure, before you get in too deep, that he's into you as much as you are into him. He could just want to spend a little time with you to see how life after high school is going for you. This could be a great opportunity for you. I wish you the best of luck.
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I don't see any reason why you can't go out and see how you feel about it. Take it slow.
He is no longer your teacher, the age difference isn't that bad. He is mature enough to understand why you'd want to take it slow too.
You are needing to get back into having a dating life. No matter who you choose it is going to be scary for you. Even if you know the person is okay and not an abusive person. Take the first step.
Good luck. :)
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