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boyfriend that wants to do "stuff"
ok im 13/f..i have a boyfriend that wants to do "stuff" like..he wants a h/j and stuff but im not really ready..hes expecting it though like tomorrow or something. PLEASE help :'(..idk what to do..
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Break up with him.
He doesn't care about you. If you're not ready, and you've told him you're not ready & he's still expecting it from you, then the relationship needs to end because he doesn't give a fuck about you.
Don't stay with anyone who makes you feel uncomfortable or is pressuring you to do stuff that you don't want to do. Clearly he has no respect for you.
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Hell fucking no.
Adult men do not "expect" sexual favors from girls they are dating. I do not "expect" sex from my girlfriend, and we've been having it for quite a long time.
Boys sometimes do. They do because they have not been taught not to be little assholes. And because they know that a girl like you with little experience often won't know better, won't have the self certainty to say no.
This is not your fault. You're not old enough that you should have to deal with this. Its not a slight against you, no one should be facing shit like this when they're 13. Sadly, the world doesn't work on the principle of "should"
You face a choice. Stand up for yourself, or don't.
If you do not stand up for yourself, you will feel like shit afterwards. You will feel very used and it will probably make you feel somewhat bad about yourself. Worse, if you continue to let this guy have whatever he wants, you set a dangerous precedent for yourself.
Do you want your relationships to be like that? Do you WANT a guy to be able to demand sexual favors? Most importantly of all, do you want to date guys who try to force you into something you don't want? Something you aren't ready for and are scared of?
Boyfriends are supposed to care about you, including how you feel. They are supposed to want you to be ok with what happens between you, to enjoy it as much as he does.
If you stand up for yourself, he might well break up with you. If you take a firm line and absolutely refuse, he might well not like you.
In 5 years, you'll be proud of yourself. You'll see guys like him and walk the other way, when you feel used you will drop the asshole like a bad habit, and you'll be much better off.
You don't want to date guys like this. I'll be honest, at your age you don't really want to date at all. At 13 you are still a child. A teenaged child, but a child nonetheless. Children have sex because they want to think they are adults. It makes them feel "grown" and "mature"
The ability to physically have sex with someone is not a sign of maturity.
At your age, theres a good chance you won't run across guys who are mature enough to be a decent boyfriend, at all. Girls mature faster in that area than boys, its the reason why women often date older men. Guys don't catch up until around 25.
That doesn't mean you should go date a 16 year old, that means that you should find a guy who just wants to like you. If a guy puts pressure on sex when you haven't even had it yet, its time to move on. He's showing his interest, if he doesn't care if you're ok as long as he gets laid, he's too selfish.
And think about it. Humans learn more from failure than from success.
If you do what this kid wants, he'll learn that its ok to do this to girls. By letting him succeed, he'll do this again. Lets face it, you're already upset by how he acts. You aren't going to marry this guy. So the next girl is going to be treated like this, and worse he is going to have the certainty behind him that its worked before.
If you don't, he'll face rejection. If you tell him that expecting sex from someone who doesn't want to is fucked up, he has a chance of realizing that he shouldn't act like that. If you tell him that you will not do anything a second before you're ready, for your own reasons, and that he can accept it or start walking, maybe he might even grow up a few years overnight.
Some guys act like assholes because they are. Some act like it because they were never taught to act any better. Don't compromise yourself for a guy, if for no other reason than that he might not be a terrible guy, and you might just turn a guy who acts like a dick into something reasonably datable.
::Edit::
With the exception of my aversion to the phrase "Hell to the no" I agree with Kendra.
Say what she quoted. Practice in a mirror. And have a friend within eyesight to outnumber him if he turns assholeish. Its easier for two to shout down a jilted wannabe boyfriend than one. And easier to walk away with someone at your side. Having a friend to pull you away and tell you its time to go can do wonders for extracting yourself from a bad situation.
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He's expecting it? Oh hell to the no.
You were not put on this earth to sexually service this guy. You're only 13. You're probably thinking about kissing and holding hands and stuff like that.
Teenage boys are, well, perverts. I don't mean any disrespect to them, but they are. Sex on the brain. The sooner you learn to stand up to them and their demands, the stronger a woman you'll become.
Tell him, with no apologies this:
"I know you want a handjob, but I'm not ready to do that kind of stuff. If you like me, you won't pressure me to do stuff I don't want to do. If that's all you want in a girlfriend, find a new one."
Practice this in the mirror, be firm and tell him what's what. He may find another girlfriend, but big loss. Trust me, you're not going to marry the guy you went out with at 13. The sooner you stop dating losers who pressure you, the happier you'll be.
Let this be the theme of your love life-- when YOU are ready, YOU will initiate the sexual things. He can try, but it's your call and that's just all there is to it. He can either get with the program or get off the bus.
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I would have to agree with the guy below. If you are not ready than, you arent ready. There is no reason he should pressure you into doing things you are not ready for. Tell him and he cant understand than, that is his loss.
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If you aren't ready, then don't do it.
Tell him you're not ready.
If he isn't ok with that, well then, he's probably not right for you.
--Jack
(17/m)
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