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Dating: Finding a girl who likes me for me, and isn't so incredibly shallow... Is it possible?
this may actually come off as a rant but here it goes.
im almost 19 now and ive only had 1 real gf. but she was only concerned about sex so i had to break it off with her because of that. then one girl just wanted to come down and kiss me and try to fool around with me. so ive never really had a gf thats actually cared for me other than a way to get what they want. ive always been the out cast in school so ive had to form this hardened exterior appearance that shows that im not to be made fun of. due to this and the long history of being ostracized i have problems opening up[. the only thing that seems to happen is that i get hurt. due to all of the problems i have, such as being fat and never being able to find someone that is willing to be with me for me i have had many close calls with suicide, it is a cheap way out but it seemed at the time the only way that i could find to think of a clear way to end the pain i was feeling. my bother seems to be the only one of us to have no problems finding someone who wants him. due to societys stress on physical appearance i cant seem to find a way to be happy. i have long hair, fat, im very self expressive, and do nothing but play video games. im not to good with words when it comes to the point in which i need to use them. there was one girl that i feel in love with at first sight. i asked her out and was shut down. so now im holed up again inside, does anyone now how i could possibly get out of this rut and find some kind of companion that would actually like me for me?
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I understand your complaint. There are girls out there, myself being one of them, that go for guys for mostly their personalities, not necessarily physique. But you have to admit, physical appearance is a huuge part of relationships. There has to be attraction; there has to be chemistry. There are tons of great people out their with great personalities, but you have to find one that you also have chemistry with. You said it yourself-- you fell in love with a girl at first sight. Now, this has more or less happened to me once before, so I'm not one to criticize. It has to do with their aura (trust me, I'm not into tai chi or whatever the hell that's associated with, but there's no other way to put it really.), the energy they give off, and a whole bunch of other 'first impression' things aside from looks. But no matter how awesome a person appears, will it really matter if they look like a slob? I'm not saying you have to shape yourself into God's gift to women. But as a girl, let me tell you that we are completely uninterested in men who don't take care of themselves. We primp ourselves so nicely and spend so much time on our appearance and would appreciate having a guy spend at least 10 minutes on his.
That said, these are the simple things we look for- clean hair, possibly styled if longer. Many girls DO NOT go for long hair. If its a part of you, fine, don't change yourself for anyone. But it comes off sloppy to many of us, sorry. Moving on- nicely smelling, no B.O; nicely dressed. No designer brands necessary, it doesn't even matter if you're wearing freakin Wal-Mart as long as you take pride in your appearance. No stains, dirt marks, stinky clothes, rips (aside from the ocassional jean), limited wrinkles, etc. That's basically all and the least we as women can ask.
You also mentioned that you were overweight. You owe it to yourself to become healthier and drop a few pounds. Join a gym if you can, or if not, try the Wii Fit, if money permits. Trust me, I was hesitant buying it at first, because I didn't even have a Wii console, but its well worth it. As long as I don't over eat / make bad choices with my diet, I can honestly say the Fit works very well toning me. I don't lose as much weight because I'm building muscle, but I'm losing fat.
Get off the video games and get your butt out to a club with some friends, there are Under 21 nights. Go someplace far away and practice your skills with girls. Don't be afraid to make a fool out of yourself because chances are you'll never see the girl again unless you make an effort to! Start with a compliment and ask her a lot about herself, to get the pressure off you. When she makes you feel comfortable, you'll be yourself, and your true personality will shine through.
Hope I helped hon, good luck :)
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