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Boyfriend is mad at me because i hung out with my friends?
I'm 15/f and he's 17/m. Me and my boyfriend have been together for almost 6 months. I love it when we are together, but he like never leaves me alone. He always ditches his friends for me, then holds it against me. Its really annoying. And then last night he came over at 8 and I'm like oh well I'm going to see transformers at midnight because a bunch of my girlfriends invited me and he was like oh. cool. but i could tell he was really pissed. He like wouldn't talk to me and was just nodding or going yep and he barely even gave me a kiss goodbye.It was like the shortest kiss ever. I don't know why he was mad at me! me and my girls made the plans before he asked to hang out, and i couldn't invite him to hang out with me and 5 of my best girlfriends. Also, because of him, i don't hang out with my friends that much anymore. I do sometimes but usually I'm with him so pretty much i miss hanging with them but i can never find time to see them. So i need help: Why do you think he's mad at me? How can i talk to him about the holding stuff against me, because it upsets me? Also, i want to tell him i want to be able to hang with my friends without him around. How could i say that by being nice and him not taking it the wrong way? Because i still want to be with him and he's amazing, and these are like the only things that he does that are bad. Help? thank you
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Bahi hit it on the head. He's clingy as all hell.
Clingyness partly comes from insecurity. Welcome to your first relationship issue, its time to pull out the talking hats.
You are not suffering severe relationship insecurity and you probably aren't naturally clingy, so you don't feel the need to put him ahead of everything else 100% of the time.
He's the opposite, and he would rather spend his time with you than anyone else, to the point of blowing off others for you.
Its a disconnect of perspective. He has unreasonable desires and unreasonable and unhealthy willingness to put you first. He is willing to give up just about anything for you, where as you want to be normal, and would rather carry through with plans.
You are right and he is wrong, but you can't get pissed off at him, thats just going to make things worse. Talking things out is about more than compromise, its about understanding. Talk to him and ask him questions, seek to understand how he feels and why he feels that way, and to let him know how you feel and why you feel that way.
A guy is not supposed to make his girlfriend the center of his universe. Everyone's supposed to be an equal in the relationship, part of that is the ability to have your own life thats important to you.
He hasn't grown up that much yet.
Sit him down, look him in the eye, and tell him you care about him, you love spending time with him, but that you need more than him in your life, and he should need more than you. Tell him that he needs to learn to be OK with the fact that if you make plans with others that you aren't going to drop your friends as soon as he has a free moment. Its not a reflection of how much you care for him or anything like that, its just a normal desire to spend time with friends and to be a good friend by doing what you tell people you will do. Tell him that keeping plans is important to you, one of the ways you show your friends you care is by always trying to carry through with whatever you tell them, and that he can't ask you to sacrifice that for him.
Ask him why he blows his friends off so easily, tell him that you don't need him to walk away from them, and ask him if he can let you ask for what you need, and trust you to want to make thing work enough that you will speak up when you actually do need something.
Tell him you don't want him to feel like he has to sacrifice his life to be with you, that theres room enough for both and you're more than happy to accomodate him. Tell him that it frustrates you when he sacrifices his own happiness because it feels like he's scared that he'll lose you if he doesn't, and thats not true.
Reassure him that you care about him, tell him you want him to be happy, and ask him what he wants, what he's thinking. Ask him why he doesn't go out with his friends, maybe even offer to go out with them if he'd like you to. Make sure to phrase it in a way that he knows you want to go if he wants you to, and if he wants guy time you're all for him going out and having a good time every now and then.
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Hun,
It sounds like your boyfriend might be a little bit clingy and wants you all too himself. He may be mad because he blew off his friends to spend time with you and he might be exspecting you to do the same for him. However, If your girlfriends invited you to see a movie before he made plans with you than he should respect that. You have the right to go out and have fun with friends and you shouldn't have to blow them off because he wants you too. That's not right, Talk to him and let him know that you care for him but you also need your girl time for a few hours. While you go to the movie with friends then that might be a good time for him to hang out with the guys! ;)
-BahaiMa22
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