Razhie


"This is the true joy in life - being used for a purpose recognized by yourself as a mighty one; being thoroughly worn out before you are thrown on the scrap heap; being a force of nature instead of a feverish selfish little clod of ailments and grievances." --George Bernard Shaw

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My official name is Manda, but I've been Razhie for almost as long. I'm a 28 year old woman who didn't use to be half as confident or brazen as she is now.

My advice is pretty good, not always perfect and rarely censored.

I can read what is written. I cannot read your mind.


Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.

Favourite Collumnists. (WittyUsernameHere.) (karenR.) (NinjaNeer.) (rainbowcherrie.) (DangerNerd.)


    The Question
    I just got an iPod, and I'm realizing how much it costs to buy songs. It's so expensive, so I'm wondering, does everyone buy there songs like this and pay full price for each song? Everyone has so many songs but I don't see how because they're so expensive. I'm not looking for a way around this, I just want to know if the majority of people actually do it this way.

    The Answer
    The vast majority of people download some or all of their music illegally.

    Some studies have said as much as 95% of the music downloads on the planet are from pirated (illegal) sources but that is tough to support. More reputable studies put it closer to 65-70% - and the weirdest fact of all is that many people who download some tracks for free - will also pay for others. Very few people get their music solely from legal, or illegal sources. Most people use both.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    her older sister who is 22 is in jail for the next year (official release is next February), based on some comments her younger 17 year old sister said I am worried that she might want to "join" her sister or do criminal acts as well. I talked to someone who works at that jail and she said the best thing to do is allow my younger daughter to visit her older sister in jail and maybe if I wanted allow her to be able to see the insides of the jail with her sister and a guard as a way to teach her (my younger daughter asked to visit but I was hesitant in allowing her to). Or allow her to watch her sister reenact the booking process or something. Do you think I should allow this or would it be too traumatizing? When she is with her sister what discussions should they have?

    The Answer
    Seriously, what is going on?

    You've been asking this question for over eight months.

    And everyone has said basically the same thing:
    Take your daughter to visit her sister.

    The details aren't of what they talk about, or how often they speak aren't that important at this point.
    What's important is that these sisters deserve to have a relationship if they both want one.

    So just take her already. Stop stalling.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    So you know affirmative action and like how if helps minorities get into colleges
    I kknow that that is like hispanic people and stuff...but what about arabs?
    Like I know that they like "kurdish" and "samoans" are really liked, but what about arab people?

    The Answer
    The short answer is: No. Probably not.

    Arabs have historically been classified as Caucasian (or white) on the US census. So I can't imagine many colleges taking that racial background into account.

    They might consider more specific cultural or national backgrounds (like being Palestinian or Syrian) but probably wont use the term Arab.


    Here is the long answer, and an explanation about what Affirmative Action is, and isn't:

    Affirmative action for college admissions IS NOT just about getting racial minorities into colleges.

    Three really important things to know about affirmative action in the states:

    ONE
    Quotas are against the law in the US and have been since the 70s. Colleges don't have let in X number of people of Y race. That's not how it works.
    TWO
    Only a third of American colleges actually take race or ethnic background into consideration at all. The rest simply admit the majority of their applicants anyways - so it's not an issue for them.
    THREE
    In 2003 the US Supreme Court decided that for purposes of college admissions, policies like affirmative action based on RACE could only be use to help foster diverse communities.


    You see, admissions isn't just about being 'fair' to each student who applies, it's also their job it to try and maximize the experience for every student who actually GETS INTO a given program. Going to school with a bunch of people who look and think just like you isn't what college is about, and they know it.

    So when admissions officers review applicants many use a scoring system (in addition to grades) that given students certain amount of points for things like playing a instrument, or a sport, or how many advanced classes they took, or their time on student goverment, or speaking another language - or yeah - having of a minority heritage or being of a historically underrepresented race.

    Admissions isn't an exact science. They take a lot of things into account to try and quantify all the ways in which student can have achievements.

    Some colleges also consider the socioeconomic status of students and look at are things like the poverty in their school or hometown - those programs can also end up benefiting students of minority backgrounds, but they are NOT considered affirmative action programs, since they are based on class and opportunities associated with wealth, not just race.



    I really don't know why you think Kurdish students or Samoan students are particularly 'liked'. Schools do like international students because they pay higher tuition, but other than that, I think that's just a myth.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Dear concerns,

    My pussy is become so dark due to periods. I want my pussy fresh and white and clean without any dark spots. please suggest me the way or any medication.

    best regards,

    Amber

    The Answer
    The skin on your labia isn't darker because of your period. Menstrual blood doesn't 'stain' skin. If your skin has grown darker with age, then that is all it is: Aging.

    There are plenty of creams out there that claim to lightening the skin. Many of them don't work, some apparently do - none of them are particularly safe or healthy to use.

    It's just the colour of your skin. Don't be ashamed of it. You'll only hurt yourself for no reason. Trust me, any guy who gets close enough to see the colour of your skin down there, doesn't care what shade it is.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I just found that my sons English teacher in tenth grade for this semester is only 21 years old (female), My son is 16. I do not feel comfortable with my son having a teacher that young and a person that young being in charge of a class that includes young boys 15-16 years old.

    She probably looks no different than a student/kid.

    I went and confronted my son about this and told him about my discomfort and how I would prefer to switch him to another teacher. He told me not to do so in almost a desperate type of way. This makes me suspicious. Why would he care so much about having to switch teachers?


    Should I pull him out of this class or take any other type of action? People called me names and made fun of me when I asked about this elsewhere, but I don't care. I bet there are more people who feel the way I do, they are just too afraid to say it

    The Answer
    You shouldn't pull him out of the class.

    I do understand your feelings, but taking action against this teacher because their age would be wrong.

    Your son doesn't want you remove him from the class, because he knows it's you are being prejudiced against his teacher due to her age (and, the fact she is female and you are assuming that means she must be attractive to teenage boys). If you take him out he will suffer for it. He'll be made fun of, and maybe be accused of having a crush on her - or worse - if you move classes ONLY because she's young.

    Judging someone who is a professional to be unqualified ONLY because of their age (and gender!) is discrimination, and it's ugly.

    I am not a teacher, but I've worked with teachers most of my career and I'll tell you this: There are 20 year old 4 foot 1 women who can command a classroom of teenagers without breaking a sweat, and there are 6 foot, 40 year old guys who can't. A person's age, gender, height, have no baring on whether or not they are skilled teacher. Some of the most skilled teachers I've met are the ones who are not able to physically intimidate or demand respect based on age - they have to earn their students respect the hard way, by being constantly worthy of it and demanding it - and that makes them better at.

    YOU might not see much a difference between a 21 year old and teenager, but the 21 year does, and so do the teenagers. Clearly, so do the professionals and school authorities who choose to hire this women.

    You have a right, as a parent, to express your concerns to the school staff (no matter how irrational or unfairly judgmental those concerns might be). So if you feel the need to do that, go right ahead. If you speak to the principal with an open mind, you might even find yourself reassured about this teacher's credentials and skills.

    But don't take your son out of the class because the teacher is young. You may have a right as a parent to do that as well, but all you'll be doing is exposing your son to ridicule and telling him that its okay for his mother to judge someone as unfit, without knowing them or their skills, based solely on their age. You'll be setting an example that discrimination is okay, and that younger adults can't work hard, and perform well at the jobs they have been trained to do. Don't set that kind of horrible example for your son. He'll think less of your for it, and he'll be right.
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    The Question
    Im a 17 year old female and my family has a lot of restrictions on me. I don't have a boyfriend because it is not allowed and my family is watching me most of the time. When I was 16, I began masturbation and needed more if you know what I mean. We acquired a great dane a few months ago and so I have been letting my dog hump me. My family still doesn't know. I have been getting what I need. Is it ok to continue my "practices"?

    The Answer
    Nope. It's animal abuse.

    Your dog doesn't understand sex or sexual activity like you do, and it's dependent on you for everything it needs in life: food, shelter, affection.

    Having sexual contact with a dog is not that different than having sexual contact with a child: You are taking advantage of the dog's inability to understand or consent, and abusing the fact you have complete power over it's entire life.

    It's abuse. It's a crime pretty much everywhere. And it's not moral.

    Lots of people have sexual urges. Having sexual urge NEVER makes abusing another person, or animal, an okay thing to do.

    Stop it. Now. Before you develop a deeper issue and a habit of abusing animals. This kind of sexual activity can ruin your life.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I get a bad cold and i have high fever too.The problem is that my teacher has asked me to write a dialogue between a political activist and a teenager in which the political activist tries to make the teenager understand the importance of patriotism.
    The last date of this assignment is tomorrow and i have a bad headache and fever.I am top in my class.Please someone will write this for me.I will be very grateful.Thanks again!!

    The Answer
    No one is going to do your homework for you.

    It's immoral, it's cheating and it's against the rules on Advicenators.

    Call or email your teacher, and let them know you are genuinely too ill to complete the assignment. Get your parents to do this, if you can't.

    Maybe your teacher wont be all that understanding. Maybe they will be. Either way you will have done the right thing, and the honest thing.


    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    My boyfriend and I went to go see Temptation. We were cuddling and holding hands during the movie. Then the part where the girl starts flirting with the guy that's not her husband comes up and now I see my boyfriend pull away. I put my head on his shoulder and he moves away. then I ask him why he its doing that and he says he had An itch??? during the rest of the movie he is giving me a bad vibe like I did something wrong. the movie end and I'm just sitting. he takes his jacket which I was using for a blanket. Puts it on and the hoodie. asks me if IM coming and then I say yeah let's wait for the people at the end because one of them has crutches. while.I sit I catch him starring up.ag.these girls. I look back towards the screen and then get up. Then I say, "you are smart". He starts walking.ten feet infront me so I take a different exit to the car. An argument follows.thereafter about how the movie reminded him of me.because I don't always answer the phone. And how I told him that I was losing attraction to him. And how he thinks that I have someone else. All is true accept the part about having someone else. I have never cheated on him. For some reason he thinks the worst of me because I don't always answer my phone. please help. What do I do in this situation?

    The Answer
    You dump him.

    Clearly, there is no trust here, and I can't know what might have happened to cause that. Typically, both people in the relationship contribute to that situation.

    Regardless of WHY there is no trust, your boyfriend behaved like a complete asshole. He was demeaning, insulting and hurtful. His inability to control his emotional reaction to a movie led him to act in ways that were completely inappropriate. He tried to punish you – not for anything you did – but for what he thought and felt. As though it was your job to make him NOT imagine that you are cheating on him?

    Why are you with him if he A.) Accuses you of cheating B.) You aren’t all the attracted to him and C.) You can’t see a movie with him without getting attacked?

    Neither of you are happy. You are definitely not being respected, and for whatever reason he doesn't feel respected. This is deal-breaker level of a problem. End the relationship.
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    The Question
    So I lost my PS3 controller, and my sister let me user hers. I used it for like a week, and she just TOOK IT BACK. I already bought stuff on my PS3 and everything! What do I do?! Should I convince my mom or something? I can't buy a $50 remote, so... My dad won't let me use his remote (He has his own PS3), because he's afraid I'll "break" it. What do I do? Please don't say for me to just forget it, because I won't. I need to find some sort of a way to get a controller; or at least use one until I can get my own.

    Thanks!
    xoxo

    The Answer
    Well, you could get a cheaper, used one from stores that sell second hand video games. Some video and game rental stores will rent them as well.

    Other than that, you can beg your parents, or maybe ask them for a loan and pay them back.

    Unfortunately, there is no magic spell, these things cost money. So either you need to earn money, borrow money, or beg a gift of someone with money.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I am 22/f and I live with a bully... my mom. My mom is the type of person who does not take any responsibility for her actions. If she does something very wrong, she gets defensive, throws a few tantrums, and she's off the hook. She is truly a bully. I don't want to go too deep into this because there are other things that I need to explain. What you should know is that she is very mean to me, her only child. She tries to control me and wants everything I do to be her way. She is a cumplsive shoper. She feels that she should not buy clothes for herself because she feels she is too overweight and nothing looks good on her. So, she always bought clothes for me. The only thing is, which I didn't know, was that she was using my credit cards to do it. I didn't even know that these credit cards existed! She opened up a whole bunch of things in my name when her credit got ruined and she couldn't take out any credit. Needless to say, I found out when I pulled up a credit report.

    I told my grandmother about it, since I live with my grandparents, and all my grandmother was concerned about was me turning her in to the police... OBVIOUSLY i'm not going to do that. that was never even an option. I just told my mom that she would have to pay me back the $3000 that she took from me. The issue is that this is not MY money. It's not cash that she took out of my checking account for an emergency. These $3000 are CREDIT... which means that she borrowed money from a company in MY name and never paid them back... so it's like stealing. But... it looks like i'm the theif! Nobody is holding her responsible. My grandmother just told me "A daughter doesn't ask her mother to pay her back... ever." Fine! If that's what she thinks then fine. But, this isn't MY money... like I said. This debt is owed to creditors who are harassing ME for it. I'm about to give up, pay the whole thing, and take responsibility for everything. That's how tired I am. I'm so tired of her being like a baby sister who gets away with everything because she doesn't know any better. She is an adult and she is the PARENT.

    My parents got divorced when I was 1 or 2... that's almost over 20 years ago. My mom never dated again. Fine, that's her choice. She is not obligated to date someone if she does not want to just for the sake of dating someone. But, she constantly blames my dad for everything. She told me that she wasn't going to pay me back a dime and that I should ask my dad for it because he's the one that ruined our lives. Everytime she does something wrong like this... and maxes out credit cards, but can't pay them back, she says "this is all your father's fault." Right now, I owe my university some money... which is normal... and she says that is my dad's fault because if she were still married to him, they would have set up a college fund for me. After the divorce, she never worked again... claiming that he left her incapacitated. He is no hero. He cheated on her and that was very wrong. Yes, it set us back. Yes, it caused some problems. But, you can't continue blaming him for 20 years because YOU couldn't get YOUR life together.

    Please offer me any advice. This was just a rant... but I don't even have the questions organized in my mind to ask. I'm just so confused and tired of this!

    The Answer
    You should file a police report.

    I'm quite serious and I know exactly how hard that is. A few years ago I had to (for a bunch of reasons) refuse to bail my brother out of jail for the fifth time. It was the hardest choice I ever made, and it angered some of my family members. It was also the right thing to do.

    You can't expect your mothers behavoir to ever change, if you don't change your reaction to it. You will remain her slave, until the day you refuse to be.

    So, don't pay a dime of the debt which isn't your own. The next time the collectors call, tell them you never had the cards. Call the credit card companies and tell them. Let them file the police report if you don't want to do it yourself. That is what they will do.

    You can make this debt disappear. Credit card companies are accustomed to these sorts of things. All you have to do is tell the truth and not be bullied by collection agencies.

    It might seem harsh, but it is much kinder than what your mother has done to you, and kinder than your grandmother as well.

    If you do nothing now, you will only be used agian and agian, until the day you change your reaction to be used.

    Tell the truth. Let the chips fall where they may. And move the hell out. You are ready to start your own life. You've earned it. Go live it.
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    The Question
    Last night I kissed another two guys while drunk, I feel so guilty, but like my boyfriend never wants to do anything like go out an drink and hang out with other people and stuff like that which I like doing, he's more the type to just chill at home and we barley even have sex anymore or hardly even kiss. I just feel like I have no social life, and the way we never had sex or kiss more than just a peck on the lips it drives me crazy and makes me feel like I'm shit or something? So like while being out drunk for the first time in ages and having so much attention from guys I like kissed one and when he left and I was talking to the other guy an he full understood me we ended up kissing too. I don't even know what to do, I really love my boyfriend and want us to work but I feel like I'm not wanted in that kind of way. :(

    The Answer
    You should feel guilty. You shouldn't need your boyfriend to come out with you, to make sure you don't kiss other guys.

    If the relationship isn't working, that's a separate problem. Lots of people manage to get out of bad relationships without cheating, the just dump the person who isn't a good fit for them.

    Your boyfriend isn't a good fit for you, but that doesn't mean he deserves to be disrespected and cheated on. End the relationship.
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    The Question
    Hey guys, so im gonna be 16 next month and my boyfriend is 17, anyway, we have been dating for 8 months now and today he just texted me telling me that his grandma bought him a new car its a really nice one too and he is so excited about it. Ok so im happy for him but to be honest i dont think he needs one, he doesnt even have his license yet! And he doesnt really go many places besides hangng out with me. The thing is, i just dont want him to start getting a big head about it and start being spoiled cuz he seems to be getting alot of things he wants right now:(see, ny ex boufriend when he got a new truck, thats ALL he talked about and cared about it was so annoying and frusterating that i finally dumped him because he was starting to act like a jerk. I dont want the same thing to happen now with my current boyfriend:( what should i do/sat without sounding like an attention-hog?

    The Answer
    You are seriously overreacting.

    He just got an awesome gift, and instead of being happy for him (and maybe encouraging him to get his licence so he can really enjoy it) you worry that he won't pay enough attention to you.

    Maybe your ex was a jerk, but assuming your current boyfriend is going to make the same mistake is an overreaction, and its disrespectful. Your boyfriend deserves the benefit of the doubt.

    The only thing you should maybe do, is tell your boyfriend straight up how rude your ex was about his truck, and how much it hurt you. Putting it out there and awknowledging it might help you both. It will help him be understanding, and perhaps more likely to forgive if you behave badly, and know its not about him, and it might help you put your anger and anxiety where it belongs- in the past.
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    The Question
    So we do it every Saturday once... no condoms nothing!
    Honestly I never let myaelf make her lose her virginity so she's still a virgin I only insert my organ in there and stop at the right time like at the nearest right moment.
    Please you guys let me know if I'm seriously subjected to the possibility of getting AIDS?

    The Answer
    AIDs can only develop after getting HIV from an infected partner.

    If your partner didn't have HIV, you cannot catch HIV from her, or develop AIDs.

    If your partner is a virgin, it's very, very unlikely she has HIV.

    So no, you have nearly no risk at all of contracting HIV, or developing AIDs.

    But you shouldn't be having sex. You aren't ready for sex yet if you don't have access to this kind of very basic information. You need to do some SERIOUS research about sex, pregnancy and sexually transmitted illnesses.

    If there is no one at your school, or in your family to get some information from, it's time to take a trip to the doctor, or to a place like Planned Parenthood, to get the basics covered.

    Being responsible means knowing what safe sex is, and doing that. Because even tho you don't consider yourself as 'taking her virginity' - you are still having sex - and you are being exposed to real risks, including pregnancy.
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    The Question
    I'm 21. Okay, first I been with my boyfriend Meechie for about two months, and he is already pressuring me to have sex with me. When I tell him "no", he gets mad and just stop talking around me, but he would talk to his friends, and act like I'm not there. We are never alone, the only time we are alone, is when he wanna have sex. His family and friends are ALWAYS there. A week around I was waiting on my bus to go home, and his brother asked him to go to the mall with him. Meechie did ask me did I want to go, but I told him no. So long story short he left me at his house to go to the mall with his brother and friends. He work a couple to blocks from my house, and he never came over my house not even once. I always gotta go to his house. He never take me out, when I do see him he just go to his friends with his friends, and half the time I'm with him he is high. That's all his friends wanna go is smoke weed. I don't smoke, and I hate the smell. There not allowed to smoke in the house. I think he is the worst boyfriend ever, and i'm going to break up with him. I am over reacting about him?

    The Answer
    It sounds like he's the worst possible boyfriend for you.

    Some girls might want to have sex. Some girls might enjoy being in large groups of friends and families most of the time.

    You don't. So end it. Not because he's a horrible human being, but because he's a horrible match for you.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Okay,I'm 21 and married I also have a 10 month old daughter. My husband has been friends with this guy for the past 32 years, (Pretty much his whole life) and, although I'm married, guys aren't always the easiest to figure out. His friend is really good to our daughter. A few days ago we were over at his place (There was another baby there too) But this guy is single and has no kids himself. Anyway, he was playing with my daughter and accidentally called himself 'Daddy' to her. I'm not really sure what to make of that. (No. I have never slept with him) I don't make much of the guys sexual teasing or comments or the fact that he stares at my chest. But, I'm starting to wonder if he likes me. I've also noticed that when we are with other people in a room, he will talk to me and look at me but he avoids looking at me or talking to me when we are alone. Is it possible he does have an interest in me?

    The Answer
    If he has crossed no boundaries, and been respectful and kept his distance, then pay him the same respect and just let it be.

    Maybe this guy does carry some sort of torch for you, or maybe he's just not that comfortable with you and had a slip of the tongue.

    If he is respectful of boundaries and a good friend to your husband, then there is nothing to 'figure out'. His thought and feelings are private. He's done nothing wrong. If you are uncomfortable with him then you can do the same thing he is doing: keep a respectful distance.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    I have this guy I've been seeing and he decided that he was in love with me the first time we talked on the phone. He was calling himself my boyfriend and telling me he missed me and loved me on our first date. Now he calls and texts all day, he leaves me voice mails crying when I don't answer my phone. He sends me texts accusing me of ignoring him if I don't answer right away. He's driving me crazy I don't know what to do. How do you break up with someone who is constantly accusing you of being the problem in the relationship??? I've only known him a month and he's talking about our wedding having nightmares of losing me waking up screaming. Does this sound unusual to anyone else or am I just relationship challenged?

    The Answer
    He's not sensitive. He's irrational.

    He's not 'unsure of how to handle his feelings'. He's cruel.

    This kind of behaviour is insulting. Either he is so in love with the idea of being in a relationship that it really doesn't matter who the hell YOU are and what you want, or he is trying to manipulate you with his extreme emotions to make you feel like you couldn't possibly challenge him on his horrible behaviour.

    Either way, it's not okay behaviour.

    Frankly, if I were in your shoes I wouldn't even discuss this with him. I find this kind of behaviour so creepy and fundementally wrong, that I would simply end the relationship and be clear about why. He is the problem. He'll keep on being the problem until he learns boundaries and respect.

    You can let him know all this - but don't waste your time trying to make him understand. The most important thing is to keep yourself safe, and far away from this controlling, disrespectful and irrational behaviour.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Hey im 15 and have been texting this girl i like a lot recently.we flirt sometimes and her friend says she wants to kiss me if im out with her soon,so youd expect her to be quite outgoing in our conversations.sometimes she can be really flirty and reply instantly but a lot of the time she takes along time to reply,sometimes ignores messages and i have to start another conversation topic and she never texts me first i always start out chats.what is going on? Im clueless

    The Answer
    She might be playing hard to get.

    She might also just be busy and not in the habit of always checking her phone. She's got classes, friends, family and maybe even hobbies. Sometimes people can't respond right away.

    You know how you find out if she's into you, or just flirting casualy - you ask her out. You ask her to go out with you at a specific time or date (and maybe have a back up one in mind, in case she isn't able to make it at that time.)

    Texting and emailing might be a good start to flirting, but it will always die out unless you take the next step.
    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    Will Ectasy make me helpless

    The Answer
    Taking any drug that impairs your mind is going to make you less able to make sensible decisions and to care for yourself.

    Will Ecstasy make you helpless?
    It depends. It depends what is actually in the ecstasy (since it's a street drug, it can include basically anything from cocaine to rat poison to baking soda).
    It depends on how you body reacts. Different people have different experience.
    And it depends on what situations you in you find yourself in. Drinking liquor while doing ecstasy is much more dangerous than drinking water, for example. Playing a video game would be much less dangerous than driving a car.

    So will ecstasy make YOU helpless? I dunno.
    It'll make you high. It'll make you overheat. It will make you at least temporarily idiotic and unable to make sensible choices and leave you more vulnerable to others around you.

    No matter how you swing it, doing ecstasy is a bad idea, and will put you in more danger than you'd be in if you didn't do ecstasy.


    (View All Other Answers.)



    The Question
    If I ignore a guy for like a week and have not herd from him because he's always busy with work and never has time to really talk. When he finally does email, shouuld I ignore it a couple of times or should I only answer back on the emails he gives me. Also should I wait a while before responding. usually I answer right away. My age is 31 and I'm female.

    The Answer
    You are way to old to be playing hard to get.

    It's not respectful, and it's not honest.

    If you want to pursue something with this guy, give him the benefit of doubt, and actually work on developing something with him.

    Unlike the teenagers who have answered you, I know that sometimes adults get really busy, or have work schedules that aren't always conducive to dating.

    That doesn't necessarily mean he's not into you. If he can be affectionate, respectful and honest with the time he does have with you, he might be a great guy.

    So, contact him when you want too, when you have something to say.
    Respond to emails he sends you (that's just the decent thing to do) don't worry about 'right away'. Respond when you have the time to respond the way you want too.

    Do not ignore him. If you like him, and want to communicate with him and spend time with him, one of the ways you are honest about that desire, is to NOT ignore him.

    If you feel ignored, or neglected, bring that up.
    If you feel you are more into him than he is into you, talk about it.
    If you want more from the relationship, more certainty, more commitment, more time, ask for it.

    If you just aren't that into him - because you can't get enough time with him - then end it.

    But don't play games. Be honest and respectful towards him, and he is more likely to treat you the same way no matter how busy he is.
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    The Question
    We're in college, but my roommate has been saying minor things that are a little aggressive whenever she has a friend over. I really don't like it when she acts like that and it pisses me off really bad. She'll say something rude, then say just kidding. The friend will also egg her on by being like.. don't let her talk to you like that. I'm not the type to joke around with hurtful things and she knows that. I don't know if she's just taking advantage of that fact but I'm starting to get really annoyed with her behavior. They say that people who say hurtful things and joke around after it usually are harboring something similar inside them. This is perhaps the second or third time that she's behaved like that and I think one day I might just explode, but if I do that it looks like my fault or that I am crazy because she was "just kidding". How can I deal with this situation?

    The Answer
    It's April. You are in college.

    So, how much longer do you need to live with her exactly? Are you out of this arrangement by June?

    Honestly, although what you've described is annoying and rude, it's also the kind of thing you need to be able to shrug off.

    You've got some of your own shit to deal with if you can't take this kind of casual rudeness once and while without loosing your cool. Not all problems are best solved by a confrontation. Many are best solved by shrugging your shoulders and saying "That's their shit, not mine." and letting it go.

    Because you are right: You will look crazy if you explode at her. Either because that is what she is passive-aggressively aiming for, or because she honestly doesn't get why what she is doing is rude.

    If you only have about 30 days left. Ride it out and consider it a learning experience.

    If you have a longer time with this, don't psychoanalyze her, or rush to confront her, or blow up at her (both of those things would also be rude). You can talk to an RA or student leader in your dorm to talk out your problems and come up with some better approaches, or to have them mediate a conversation between you both.
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