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My mom is a bully
I am 22/f and I live with a bully... my mom. My mom is the type of person who does not take any responsibility for her actions. If she does something very wrong, she gets defensive, throws a few tantrums, and she's off the hook. She is truly a bully. I don't want to go too deep into this because there are other things that I need to explain. What you should know is that she is very mean to me, her only child. She tries to control me and wants everything I do to be her way. She is a cumplsive shoper. She feels that she should not buy clothes for herself because she feels she is too overweight and nothing looks good on her. So, she always bought clothes for me. The only thing is, which I didn't know, was that she was using my credit cards to do it. I didn't even know that these credit cards existed! She opened up a whole bunch of things in my name when her credit got ruined and she couldn't take out any credit. Needless to say, I found out when I pulled up a credit report.
I told my grandmother about it, since I live with my grandparents, and all my grandmother was concerned about was me turning her in to the police... OBVIOUSLY i'm not going to do that. that was never even an option. I just told my mom that she would have to pay me back the $3000 that she took from me. The issue is that this is not MY money. It's not cash that she took out of my checking account for an emergency. These $3000 are CREDIT... which means that she borrowed money from a company in MY name and never paid them back... so it's like stealing. But... it looks like i'm the theif! Nobody is holding her responsible. My grandmother just told me "A daughter doesn't ask her mother to pay her back... ever." Fine! If that's what she thinks then fine. But, this isn't MY money... like I said. This debt is owed to creditors who are harassing ME for it. I'm about to give up, pay the whole thing, and take responsibility for everything. That's how tired I am. I'm so tired of her being like a baby sister who gets away with everything because she doesn't know any better. She is an adult and she is the PARENT.
My parents got divorced when I was 1 or 2... that's almost over 20 years ago. My mom never dated again. Fine, that's her choice. She is not obligated to date someone if she does not want to just for the sake of dating someone. But, she constantly blames my dad for everything. She told me that she wasn't going to pay me back a dime and that I should ask my dad for it because he's the one that ruined our lives. Everytime she does something wrong like this... and maxes out credit cards, but can't pay them back, she says "this is all your father's fault." Right now, I owe my university some money... which is normal... and she says that is my dad's fault because if she were still married to him, they would have set up a college fund for me. After the divorce, she never worked again... claiming that he left her incapacitated. He is no hero. He cheated on her and that was very wrong. Yes, it set us back. Yes, it caused some problems. But, you can't continue blaming him for 20 years because YOU couldn't get YOUR life together.
Please offer me any advice. This was just a rant... but I don't even have the questions organized in my mind to ask. I'm just so confused and tired of this!
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You must stay calm if they hit or assault you in any way it is your legal right to take them to court please do not try to kill your self you never know you may have the strongest case and that if you just kill your self it shows you gave up so please take this to mind know if you are under 18 you can do your parents for child abuse or sexual assault if you are over 18 do them over for assault and more I know it's a hard job but they can not heart u in any way it is wrong and illegal!
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You should file a police report.
I'm quite serious and I know exactly how hard that is. A few years ago I had to (for a bunch of reasons) refuse to bail my brother out of jail for the fifth time. It was the hardest choice I ever made, and it angered some of my family members. It was also the right thing to do.
You can't expect your mothers behavoir to ever change, if you don't change your reaction to it. You will remain her slave, until the day you refuse to be.
So, don't pay a dime of the debt which isn't your own. The next time the collectors call, tell them you never had the cards. Call the credit card companies and tell them. Let them file the police report if you don't want to do it yourself. That is what they will do.
You can make this debt disappear. Credit card companies are accustomed to these sorts of things. All you have to do is tell the truth and not be bullied by collection agencies.
It might seem harsh, but it is much kinder than what your mother has done to you, and kinder than your grandmother as well.
If you do nothing now, you will only be used agian and agian, until the day you change your reaction to be used.
Tell the truth. Let the chips fall where they may. And move the hell out. You are ready to start your own life. You've earned it. Go live it.
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Oh boy. What a mess.
I will have to be honest with you and just say that
as far as this problem goes, you are the one letting her get away with it. She isn't a bully, she is spoiled rotten because everyone always lets her get away with her bad deeds.
I certainly understand why you wouldn't want to get mom in trouble. I don't know if I could do it either in your situation. BUT, the truth of it is that your mom has basically stolen your identity.
She should be charged with identity theft. That is probably the only way you will ever get your credit rating cleaned up.
Its time for you to get mean. Either go to a lawyer & see what your options are legally, or wait for ten years or so & hope it gets taken off your records & also hope she doesn't do it again.
Whichever way you go, don't take any more nonsense from her. You hold the key to her freedom at the moment. Ball is in your court. Let her know it.
Good luck to ya.
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