A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
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So I'm 19 and have been very happily married for nearly a year. My husband and I are both in college and living on our own. I desperately want a baby. I know how hard it is, I raised my younger brother on my own for two years while in highschool. I know that it is terribly expensive, I know it is taxing emotionally and physically and in more ways than imaginable. I know it would mess with school and our plans and everything but the non logical half of me is completely going nuts over it.
Many people are just telling us to go for it and that things will work themselves out as we go along. A few people think I'm completely insane for even considering it.
I just don't know what to do, I've tried adopting far too many hobbies to get rid of this obsession. I can't get a pet because of our landlord.
I just need to know if I should go for it, or if I should keep trying to fight it. And if I should fight it, how?
(link)
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Get a puppy and get through school.
Its not an uncommon (or unhealthy) desire to have where you are in life, but what you need to be thinking about is current circumstance. You're both in school, you're both poor as shit, and at this moment you would have to sacrifice the baby's well being or your own.
If you wait until at least one of you is done with school and has managed to land a decent job, you will be much better off yourselves, and the baby will be too.
Stick to the plans. You're at a critical point, and if you decide to derail yourselves here it could take more than a decade to get where you need to be, as opposed to 6 months after someone finishes school.
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Im pregnant, and my boyfriend doesn't want the baby, neither do I, but he would like me to get an abortion, and I don't believe in that. What should I do?
(link)
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Adoption. 9 months is enough time to find a good family for the kid, and if you aren't in a position to raise a child, thats the best thing you can do for them. There are thousands of couples looking for children who can't have kids but have the means to support them. Giving your kids to an established couple with a stable base is one of the greatest gifts you could give. Its a tough personal sacrifice, but in 20 years you should be able to look back and know you made the best choice possible in the situation.
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18/M
I've liked this girl for a while, and some times we flirt, but other times she treats me in a way I can only describe as sarcastic anger, but I just assumed that was her flirting too. I wanted to ask her out, but just couldn't, so I wrote her a letter instead, explaining that I like her and am too nervous to ask her out, but want to. It was totally cute (in my opinion).
I mailed the letter, and about 4 days passed, and suddenly, she stopped talking to me. She won't look me in the eye, and she only talks to me when she absolutely has to, in a very angry tone.
I'm completely at a loss as to what this means and what to do next. You seem like a knowledgeable person. Can you tell me what's going on? (link)
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It bothered her.
She felt one of two things. Either she liked you a bit, but hadn't admitted it to herself, or she didn't really like you and just flirted for fun. Honestly, I couldn't tell you which.
Regardless, when she read your letter she was faced with a situation where she felt you liked her more than she liked you.
A bad reaction is a bad reaction. Go up to her and ask her to talk to you for a second. Ask her if she'll go out to a movie or something. If you get a no, move on.
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I have this group of friends that dont go to my school that i love to hang out with. yesterday we all went to the park and got pretty drunk. I ended up making out with this guy for ages. He supposedly had forced this girl to have sex with him quite a while ago and that girl was really angry at me. Now shes still really angry at me for making out with him. Everyone wants to go out in a couple of days and i dont know wheter to go or not because that girl has turned a few people agaisnt me.I really like that group of people and i think this girl is blowing the whole situation out of proportion , when really its nothing. she wasnt dating this guy, infact she hates him because he 'forced' her into sex. I really dont now wheter to go out with them or to just leave that group behind ?!? help. :( (link)
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I would go talk to the girl, and apologize.
If you knew about what happened before hand, tell her you're sorry, and you wouldn't have done it if you had known she'd be hurt.
If you didn't know, then you didn't know, but you can still be sorry she's hurt regardless.
You didn't do anything wrong, but swallowing your pride a little bit along with a little understanding can help you out.
Something that might not occur to you. If she was taken advantage of and you weren't, its going to cause her issues. Because she's going to be wondering "why me?" Its going to make her feel even more singled out, because the same thing didn't repeat itself.
She is blowing it out of proportion, but its somewhat understandable, she's been through alot. Offer her some apology and understanding, and she'll probably come around. If not, walk away knowing at least you were the better person.
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14/f
what happens if i get pregnant? like will i be able to move out of my parents house? and live with my boyfriend? or will i have to stay home? and how would i tell my parents? what if i runaway and call my parents and tell them. will i have to go back home? because i know my parents dont want me to do this. and would pretty much beat me if i did. but i dont care about them. they just make my life worse and worse everyday. and starting a family sounds like the best thing to me right now. im not actually pregnant. but im kinda thinking about it. because of things ive talked about with my boyfriend. i know your gonna say dont do it. and im not ever sure i want to do this. so PLEASE dont tell me i shouldn't do it. or how its going to ruin my life. because it wont ruin my life. my boyfriend already has things planned out if i do want to do this. and no. he's not pushing me to do this. its only if i want to. and i just want these questions answered before i do make a decision.
thanks for the help.
- cuttechick24 (link)
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Rahzie pretty much covered the runaway questions. Basically, anyone who takes in a 14 year old runaway without notifying authorities is committing a crime.
I won't tell you how it will ruin your life.
I'll tell you how it will ruin your baby's.
Children take their example from their parents. Kids are utterly dependent on their parents for an example.
Part of that example that forms a basic foundation, is watching your parents provide for you. Watching your parents be a structure around yourself, and watching them provide an example of adult behavior for them to imitate.
You are 14. You are a child yourself. A child cannot raise a child, its that simple.
You cannot provide for a child. You can't pay for their medical bills (or your own). You cannot provide a roof over the childs head on your own. You are not an adult, and so you cannot provide an adult perspective or a mature example for them to follow. You won't be able to get a job, have a career, and save for THEIR college when you haven't been yourself.
Well, you can have a kid without going to college, but at least you should be in your own place, paying all your own bills, etc first.
If you did this, I hope your parents would beat you. If nothing else knocks sense into you, maybe that would. Having a child at 14 is an incredibly selfish act. You aren't doing it for the kid, if you were you'd be waiting. You are a kid yourself, and you want to feel like an adult, so you are trying to imitate adults.
Thats no example to provide a child. Your parents would end up raising the kid, and then your kid would probably be stupid as hell and end up with a kid of his or her own earlier as well, following your example.
Your boyfriend has things planned out? No he doesnt. Not unless he's 25+ making more than 30 grand a year with a career, in which case we have problems other than you having a baby and some statuatory rape charges are in order.
What does he have planned out? At 14 theres no way you're dating a guy who has his shit together. He can't pay for this kid any more than you can. And if he wants to knock up a 14 year old, he's no better as a role model than you are. He's a child too.
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hi. 17/m.
whenever i get close to a girl..i always enter the "friend zone". And once i enter said zone..i cant leave. So basically, there's this girl that i like. We recently have been getting close, and i asked her out...she said "i dont want to ruin our friendship...." etc etc, and that maybe one day there may be something ( i told her it was a dare after she said no..so it wouldnt be awkward later on).
The next day, i see her and her two friends, and she walks away. When her friends see me..they just look at me...i asked the girl i like, why she was looking..she said, "nothing...dont worry...it was good..."
i think she's got here eye on another guy, but what my question iss...is...is she brushing be off politely, or does she actually think that there may be something oneday. how do i know? like body signals, etc. thanks. (link)
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Most people automatically assign a low value to anything that comes too easily. This goes triple for dating.
Your first mistake is getting close to a girl. Sexual attraction has to come first, flirting has to come first. If you don't take your balls out for a walk and try to get a date, you wont. Its that simple.
Too many guys do the "feel a girl out" because they don't want to fuck something up.
If you like her, you can't be her friend. I'm sorry, but no. If you haven't figured that out, stop being friends with women you want to fuck. It will always turn out bad and train you in the wrong habits.
The guys who get girls are the guys who seem interested in more than friendship from the get go. Its a part of our personality. And I can tell you from personal experience, no one is born this way. Every single bit of it is learned behavior.
You are exactly where you think you are. The friend zone. I couldn't tell if you're getting the brush off, but you definitely aren't getting encouragement.
I want you to re-read the last semi-paragraph of your post. No, go ahead. I'll wait.
"Or does she actually think that there may be something oneday?"
Ok. For once, you've given us enough information to answer a question like this. Thats good, most people theres no way to know.
No, she isn't thinking about you, at all probably. She probably spends less than a minute thinking about you for every 24 hours you spend thinking about her.
How do you know doesn't matter. How do you know isn't going to help you one single bit, because what you're doing is asking us to take your absolutely terrible approach at dating and make you somehow better at it.
Instead of reading her signals, send a few of your own. Talk to her. Ask her questions. Tease her if the opportunity arises and its something she can laugh at too. Compliment the way she looks.
If you crash and burn, try to figure out what went wrong, and do something different the next time.
If you find yourself crashing and burning every time, ask why. The answer is going to suck, I promise. But if you get an answer you can work with, then you might be able to fix what you're fucking up more quickly.
But more than anything, stop finding one girl, falling for her, and then trying to date her. In all seriousness, women are people too, and there are some of them I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. Its not some magical gift to be in a relationship, its just two people who are secure enough to admit that they want each other.
If you aren't secure enough to admit that you want a girl, then she isn't going to care about what you want. Similarly, if you can't express like without being creepy, she won't be interested.
Its like walking on a tightrope the size of a freeway. If you fall off, you're screwed, but its really not that hard to fall off as long as you can find the damn freeway in the first place.
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Is the swine flu pandemic imminent? If so, will everyone have to wear masks, even in Europe?
Just wondering... (link)
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The current reported US death toll from Swine flu is 7. Only one of which has happened in the last 4 days.
If you go and google the World Health Organization, their flu statistics state that 250,000 to 500,000 people are reported to die from influenza each year.
Influenza is the normal, standard flu that people get flu shots for and take theraflu and everything else. Aproximately 3-5 million people out of 300 million get it in the US alone every year.
You don't hear about this, because its a matter of course. People who have aids and get the flu die. People with otherwise weak immune systems (the very young and the old) commonly succumb to illnesses most people can drink orange juice and sleep through. Its perfectly normal.
To put it in even more perspective, every 10 seconds approximately 20 people die on earth for whatever reason.
Many people have been infected with swine flu. Most of these people show the same symptoms. Respiratory distress, nausea, fatigue, maybe fever. Most of these people get better in under a week.
I no longer trust government or news reports on the dangers of swine flu simply because to me it seems like they are raising hysteria over it. But in the most basic terms, in the US 1 person has died in the last 4 days from Swine Flu (influenza A). According to statistics, in that same time nearly 400 have died because of normal flu (influenza).
Welcome to media distortion. You are in no danger from swine flu. If you or anyone you know experiences flu like symptoms, recommend that they take a multi vitamin once a day (or at least a vitamin C supplement) along with increasing their water intake and cutting down on greasy foods. Improving your diet, resting when possible, vitamins to boost your immune system, and they'll be better in short order. If symptoms persist past 5 days AND are continuing to worsen, its probably a good idea to seek a doctor just to be sure.
I'll repeat that for you, you can quote it to anyone who asks.
In the last four days, one person has been reported to have died from swine flu (confirmed medical report) while statistically based on years of info from the WHO, 400 have died from non swine flu. This isn't made up bullshit, this is reported official statistics and facts. Swine flu is bullshit, and the media is blowing it up because sensationalism makes for more attention than "so yeah, a new strain of flu exists thats easier to catch, but that does less to you. So expect a sore throat in the future, some bed rest, and alot of coughing"
The only reason swine flu is in any way attention grabbing is that it does seem more infectious. That just means its easier to catch, it doesn't mean its worse for you.
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I am a 50+ female and I need ideas on how to respond politely to people who disrespect our President by calling him the N word. I get angrier every time I hear it and one of these days I'm going to blow like dynomite. (link)
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You tell them that they shouldn't be worried about Obama. You should be worried about the fact that he's a facade, that his policies have continued in the exact course of the Bush presidency in every way, and that in the first months of office he has systematically broken every single promise he made during his campaign.
You should tell them that instead of focusing on bullshit racial prejudice that they should judge Obama as Dr. Martin Luther King would have wanted "Not by the color of his skin, but the content of his character"
Obama is a slimy lying sack of fake political bullshit the same way every single person in elected office is these days, he is interested in people for the government, of the government, and by the government, rather than the other way around.
The next time someone calls Obama the N word, tell them that their idiocy is blinding them to what is actually going on in the world, and that Obama is the mask someone else is wearing to pull the strings.
And there is no point in anger with the mask. His purpose is to hide whats beneath, and if you focus on him, you won't ever see it coming.
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my tongue feels swollen and hurts, my taste buds are also swollen and sensitive, my tongue is white colored
does anyone know whats wrong?
i have been using a couple differnet drugs such as weed, pain killres, and ketamine.
is this a result of the medicine?
what can i do to fix this?
thanks feedback please! (link)
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Where the fuck are you getting ketamine?
Who the fuck DOES ketamine anymore? Christ in heaven.
Weed isn't going to be the problem here, its going to be the painkillers or ... I can't believe I'm saying this to someone who's probably under 16... the disassociative hallucinogen.
Stop taking whatever you're taking, NOW.
Get to a doctor, NOW.
Your tongue is probably not the only thing wrong with you. Let me spell your choice out to you. Its possible, with high enough doses and steady enough use of certain substances, to seriously and permanently lower your life expectancy. Like, you could be destroying your kidneys to the point that you've only got about 5-10 years of functioning left in them. I have no idea what or how much you've been ladling into yourself, but you need to stop, and you need to go talk to your parents about it, and go to a doctor asap.
Real life consequences are more severe than groundings or parental anger or disappointment.
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What kind of drug is smoked using a soda can? What type of side effects does it cause and symptoms to look for and for how long does the effect last? Signs to look for if you think someone is doing this? (link)
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Weed is the most common. Theres usually a smell associated with it. Blood shot eyes are common but not universal. Lidded eyes are more common (the half squint, sleepy eyed look) and slowed speech and mental processes, or random simple mistakes can all be clues.
Other things that can be smoked out of pipes can be smoked out of cans. Meth is probably possible, crack is definitely possible. You'll know they're on something if its one of these two. Jitters, extreme caffinated behavior or large abnormal increases in energy and motivation, often not directed at anything in particular. Nervousness or paranoia.
Regardless, smoking out of a can is incredibly terribly bad for you. The reason people smoke out of glass is because heated glass does not shed parts of itself for you to inhale. Soda cans if used long enough can begin to melt (meaning you inhale aluminum) and even if they don't, you're inhaling burnt paint. All the crap they use to make the designs on the side of the can.
Very, very bad for you. Probably very carinogenic. Like, inhalants kill your braincells with many similar compounds bad, and you can fuck up your head as well as your body.
So, if you know someone who is using coke cans. talk to them about it. If they aren't going to stop smoking, make them go buy a pipe. Smoking out of a coke can is about on par with using dirty needles to shoot heroin.
Its just bad all around.
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Lately, my principal has been getting closer and much nicer to me. Since I am usually a student who gets into a lot of trouble, i visit his office often. Last time i visited his office, he started massaging my shoulders, and sweet talking me. He was slowly kissing my neck and cheeks. He told me he wants us to go to the next level, if I knew what he ment. I did. I am starting to have feelings for him, though i am only 16, and he is in his 40's. It's not illigal if i come onto him. Or is it ? Please help me, I am not sure what to do. (link)
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Its illegal, he's taking advantage of you because he knows how easy it is to turn a 16 year old's head with a little confident attention.
I know it doesn't feel like it, because you have some feelings too. It feels like you're both just responding to whats there.
That is the biggest load of bullshit you could ever feed yourself. Let me explain.
I'm 25. At 25, I know how to talk to women for effect. I know how to approach a girl the same age and start a conversation and lead it into getting her interested in me. I know female body language, so I can read every little signal she doesn't know she's sending and know within minutes if a girl will chance a date with me.
In essence, I am capable of presenting myself as someone that people want to talk to and be around, and how to present myself as an appealing dating/sexual partner to someone who is also 25.
25 year old women are ALOT harder to impress than 16 year old women. They are more experienced, they know what is bullshit and what isn't, they can read my body language just as well as I can read theirs, and they have enough experience with guys that they have a good chance at spotting a guy who is genuine vs a guy who is full of shit and just trying to get laid.
You have no idea. Its not your fault, no one does at your age. At 16, with your lack of experience, it seems perfectly reasonable that this guy might genuinely LIKE who you are as a person, and might have interest in you that could lead to something real. Its flattering.
And he knows all of this, and he's faking every single second of it because he's a fucking perv who wants to find an opportunity to have sex with a 16 year old. Regardless of whether or not he would go through with it (many guys with these...tendencies... will not fully act on them because of nervousness or something similar) he is still willing to go through with it enough to express the desire, which is fucked up.
Heres how this works.
Option A) You go to the cops, he gets arrested/fired, and you and other girls are safe.
Option B) You do not go to the cops, and he sleeps with you or he doesn't. In the future, he finds another girl who is troubled as you were, and shows her friendship. He grooms her, and sleeps with HER, and fucks her up in the head for life when she realizes that he loved her because she was 16, and it turns him on to fuck underage girls, not because he actually gave a shit who she was.
Don't be that girl, and don't let anyone else be either.
Tell your parents. This guy needs to be arrested before he ends up sleeping with a girl your age (be it you or someone else) and that girl ends up in psychotherapy because she couldn't handle being lied to so convincingly and then cast aside when she no longer satisfies his desire for an underage girl.
::Edit::
Also, as I've pointed out to many, read everything Rahzie says, she is wise beyond her years.
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Is there any places where you can send your child to have "the talk"? She is homeschooled so she cant go to a class at school or somthing. (link)
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The mere fact that you're trying to shuffle this parental responsibility off somewhere else bodes very badly for your kid.
Especially with a homeschooled kid, they're going to be looking at you as their example for everything, and if your attitudes or discomfort towards sex comes out to them, they're going to eat it, digest it, and imitate it in their adult life, likely hurting their ability to maintain intimacy down the road.
Bite the bullet, get a few reference materials, and teach your kids the ins and outs (no pun intended) of sex.
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is it normal for a virgin female to hurt so much during an attempt at sex that she won't let him get in? (link)
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Very.
Alot of factors can increase this, but in particular the presence of a thick hymen and a guy with a thicker or longer than average unit can contribute to pain.
A good idea is to use gentle methods such as fingers or a small sex toy to loosen you up and get you worked up. Especially if you are/were a virgin, you're going to be nervous, and nervous girls tend not to be overly sexually aroused.
Which means you won't be all that wet, which can be really bad. The number one cause of problems during sex resulting in pain for the girl is lack of lubrication that leads to the girl getting road rash. So try alot more foreplay before your next attempt, and consider investing in a small tube of astroglide.
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At school I'm not popular. I don't want to be, but I do have a problem. I'm self-conscious and I don't know how to help that. Ever since I started 7th grade I've become self-conscious. I've tried to not be, but It's hard. I have long blonde hair, but I always keep it up. I always wear a big hoodie that's black. No I'm not Emo or Gothic. It's just comfy. I wear it because of the whole self-conscious thing. My parents tell me I'm pretty and so do my friends, but I'm still self-conscious.
(link)
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Self consciousness is a self corrective technique people do to themselves subconsciously.
Heres the thing.
The reason teens have such a hard problem, is that self consciousness must be fought with experience. Words and thoughts can help, but in reality what helps more is learning how to function as yourself in the world.
I'm a guy, and I'm hefty. I'm not enormous, but I'm 6'2 and have the frame of a football lineman, muscle and fat in about equal amounts.
Honestly, while it was useful for football years ago, it doesn't look that great now, nor did it when I was in football.
It took me a while to learn that I was judging myself more harshly than most people were. Thats the bad side of self consciousness. You can be alot more judgmental of yourself than most people are. The real truth is, no one cares about it as much as you do.
You're not comfy with doing things. Understandable. But you aren't going to be alright unless you take a few risks. Your approach, you make yourself into someone who doesn't look like she seeks approval so that everyone leaves you alone. You avoid rejection by avoiding notice in the first place if you can.
Thats bad.
You need to get outside your comfort zone.
The comfort zone is how we refer to a phenomena where people will define their world based on whats ok with them and whats not ok. They then bask in the area they are ok with while avoiding everything they aren't completely comfy with like the plauge.
This is bad. It keeps you from getting off your ass and experiencing life. Spending too much time in your comfort zone means you become more and more incapable of stepping outside it.
The trick here is to force yourself outside it. If you do something enough, it becomes routine, you become ok with it, and you can carry about with life as normal. Not only that, but if you step outside the areas you're comfy with more often, you will become more comfy with the taking of steps outside of your comfort zone as well as the places you're stepping into.
So lets say you stop wearing the hoodie. You ask a friend who knows clothes for advice, put together a few outfits that OTHER people think look good on you. You wear them out and ditch the hoodie.
It won't take that long before you don't feel you need the hoodie anymore. Same thing with your hair. Wear it down, do something to it. What are you afraid of that you feel you need to wear your hair up constantly?
You don't have to do these things for others approval. I personally think that wanting to be able to do something is enough reason to give it a shot.
Step outside your comfort zone more often. Get used to it, force yourself when you have to and let your friends do it for you if they can/want to.
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okay well i used to think mastubating was so bad and "god" would punish me for doing it-crazy things like god taking away my personality or something like that. So i stopped. But now my views are different, such as i don't believe in the bible let alone the god people say there is. I mean, i believe theres a higher power- like a force of the universe- but not at all that its going to punish me. And besides, i'm a good person, so why should masturbating make me a bad person? I think they'res nothing wrong with doing it now-but after doing it those feelings of "he's going to take this or that away from me" still come up? I mean, i was raised catholic and i am being forced to go to confirmation-but i don't believe in any of it.Even if there is a god, i wouldn't think of him/her as this menace that gives humans rules to live by. Saying being gay is a sin, girls can't get there periods- it just isn't what i think this so called god would make you do.I think he would be more a best and trusted friend who loves you no matter what.(i very SLIGHTLY believe in him/her.hardly.) So back to my question- If i don't exactly believe in the catholic god,and don't consider myself catholic in any way- why do i still feel like he or she's going to "punish" me for mastubating?! I feel guilty? any help on this? thanks. (link)
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Because the response is subconscious.
Emotions can become a trained reaction. Think about patience. When someone pisses you off, your amount of patience for what they did that angered you lessens, and you get pissed very quickly the next time they do it.
Its the same way with guilt. Over time, you can be conditioned to feel certain emotions in connection with behaviors. Its basically using your insecurity against you. People have a hard time figuring out whats true, what is right and wrong in life. If you take someone and surround them with messages that aren't true, but the person has no other information to go on, often times its impossible to know the difference.
God isn't going to punish you for masturbating. Actually, it states in the bible that he promised Noah never to visit vengeance on human kind again after the floods, and Jesus's sacrifice was supposed to be a reinforcement of that.
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16/f
im not sure if theres something wrong with me. i cant really figure it out but maybe you can help. i could use some help right now haha
well, my parents act like they hate me sometimes. and i guess they have a reason to. i hate talking to them. like i have a ton of friends and at school im known as the class clown. i have a great boyfriend who i love and i am very social. i love being around people but i just HATE talking to my parents and even being around them. like when they leave the house i am soooooo happy. i just feel like they are ALWAYS talking. they act like annoyong 4 year olds half the time and i tell them that i want my space and they say im rude.
they always say stuff like DID YOU ASK HOW MY DAY WAS? YOU ARE SO SELF CENTERED AND SELFISH. but really im not. i care about my friends so much more than myself and im the one always trying to help everyone. just not my parents. i mean theyre my parents and i love them i guess but really i couldnt care less sometimes. like i really honestly dont care. and i know this might sound bad but its the truth. i pretty much force myself to talk to them sometimes. its really getting to me too because they get so mad at me but i just cant help it. it takes so much to even talk to them because i just hate it. i short answer them and try to stay out of my house as much as possible. i just find them really annoying and i cant take much more of their nagging.
does anyone know whats wrong with me? (link)
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First, as stated below, its normal. Teens are biologically programmed to want to get away from home, and from the parents. Its the biological impulse behind your social butterfliery.
Your parents want signs of affection. They want to know that theyre in your thoughts. Remember, they aren't mind readers any more than you are, and it hurts when your kids suddenly see you as the anathema of fun.
Its especially hard on parents who are really close with their kids. Throw them a bone eery once in a while, it won't hurt you to give them a little validation and to let them know you care. Ask how their day was, talk to them.
Honestly, having no desire to know about your parents lives is a little selfish. They aren't upset for no reason. Just because whats going on is motivated by something normal doesn't mean that indulging it is.
Everyone has biological motivations to act like a dick. I work in customer service. I want to curse out, throttle, or castrate half the people I meet on a daily basis. I don't, because I have to make rent. And the whole "prison" thing.
You're old enough for some empathy. Put yourself in their shoes for a minute. How would you feel if your parents just didn't give a shit, didn't really want anything to do with you, and treated you like a burden constantly?
It sucks. Caring parents are something to be treasured, and if you act like a selfish ass now, you WILL regret it later in the time and pain that you go through fixing the mess you caused as a selfish brat of an irresponsible teen.
In simplest terms, whats wrong with you is you're cutting off your emotions in regards to them because you don't want to feel guilty. You do what you want, you don't care about the results, and no one but you is happy with the situation.
Take others into account a bit more. Friends is all well and good, but the measure of a person is how they treat their inferiors, not their equals. In realistic terms, thats what your parents are (to you) and thats how you're treating them. Like people who don't matter quite as much as you and your friends do.
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Iam 20 years old and iam a female my boyfriend is 21 years old and we have only been dating for a week and he's alredy asking me when we are going to makeout and have sex and he says he's the kind of guy who is very sexually active and I told him that I just don't think iam ready for that kind of serious relationship that he wants especially since the last time I had done something sexual with a guy when I was 18 which it was only oral sex so iam still a virgin but the guy hasn't talked to me once since we had oral sex and iam afraid if I do this it will happen to me again what should I do? (link)
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Sex is mutual. It doesn't happen until both parties want it and are OK with it. Granted, vision doesn't always equal reality, but in my opinion thats how it should work, and you'd be alot better off if you took the idea and ran with it.
Its not your responsibility to satisfy his sexual urges before you're ready to have sex. He can break up with you, or go masturbate. Until you're ready, those are your choices.
I make allowances. Some guys are just horny, want it, but try to put as little pressure as possible. These guys will respect your request to not ask when you will be ready or try to set goals or deadlines. Talk to your boy. Tell him that you're fine talking about sex when its not in the heat of the moment, but you need to confidently state that sex is not right for you right now, and that when YOU think its right, IF you think its right, you'll let him know.
If he walks, you're better off.
As a virgin, I think your top priority should be the relationship and not sex. I usually recommend 6 months or more before you take the sex step, if only because that gives you enough time to actually get to know each other, and care about each other.
Tell him its going to be 6 months before its on the table, and thats in no way a guarantee or deadline. If he is anything but understanding, you need to walk. Any guy who complains or guilt trips you because he isn't getting laid is a whiny bitch who doesn't deserve sex in the first place.
I don't know. I was raised to believe that you're supposed to WANT to be with someone that you're with, and that extended itself into sex for me as well. Guys these days are raised where sex isn't a big deal, which is fucking stupid. Sex is retardedly complicated, brings a ton of emotion into things, and can utterly destroy your life in several different ways. Yet teens just think "oh, I'm fine, everyone else does it!"
Yeah, thats why America has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the world.
Do yourself a favor, and put guys through their paces before you let them get laid. Remember that in truth, you hold that power alone, and the choice to have sex is almost completely up to you. Take your time, find a guy who pays more attention to you than "does she look in the mood?" and rock his world.
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i'm pretty sure it's normal, but I'm just double checking, it's okay that my vagina feels sore a little or something, right ? nothing else hurts, I'm just making sure. thanks :) (link)
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Its normal.
I'm in a 4 year relationship and she still gets sore every now and then.
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i'm not a virgin, but he is. he says i'm the first girl he actually trusts, and really wants to lose his virginity to me. but i feel really bad, because if he lost it to me... i feel like i have nothing to give him. he says it's okay, because he loves me and that's all it matters. he really wants to have sex, and he's trying really hard to hold back from making a move because he wants it to be perfect. and wants it during the summer, where there's no interruptions or any worries. but the thing is, i'm not sure by then... I'LL be the one holding back from it. he thinks the girl on top would be pretty fun.. and honestly, i hate girl on top.. because honestly, i don't know what to do when i'm up there.. do i move side to side, up and down.. what is it? it's like right from under you, how the heck? lol... so i'm guessing that he likes to try different positions, which i'm not really used to. i don't know.. your opinions? (link)
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I think you're caught up too much in procedure.
Sex isn't about just the process of fucking. Its about being with someone. Sex is a learned skill, if you don't know what you're doing, you should be OK to try new things, and to try to learn to do what you're doing better.
Likewise, its not about giving each other anything other than pleasure. If you decide to say yes, relax. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just make the goal to enjoy the time you spend with him, and to try to figure out how to enjoy it more the next time.
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Hey im 17/f and im almost 18. (June 13th) My mom has started yelling at my for every little thing. I no longer have my cell phone or car. She constantly snoops through my myspace. I have to give her my password. She just doesnt give me my space. She reads my text messsages. I've told her to back off but she says i cant do anything until im 18. I have my own car i pay for it im on my own insurance i pay for gas plates etc. And she takes it away and she drives it sometimes when she doesnt have gas and doesnt even ask. Is that right? Can i take my car even though she told me not to. I mean i pay for it and everything. She just makes me so mad and theres no point in talking to her because she is very stubborn! Please help! (link)
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As to the car, probably not. Regardless of who pays for it, what matters is who's title its in. The legal registered owner of the car. As you are under 18, that is almost certainly not you.
If it is, you still have to contend with her reactions if you take it without her permission.
The rest...
I would say you can choose your course, but theres really only one course you should be flying. Resistance.
Understand before I continue how hesitant I am to suggest this. Most kids your age are not capable of the empathy to resist in the right ways. They just hate their parents, hate begets more hate, and rifts in the family appear that can take decades to heal.
But calm, accepting resistance is the path you should be following. There are certain things that your parents want that are no longer their right. Privacy would be a prime example. But there is a bigger picture here you need to be aware of.
Turning 18 doesn't magically make you feel like an adult. A few days later, you realize that you really don't feel much different than you did a few days prior. The reason this is relevant, is when you turn 18 your parents won't magically feel like you are an adult either.
If they think you're a child and treat you like one now, it will continue. Help will always be partnered with control. This is an aspect of parenting I have alot of experience with, it takes parents a long time to no longer feel like they have the right to dictate to you and control you. You are going to have to make a stand for yourself at some point, and the longer you wait the worse everything is going to be.
So start resisting. First off, picture a brick wall. This is your guide, your role model, your very being. A brick wall sits there, and takes whatever comes at it. It doesn't care if you hit it, throw things at it, yell at it, whatever.
But a brick wall is also not affected by these things.
Thats you. When you choose to say no, you stick with it. Period. You explain yourself calmly if she wants, you are impervious to her yelling, her anything. You do what you want, make your own choices, and simply refuse to argue over them, be upset by her, or give her a single inch of authority over things she has no authority over.
Change your myspace password, take her off your friends if shes in there, change EVERY password that she might have, and start deleting your phone messages if and when you get a cell phone back.
If the car is in your name, then she has no right to use it if you don't say so. I would drive it to a friends or family members who will let you park it long term and hide the keys or give them to someone to keep for you. Get it away from her and outside her control.
If its in her name, stop paying for it immediately.
From this point forward, be a brick wall. Make it impossible for her to get to you, upset you, change your mind, or get a yes. Stick to what you know is right for you.
The other thing, is to exhaust her with questions. Calmly ask her to explain her reasoning whenever she does something unreasonable, and continue to insist that she justify herself.
From this point, I can't recommend it. I have seen situations where the following was neccesary, I can't judge for you that it is in this case, but if you prepare yourself for it you can tell her to go to hell entirely.
If support once you move out isn't a possibility, and you can't make any headway with the above, you can choose to just go around her. She can't forbid you from coming in the house until after you're 18. She can't fight you out of the house unless she wants to deal with the cops (they _will_ take your side if you're under 18) and she can't stop you from doing what you need to do. You can make arrangements for rides with friends, or get your car that you pay for (if its in your name) and just keep all the copies of the keys and refuse to let her have them.
Again, I cannot recommend this, but I have known people with abusive, inflexible parents who were forced to go this route because nothing else worked, and they had a choice between being trapped in their own house permanently, or telling their parents to fuck off and moving out when they turned 18.
She's going to meet resistance with resistance, so be prepared for that. But remember that you are your own person, you aren't her fucking pet and you aren't 9. Stand your ground, even when its hard, even when you have to fight to keep your independence, its worth having it. When talk doesn't work, you've got to go past talking.
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