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my perfect guy!
i finally found my perfect guy. we are compatible mentally, sexually, physically, any way really. there's one problem though- his mother hates me.
she'll talk about other girls around him, or try to hook him up with other girls. she thinks i'm not mature enough for him since i'm a bit younger than he is. What can i say to her to make her see that i am actually mature enough for her son?
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first of all it should really be none of her buisness. she should be happy as long as her son is happy. Her opinion really should not bother him or you. Plus you shouldnt have to say anything. If he really does like you, he needs to stand up to his "mommy". He needs to tell her that no matter what her opinion is, he would rather be with you.
hope i helped!!!!
♥LEXI♥
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There is nothing you can say.
Understand, this woman is both irrational and incredibly emotionally immature herself. To be involving herself in her son's dating life like this is... well it sure as hell isn't normal.
Parents trying to set up their kids is definitely not a new concept to human kind, but at least in the western world we've grown past that quite a bit.
I would sit him down and talk to him. In a situation like yours, it can be difficult to keep a sane and balanced perspective.
I do best with example speeches, like so
"I wanted to talk to you about something. The way your mom acts bothers me a bit. I'm not entirely sure why she sees me as so unworthy, but I'm not entirely immune to the fact that she's trying to run me off by trying to convince you to date someone else.
I don't want to seem like I doubt you, I don't. I'm human though, and it would help settle me down if you can just tell me that your mother's a bit crazy and you ignore her.
Also, if theres anything you could say to her or that I could do so that she'd see me in a different light, I'd like to talk about it. Is there any way to get her off my back and not have a problem with me?"
Something along those lines is what I'd try. I'm not unfamiliar with parents not liking me, in my experience the best thing to do is kill them with kindness while maintaining a firm but polite line.
I had to meet my girlfriend's family, and her grandmother was not...approving...of me when we met. We were sitting and she started grilling me with questions, leading into the fact that I have a police record (she used to be a cop herself, so she'd checked up on me)
I looked her in the eye when she tried to bring it up, and told her point blank "You can air my dirty laundry if you choose, but I'm not going to help by answering questions about it"
It shut her up, and now she's my best friend. I wasn't rude or impolite, but I was brick-wall immovable.
Don't let her get to you. If she says anything in front of you... well my tack would be something like
"Look, I like your son. I like him alot. I don't care about your or anyone else's opinion about us, all that matters to me is that I want to be with him, and he wants to be with me. That being said, I'd appreciate it if you'd stop whispering in his ear, he has the right to make his own decisions about who he likes, and frankly its a bit hurtful when my boyfriends' mom dislikes me for reasons she won't even talk to me about person to person. If you have a problem with me, I wish you'd tell me instead of him"
I'm a fairly direct, blunt person. I can deliver lines like that as coolly as the smoke off dry ice. The key is calm politeness. You don't let your tone get antagonistic, you just state the facts.
Some people don't react well, with those people I feel like at least I tried. Others do, and problems can be solved. My girlfriend's grandmother respects me now, because I didn't back down when she challenged me. Not everyone works like that, but if this guys' mother doesn't then your only other choices are being hated or sucking up to a self centered bitch becoming a regular part of your relationship.
If it comes to that, I leave the choice to you, that one's more about what you can and can't live with than right or wrong.
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Hey there,
you cant really say anything you will just have to continue to be yourself and proove to your boyfriends mom that you ARE mature enough and that you both really really like each other,hopefully she will see that her son his happy with you and she will stop trying to hook him up and such and just be happy for him like she should be!
in time she will come around to the idea,and she should apologise to you for making you feel uncomfortable also.
have you talked to your boyfriend about it?
if you havnt tell him its quite upsetting to you and maybe he could have words with her.
some mothers are like that always wanting the absolute best for their son sometimes oblivous to the fact that he may have already found her! (you lol)
tell her you really do like her son and wouldnt do anything to hurt him and that you respect him and her and you wish she could be happy for you two.
hopefully she will see sense =) if she doesnt shes just going to have to accept the fact that hes with you like it or lump it,
hope I helped good luck
much <3
Jess [15/f]
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