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mom taking over
Hey im 17/f and im almost 18. (June 13th) My mom has started yelling at my for every little thing. I no longer have my cell phone or car. She constantly snoops through my myspace. I have to give her my password. She just doesnt give me my space. She reads my text messsages. I've told her to back off but she says i cant do anything until im 18. I have my own car i pay for it im on my own insurance i pay for gas plates etc. And she takes it away and she drives it sometimes when she doesnt have gas and doesnt even ask. Is that right? Can i take my car even though she told me not to. I mean i pay for it and everything. She just makes me so mad and theres no point in talking to her because she is very stubborn! Please help!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
As to the car, probably not. Regardless of who pays for it, what matters is who's title its in. The legal registered owner of the car. As you are under 18, that is almost certainly not you.
If it is, you still have to contend with her reactions if you take it without her permission.
The rest...
I would say you can choose your course, but theres really only one course you should be flying. Resistance.
Understand before I continue how hesitant I am to suggest this. Most kids your age are not capable of the empathy to resist in the right ways. They just hate their parents, hate begets more hate, and rifts in the family appear that can take decades to heal.
But calm, accepting resistance is the path you should be following. There are certain things that your parents want that are no longer their right. Privacy would be a prime example. But there is a bigger picture here you need to be aware of.
Turning 18 doesn't magically make you feel like an adult. A few days later, you realize that you really don't feel much different than you did a few days prior. The reason this is relevant, is when you turn 18 your parents won't magically feel like you are an adult either.
If they think you're a child and treat you like one now, it will continue. Help will always be partnered with control. This is an aspect of parenting I have alot of experience with, it takes parents a long time to no longer feel like they have the right to dictate to you and control you. You are going to have to make a stand for yourself at some point, and the longer you wait the worse everything is going to be.
So start resisting. First off, picture a brick wall. This is your guide, your role model, your very being. A brick wall sits there, and takes whatever comes at it. It doesn't care if you hit it, throw things at it, yell at it, whatever.
But a brick wall is also not affected by these things.
Thats you. When you choose to say no, you stick with it. Period. You explain yourself calmly if she wants, you are impervious to her yelling, her anything. You do what you want, make your own choices, and simply refuse to argue over them, be upset by her, or give her a single inch of authority over things she has no authority over.
Change your myspace password, take her off your friends if shes in there, change EVERY password that she might have, and start deleting your phone messages if and when you get a cell phone back.
If the car is in your name, then she has no right to use it if you don't say so. I would drive it to a friends or family members who will let you park it long term and hide the keys or give them to someone to keep for you. Get it away from her and outside her control.
If its in her name, stop paying for it immediately.
From this point forward, be a brick wall. Make it impossible for her to get to you, upset you, change your mind, or get a yes. Stick to what you know is right for you.
The other thing, is to exhaust her with questions. Calmly ask her to explain her reasoning whenever she does something unreasonable, and continue to insist that she justify herself.
From this point, I can't recommend it. I have seen situations where the following was neccesary, I can't judge for you that it is in this case, but if you prepare yourself for it you can tell her to go to hell entirely.
If support once you move out isn't a possibility, and you can't make any headway with the above, you can choose to just go around her. She can't forbid you from coming in the house until after you're 18. She can't fight you out of the house unless she wants to deal with the cops (they _will_ take your side if you're under 18) and she can't stop you from doing what you need to do. You can make arrangements for rides with friends, or get your car that you pay for (if its in your name) and just keep all the copies of the keys and refuse to let her have them.
Again, I cannot recommend this, but I have known people with abusive, inflexible parents who were forced to go this route because nothing else worked, and they had a choice between being trapped in their own house permanently, or telling their parents to fuck off and moving out when they turned 18.
She's going to meet resistance with resistance, so be prepared for that. But remember that you are your own person, you aren't her fucking pet and you aren't 9. Stand your ground, even when its hard, even when you have to fight to keep your independence, its worth having it. When talk doesn't work, you've got to go past talking.
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You are allowed to take your car since you paid for your car, it would be different if she paid for it but she didn't.
have you asked her why she is yelling at you all of a sudden out of nowhere. it might be because she thinks your doing something wrong and just feels the need to protect, trust me i know sometimes they take trust to far and won't let you do anything. you have to remember that when you are 18 she can't touch you, and plus it is your life, she also might just be upset over the fact that your going to college soon or leaving or something that makes mothers sad and tries to keep you with them, but how they do it makes us draw farther away in order to get the space that we need.
i don't believe that the until your 18 is true you can always do something about it, it just depends on what that is, you can't go to the police or anything but think about it, your car, your internet, your phone, does she have all of those things, look through her things go through her stuff and show her how overbearing and overprotecting and mostly just really annoying that is to know that some one is reading all of your messages using all of your gas and mostly taking advantage of you.
whatever it is that you think of try not to get the police involved you may not be one of those kids but you never really know.
p.s. these are suggestions you don't have to take them, you don't even have to care i am just here to give you the help that i think you need
hoped i helped you good luck
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