A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
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Hi
First of all I only want experts advise no one else
I was with a girl and I fingered her after, I noticed that I had blood from here in my fingers I washed it of with water and soup (I think) and I had a slightly peel skin is there any way I can get HIV or any stds? (link)
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I'll be dropping a comment to Kendra, people who recite facts they read on a website piss me off.
Is it possible? If she had something, yes.
All STDs can be transmitted through blood contact, and you got blood on you. When dealing with the dick, the most common way a guy catches something is getting infected fluids on himself which then infect through tiny breaks in the skin that might not even be visible to the naked eye. Your finger is no different, you got blood on it and its possible that if an STD were present, that it were transmitted.
The bigger question here is why you might think she had aids or another STD.
If you're just paranoid, remember that she has to have something herself to give it to you. If she's clean, you can get whatever fluids she has all over you and have zero problems.
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I've recently discovered I'm severely paranoid. Any scenerio, any time, any day, I'm going through all the possible outcomes of something. And all the outcomes my brain comes out with are bad. I also hate walking alone at night. I'm afraid I'll get raped or kidnapped or shot or something. And I'm always feeling watched and hearing voices, like the people that are watching me are talking about how dumb I must look, constantly turning around to see if I'm being followed. I'm 16, so obviously I'm going to do stupid things. But there is a level of stupid that I just refuse to cross because I'm so afraid of what might happen. Like, for instance. I wanted my boyfriend to sneak over earlier. But then I told him not to because he could get caught or one of my parents might wake up or his parents might notice he's missing.
I'm sick of living in constant worry and terror. And being as paranoid as I am, I've also become a major hypochondriac, or however you spell it. My friends get annoyed with me complaining about the possibility of something being wrong with my body all the time. And I refuse to get my license, and I'm turning 17 in a few months. Too many things go wrong on the road. Too many things can go wrong in the car, too many things can go wrong in the human body and I'm sick and tired of always worrying and not just having a good time, enjoying my teen years! They're almost up and I haven't done half the stupid shit I said I'd do before I turned 18!!
Is there anything I can do to calm my nerves? Or are there any pills for this kind of thing? Obviously, not OTC, but prescription? And I've tried talking to my parents, and they say I'm just "cautious". -.-''
someone help? Thanks! (link)
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Its not a panic disorder, it sounds like Paranoid Personality Disorder.
http://www.ptypes.com/paranoidpd.html
You need to talk to your parents, and tell them that you want to see a therapist. Read over the link I posted and tell them that you're having a very difficult time dealing with this and you want to seek some outside help with it.
If your parents dismiss you, bring it to a school counselor. Explain the situation to them and tell them that your parents are being dismissive, and you need to find a way to wake them up to the fact that you're asking for help on a serious issue, and you aren't just blowing some teen angst out of proportion. Explain that its affecting how you function on a daily basis and you want to get a handle on it.
Good luck.
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this may actually come off as a rant but here it goes.
im almost 19 now and ive only had 1 real gf. but she was only concerned about sex so i had to break it off with her because of that. then one girl just wanted to come down and kiss me and try to fool around with me. so ive never really had a gf thats actually cared for me other than a way to get what they want. ive always been the out cast in school so ive had to form this hardened exterior appearance that shows that im not to be made fun of. due to this and the long history of being ostracized i have problems opening up[. the only thing that seems to happen is that i get hurt. due to all of the problems i have, such as being fat and never being able to find someone that is willing to be with me for me i have had many close calls with suicide, it is a cheap way out but it seemed at the time the only way that i could find to think of a clear way to end the pain i was feeling. my bother seems to be the only one of us to have no problems finding someone who wants him. due to societys stress on physical appearance i cant seem to find a way to be happy. i have long hair, fat, im very self expressive, and do nothing but play video games. im not to good with words when it comes to the point in which i need to use them. there was one girl that i feel in love with at first sight. i asked her out and was shut down. so now im holed up again inside, does anyone now how i could possibly get out of this rut and find some kind of companion that would actually like me for me? (link)
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Pics or it didn't happen.
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okay so i was reading this story about snape and lily online. i cant find it now and i really wanted to finish it. it was something like "he watched her" or "as he gazed at her" or something like that. it was about snape being raped by his father and lily helping him cope. i really wanna finish it because im studying to be a psychologist and it might be helpful for rape victims. :) thanks.
P.S. you can just tell me the title of the story. (link)
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Reported for asking about Slash Fanfics.
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So, my boyfriend has high morals. He doesn't like to talk about inappropriate things, or.. anything like that. I've been dating him for about a month and a half now and i'm not sure where he wants our relationship to go. I mean, we haven't kissed, or anything. But we've only seen each other a few times. Should I ask him about it? I dont know what to do. I don't want to over step any boundries..so what should i do? ask him about it? or just let things play out? (link)
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Thats not moral, thats prude. Theres a stark difference.
The unwillingness to _do_ certain things can be considered a moral choice. Stifling communication because he's uncomfortable is not, its just him being uncomfortable.
Tell him that you need to be able to talk to him about things. If he's not willing...
Refusing to talk about something, especially because its "inappropriate" isn't something I find acceptable in my relationships. I seek people who share that standard and walk when I end up on a date with someone who doesn't.
If he won't talk, you have to decide if he's worth pursuing or if a month is more time than you really want to have wasted on him.
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Alright, so I'm going to be a junior in high school next September, and all these college guys are hitting on me through Facebook! Its really weird. Like, they graduated my high school a few years back and friend me, even though I've never heard of them (but we have mutual friends), then message me saying we should hang out to get to know each other better. I don't know how to reply! I don't want to date a college guy because I know that all they want is sex and I'm abstaining. But all they're literally asking is to "get to know me better." Of course I know what that means but it would be making assumptions to guess that they wanted to hook up, right?
What do you think? & how should I reply?
thanks :) (link)
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Your instincts are right. Guys who message girls they've never met this way are hoping to snag an easy lay. Ignore them, block them if you like. "Get to know you better" means "Take you to a party, get you drunk, and fuck you"
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so, i'm 18/f. theres this guy i work with who's 24. and we've been kinda dating the past couple weeks. nothing serious or exclusive because i'm going to college 4 hours away in the fall and because my on & off relationship with my ex of 3 years ended again just a few months ago, so i'm not completely ready for something new, but we talk everyday, hangout, hug, kiss, basically act like a couple so i guess you'd just call it a casual thing. it started out with flirting at work and then facebook to texting to here we are.
but, sometimes the age difference kinda worries me. i'll be 19 before he's 25, and i know everyone says it but i am pretty mature for my age compared to some people. i realize he's older and farther in life... he's done the college thing, he's a marine, and he's been married [and divorced bc she cheated on him]. BUT at the same time we get along really well, and i have a pretty rough past with guys which he knows about, and he's assured me time and time again he'd never do something like that. he tells me he sincerely likes me and cares a lot about me and does things that show it. we're not having sex and won't be anytime soon so i'd like to think i'm not just a bootycall.
my mom knows about him and says to just be careful and make sure he's a good guy. my friends think there must be something wrong with him that he can't get a girl his own age and instead goes for an 18 year old.. but i'm sure he COULD get a girl his own age. a lot of girls closer to his age at work like him and i'm the youngest girl he's ever been into. i said i'd never date anyone over 21 MAYBE 22 but here i am. in a way i see where my friends are coming from but at the same time i don't want to just brush him off because he's a little older than me, especially when he's given me no concerns or suspicions about his intentions. i have a good head on my shoulders and know to be careful, my guard is definitely up [as it is with any guy] and any signs of strange behavior and i'm gone, but i'd like some advice from the outside world... any ideas?
(link)
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My girlfriend's grandparents have a seven year difference.
Right now, age is more than just a number. Because, at 24-25 he's going to be (hopefully) pretty mature and progressed for his age.
You are just starting the path of adulthood he should have been walking for years. A relationship is going to be unequal until you catch up to that, which could take a few years.
I'm not saying you shouldn't date him. You're an adult now, the choice is yours. I'm your boyfriends age and my girl is 18-20 months older than you. Thats still about a 4 year gap, and we've worked quite well for quite a long time.
Marine who was married and divorced? Say no more. He's a little behind (not too much, but a little) in emotional maturity. He's probably a decent guy who just wanders after whomever he's attracted to. It sounds like he's not giving you any danger signs, relax your guard a little sweetheart, you can't ever have anything good if you aren't willing to risk being burned by something that isn't so good.
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I went to my OB today because I found out that I was pregnant last week at my 6 week check up (I have a 2 month old at home and another child under 1 year). My doctor asked me today why I refused birth control, although I already told them that birth control is against my religion. I repeated myself today and felt odd since I KNOW I had already explained this.
The doctor then nodded her head and said, "Well, that is just silly," in a very demeaning tone of voice. I was so offended I told her, "My faith is no laughing matter." I was just very upset and I still am. I need a doctor that will take me seriously.
I am not a government case, I am not an unmarried mother, and I am not on food rations or food stamps. If I want to have all of the children that God allows me to be blessed with then I don't understand the issue.
I am a mother and wife. I am also the daughter of very wealthy philanthropists who have provided myself, my husband, and our future children with the means to take care of our needs.
Why am I being judged when I can take care of any children I have, and why am I being judged when I want to have 15+ children? Should I switch to a doctor that will not pressure me to go against my beliefs? (link)
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Laws against birth control are human made, not divine. This is a FACT.
Thus, if you refuse Birth control because of your religion you are following man's law, not God's. This is also a FACT.
If you choose to follow the dictates of a corrupt institution that creates rules solely for its own propagation through excessive breeding of its members and treat it as devine edict, you will be looked at like an idiot by the majority of the world.
This, too, is a FACT.
By the way, you are being judged because one woman cannot be mother to 15 children in a way that allows you to truly influence, guide, and care for these children's lives. I'd say the upper limit is probably four kids, if you have more than that every kid you have means time sacrificed from what your other kids will need. Its selfish and irresponsible, you garner satisfaction from reproducing because you're stuck in the BC era when women were property with a reproductive function and you try to ascribe holy intent to your selfish whims.
Its irresponsible, its immature, it shows that you haven't emotionally matured past 16 or 17, and that you shouldn't be mother to one kid let alone 15.
That is, of course, my opinion. But as your question shows you to be a bit unbalanced and I know that I am not, I'm right and you are wrong.
Pity, you'll probably just give me a low feedback score and move on with your life rather than make a change that people other than you and the fanatics you go to services with see as "positive"
By the way, I'm Christian. And I still think that 15 kids is the height of parental selfishness and irresponsibility.
Your faith is a laughing matter. Thats from a fellow Christian. You've bought into religion when you should be focusing on spirituality. But then, if you could think that far past what you've been taught your entire life and had any critical thinking capacity whatsoever, you'd realize that children have needs that extend outside of money, and you'd realize that you are not supermom and that you cannot possibly provide for your childrens emotional and mental growth if you've got 15 of them. You're about to have three kids under 3 years old? You're insane. Truly, certifiably insane.
I hope CPS intervenes before these children suffer too much, but then if you have the money to pay for the kids they usually leave it alone.
Pity, because I'm sure there are plenty of parents who can't conceive who would love a child and whom would take far better care of them than you do.
Children are a gift, not a duty. I promise, when you stand for judgment, you will have to answer for what you are doing to your kids. Ignorance will not be an excuse.
::Edit::
Oh, and as to the doctor, find a new one. A doctor has every right to look at you like you're crazy. Religious discrimination only applies to denial of service. You have the right to be treated as any other patient, which means that they give you the same quality of medical care only. Anyone who desires is free to laugh at your stupidity and short sightedness, and its well within her rights to refuse medical care to you if you get in her face about it. So suck it up, or go look for another doctor.
And I wouldn't recommend you file complaints against her. First, it won't do anything if the actual medical care is the same, and second you open yourself up to defamation of character lawsuits should your doctor be so inclined.
::Edit2::
I love how a woman who's being taken care of by her father (and thus seems to still lack any sense of personal responsibility) is so convinced she will make a good mother.
What have you accomplished besides getting yourself knocked up and believing in Jesus? What example do you have to provide your children? What could you teach a daughter who wants to have a career, to get through college, to actually make something of herself?
Nothing, probably.
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I'm 15/f and he's 17/m. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 months. I love it when we are together, but he like never leaves me alone. He always ditches his friends for me, then holds it against me. Its really annoying. And then last night he came over at 8 and I'm like oh well I'm going to see transformers at midnight because a bunch of my girlfriends invited me and he was like oh. cool. but i could tell he was really pissed. He like wouldn't talk to me and was just nodding or going yep and he barely even gave me a kiss goodbye.It was like the shortest kiss ever. I don't know why he was mad at me! me and my girls made the plans before he asked to hang out, and i couldn't invite him to hang out with me and 5 of my best girlfriends. Also, because of him, i don't hang out with my friends that much anymore. I do sometimes but usually I'm with him so pretty much i miss hanging with them but i can never find time to see them. So i need help: Why do you think he's mad at me? How can i talk to him about the holding stuff against me, because it upsets me? Also, i want to tell him i want to be able to hang with my friends without him around. How could i say that by being nice and him not taking it the wrong way? Because i still want to be with him and he's amazing, and these are like the only things that he does that are bad. Help? thank you (link)
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Bahi hit it on the head. He's clingy as all hell.
Clingyness partly comes from insecurity. Welcome to your first relationship issue, its time to pull out the talking hats.
You are not suffering severe relationship insecurity and you probably aren't naturally clingy, so you don't feel the need to put him ahead of everything else 100% of the time.
He's the opposite, and he would rather spend his time with you than anyone else, to the point of blowing off others for you.
Its a disconnect of perspective. He has unreasonable desires and unreasonable and unhealthy willingness to put you first. He is willing to give up just about anything for you, where as you want to be normal, and would rather carry through with plans.
You are right and he is wrong, but you can't get pissed off at him, thats just going to make things worse. Talking things out is about more than compromise, its about understanding. Talk to him and ask him questions, seek to understand how he feels and why he feels that way, and to let him know how you feel and why you feel that way.
A guy is not supposed to make his girlfriend the center of his universe. Everyone's supposed to be an equal in the relationship, part of that is the ability to have your own life thats important to you.
He hasn't grown up that much yet.
Sit him down, look him in the eye, and tell him you care about him, you love spending time with him, but that you need more than him in your life, and he should need more than you. Tell him that he needs to learn to be OK with the fact that if you make plans with others that you aren't going to drop your friends as soon as he has a free moment. Its not a reflection of how much you care for him or anything like that, its just a normal desire to spend time with friends and to be a good friend by doing what you tell people you will do. Tell him that keeping plans is important to you, one of the ways you show your friends you care is by always trying to carry through with whatever you tell them, and that he can't ask you to sacrifice that for him.
Ask him why he blows his friends off so easily, tell him that you don't need him to walk away from them, and ask him if he can let you ask for what you need, and trust you to want to make thing work enough that you will speak up when you actually do need something.
Tell him you don't want him to feel like he has to sacrifice his life to be with you, that theres room enough for both and you're more than happy to accomodate him. Tell him that it frustrates you when he sacrifices his own happiness because it feels like he's scared that he'll lose you if he doesn't, and thats not true.
Reassure him that you care about him, tell him you want him to be happy, and ask him what he wants, what he's thinking. Ask him why he doesn't go out with his friends, maybe even offer to go out with them if he'd like you to. Make sure to phrase it in a way that he knows you want to go if he wants you to, and if he wants guy time you're all for him going out and having a good time every now and then.
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Hi, My problem is that when I babysit my nephew he gets a bit violent. Today for example I had to get him ready to go to his baseball game. He didn't want to go, obviously. I have a slight handicap and he uses it to his advantege. He'll stike out and hit me on my foot. It's very painful. I've tried to explain to him why he can't do that. But he just rolls his eyes and walks away. My sister has tried to help but he keeps doing it. I can't stop babysitting him because my sister has college and no one else to watch him. So what should I do. I mean he is 8 years old, he should know better.
Elie Hayes (link)
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Volleyball has absolutely no idea what she's talking about.
Personally, I'd backhand him. And yeah, I'm sure I'll get angry responses, but children are like puppies, before you can live with them peaceably you have to establish dominance. Punishing a kid by smacking them or spanking them is not abuse, anyone who says that has never been abused, and doesn't know what the hell they're talking about.
"He's not going to learn". Yes, he is. He's going to learn that he can't hit people and suffer no consequences. The trick is, to explain to him exactly why punishment is happening, and to deliver it without anger. Punishment exists to provide structure, not revenge. You act like a little shit, you get punished. Its an important life lesson that this kid has not learned, and bribing him is only going to teach him that hitting people is the right way to go about things, it gets you more than you'd get by being nice.
Outside of the physical route you probably don't want to take, you've got to punish him somehow. He does it because he can get away with it, because he knows there are no consequences. You have to impose consequences.
Start with privileges. Rather than bribing him, give him something that you can make normal, and take it away when he refuses to cooperate. Hell, you can buy a gamecube and a few age appropriate games for cheap, you can get movies he likes, etc. These things aren't rewards for good behavior, they are normal. They are taken away for bad behavior.
Thats another thing. You don't "reward good behavior". Good should be expected, not something special you get a prize for. Instead, you tell the kid that the prizes are normal, the fun is normal. And when he does something like hitting you, he loses normal, he loses fun.
Talk to your sister about getting some stuff that entertains him, and then take it away when he acts up.
Punishments are also effectie. Set a chair facing a corner of the room, and make him sit in it facing the wall for 20 minutes (thats generally more than enough, to a hyper 8 year old 20 minutes of boredom is torture)
Set standards of expected behavior and punishments for breaking the rules, and stick to them like glue.
When you tell him something and he rolls his eyes at you, punish him for it. Grab his bicep and refuse to let him walk away. Don't wheedle, don't yell, just look him straight in the eyes and tell him that his behavior is unacceptable and that you are not going to tolerate it.
Though, honestly, a kid who hits has to be physically stopped. Its not necessary to hit a kid back to establish physical dominance, you have to let him know you aren't scared of anything he can do, and that he should be scared of what you can do.
Its a matter of maintaining the upper hand. As he isn't your kid, he feels freedom from consequences. Show him he can't hurt you with impunity. I don't think you would be remiss, when he hits you, spank him three times. Let yourself calm down before administering, and keep the numbers the exact same. If he rolls his eyes and walks away after doing it, add one spanking.
Above all, remember to be absolutely consistent. Children need structure, and if you provide it and don't flinch an inch, he will at least respect that you are not someone to be defied.
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Hey i see you've had some problems with drugs . i am 15 year old female .can you try helping me out .. This summer i was completely drug free . I satrted hangin with the wrong people to early . I started cutting school ALOT i failed everythign my parents still don't know =/ . Then i started smoking cigarets ,then weed . When that phase was over i started doing ecstasy and now i sniff coke . I am really skinny by nature and drugs are making it worse , the thing is im not sure i want to quit as weird as it sounds . I want to do good in school and family but i just don't want to quit cocaine its something ido for my self , to relax kind off . what do you think ? how should i start of fixing this whole situation ? (link)
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You need to get help.
A coke habit is not something a 15 year old is capable of dealing with on her own. Besides the fact that you're still a growing girl who is throwing her body chemistry out of whack with a drug addiction, you aren't old enough to handle wanting something this bad and walking away with it.
Addictions are insidious. They are difficult to deal with and difficult to accept help for. Its frustrating when something seems out of our control, and Coke can be the worst of all, because you seldom feel out of control when you're on it. Its not until the comedown and a few days later when you're jonesing for a line that you start to realize the price a habit like this demands.
I want to impress something upon you. Your situation is serious, this isn't something you should just "do the best you can with" and get by. Its not something you should deal with yourself to avoid involving others like your family in your problems.
As hard as it is, you need to tell your parents. The dissapointment, and the outright fear for your safety that you're going to get from them is momentary, destroying your life and losing your momentum for making something of yourself is not.
Tell your parents that you have a habit you need to shake. Tell them you want to get into therapy. Talk as much as you can make yourself about it, and stress that you want very badly to quit and that you need help doing so. Tell them you've watched yourself go downhill and you're sick of it, and that you want and need help finding your way out of the hole.
If your parents aren't capable of understanding or helping, start with a school counselor. They're there specifically for this, to give students with no one else to turn to a place to go for help. Tell them the same thing I told you to tell your parents, and if you have to ask them if they might be able to help you tell your parents, or if they can help you be more able to tell them yourself.
You have a problem. Admitting that to yourself is the first step. Deciding that you're sick of having the problem is the second. Find your resolve, this is not outside your power to conquer, but at this time in your life its imperative that you start now.
The sooner you start working your way past this, the faster you can get back on track.
Also, start buying books. Books more than anything have given me an escape, a way to relax and to go somewhere where my problems don't exist for a while. Drugs can definitely do that too, which is why they're so dangerous. Its alot easier for me to put down a book when I have to than it is for you to put down that next line.
Replace your habits with healthier ones. Read, go out with friends, invest in a video game console, rent every TV series known to man and watch them all, when you feel that craving for something to make you feel a little bit better, substitute in a different activity that helps towards that same goal.
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Recently, I became good friends with this girl. She's fun and really awesome to hang out with and usually it's hard for me to get along with girls (all the drama, etc). The big problem is, I met her boyfriend who she's been with for many years, and he's perfect. He's all the qualities I want in a guy and he knocks me off my feet. I never fall easily for guys, so when I do, it's serious. He'll flirt with me constantly and one time while we were alone he kind of hinted that he was tired of the relationship. I don't know what to do and how to act around him now. If my new friend found out, it'd be a disaster since we have a whole group of mutual friends now and she'd definitely kill me! What do I do? I'm infatuated with him, but she's been really nice to me. (19/F) (link)
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There are so many reasons you shouldn't do this.
You shouldn't do this because you could destroy a good relationship. You shouldn't do this because you could destroy your friend and your friendship with her. You shouldn't do this because on principle you should never, ever be "the other woman".
And you definitely shouldn't do this because if you walk up and steal him away, you'll spend the entirety of your relationship wondering if some other girl who's better than you might do the same to you.
Let it be, stop flirting. Be honest if you have to, that you like him and you refuse to be the reason he breaks up with anyone.
If he ends it of his own accord, don't immediately jump into a relationship. If he really wants you, and respects you, he'll wait. Let him know that you aren't going to just start dating him until you can find a way to try to save your friendship with his girlfriend.
Its obvious thats important to you. Don't jeopardize what you have for what you could have. If it didn't work out, you'd have nothing.
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so when i get fingered i get really wet and i dont know why cuz sometimes im not even turrned on, can something stop this? and do guys not like it? (link)
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I'm a guy. Guys like it.
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17/f
so i recently moved to australia from south africa, im asian though. lol. well, im single! i've been in aus. for about 5 months now, and back in south africa people would just jump to get to know me and possibly date me! what's happening.. i know it could probably because of different people, like here and back there.. but what can i do so people know im available and interested BUT not a whore that just wants to find boys to have sex with. im into serious long relationships and thats what im looking for.. im not exactly searching, i just want a guy to be there for me to talk to and be intimate with. the guys i know are so unbelievably immature!
and when i look around at public places, NO ONE is checking me out or anything. its kind of frustrating in a way. but yeah, what am i doing wrong? and how do i fix it? :(
thanks.
oh btw, i cant go clubbing because im underage! (link)
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This questions actually pretty entertaining.
Welcome to Culture Shock. South Africa is like 98% either White or Black. Asians are pretty rare in general, and rare means special in pretty much every culture in the world.
Somewhere like Australia is a bit more of a melting pot. People are used to a greater variety of other people, so its alot harder to be starkly different than everyone around you from 50 yards away.
You're going to have to learn how to flirt. You come off (just from what I've read) as someone who's not used to initiating flirting and someone who's probably got a fairly strong shy side.
The immature thing... honestly that's a bit of a culture difference too. You think Australia's bad? Be 17 in America, you'd go bat shit insane with how bad our kids are right now (on average).
Western culture is an odd paradox of wanting to remain a kid forever yet wanting to grow up and be an adult by 13. This paradox is mass marketed to our youth from every direction, including though the irresponsibly overprotective parenting culture we're developing.
First, get out and talk to more people. If you see a guy you like, walk up and see if you can hold a conversation. The desire for intimacy means that rather than that first look, its going to be that first conversation that sets you on fire. Go looking for that, and when you find it be open and eager for more.
Second, make alot of eye contact, and smile a ton. Eye contact expresses interest and self confidence. Smiles are positive feedback. When you're talking to a guy, meet his eyes and smile at him when he looks back at you. Even if he's oblivious or shy, it can help give him the courage to carry on.
Third, relax. Theres nothing wrong with you, you just have to understand that different places in the world work very differently. People have different values and different concepts of "normal"
I live in Texas, at the moment. I'm sure everyone from another country has heard of Texas. Its funny, I have zero accent, but I can fake a bad one. People from Texas think I sound terrible, people from other places in the country think I sound quaint, and girls from other countries think that a Texan accent is hot. Its hilarious.
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i finally found my perfect guy. we are compatible mentally, sexually, physically, any way really. there's one problem though- his mother hates me.
she'll talk about other girls around him, or try to hook him up with other girls. she thinks i'm not mature enough for him since i'm a bit younger than he is. What can i say to her to make her see that i am actually mature enough for her son? (link)
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There is nothing you can say.
Understand, this woman is both irrational and incredibly emotionally immature herself. To be involving herself in her son's dating life like this is... well it sure as hell isn't normal.
Parents trying to set up their kids is definitely not a new concept to human kind, but at least in the western world we've grown past that quite a bit.
I would sit him down and talk to him. In a situation like yours, it can be difficult to keep a sane and balanced perspective.
I do best with example speeches, like so
"I wanted to talk to you about something. The way your mom acts bothers me a bit. I'm not entirely sure why she sees me as so unworthy, but I'm not entirely immune to the fact that she's trying to run me off by trying to convince you to date someone else.
I don't want to seem like I doubt you, I don't. I'm human though, and it would help settle me down if you can just tell me that your mother's a bit crazy and you ignore her.
Also, if theres anything you could say to her or that I could do so that she'd see me in a different light, I'd like to talk about it. Is there any way to get her off my back and not have a problem with me?"
Something along those lines is what I'd try. I'm not unfamiliar with parents not liking me, in my experience the best thing to do is kill them with kindness while maintaining a firm but polite line.
I had to meet my girlfriend's family, and her grandmother was not...approving...of me when we met. We were sitting and she started grilling me with questions, leading into the fact that I have a police record (she used to be a cop herself, so she'd checked up on me)
I looked her in the eye when she tried to bring it up, and told her point blank "You can air my dirty laundry if you choose, but I'm not going to help by answering questions about it"
It shut her up, and now she's my best friend. I wasn't rude or impolite, but I was brick-wall immovable.
Don't let her get to you. If she says anything in front of you... well my tack would be something like
"Look, I like your son. I like him alot. I don't care about your or anyone else's opinion about us, all that matters to me is that I want to be with him, and he wants to be with me. That being said, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop whispering in his ear, he has the right to make his own decisions about who he likes, and frankly its a bit hurtful when my boyfriends' mom dislikes me for reasons she won't even talk to me about person to person. If you have a problem with me, I wish you'd tell me instead of him"
I'm a fairly direct, blunt person. I can deliver lines like that as coolly as the smoke off dry ice. The key is calm politeness. You don't let your tone get antagonistic, you just state the facts.
Some people don't react well, with those people I feel like at least I tried. Others do, and problems can be solved. My girlfriend's grandmother respects me now, because I didn't back down when she challenged me. Not everyone works like that, but if this guys' mother doesn't then your only other choices are being hated or sucking up to a self centered bitch becoming a regular part of your relationship.
If it comes to that, I leave the choice to you, that one's more about what you can and can't live with than right or wrong.
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is it dangerous for me to put crushed up benedryll or sleeping pills in someones drink if i just want them to be knocked out cold for the nightt? if so is there some other way i can do this without them knowing? i know this sounds bad but i need to sneak out and do this super romantic thing for this guy and i'm tryin not to get caught and my dad is a light sleeper. he's in good health and everything (link)
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Yes, it is dangerous. No, you should not do it.
If there were any way for me to let him read this, I would. Parents are overprotective and strict often times because they're afraid of having a kid like you, who's so effing stupid that she'd crush up medication in a drink she gave him so she could sneak out with a guy after he fell asleep.
You are an idiot. Thats not an insult, its a fact. A fact you need to become quickly aware of, because you've got an absolutely fucked sense of "normal" if you think that doing something like this is a good enough idea to ask someone else about.
Tell me, if you will, where the idea of drugging your father came from and why, even if it were completely safe, you think that its a mature and intelligent way to solve a problem?
Why would you not be a selfish bastard for drugging your father for something as immature as sneaking out for a boyfriend?
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The next doomsday is December 21st, 2012, in 3 years, and I know it's stupid, but I'm REALLY freaked out because there's lots of proof. All I do is worry now! ( Stuff at http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/2012-roland-emmerich.html)
Can anyone help me? (link)
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Should you really be worring about this when you yourself referred to it as "the next doomsday"
Next?
Seriously? You're worried about yet another end of the world? You think its going to happen when all the other one's haven't happened so far?
An interesting fact. The Mayans have not given a single other prediction about anything that anyone has treated as a revelation. Not even that there have been wrong predictions, they just didn't make any. No one knows why the Mayan calendar ends on 2012, but based on the complete lack of any other prophesies about anything in the culture we've been able to preserve and rediscover, we can pretty well assume that they weren't making one with that either.
The proof is alarmist manufactured bullshit, but I guess people need something to believe in.
For Christs sake, half the websites mention shit like Atlantis.
No guys, modern science has allowed us to map the entire ocean floor, we've explored the Mariana trench, the deepest area on earth. There are no sunken continents anywhere, unless you want to say that the earth just opened up and ate them.
God knows when the actual end of the world will come. Thats the only true statement on the subject, because if God exists then he knows, and if God doesn't exist then no one knows.
Maybe we'll notice a catastrophic event someday. A predicted solar prominence that sets our atmosphere on fire, a comet the size of Texas that has to be blown up by a team of oil drillers led by Detective John McLane, something like that. But that would be something we'd learn through science, not something that some ancient myth peddler predicted and came true hundreds of years later.
The sole exceptions to that are the biblical apocalypse and nuclear holocaust. If we do end up wiped out by some astronomical phenomenon, it won't be something that anyone in the past could have predicted. Its only in the last 50-60 years that we've had the technology to actually get a close look at anything further out than the moon. We might see something coming now, they definitely couldn't back in the ye olde days of Tribes and Kingdoms and such.
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16/f
my boyfriend of 9 months recently told me he was moving to a different continent. but then his dad lost the job so he didnt have to go. when we both thought he was moving, i would cry whenever i was with him and i was really upset but i liked that he would comfort me and hold me. i think i got used to all this attention and now that he is not moving i am still crying yet making up reasons why i am. today i felt like he was ignoring me so i acted mad then started cryin on his couch while we were watching a movie. i guess i did it to get attention because i felt like he was ignoring me and i blamed it on that i was having a hard time with life right now. i just like the attention i guess but i am starting to look like a total clinger. i dont know what to do, i want to stop being such an attention whore but i cant seem to help it. (link)
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Its really just as simple as talking to him about it.
Tell him sometimes you feel attention starved and want affection. When you get in that mood, go cuddle up and kiss his neck or something, give him a "hi, I'm not really watching the movie" sign.
Sending clear signals makes it alot easier for him to give you what you want. You're taking the least rational way out. Stop yourself and just be clearer in your expectations and needs.
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Im sorry if this is a weird question-
But how many "holes" to girls have done there?
I heard there is 3..?
i know the vagina and the pea hole..
Is the clitoris* thing considered a hole and what exactly is that???
Aha.
thank you so much
XD Xrated love (link)
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My 17-year-old son, "Seth," is set to go off to college. He is going to a state university about 20 minutes from our home.
When filling out the paperwork for school, I did not sign him up to live on campus. His behavior during his senior year was less than stellar. I felt he needed to prove himself a little before I spent the money for him to live on campus. He's furious with me, and I admit I am second-guessing my decision as I talk to other parents whose kids are all living on campus.
I want my son to be independent. I told him if he did well the first semester he could live there the second semester. Did I do the right thing? (link)
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Why does your "About the Questioner" say that you're age 18 when you say you have a 17 year old son?
I'm slightly confused, to be honest. Did you become a father at one?
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