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I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Well the title pretty much says it all.
I've come back from uni for the summer and I was tidying up the spareroom and found a tape in the machine. So i know it probably wasn't right of me to watch it but it turns out it was porn! I looked in one of his draws and there's like 7 tapes in there!
I really don't know what to do, I want him to stop doing it. But i don't know what to say to anyone? Or whether i should say anything at all?
I don't think it would bother me so much if he wasn't over 65!!!!!!!!!!!! It's disgusting!! And it's really on my mind loads.
we are moving house soon, so i was thinking maybe i could 'misplace' them in a bin somewhere and he wouldn't notice?
thanks in advance... (link)
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::edited for feedback::
If I say nothing, you'd continue on your path of stupid, judgmental, self centered arrogance.
If I say something, I figure you've got at least a .005% chance of realizing exactly how bad you are, and making some kind of positive improvement in your prejudices and behavior.
::/edit::
Actually, we do have the right to tell you what you can or cannot do.
You gave it to us when you posted this question here.
You are a prude. Your prudish values have no place in other people's lives. As a person, its your responsibility to pretend that you never saw the tapes. As a daughter, its your responsibility to not let this encounter affect your opinion of your father.
Just because you think porn is dirty, bad, or whatever else you think does not give you the right to interfere with someone else. Your shock does not diminish your arrogance or your presumption. If you want friendly answers, be less of a bitch. Thats what you're being.
I'm not saying that to insult, I'm saying it because its true, and if you have any self awareness or decency you will work to correct this problem that you have. You will recognize that you should not arrogantly stick your nose into other people's business, and you should not arrogantly desire to throw away someone else's possessions because you do not approve.
It was wrong of you to snoop in his drawers. The absolute FURTHEST you should go is to tell him that you found a tape you'd rather not have in the machine, and that you would ask him to make sure that such tapes are kept out of your way in the future. Thats courtesy due someone you live with. Beyond that, you have no rights, you have no privledges, and if you insert yourself where you are not needed, wanted, or welcome, then you are an arrogant prick who deserves to be kicked out on her ass.
You deserve to be offended, because you are offensive. Your views and perspectives are offensive to me in the extreme, as is your arrogance in treating this like a situation where you have a right to do something.
Lastly, I have every right to tell you how you should be feeling. Because, when you over react to a situation, blow something out of proportion, and act like an asshole, we have a right to tell you that you have NO right to feel a way that causes you to act like a complete bitch.
Shut up about it and go on with your life.
::Final Edit::
By the way, calling your father "disgusting" because he looks at porn at 65 makes me think you're disgusting. He coddled you, spoiled you, and now we get to see the results of that as an adult.
You are disgusting. Your sense of judgement and right and wrong are so skewed it makes me sick, as do you.
I hope you keep your mouth shut and leave the old man in peace. He deserves it
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16/f
I have been with my boyfriend for about 7 months, he's my age. I really do love and trust him. he never pressures me into anything. We got on the topic of having sex. I feel like i'm emotionally ready, but i don't know if i'm physically ready. I haven't seen a gynecologist, get birth control, or get vaccination for cervical cancer. I don't want to take any chances, cause a condom isn't enough. so i want to wait, but how do i approach the whole situation? on top of that, how do i tell my mom? (link)
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::Edit for feedback:
As far as I know the only real vaccine available is Guardasil, which is what I know all the studies have been done about. I haven't been able to search anything else up, at least.
::/Edit::
1) DO NOT get the HPV vaccine. Its been linked to infertility. New vaccines are to be avoided, if for no other reason than its been out less than 5 years, so its not possible to know the long term effects to it.
2) Do get on birth control. Gyno appointments are important, but in the mean time google your local planned parenthood. They can get you cheap generic prescriptions.
3) Bring up the gynecologist. In my experience, no parent handles "Mom/Dad, I need birth control because I am going to have sex" well. Especially out of the blue.
What I recommend is approaching it from the "I want to, but I am not going to yet" stance. Try something like this
"Mom, I'd like to see a gynecologist."
What? Why?
"Well, You know I've been dating, and I've found that I'm starting to want things I didn't want before. I'd like to be responsible and get on birth control."
Oh god, you're going to have sex.
"Actually, no, I'm not. I'm not ready for sex yet. But despite not being ready, I want to be. I think its important for me to start acting like an adult in regards to sex now, so that when the decision is eventually made, I'm prepared in advance to make the decision responsibly. Plus, I'd like to talk to a gyno, I have a few questions I don't think I'd be comfy asking anyone except a doctor."
uhhhhhhhhh.... I guess you're right...
Do things pretty much like that, and they can't really say no. You throw sexuality at them without putting a "your daughter will not be a virgin next week" deadline on it. At least in their eyes. Your parents have a responsibility to keep you safe. By doing this, you fulfill that responsibility. Beyond that, its not their business, don't involve them.
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hi so im melinda and im 20 years old. i have a bf that is 22 and weve been dating for 2 years. my values were that i would wait until i got married, but i realized i should just wait till i find someone i love. i have never had sex and neither has he. are there any tips in avoiding pregnancy or any tips at all because im very nervous. (link)
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You know, it says that you're 16 in the "About the questioner" thing?
Just saying.
So, tips in being safe.
First off, birth control. You can get a prescription from your gyno if you have one, or you can look up your local planned parenthood and talk to them. Hormonal birth control is a must. You need to take it for a week or two before you start having sex so that it has time to get into your system and start working.
My girlfriend uses and is happy with the generic brand of ortho tri cyclin. Remember the words "generic brand". There are a ton of named brands that are expensive, sometimes forty or fifty for a month's scrip. My girl pays 9 bucks for generic without insurance.
Second, Condoms and/or VCF. I always encourage people to get tested together before having sex, just for peace of mind reasons. If you truly are both virgins, then STDs are not possible. But people lie about it, and I have no idea. I'll leave that to you.
VCF is Vaginal Contraceptive Film. Its a little spermicidal film you put inside yourself and give 15 minutes to dissolve. Its supposed to be 80 something percent effective against pregnancy when its the only method of contraception. Using it with birth control is like insurance added on top of prevention. Using it with a condom is a similarly good idea.
Get some lube. The condom asile at any store will also have astroglide, or similar water based lubes. They're non toxic and helpful if you need a little moisture added, especially good for condom use, because the girl not being wet enough can lead to condom breakage. Its always a good idea to put a tiny bit of lube on the end of a condom (pea sized drop) to be sure.
Lastly, sex isn't a performance. Its not theater, its something two people do together. My girlfriend and I have both accidentally nailed each other in the head with arms and legs and such, awkwardness happens and bad sex happens too.
The point is to try to relax and just enjoy being with your parnter. Don't get caught up in doing things right or wrong. Sex is a skill, name me one other thing you've done that you started out an expert at.
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I'm not sexually active but my vagina is always wet what can I do about it and what is causing it. i want to get married and want to please my husband (link)
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My girlfriend is abnormally wet, and I love it.
Its a normal bodily function, it shows arousal and desire. When you get wet for your husband, its like a compliment. It lets a guy know you're into him, or even just that you're horny in general (which guys like to know)
Don't worry about it. More than likely, its just going to be a small positive note.
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15/f
this is a VERY long story, but im gonna try to lay this out as short as possible and please, im desperate here, you have NO clue what i've been through these past few months, and i need all the help i can get..
last year i met a REALLY sensative guy. he was 16, about to be 17, and i was 14.. he was soooo shy, hes VERY insecure. when we first started dating, all he said to me was how i saved him and pulled him out of his misery because he has had no luck with relationships and was treated like shit by girls his whole life. hes not even that cute and popular, and i have a waaay higher social status in my grade/ school then he does in his grade.. but ive been known to have wierd taste and i can look beyond looks and things like that very easily. i think when we first started dating him i was just excited over the fact that he had a car and he was a junior and i was only a freshmen.. but i actually did end up falling in love with him. and he was COMPLETELY in love with me. we lost our virginities to eachother and ill tell you, im smart, and not at all a bit naiive.. i knew this kid loved me. & we did NOT have a sex based relationship whatsoever.. we became eachothers best friends. both of us lost all of our other friends because we were only with eachother 24-7. he called my mom 'mom' and i did the same with his mom.. we were incredibly close.. and sense he was older, i felt so comftorbal and secure with him, and i went to him with all my problems, and he would help me.. ive been suffering from depression for years and me and my mother never had a good relationship, and my father left me, and i was molested as a baby.. but when i was with him, he made me feel so comftorbal. we told eachother EVERYTHING. and i was postive he was there to stay. he promised me forever every single day. we dated for a year. i messed it up, biggest mistake of my entire life.. he started getting very annoying and up my ass. you know when youre in a bad mood and you just want to be left alone? well he would never leave me alone. he'd be like 'its okay babe i love you' bla bla. all mushy, when i just want to be mad!. i tried talking to him about this many times and all he could say was im sorry i just love you soooo much i cant help it.. all my friends called him whipped cream and everything.. it was BAD. but anyways, one night i was out with my friends the day before a cheer competition, and my ex was there.. and somewhere along the lines, we kissed.. my boyfriends friend was there and told him that if i didnt tell him, he was going to.. i knew he wasnt going to break up with me or anything.. so i told him.. but the thing is.. i think i was looking for a fight with him because our relationship was so boring. when i told him, it pissed me off how he was crying instead of being mad, yelling at me. so i started saying things to make him mad.. i said TERRIBLE things. like i was gonna keep cheating on him because he basically lets me, and how i know i take advantage of him because he trusts me so much but i shouldnt.. and he was like well maybe i have to break up with you then.. and he was like i really dont want to. and i was like fine just do it idont care! yelling at him and stuff.. and then he did. i was thinking we would get back together in a couple weeks.. so after we broke up, we still talked because we obv. still loved eachother and everything. we acted like we were going out, and we even 'hooked up' a few times.. but when he asked me back out, i kept saying no, i wasnt ready.. because the relationship was SOOO akward after we broke up.. he was acting so different. and i knew why. it was because i broke his heart. and i did, bad. so one day after we hooked up, my friend told me that her brother saw my 'boyfriend, x-boyfriend, whatever u wanna call him' at a store.. and he was saying how he was done with me and he was trying to get with this new girl 'leesh'.. i was FURIOUS. i called him up screaming at him asking for all my stuff back and it was over for good and everything. but really, i wanted an appology from him, not my stuff back. btw, i was very remorsful for cheating on him and saying what i said to him, i mustve appologized a million times.. but he didnt say anything, he justgave me all my stuff back and acted like it was nothing.. and then i kept trying to get him back, but he kept rejecting me. i was litterally down on my knees for this kid. until one day i found out he had a girlfriend. not just some girl.. the girl who dates ALL the boys that i date after me.. but thats a whole nother story.. anyways, i was devistated. i couldnt eat, i couldnt talk, i couldnt sleep, i couldnt go to school,, nothing. all i did was cry and cry and cry and cry. i tried talking to him seeing if we could be friends and stuff, but he hates me now. if i send him one text, he shuts his phone off. he goes all different ways in the halls so i dont have to see him in school, he wont even look my way. he saw me practically drown in my own tears and he didnt even care. i wrote him long long letters, i tried everything i could just to be able to talk to him when i need to, so i wouldnt be so hurt about the situation.. now, i have two weeks left of school and im failing 4 classes.. and im an honors student. i DONT fail. its not me. and im grounded because of it, so i cant even go out and try to forget it. its been sense thhe end of february... and still,all i can think about is killing myself.. people say they are heart broken.. but this gives heart broken a new definition. there is litterally a hole in my chest. and i keep getting maaaassive anxiety attacks in class, and i do go to counceling wich is sort of helpful but we mostly talk about my parents.. three days ago, she broke up with him. and he was very upset from what i heard.. he hasnt tried talking to me or anything but i dont know what to do, i want to talk to him but he'll just ignore me.. i love this kid and care about him with my life. today i thought i was going to DIE. it was the last day of school for the seniors. the last time ill EVER see him again. the last time ill ever get to look for him i the halls so i can walk by him.. that was the only time i ever got to see him, and today was my last day. and when i walked by him for the very last time of my life today, he didnt even look at me. it was so painful. he couldnt even have the heart to say bye to me considering im his first love and helll never see me again. i havent been able to stop crying sense i last saw him. i dont even know what to do with my life any more. someone PLEEEEEASE tell me what to do to get him back. ANNYTHING. I AM DESPERATE FOR HELP. we had such a good relationship till i cheated and we Never ever had one fight. but you dont even understand. this kid wouldnt even look at any other girls, deleted all the girls in his phone book, couldnt go an hour without texting me just saying he loved me, couldnt go a day withouth seeing me, brought me flowers randomly, did EVERYTHING for me. how can you love someone so much and go through everything we've been through together, and then just completely shut them out of your life? (link)
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The following is not mine, but I pass it on to
you in hopes that it helps. Change every "her"
to "him" and read it that way.
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It's that time again. It's been 1.5 years since the last time, and I'm slightly disappointed that I've been dumped 2 times in a row. Oh well, it's hard to reign in those youngins' This one was a good one, though. I'm very sad to see her go.
_____
Being dumped sucks.
It is rarely a good experience - no matter how long you've been going out, what the nature of your relationship was, or how it ended. The very idea that someone does not want to spend his/her exclusive time with you is a pretty big blow to the ol' ego.
I have been dumped on many occasions for many reasons, for over a decade. I understand that there are many who have never had a girlfriend, many on their first relationship, and many more with little experience with being dumped. Take my advice as you will, but I can guarantee you that when the day comes (and it probably will), you will be better prepared for it, and hopefully won't end up being a huge whiny turd.
I give to you:
Lushka16's guide to being dumped, and taking it like a champ.
Rule 1: The relationship is over.
This is the most important rule of all. You need to go back to it at least once every minute in the aftermath of being dumped. It is the most difficult part, yet it is also the foundation for healing. The day you come to terms with it, is the day things start getting better.
In my experience, there are three basic parts to being dumped: Premonition, dump, after-dump.
Premonition
I have been dumped, and have dumped, lots and lots of times. There has never been an instance where it is random. For every single relationshp, from shortest (2 days) to longest (3 years), there has been a period of time where the breakup is planned. For the person about to get dumped, this period is called premonition. I have always felt a breakup coming, and it is physically a worse feeling than the breakup itself. There is little communication between the couples, an intense feeling of uncertainty, and a strong desire to make it better. The longer the premonition stage lasts, the more apt you are be stupid.
Things to avoid:
Do not go beyond the bounds of your relationship. Don't start saying, "I love you" if that's not what you normally do.
Resist the urge to sulk. Do whatever it takes to get your mind away from it. Get the fuck out of bed, go to the gym, go for a walk, find some friends, smoke some pot, do whatever it is that you do to de-stress.
Do not start screwing around. The relationship isn't over yet. You might get yourself into some serious trouble.
Don't beat her to the punch, unless you had plans already.
Things to do:
Hey, here's an idea - talk to her. "Hey, what's going on with us, things have been kind of wierd lately." Sure, it might lead to breaking up faster, but that's the point. If it's going to happen, might as well not torture yourself.
Try working things out. I know, it's easier to post an E/N thread on SA than to talk logically to another human being, but take it from me - it can work. If you really care for the relationship, and she's not cheating on your sorry ass, there's room for work. I've found that the best times I've had were after we've worked things out.
# ? Mar 15, 2006 21:22
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lushka16
Apr 08, 2003
Doctor of Love
Dump
RULE 1
Get ready to go through the 5 stages of loss:
Denial
Bargaining
Anger
Despair
Acceptance
It might not happen in that order, it might not involve all the stages. Chances are you'll experience at least 3 of them, the most popular being bargaining, anger and despair.
Denial - Try your best to avoid it. Denial doesn't help resolve anything, makes the whole process very difficult. Remember rule 1.
Bargaining - Might as well give it a shot. There might be some things that you can reasonably change in the relationship. Give it up after a good shot at it. If it's over, it's over.
Anger - Yup, you're pissed. Get over it.
Despair - This is where the crying begins. Now is the time to NOT be pathetic. There's nothing wrong with crying, but don't make her feel bad for you or pity you. She'll only be pissed. There is little sympathy when it comes to being dumped, so don't play that card. More on this in the post-dump section.
Acceptance - Time to let go, man. Rule 1.
Here's a quick scenario as to how the whole thing might look:
Girl: Things aren't working out.
Boy: Are you sure? I thought things were fine.
Girl: No.
Boy: Well, is there anything we can do to make things better?
Girl: I just don't want to be in a relationship anymore.
Boy: But you were the one who wanted to be in one in the first place! Who put you up to this? Is there another guy? I'll fucking kill him.
Girl: [insert despair]
Boy: [insert despair]
Boy: Well, if this is what you want, and if this feels right, and there's nothing I can do or say to change it, then we might as well let it happen.
See? That wasn't so bad. This is a really good time for some Q and A, especially since you'll want to know some of the answers in the post-dump phase. Here is a short list of questions you should ask now, while you're still communicating:
Is there anything I can do to make this relationship work?
Is there anything I could have done to make things better?
What made you decide to do this?
Is there someone else involved?
Is there anything I can do to avoid pissing off future girlfriends?
When did things start to suck? What caused it?
This is a very short list, and you should tailor it to your needs in the premonition phase. If you can get all your important questions answered, it will make life easier in the next phase. Also, be sure to indicate that you don't want to see/talk to her for a while. This is KEY. More on this in the next section.
Post-Dump
Nearly a decade has taught me one important thing: This is a very long phase. You need to accept this.
Ok, you just got dumped. Let the emotion out the best way you know. Cry if you have to, beat the shit out of something, go for a run, post an E/N thread (maybe go for a run first). Be a man, and find someone to give you a hug. Talk it through with your close friends (not hers). Set some kind of time limit. Say to yourself, "I'm going to be a pile of emotional shit for the next hour, then I'm going to start picking myself up." Stick to it, if you're a sulking mess for too long no one is going to want to hear about it.
Inform your friends. People ought to know to be careful around you. If they care about you, they'll help you cope. Put away blatant reminders of her - her pictures, her underwear, her lifesize blowup doll etc.
Go out, live life normally, DO NOT DO ANYTHING RASH. Joining the Army doesn't help, running away doesn't help, you won't get her back if you get into a car accident/attempt suicide, you certainly won't get her back if you vandalize her property. Don't fuck her sister/friends, don't go beating up some kid who you think might be her new boyfriend. Use Rule 1 folks, it really puts things into perspective.
Just go on with your life. That's the only thing you can do to really take it like a champ. There's a huge list if things you shouldn't do, because they're very annoying, and you'll feel stupid about it later.
Spend lots and lots of time away from her. This is actually a strange situation. Say you spend 4 months away from her and are feeling great. The next time you see her, it'll take you back about 2 months. Then you'll recover, and the next time you see her it'll take you back 1 month. Then 2 weeks. Then 1 week. See what I'm getting at? Recovery is a long process, and there will be setbacks. Don't think it'll be peaches and cream the first time you see her with another guy. Try to avoid her socially until you're certain things are ok. This may take months or years. Rarely weeks. This is why avoidance is key. You don't need to go out of your way to avoid her, just let her know that for a while, you don't want to see her.
Don't play the pity card. Yes, you're upset and hurt and heartbroken. Tell it to your friends, not to her or her friends. Avoid putting up depressing away messages, profiles, blogs, or anything of the like. Understandably, you want her to know how much she hurt you. It does you little good to do that, remember rule 1? Don't go to the same party as her and sit in the corner looking all depressed. She's not going to want you back, you pansy.
Don't go visit her. First of all, it will hurt like a mofo. Secondly, girls are evil and will do shitty things like hug you, cuddle with you, tell you how much they miss you, or hit you with pepper spray. Rule 1 - it still applies. She doesn't want to be with you, just wants to make herself feel a little better. If she wants to come back to you, she'll call you up and say so. Being around her is most likely going to annoy her and make you feel really shitty. Girls have also been known to employ the use of a guy named Todd, who is only there to make you turn emo.
Don't start looking for answers. If you're smart, you already asked them when you two were breaking up. Don't call/IM/email/fox her friends. Yes, they're close to her and they know what's going on. Chances are, they won't tell you what you need to know. They're her friends first, yours second. I'm letting you know now - if you do take this path, you will find out nothing of any use. Do you really want to know if she's seeing someone else? Do you really want to know if she is in bed crying because she misses you? Back to Rule 1. She's going through her own healing process, she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. Let it go, man. Her friends will report their findings to her, and she'll hate you for snooping.
On a similar note - DON'T FUCKING STALK HER.
The above is the basic foundation for taking a dumping like a champ. There are many little nuances that I can't remember and didn't cover, so be prepared for anything. Of course, I welcome and urge the advice and experience of other goons. The only thing I can guarantee is that life will get better and you'll move on.
For what it's worth, I got dumped and quite heartbroken today, but I'm doing all right, thanks for asking.
It's almost certain that anyone who has read this and is going to get dumped for their first time will not follow my advice.
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does anyone know from experience if there are any brands of breast enhancement pills that actually work? I'm a 34a and i'd love to go up to a 34b. I didnt really know what category to put this in so sorry. (link)
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There is no way to increase breast size. Any kind of body enhancement pill, technique, device, etc is a scam. Male penis enhancement? Scam that uses guys insecurity to get them to spend money.
Its really not that big of a deal.
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What is the fastest way to loose some weight within a couple of weeks, with no equipment? I have been wanting to get more fit this summer. I know I'm not fat, but I want to be more athletic. Please and Thank you! (link)
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Swimming.
Swimming laps is one of the best full body workouts you can do. Find an Olympic pool and spend an hour swimming back and forth. You'll be bone tired and its a great way to work all of yourself out.
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Are their any birth controls that garrentee you won't get pregnant? I'm 15, and if I go to my gynocologist and admit to being sexual active do you think they will give me a perscription? What birth control won't make me gain weight? I need help on choosing the right one. Also, what should I expect at my gyno visit? (link)
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Closest advice I have is personal experience. My girlfriend gets the generic brand of Ortho Tricyclin. Its effective, she doesn't gain weight from it (though that varies widely from girl to girl). It also costs her 9 bucks a month from Wal Mart, cheap and affordable.
4 years later and its been 100% effective thusfar. She's like clockwork, I think she might miss one pill every three months by accident. Be regular and you should be safe. Though condoms are still a must for STDs.
Your gyno should give you prescription without you even saying you're sexually active. Birth control is available to just about anyone who wants it. That being said, be honest with your gyno, the more they know the more they can help.
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I've been with my boyfriend for about seven months but we were close friends before that. Our relationship has never been plain sailing and we have had countless problems and arguments, even briefly splitting up once or twice. Recently it's just got to the point where we're barely together. We rarely see each other, when we speak on the phone we just argue. Neither of us know what we want, we've said 'I love you' to each other but I don't feel like that anymore.
I keep thinking about my ex and how happy I was with him, we split up over a year ago but I know I'm just thinking like that because I'm not happy with my current boyfriend.
I know it sounds obvious that we should just split up, but everytime I try and do it something stops me. I've been diagnosed with Depression and I'm scared of being alone, as my boyfriend is my rock. As I said, we were very good friends before and confided in each other alot. I know it would be selfish to expect him to stay friends with me if I were to break up with him. I know he cares about and loves me and I don't want to hurt him.
I don't know what to do. I feel so selfish for not making a decision but I just can't bring myself to do it. We've tried going on breaks and things still aren't working. What should I do? (link)
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There is always something left to say, its up to you to find it.
My girl and I are 4.5 years deep. We've broken up, we've had times when neither of us wanted to be around the other. Screaming fights and all sorts of unpleasantness.
Find something to say or end it. You're at the point where you both need to decide. Not figure it out, decide. Do you want to make this work?
If so, sit down and start a new conversation. "We want to be together, how do we stop jumping all over each other?"
Lastly, a tip and truth of relationships. Confession, apology, and forgiveness are the tools friends use to break down barriers. Same goes for those dating each other.
If you want to make this work, go up to him and lay it out on the table. "I love you, I'm sick of fighting with you, I want to be with you, can we just sit down with each other and promise not to let ourselves yell?"
The only thing you have to do is not stop talking. If you have nothing else to say, the relationship is over. But as stated, theres always something else to say, having no words is a choice in and of itself, because they will always be there if you look for them.
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What are some non-alcoholic drinks that you can serve in a teenage party and how do you make them? My friend suggested that I make non-alcoholic pina coladas but I don't know how to so, please, if you can make good suggestions and they need to be made, detail how I can make them! (link)
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It can be good if you can get some nonalcoholic mixers.
Ice, fruit juice, and sweet and a little sweet and sour make a decent non alcoholic margarita.
Ice cream, milk, and a little espresso and you've got a virgin mudslide. Chocolate ice cream works best, but vanilla is great too. Plus, espresso for the caffeine.
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I'm 17 years old currently going into my Senior year in High School. I come from a low income family and I was thinking of joining the army for college scholarships. I love math and science, especially chemistry. I'm scared for student loans and was planning on going on the path to becoming a doctor because I love helping people, but the cost of medical school is too costly. I don't like English much, but reading is fun when it has to do with learning anything I'm focused on. I'm really considering the Air Force or Army at this point due to our economic crisis right now. Please any tips or sources of scholarships will help. Thank you all.
PS: My classes next year will be English 4, Economy/Government, Calculus AB, Physics, French 3, and probably ROTC.
I usually maintain the 3.4-4.0 GPA. (link)
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Check into financial aid.
Theres alot of money out there for low income families. I have a friend who goes to UT Austin on financial aid and student loans.
If you choose the armed forces, do not go army. Navy and Air Force treat their people better, you aren't cannon fodder. One of my best friends is a Navy vet, I know he'd recommend that branch over all the others, he's biased but as he's been through it thats one positive recommendation.
Seriously though, google financial aid, talk to your school counselors about possibilities. Theres a ton of money out there if you can find enough of it that you qualify for.
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Hey, I'm Hayley, and my boyfriend is 19. I was just wondering if there was any laws against the age of dating? I know they're laws against sex, but we haven't had sex and he hasn't forced me to do anything sexual at all. As a matter of fact, I don't even want to have sex until I'm married and ready.
I'm actually 13, and I've been called a whore for dating him. The names won't change how I feel about him, but some people just don't know how to shut up. Is our relationship, illegal? Can he be charged? Should we break up so he doesn't get in trouble? (link)
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Convictions depend alot on the area, the jury, and the evidence, but a DA could justify charging him for as little as a kiss on the mouth.
I'm not going to judge you. But I will warn you that this puts him in real danger. If you and he continue dating and it turns into a decent little relationship, the temptation is going to be overpowering. And it wouldn't take too much in the way of bad judgment to fuck his life up very, very badly.
It sounds like he cares about you, but that says alot about him. You seem mature for your age. The phrase "mature for your age" has been used by kids for generations to justify themselves when going out of their depth.
A normal 19 year old should not be able to date a 13 year old. The most mature 13 year old on the planet is not in any way capable of being enough for a normal, relatively mature 19 year old. The only way for you two to work is for him to be immature in order to make up the gap.
Thats not great. Hopefully, he grows up. But there are always chances that he won't. Things get ugly when a girl matures past her boyfriend. When you've been looking up to him for a couple of years, and then suddenly realize you've grown up and he hasn't, that loss in respect will be absolutely devastating to the relationship.
One last thing.
Six years isn't a huge gap later on in life. Not at all. My girlfriend's grandparents have a seven year gap between them. Just because a relationship is too dangerous to pursue now doesn't mean you can't later. In a few more years, you'll be better equipped to handle something like this, and if you still want to date him that option doesn't have to disappear.
I've known people who dated, broke up, and got back together a few years later. They weren't mature enough to handle something as serious as they had when they first met. Years later, they were, they'd both learned from failures and grown as people. They're married now.
Don't put him in danger. It would be selfish of you, and stupid of him. Ignore what people call you. Its not their business, and you aren't as far as I can tell doing this for the wrong reasons. You just can't take chances, this isn't detentions and grounding.
This is the sex offender registry. In florida there are sex offenders that have to live under a bridge, because everything else in the city is too close to somewhere kids congregate for them to legally reside in.
This kid doesn't deserve that, but the justice system doesn't work much on deserve. Don't chance it.
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Is it okay to kiss my g/f on her forehead while we hug? Would she find that weird or ok? I love her a lot and want to show more affection for her. I don't want to make her uncomfortable or unhappy though. What are your thoughts on a guy kissing his girlfriend on the forehead? (link)
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Touching foreheads is actually a very common sign of affection and trust. We instinctively protect our faces, letting someone get close and touch gives that warm fuzzy safe feeling.
I kiss or touch my girlfriend's face (other than her lips) twenty times a day. It always elicits a pleased reaction.
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I was really close to my brother when we were growing up. My brother was only like a year and a half or so older than me. Two months ago my brother committed suicide and I'm the one that "found" him. I can't seem to move on from it at all though. I think I'm depressed sometimes but I don't really know. I lie awake at night and think about it constantly. It's like I'm in this haze where nothing is real anymore and I've noticed myself pulling away from others, spending more and more time alone. I replay our childhood in my head--the laughs, the games, the memories--and I realize it's gone. It's all gone.
I was close to my brother and it hurts that he didn't share his pain with me. It hurts that he couldn't rely on me to help him through the hard times he was obviously going through. Now I'm thinking about suicide myself. I've even went as far as to Google search painless ways to commit suicide and quickest ways to commit suicide. It's stupid, I know...but I feel so lost, so alone, and so empty now.
I guess I'm looking for some sort of guidance here. I don't really know what to do next... (link)
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Its time to talk to a counselor.
You might not like the first one you talk to. Find more. Someone out there will be able to connect with you well enough to form some trust.
This question seems like a first step. I'm a student of psychology, and I've had a very fucked up life. I well understand the difficulty in opening up, in the instinctive pulling away from anything that seems like it can hurt you.
Its possible to pull yourself out of this yourself. Its hard. You have a ton of stuff to figure out about yourself and about the world and how you fit into it. These questions still cause me issues, I definitely SHOULD have sought help.
I didn't, because of the stigma. I've figured myself out now, and I'm back on the path I intend to walk in life.
I probably would have recovered alot faster, and be alot better off than I am even now had I sought counseling. I can tell by your question that you have things to say, emotions pent up inside you because you have no idea how to deal with them or what to do about them.
A counselor can help give you the tools to help yourself, help you figure it out quicker. Its most definitely worth looking into.
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ok im 13/f..i have a boyfriend that wants to do "stuff" like..he wants a h/j and stuff but im not really ready..hes expecting it though like tomorrow or something. PLEASE help :'(..idk what to do.. (link)
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Hell fucking no.
Adult men do not "expect" sexual favors from girls they are dating. I do not "expect" sex from my girlfriend, and we've been having it for quite a long time.
Boys sometimes do. They do because they have not been taught not to be little assholes. And because they know that a girl like you with little experience often won't know better, won't have the self certainty to say no.
This is not your fault. You're not old enough that you should have to deal with this. Its not a slight against you, no one should be facing shit like this when they're 13. Sadly, the world doesn't work on the principle of "should"
You face a choice. Stand up for yourself, or don't.
If you do not stand up for yourself, you will feel like shit afterwards. You will feel very used and it will probably make you feel somewhat bad about yourself. Worse, if you continue to let this guy have whatever he wants, you set a dangerous precedent for yourself.
Do you want your relationships to be like that? Do you WANT a guy to be able to demand sexual favors? Most importantly of all, do you want to date guys who try to force you into something you don't want? Something you aren't ready for and are scared of?
Boyfriends are supposed to care about you, including how you feel. They are supposed to want you to be ok with what happens between you, to enjoy it as much as he does.
If you stand up for yourself, he might well break up with you. If you take a firm line and absolutely refuse, he might well not like you.
In 5 years, you'll be proud of yourself. You'll see guys like him and walk the other way, when you feel used you will drop the asshole like a bad habit, and you'll be much better off.
You don't want to date guys like this. I'll be honest, at your age you don't really want to date at all. At 13 you are still a child. A teenaged child, but a child nonetheless. Children have sex because they want to think they are adults. It makes them feel "grown" and "mature"
The ability to physically have sex with someone is not a sign of maturity.
At your age, theres a good chance you won't run across guys who are mature enough to be a decent boyfriend, at all. Girls mature faster in that area than boys, its the reason why women often date older men. Guys don't catch up until around 25.
That doesn't mean you should go date a 16 year old, that means that you should find a guy who just wants to like you. If a guy puts pressure on sex when you haven't even had it yet, its time to move on. He's showing his interest, if he doesn't care if you're ok as long as he gets laid, he's too selfish.
And think about it. Humans learn more from failure than from success.
If you do what this kid wants, he'll learn that its ok to do this to girls. By letting him succeed, he'll do this again. Lets face it, you're already upset by how he acts. You aren't going to marry this guy. So the next girl is going to be treated like this, and worse he is going to have the certainty behind him that its worked before.
If you don't, he'll face rejection. If you tell him that expecting sex from someone who doesn't want to is fucked up, he has a chance of realizing that he shouldn't act like that. If you tell him that you will not do anything a second before you're ready, for your own reasons, and that he can accept it or start walking, maybe he might even grow up a few years overnight.
Some guys act like assholes because they are. Some act like it because they were never taught to act any better. Don't compromise yourself for a guy, if for no other reason than that he might not be a terrible guy, and you might just turn a guy who acts like a dick into something reasonably datable.
::Edit::
With the exception of my aversion to the phrase "Hell to the no" I agree with Kendra.
Say what she quoted. Practice in a mirror. And have a friend within eyesight to outnumber him if he turns assholeish. Its easier for two to shout down a jilted wannabe boyfriend than one. And easier to walk away with someone at your side. Having a friend to pull you away and tell you its time to go can do wonders for extracting yourself from a bad situation.
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hey im 16 and im a male, girls.....this one is for you, is a guy being to nice to you a good thing or a bad thing, nice to a point where hes a real gentleman, opening doors for you, wlaking you to the door step, paying for your ticket and maybe sometimes dinner, depends on the occasion, is that a turn on or turn off about a guy, i thought it was a turn on??? (link)
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Oi Christ.
Hello, Mr. Nice guy. Pay attention, I'll try not to ramble.
Rule 1 of dating. Girls are attracted to who you are, not what you do for them.
The cardinal rule, which you are violating. Attraction is an organic process. It cannot be manufactured or created. It happens when people exhibit qualities that others like.
What does this have to do with you?
When you walk up to a girl and do something for her, hoping for an attractive response, its creepy. Young girls won't be as wise to this, by the time you hit 20 these tactics will have women running for the fire exits.
Why is this creepy?
First, its forward. Its true some people are naturally helpful. But often times help comes with strings. Its a truism we teach our kids before they hit 10. Its natural to look for them.
When you push help at a girl, she notices. If you like her, she might well notice that too. Now, if you haven't known her an hour and she knows you like her, she's more than likely not going to like you. It puts pressure on her, because she has to figure out how she feels about you and establish the boundaries of the relationship quickly. If theres no immediate chemistry, she's going to put you in the friend zone.
Next, the helping itself.
How to explain this...
Treating a girl like a queen is a terrible idea. You treat a girl like she's a prize to be won, not a person that you want to get to know, and who you want to get to know you. The helping is fake. Its not who you really are 100% of the time, its just the person you try to be when you're with a girl.
Being nice and gentlemanly in itself isn't a bad thing, but its not supposed to be your strategy for getting a girl to like you. Its just your habits and reflexes.
Now we get back to attraction.
A girl wants to know that you are attracted to her. Not to some built up ideal picture you have in your head. Treating a girl like a queen gives the "pedestal" impression. Your approach gives the same impression, you aren't sitting here saying "I know this girl and I really like her, she's awesome"
You're saying "Girls in general, I do this and it doesn't work, why?" Girls want to feel like you are interested in specifically them. They don't react well to the feeling that you just want "A girlfriend". It makes them feel like a piece of meat, if any girl will do why should she expect to be special to you? And how valuable is it to be special to a guy who will take any girl who wants to let him?
So what do you do?
First, you stop playing up the gentleman crap. Holding doors is fine. If a girl wants to go dutch, let her. Walking to the doorstep isn't something you do "because its gentlemanly". You do it because you want those few extra seconds.
Second, you work on your body language awareness. Eye contact shows interest and attention. Smiles give positive feedback. This goes for you and her. Theres a shit ton more to body language. If you pay attention to a girl, and to people in general you start to notice things people do that give away their state of mind. You notice tone of voice and the subtle changes that betray excitement, anger, boredom, sadness, etc. I could write a book.
I can't possibly explain it all here, so I'll just say pay alot of attention. The more you learn, the better you are.
To give you an idea, the last time I was in the "dating" process, I was on a first date with a girl and knew about thirty minutes in that she wanted to kiss me. Knew, with absolute certainty.
It was in her eye contact, when she'd glance down at my lips and then back up to my eyes the way a guy might check out a girls cleavage when he thinks he can get away with it. It was in her hand movements as she lightly played with a few strands of hair. It was on her lips when she bit them slightly while looking into my eyes without talking for a few seconds.
Seriously, if nothing else, start watching eyes when you talk to people. Once you get used to it, making eye contact with people actually makes you feel more confident. People who are shy or nervous naturally evade eye contact, people who look you in the eye and have no problem with it project alot of confidence outwards with a single gesure.
And its fucking fun. Seriously. Eyes tell you a retardedly large amount of whats on a persons mind. You can tell if shes looking at you, or at her watch while you're talking to her. You can see her check you out (girls do it too =p). It gives you a ton of confidence with a girl if you know enough to be able to read her. Its a great feeling to know exactly how you're going over.
Third, being nervous and pent up kills you. Stop thinking about if she likes you, stop wondering what she thought of that comment you aren't sure she noticed. If you need to occupy your mind on a date, think about something you talked about, or think about something you want to talk about.
When you're nervous, you are generic. You don't act out, you don't show your idiosyncrasies. You're just a copy of every other generic person out there. Its because you're not letting yourself be yourself.
Fourth, Conversation is the key to a woman's heart. Ask her about herself. If she smiles and seems perky when talking about a subject, ask her more about it. Always make sure you talk about her as much as you talk about you, if you tell a story end it with a question inviting her to tell one too.
And try to ask open ended questions. If she can say "yes" or "no" then she might well say just that. Conversations don't work like that.
Fifth, compliments are your friend. Pay attention to a girl. If she seems a little more put together than usual, tell her she looks great today. Find little things and let her know things about her impress you.
The trick here, is to either compliment something she specifically put effort into, or to be completely honest. Lets face it, you're a guy. So am I. My girlfriend got a pedicure three days ago, I could not care less. Her toes are of little concern to me so long as they aren't in need of medical intervention or something. But she's excited and girly, so I told her her toes look nice.
She knows I don't care, but she appreciates the effort and attention.
In other things, I'm honest. These are easier once you've gotten a good response (like she said yes to a date). Compliments to hair and eyes are tricky, if she giggles you've got to be prepared to goof it off. I tell her she's brilliant when she makes me laugh, I tell her she's sexy when she dresses up for me, complimenting is really just the art of saying what you already think about her at the right times.
Lastly, self control and confidence are attractive. The reason "the asshole always gets the girl" is because girls like confidence and assholes have plenty of it (however unjustified)
Self control amounts to not telling her you love her in two weeks. Yes, you think she's awesome, you're stoked she's gracing you with her presence. She doesn't need you to give her a five minute speech or ten e-mails and texts telling her so.
Instead of sending her "God you're awesome, I can't wait to see you tonight" you can just drop a nice little "Thinking of you"
Its all a matter of pushing yourself in someone's face. Its all fine once you're both falling head over heels, but you've got to give her time to figure it out for herself. You crowd a girl, she goes somewhere else where she doesn't feel pressured to make a decision.
Confidence means you need to have a life other people can be interested in. My confidence comes from stories. I've got hundreds of them, I'm a talented storyteller and I can crack up just about any audience.
I have these stories because I got out and lived. I went out with friends, I did my share of partying, I played football(Noseguard) and computer games in the comp sci lab after school almost every day.
And I expanded my friends circle. If you don't have a girlfriend, don't look for one. Go make friends. The more friends you have, the more people you can possibly get to know. Every friend you have knows people you do not who you might then be introduced to. Thus, the opportunities for meeting girls (who are friends with your friends, thus girls you probably share interests and such with) grow exponentially.
Confidence comes with experience. Its not about being confident in your dating skills (though that too comes with experience) its about being confident in yourself. Its about liking yourself, enjoying being who you are, and being out and about enough that people can see that about you.
People who go out and have fun are attractive. Go have some fun, and when you see a cute girl in the vicinity see if she wants to join in.
::Edit::
Final Final note (Sorry again for how effing long this turned out)
Holding yourself back is bad for one final reason. When you're all nice and everything, a girl might not like you, but might not have a reason to respond badly to you. She might even feel a little sorry for you.
When you don't start acting gentlemanly until AFTER she reacts well to you, you give her the ability to not give a shit how you feel. If you do something wrong, she's more likely to kick you back. Stronger reactions are easier to notice, and come up more quickly. Its alot easier to figure out what actually went wrong in these cases, than when a girl is just nice to you and shows no interest in taking things further than casual acquaintance or "just friends".
Ever heard the saying, you learn more from a failure than a success? If you ever get the nerve, ask a girl why she rejected you. Tell her its nothing personal, you don't want to start a fight, you just want to know where you screwed up so you can work on it. If she tells you, thank her and walk away.
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I'm a 15 year old, pansexual, girl. I told one of my friends that i think this girl is absolutely gorgeous and seems sweet, i don't really know her but i wanted to get to know her. so my friend messaged the girl her telling her that i think she's gorgeous, she answered back, "this valid", and my friend never answered back cause she's never online and i tried calling and texting her but she's grounded, so my friend can't respond back to her reply. My friend sent that message a DAY before she got taken by this guy. I really, really wanted to get to know her, but it's to late and i feel like a fool. what am i supposed to do now? (link)
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You are not a pansexual. You're a 15 year old girl who's trying on labels because it projects an aura of confidence that she obviously (from her question) does not have.
You aren't supposed to do anything. She's dating a guy, she's probably not going to be impressed by your "pansexual" declaration, and you really should just move on and forget about it.
:Edit:
If you really think you're a pansexual, go have an orgy with two transvestites, a transexual, a furry, a 40 year old acid addled hippie, and then come back and tell me that you did.
You either aren't a pansexual, or I'll get to laugh at you for having sex with a 40 year old unshowered hippie and a furry to prove a point.
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ive been dating this guy on and off for about 9 months now and big problem he hurt me alot and hes a reall bad boy drugs sex alcohol. he played me with other girl.. not because hes a player just because of where he was raised and how his mom and dad werent really in his life so he felt lonely and depended on girls to fill that whole and not only one girl can satisfy him which kills me inside. because i love him so much i want to help him become a better person but what had happened was he had left me hanging after i lost my virginity to him and a week later he calls and he apologizes and now we're sort of together but he's opening up to me and he's actually seeing his wrong and changing attending school no more drugs out of the playing girls buisness.. but my family hates him and forbids me to see him. and he kills me up inside to split the 2 most important things apart. they would kill me if they knew i was with him again they hate him for hurting me and i have to lie to see him and it just eats me up inside... i love him but i love m family and im scared if i tell them about him they'll take away my freedom and take him away from me.. i just dont know what to do? should i just keep hiding him from my family..? (link)
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Jesus Christ you fell hook, line, and sinker.
I come from a profoundly broken family. The details aren't necessary to tell you that I am and always have been fairly alone in the world.
Lonliness doesn't create shit like "it takes more than one girl to satisfy it"
There is no such thing as a "need" for more than one person in a sexual relationship. Its a desire, and one he is apparently willing to lie to fulfill.
Its true that no one can have all their emotional needs satisfied by only one person. We're designed to be more social than that. But sex isn't a prerequisite.
Guys lie to get laid. This is a fact, any guy who claims he hasn't is lying yet again, or virginal. Some guys take this further than others, creating stories and personas to trick girls into thinking they are someone they are not.
Your family is right. Whatever this guy is, he's fucked up and not date-worthy. He's definitely damaged, but he's also chosen to be a selfish asshole and expects you to accept that.
I doubt you'll read this and feel like you've turned a corner. You're probably pissed off at me for telling you what a raging dishonest douchebag your boyfriend is.
But I want you to remember. Tomorrow. Next week. When you're calm.
Your boyfriend is using you. He is lying to your face to cover his cheating and even to garner forgiveness and pity. Its a great deal for him, he gets to fuck other girls, you try to take care of him out of sympathy, and you feel like shit for his situation so you don't want to leave him because you think you can help.
He's using your nurturing instinct against you.
A last thought, something to remember if you stay with him.
This girl will not be the last. There will be other lapses. Took him 9 months. It might take a few more months, it might take 6 years, but it will happen again.
If you stay with him, you'll end up just as damaged as he is, if not more. If you leave, it will hurt for a while, you'll get over it, and you'll hopefully find someone else who's worth your time and willing to treat you with the respect due a partner and an equal.
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16/f, boyfriend is 17/m.
he's in this backyard wrestling federation, and i'll admit, he is VERY good at what he does. we live in Indiana, and he's been to Illinois, Ohio, Michigan, Tennessee, and Wisconsin to wrestle. in a week he's going to Pittsburgh to be in some other federation's show.
all things aside, he likes himself more than he likes me. his ego is..huge. he's cocky, yet confident, he's good at everything he does, and he knows it. i know he likes me, a lot a lot, but i don't like the fact that he puts himself before me. we've been together for almost two months, and it just hit me a few days ago. we were in his room, getting ready to go out on a date. i was looking in the mirror to see if i looked okay, and he said "Daaayum". thinking he was talking about me, i laughed and said "you like?". i turned around to see himself admiring his arms, not me.
i don't know what to do. do i fall into his shadow and appreciate that he's even with me, or what?
please help/ (link)
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There is no person so wonderful that you should just appreciate that he is with you. No one.
Because it doesn't sound like he's "with" anyone but himself. Thats a ridiculous gas bag of an ego there.
Narcicism is a severe flaw. Everyone has their issues, self love is just his specific issue.
Heres the thing. Do you know how guys mature out of this phase and stop themselves? They get rejected because of it.
Is it possible he'll be able to turn the heads of fifty girls if you walked away, and get another girlfriend the next day? Sure. Is she going to be any happier than you are now? Probably not.
Self love to the level that he displays should be a dealbreaker. Everyone looks at themselves in a mirror, but he's got attention seeking behavior. He wants to be admired for the amazing person he's so sure he is.
Thing is, he's 17. And he's an idiot. In a few years no one wil give a shit that he can wrestle. Maybe he'll go a little nuts and join UFC or something to prove his continued manhood. But other than the ability to get stupid women with low standards to sleep with him, his "wow" factor will disappear in less than three years.
When he thinks he's amazing and everyone else around him finds it too annoying to be around him and his room filling ego, he's going to get very bitter. Whoever he is dating will become the sole focus of his need for validation, and if she pushes for equality in the relationship it will result in a nuclear holocaust of emotional drama unlike anything you've ever seen.
Because he won't want to let go of the only person willing to feed his denial, but he won't want to let her act like a normal person who doesn't worship him. Get set for emotional manipulation.
This is almost formulaic. If you stay with him, you will validate his bullshit. He will not change, and you will slowly build yourself a storehouse of resentment that will make both of you miserable and destroy the relationship.
If you leave him, best case is he grows up. Worst case is that someone who is not you gets to deal with the dramabomb.
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When I was 16 i began dating my first boyfriend that i later lost my virginity to. Just before my 19th birthday we called it quits and i became very sexually active with different guys outside of our small town. Last year i met an amazing guy that i fell head over heels for. Wanting to be the polar opposite from our friends i deliberately gave the impression that i was a sweet innocent young lady who was very reserved. It's been over a year of dating this guy and I am now 22 years of age. I've been checked for STDS and VD and came out clean. My boyfriend and I are living together and deeply in love, but he still thinks I've only been with 5 guys including himself!!! When in reality my 'number' is around double that closer to 10 or 12!!! Yuck!! I know he doesn't care about my 'number' but i know he would care about my lie and revamping. He would never meet or run into any of the men I've been with, but I cant keep my secret anymore. Should i tell him the truth and how???? (link)
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I'd disagree with the "its none of his business" idea. If you truly love someone, efforts should be made to trust each other. And seriously, if you can't trust your boyfriend to be OK with what you did before you were with him, how far can you really trust him.
I've been where you are. My numbers pretty high, my girlfriend (4 years now) has been with a fraction of the number I've been with. I've lied about my number to make myself seem less like a manwhore.
I've never cheated, I just...well things work more easily for me I guess. It took me a few years to tell her, thankfully she's understanding and didn't really care.
If he loves you, he won't either. Just go up to him and tell him that you lied, tell him what and why, tell him the truth. Just buck up to it, and have a conversation. If he gets angry, just be apologetic and let him vent.
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