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she has the perfect bf
Recently, I became good friends with this girl. She's fun and really awesome to hang out with and usually it's hard for me to get along with girls (all the drama, etc). The big problem is, I met her boyfriend who she's been with for many years, and he's perfect. He's all the qualities I want in a guy and he knocks me off my feet. I never fall easily for guys, so when I do, it's serious. He'll flirt with me constantly and one time while we were alone he kind of hinted that he was tired of the relationship. I don't know what to do and how to act around him now. If my new friend found out, it'd be a disaster since we have a whole group of mutual friends now and she'd definitely kill me! What do I do? I'm infatuated with him, but she's been really nice to me. (19/F)
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There are so many reasons you shouldn't do this.
You shouldn't do this because you could destroy a good relationship. You shouldn't do this because you could destroy your friend and your friendship with her. You shouldn't do this because on principle you should never, ever be "the other woman".
And you definitely shouldn't do this because if you walk up and steal him away, you'll spend the entirety of your relationship wondering if some other girl who's better than you might do the same to you.
Let it be, stop flirting. Be honest if you have to, that you like him and you refuse to be the reason he breaks up with anyone.
If he ends it of his own accord, don't immediately jump into a relationship. If he really wants you, and respects you, he'll wait. Let him know that you aren't going to just start dating him until you can find a way to try to save your friendship with his girlfriend.
Its obvious thats important to you. Don't jeopardize what you have for what you could have. If it didn't work out, you'd have nothing.
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Think about who's more important.. The guy or your new friend. I mean do you really think its worth starting problems with someone you just met over a guy? Why hurt her when she didn't even do anything to you? You have to really think about this..are you positive if he were to leave her for you that he won't do the same for another girl he meets? Karma's going to bite you really hard ..personally I'd stop flirting with him and I'd keep the friend.
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Best advice would be to consider how you would feel if the shoe was on the other foot. You've got a great boyfriend, and then one of your friends decides to swoop in and try to take him from you. What would you do?
If he said that the relationship might be ending soon, then you should wait for that to happen. You don't want to lose your friend (and the respect of all of your mutual friends) just because of one guy.
22/m
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i've been taught that friendships may last forever, but there will always be a relationship that can't go on any longer. you have to pick what's more important to you. I, or anybody else in the world, cant tell you what to do. only you know what to do. but you have to choose which means more to you- love? or friendship?
If you choose love- you're risking your friendship with this girl. think about the consequences. she could be one of those girls who go chaotic when their friend steals their boyfriend, always wanting revenge and doing whatever it takes to hurt you. and also note that you said its hard for you to make girl friends.... if you lose this friend, imagine how hard it is going to be to earn another friend. do you want to risk that? but then again, you could think that your friend will get over it sooner or later and that she will be alright with this.
if you choose friendship- you're risking a guy who could be the one. are you willing to let this guy pass you by, and wonder everyday if he was the one? are you willing to risk love, for a possible lifelong friendship? Remember, there's always plenty of fish in the sea. It just takes patience and time.
here's my advice for you- I'd think about this for a few more days/weeks. no more than a month. think what means more to you, love or friendship? which one are you willing to risk for your own happiness? dont choose something that wont make you happy. do it for you and only you. not for anybody else.
then after you have thought about it, talk to your friend. the number 1 important thing about any relationship (if its friendship, love, family etc.) is communication. if you can't communicate well with your peers, there's no way its going to work out. take this opportunity to test your friendship with her. if she takes it horribly, i don't blame her. but if she takes it good- it could be a sign of a great friendship. so talk it over with her and come up with a possible solution. ask her if its alright. if you were to just say "i like your boyfriend, i'm going to date him without your consent" thats just really mean and rude. you need to ask her if its alright to date him. its respectful and shows character. also, its good for your reputation. if she says no- you should respect her decision and not go behind her back. also, dont completely shut this guy out of your life. keep in touch with him but don't be too flirty and whatnot.
i hope i helped and good luck!!
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Well your situation is a tough one. I've been in this position before only with my best friend. I think you have to decide wether your relationship with your new friend is more important then your new infatuation with her boyfriend. Even though it isn't such a good idea to even have a relationship with this boy yet since they are together. I think you should tell the guy if hes tired of his relationship he should tell her, or you should tell your friend and see what she thinks about her boyfriend confiding in you. Yet, you can be become close to her boyfriend and tell him that you wanna be good friends, just to see where his relationship with your new friend goes. Because we all know that guys just say things sometimes but they never will take action most of the time. Don't ruin a friendship over a guy, unless you really know he wants you too and that your both willing to risk it.
I hope I helped,
Jenna
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