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Did I make the right decision for my son?
My 17-year-old son, "Seth," is set to go off to college. He is going to a state university about 20 minutes from our home.
When filling out the paperwork for school, I did not sign him up to live on campus. His behavior during his senior year was less than stellar. I felt he needed to prove himself a little before I spent the money for him to live on campus. He's furious with me, and I admit I am second-guessing my decision as I talk to other parents whose kids are all living on campus.
I want my son to be independent. I told him if he did well the first semester he could live there the second semester. Did I do the right thing?
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I'm a 17-year-old going into college, and it sounds like a good compromise to me. If he acted that foolishly senior year (although most students do, it's senior year after all) he probably would only have gotten worse in college. You probably should have told him first, though. Let him know that you want him to go to school for education AND a social life, not one or the other. Maybe give him a certain GPA to reach, and if he makes it, pay for room & board. If he does well but not as well as you wanted, let him live there if he pays for it.
I know you don't want him to become a party student, but don't deprive him of a true college experience. I think the one semester at home was a good way to show him that you're in charge, and that you mean business. Remind him that a lot of students commute, and they're all just fine. Good luck.
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I also agree that this is weird.
I believe I just saw this in the Dear Abby section in the newspaper.
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Whether you did the right thing or not is strictly in the eye of the beholder. Not everyone will have the same idea of what is right and what is wrong. Everyone will have a different opinion.
I personally feel you did the right thing, and you should never second guess a big decision you make as a parent. That will give your children a chance to control you and the decisions you make that could ultimately change their lives. If he was not doing well in high school, being in the college atmostphere while living on campus would make things that much worse.
You are spending money for your son's education, not for him to party. The college life can be a big change for some students, and if you don't feel your son will be able to handle that change, you shouldn't risk your money on it. I believe you gave your son a fair ultimatum. If he does well the first semester, then he can live on campus. I think that is more than fair since you are paying. Be sure to let him know that he'll be coming back home if his grades slip though.
He can be independent while living at home. But maybe he's just not ready to "completely leave the nest" yet. He will have plenty of opportunities to be independent. You will have to let him get himself up and ready for college, you will have to let him do his homework without you telling him too, and he'll have to keep his grades up. Let him start being independent at home, and then he'll be even more prepared for when he does finally get to live on campus.
Good luck!
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The first semester of college is probably the most important time, because it is the time for the students to all meet new people and bond with each other. The friends you meet first semester usually end up lasting a very long time.
It's therefore important for him to live on campus especially first semester because he needs to have all the chances to meet new people and try new things. Living away from campus will only allow him to make friends with classmates, which is not enough for college when you really need to be meeting all sorts of people, in and out of classes.
You should decide a different punishment so that he can enjoy college.
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Why does your "About the Questioner" say that you're age 18 when you say you have a 17 year old son?
I'm slightly confused, to be honest. Did you become a father at one?
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