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Q: about three months ago my ex-boyfriend died. i broke up with him b4 he got sick or i knew he was sick. after his death i had feelings of guilt. i thought his funeral would help he seek closure but it only made it worse. now all i can ever think about is how unfair it is. sometimes i have nightmares about him hating me. i used to go to a therapist before his death for other issues but and i didnt really like it b/c i never got any advice or anything. but sometimes the nightmares are too much to take and all i want to do is cry. and sometimes i cant cry hard enough to make the pain stop. and all the things ppl say like "hes in a better place" doesnt change the fact that hes dead. does anyone know how to deal with death?

I don't have much experiance with death, but I can tell you, that you need to either go back to that therapist or go to a new one. It only feels like its not helping because your misery tells you this. You have to keep talking, because its not healthy to keep everything inside, because when you cry, they are big bursts of tears because all of that pain is in yourself, and nobody else knows about it. One night, (I'm depressed.) I was laying in bed getting sad, I only had my boyfriend to talk to, but he couldn't help, so when I cried, it was where I was screaming in my pillow, non stop crying. It hurts so bad, and then I kept telling myself to go talk to my mom, I woke her up in the middle of the night, andwe talked even though we never get along. We really don't, and it felt nice even though we don't have a good relationship. I went to bed feeling relaxed that someone else knows. I just got me something to eat, and watched my favorite show, Dawson's Creek! lol, sorry, I love that show. But anyway, you need someone to talk to about this death situation. I understand that hes in a better place doesn't change the fact that hes dead, but people just want to remind you that he is watching over, and is no longer in pain because hes not feeling that sickness anymore. So, hes painless now, and maybe that piece of information can help you seek closure. Good luck and sorry about your ex.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: me and my best friend went ice skating together n there was this guy there that she has been talkn to online for a while but i just met him n i kind of like him. evidently so does my best friend. im really shy and shes just not at all so i dont have much of a chance n she can pretty much get any guy she wants but i like him too. when we were in the car goin home from it she told me that he was hers n that i cant have him n i just kept sayin why n then i told her that he said she was desperate (and he really did say that) because i was getting pissed off. after i told her that she didnt say anything to me for the rest of the car ride n when i walked out of the car i thawt(i wasnt sure) that i saw tears in her eyes. what should i do about all this? i rate 5s to answers that dont piss me off!

Ok, heres the thing, you really shouldn't have told her that. Yes, I understand he really said it, but you didn't say it because you wanted to protect her from dating a guy she likes, you told her because you were getting mad. You need to go talk to her, you can say these words to her, "Ok, I think that I owe you an apology for screwing up with my words. The truth is, I told you he said that, because I was upset. I felt upset when you were saying he was yours, not mine, because I really like him too, and it felt like you weren't respecting me by saying that. I felt sad because, it sounded like you were going to go after him anyways. And, it basically means our friendship if you do that to me." Now, this sounds crazy, but its not, if your best friend was even a friend, she would never go after a guy you both were into. Do not let her get that guy and keep her as your friend, don't let yourself turn into a doormat. You have to put your foot in at times, letting her know that you're serious. But, thats all I can tell you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Why do guys always have to date popular girls?Why cant they date a regular girls?

Good question, but I think I've got the answer. Notice that when you're a child, your clothes don't match, when you play with boys they act the same and they were fun to be around, and then fast forward to about 14. Guys are immature, girls mature, and everyone splits up, and theres more hatrid. More than half of the guys are jerks, because they have to show off, Guys showing off for their friends means the following:

*Dating girls who are known in the entire school, and are pretty, and bitchy.
*Not kissing, because being truly in love is considered pathetic.
*Not talking about the girl, just the ones that are 'hott' and the ones they'd love to see naked and crap.
*And not writing love notes because it is considered completely uncool and gay.

Basically, when you're a teen, you have to choose carefully between guys. But most guys you will find are completely cruel and immature. If a teen guy finds romance in an average girl, so help him, because the rest will think the average girl is stupid and prude. And if that guy kept going with the girl, (he most likely woundn't) People would make fun of him, and no guy wants to be considered sissy like, and mushy just because they are in love. When they get older, they learn that dating average girls that are pretty and unnoticed are the best you will find. So until then, love lives suck. Sorry for the negativity.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I am 14,female.i dated this guy for 4 months(my first relationship. at first i didnt like this asshole at all but as the months passed i started to fall for him crazy. not experiouncing these feelings Ever, i was confused and depressed because i knew he would never like me as much as I did. so when he found out i liked him that much he started to take advantage of me. now im usually not the type to let ANYONE push me around but since i went gaga and stupid everytime i saw him i let him.so my friends forced me to break up with him but i got back with him in the next day. but then HE broke up with me just to laugh at my face. i still really like him(god knows why).i would still really like sweet revenge on this guy.what is the best revenge on this guy?making him jelouse?or just embaressing him?

I suggest tearing him out of your life is the best. It is ok to still like him, you cannot help it, but you need to just rip him right out and when you see him, just look like him as if he were a stranger. Don't talk to him when he talks to you, just look at him seriously and weird, and say "ok, so, why are you talking me? Do you know me?." Or just look at him weird, you don't need a sweet revenge like throw water balloons, you just need to get him out of your head and your life. And ignoring him is the key to that.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I was just wondering if any of you guys out there are seirous about this- Okay, I was wondering when should you start having sex? And please please be serious.

Thanks~ Jessica

Well, lots of people have different views on this, so now matter how many people say 'when you have found the right person and are ready' and 'save yourself until marriage', it is based on your decision, I personally would say when you're 15 and in love, and you have been in love with this person for nearly a year. Now, 15 is an age where if you are not careful, your consequences will be huge, so you have to think with your mind on the subject of sex, not with the part of your mind that loves him. When you're having sex, you're risking parenting basically. You have to remember this. Having sex sounds very great, and it is, its very nice to share something very intimate with someone, but if you aren't careful, you will be sharing a baby. So, you need to remember this, good luck.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i'm 14 and i think about sex kind of a lot because this one guy that i really really like wants to have sex w/ me but i don't really want to but then again i look at some of my friends that are 14 and they've lost their virginity already but i don't really want to have sex w/ this one guy but then i do..i'm confused and i don't know if i'm totally out of my mind for thinking about this but i don't want to have sex w/ him but then i do..is it bad to even think about it when i'm 14?

You're definetly not out of your mind, and definetly not ready. I'm not saying this because of your age, I'm saying it because when you say, "this one guy" I think of some guy that isn't even your boyfriend. And when you say, "but then again i look at some of my friends that are 14 and they've lost their virginity already" Don't make a big decision that can change your life in so many ways because your friends did it. You're just curios, and you need to stay curious until the right guy is with you, not someone described as "this one guy." Please do not have sex, your reasons are the worst reasons in the book for having sex.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: i hear constantly about 14 year olds having sex... this is scary. what has the world come to? one day people will be having sex at 8 and then people will finally realise there is a problem. i dont see why 14 year olds have sex when they are so young... at 14 i was like, gross, why have sex? i'm 17 now and i am a virgin... i am proud of that and i like it coz guys respect me and i know a guy isn't going out with me for sex. what i want to know is why do girls lose that respect at such a young age? and how young were people when they lost their virginity???
- confused

I agree 100 percent. There are a lot of pregnant young teens, and sometimes I feel like crying about it, and I just think "man, what happened to people wanting to save themselves for marriage." And the only answer I know is love. When you fall in love young and you feel the strong attraction to that guy, its like you just do it, and it happens. I'm 14 and still safe, and I'm trying to save myself until the right person comes. But, I think that maybe you'd understand better if you were 14 and were in love, I know its no excuse, but you just forget about that time when you were 11, saying "I'm waiting until marriage." And you just do it. But, I do agree with you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Ok so I'm 15/m, and I was at a school function, and some girl that I didn't know danced with me. So after I left she got my AIM screen name from one of my friends and went home and asked me to the prom and and asked if I would go over to her house Friday to have dinner and a movie and all that stuff. Problem is, I really don't like her, and I don't really know her at all either. What should I say?

This is really tough, you shouldn't go to her house Friday, I really don't think you should, because it will convince her that you're into her. And, nobody wants to be convinced and then told the opposite. You need to tell her in any type of communication, "Hey, I know we planned a good time at your house, but I've been thinking pretty hard about this, and I am thinking that maybe you like me more than expected, and I really don't feel the same, so I don't know if this is a good idea." You have to tell her before this happens. Talk to me in my inbox if you need more help.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Hey. This is gonna be long,but i really need help. Okay, I live, in Italy. i only have 4 close friends at this school, and I just joined there this year. Okay well, one of my friends, she's the bold bitchy type. I'm a shy type person ever since i moved here. Earlier up until about a month or two ago, we were good friends, we used to get along. Recently we've been having tons of arguments, and she's ALWAYS criticizing me, like, tellin me, dont say that,that's weird,blah blah. Or change ur MSN nickname, i dont like it.I've tried talking to her about it, telling her how it is. It doesn't help. We get into more and more arguments day after day. Even just now she was asking me something and i decided to give her the real answer. So i said,"well u criticize me a lo, balah,blah. And all that. And she said stuff about me. That I'm really annoying, how i'm timid and blah blah. I asked her why we get into arguments so much recently. And she said that im not reallly her type. shes never had a shy friend like me before. Blah, blah...and so i started telling her how she is, kind of. And i was like no offense again and agian...so she wouldnt take any, even though i knew she would, it was all i could do on my part. And then shes like"STOP SAYING NO OFFENSE I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST A PHASE BUT NOW I KNOW ITS NOT BLAH BLAH" I hate her. She's always saying shit about me. And then now she's like, i think we should just not be friends instead of being mad at each other 24/7. Well, i think so too, and i told her. And then She says i'm always deppressing...which i guess to some extent is true, because my home life is shit. My parents and my sis are always yelling at me, tlelling me to die and shit, and I yell back...so when im with them soemtimes i complain and am depressed. And i go to a rich school, and my friends are well off. But we are not. And she says that the reason the other people don't like me, now, is cause I'm boring and shy and im just quiet and dont go up to people so how i can i be open to new friends. I'm uncomfortable, i cant just go up to them. She says i should b more fun and crazy and the people think so too and then I'll make new friends. I can be a little more I guess, but not totally because my home life affects me. And my parents, i hate them. So what am i supposed to do about everything??? I'm only 13 and I wanna get out of this whole thing..die or move to a new place where I can be a new me with money and without parents.

Well, I can tell you now, that you should just drop that friend. I am a depressed person too, except, my friends weren't rude, they just kind of left me. But, you need to tell her that she should try finding a new friend. And about the family situation, I am going to suggest therapy, and/or school counseling. Now, before you think "ugh, no way, that won't help." Just hear me out. I was in therapy and counseling, and trust me, they help you. I have had some serious problems with my mom, and when I tell my therapist, we confront it to her, and try working it out. Now, you see, instead of trying to talk to your family at home, and getting ignored and hateful answers being directed to you, they have to give you straight answers in front of a therapist. If your mom will not get you into therapy, you need to get yourself in the school counseling deal. That way, somebody will help you take this seriously. And, you're probably not open to friends, because when you're sad, your social life can take a serious nose dive. But, you should counsel first before being open to friends. I would be really glad to help you through this, just tell me in my inbox, and make sure you tell me what your question was, so I'll know, thank you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I'm not sure if Frienship is the right catagory or not... Here goes: My friend, Chelsea, was a nervous wreck. She was so scared about telling her boyfriend she wanted to kiss. I told her to write him and note so she did. She said she gave it to him and he said he wanted to, too. That was a week ago and she says they still haven't kissed. I asked if it's because they never see each other except in school where they would get in trouble but she said he'll do anything else. Just won't kiss. Is he lying to her or nervous or what? Neither of us understand and she doesn't want to look dumb by asking. She's mad because if that is the problem, she'll probably never kiss him because they can't see each other out of school. Also, is this type of question common at all? Thanx!

Well, school actually isn't the best place for it, I'm not surprised that they won't kiss, why? Because he is also waiting for her to kiss him first. She shouldn't get irritated, because he is shy, too. But, I am wondering why they don't see each other out of school, because thats the best place to do it. They should start making plans to see each other after school too, weekends, and stuff. But, she should talk to him, and you should tell her that when she needs someone to talk to. Yes, this question is common, because lots of teens are very anxious and curious to kiss, so this is very normal. But, I suggest communication about the kissing thing.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: People are always asking me about my love life, like people at school. I have had a boyfriend before but that only lasted a week, and I always feel uncomfortable saying 'oh I've only had one boyfriend' when people ask. I know it's not a race or a competition as to who can get the most boyfriends, but it's starting to bug me and I don't want to lie and say I've had loads of boyfriends. The thing is, I'm just not emotionally ready to be in a relationship, and I want any relationship I have to be a long one, so I'm obviously gonna have less boyfriends than everyone else. I don't mind that, I just mind being embarrased when I say 'one'. How can I avoid these conversations, or what should I say when they come up?

The problem really isn't the people asking you, its the way you feel uncomfortable when they ask. There are lots of girls who have had about 10 boyfriends at the age of 13 or 14, but for 10, how long do you think they lasted? Obviously not long, or they probably wouldn't have moved so fast to 10. I have only had about 5 to be honest, some sucked, some lasted for like two weeks, and about 3 of them lasted about a year. So, having a small number of boyfriends isn't bad when you think about it, because I am a girl who also likes to stick with long term boyfriends too, moving fast is just like asking for a big collection of boys you've dated to show off for people who ask them. And, you're just one of those smart girls who likes to choose guys carefully. Not that the others don't, but most do, because they move on. So, when people ask you, sometimes you don't even have to say one, you can say none, and then when they give you a weird look, you just hold your head up high and say, "I'm saving myself until the perfect guy comes my way."

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Ok I am new so just bare with me here... There is a boy at my school that I like but doesn't like me back. He wants to keep our friendship but he doesn't know it hurts me so much. And just today he asked out my friend. Please help me. Oh I am 13 and so is he.

I'm not sure if you should flirt with someone that isn't interested in you. You need to act like yourself around, then it won't look like your trying to push it past a friendship, you should let things happen, by being yourself.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I asked one of my close guy friends to prom. he said he doesn't know if he wants to go because he said he can't dance. he also said that dances aren't for him but he said he would think about it. how can i persuade him to take me to the prom?!

Tell him, "so what if you can't dance, this is a prom, and I'm no expert at it either, we can both look like fools together!" You can both go at your own speed with dancing, and theres nothing wrong with teaching him how to dance, as long as you don't call him names, just tell him its suppose to be fun, not skillful.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: Okay.My boyfriend told one of my best friends that he doesnt like me anymore so she can tell me. When I got online she told me and I was really mad. I was mad because all of my friends were telling me to break up with him because he didnt treat me right. He didnt know how to be a boyfriend and plus he was prude. He always told me that he loved me and he would never break up with me but look now he told her he didnt like me
anymore. Im so mad at my self that I didnt listen to my friends before. I didnt want to belive them. Now I`m hurt and I dont know what to do. I dont wanna talk to him and let him know I`m sad or anything. So .. do you think he ever liked me or that he just said he did? Im so confused and hurt. Please help! I rate 5's!

I think your friends might have been wrong about this guy, you're 13! I hope he is either 13 or 14, but if he is, there is no reason he shouldn't be a prude, you both are young. He told you he would love you and always would, and if there are any words that need to be directed to him at this time, it is "why did we break up?' And don't let him walk away with the answer "I just don't like you anymore", say "Do you like someone else? Did I change suddenly? I want a specific answer, I want the truth." I think you're angry because you didn't want the bad news from your friends, and you didn't want it to happen, you're probably also angry because all you got was, "he didn't like you anymore." that is a sucky answer, and you need better.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: What can a boy do for his girlfriend to prove that he really loves her!!!

Well, for starters, you can tell her, and practice a little speech, telling her what exactly it is that makes you love her. You can buy her things, but I prefer communication. And if she thinks that you don't love her, you can ask her what you can do to show her that you do, thanks for asking, feel free to ask more questions.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I didn't ask the original question, but I read your response where you said:
"Well, after you have sex, you're suppose to feel this way, sad, depressed, some anger, and regret."
Do you really feel that way? If sex is an expression of love, why would you feel all those negative feelings?
I'm honestly not trying to be rude, I'm just curious as to why you gave that answer.

Well, it can sound weird, I admit, but, when you have sex, it usually brings people closer, and when you have sex for the first time, its like you feel like you've made a mistake, like you shoudn't have done it. And people feel that all the time. Yes, its it an expression of love, but having sex is a big step to take in a relaionship with someone. This is very hard to explain, but don't worry, if you feel these things after sex, you're not alone. Not everything good that people do turns out good, things have to work itself out and it may become good. I know you aren't being rude, thanks for asking, you can ask more if you want.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: hey im 15 f, are most teenage girls out there depressed? is it just a faze we go through or is it just certain individuals that are insane.. its not like i have had a hard life but i am always sad and pessimistic about everything. i feel like i dont deserve anything and no one likes me. i have been diagnosed with 'anorexia' i think they are wrong tho, i am a heavy drinker and i smoke pot often, and people are starting to notice the scars on my arms and wrists from cutting.. i put on a front when i with people but when i am by myself all i can think about is death.. i dont know why i am like this i dont have a reason to be, i was just wondering does anyone else feel this way!?

Yes, there are teens who feel depressed a few times in their lives, but not to the point of cutting, its more like a crappy mood phase. But you're definetly depressed, you abuse the use of drugs as a cry for help, and I think you should try getting some help by going on into rehab and getting on some anti depressants, it would be better than the life you're living now, and yes, your life is hard because you're using drugs. Please get yourself some help, if you anted out of this mess you would do something about it.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: people at school are starting to say i smell...
i dont understand, i wear deodorant and i wash with soap when im in the shower...i use shampoo and conditioner too so i cant think of what it could be. they have been saying this for a while and i used to think that they said it just to make me feel bad and it is starting to hurt my feelings...what can i do to smell better?

Things you need to check are:

*Deoderant
*Shower, soap
*Brushing teeth and try using a gum or liquid breath freshener
*Keeping the "area" clean, use soap, Summer's Eve, make sure its clean.
*Keeping that area clean especially on your period (if you're a girl.)

If you're a women, the deorant you should use is the gel kind of deodarent, like secret shower fresh kind.

If you're a man, use Old Spice. Very good stuff.

I'm sorry about this, that is rude for them to say, personaly, I think that they are just teasing you, but maybe you should ask a teacher. And if they say you really don't, then you should ask them to tell people to stop and threaten for detentions. And if it turns out they say yes, tell them that you want to stop being made fun of because you are doing all you can about it, and maybe ask them what kind of smell it is, like the smell of undeoderized armpits, or anything. I hope they stop, try not letting it get to you.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: My boyfriend thinks I like all these guys because they like me and it's getting annoying. I think he likes other girls too but he just says some are attractive. How do I get this "thinking" to stop happening? I am a glirt but he is too.

Both of you need to stop flirting, that really makes it hard on relationships, flirt with each other, say this if you're agreeing to stop flirting, "Look, I noticed that we've been having a rough time lately, but its because we flirt too much, and I think that we need to stop because its ruining us, and we just cause arguements by doing this, so can we not flit anymore?" I'm serious, this can damage a relationship, plus, you don't have to worry if hes attracted to someone and flirting with them.

-TheTeenGirl

Q: I lost my virginity and it doesnt seem like it was what i had actually wanted to happen.. people who arent virgins... can u tell me how it went for you cause im jus really curious now. none of my friends have lost their virginity yet so its kinda hard to talk to them about it. thanks!

Well, after you have sex, you're suppose to feel this way, sad, depressed, some anger, and regret. Now, I may not be a person you're looking for, because you wanting people who aren't virgins, but let just say that I know you're suppose to feel that way. And, you should talk to your boyfriend about it, he will be the best one to understand you, trust me. I hope you feel better.

-TheTeenGirl

bio

My name is Erin and I am now 18 years old. You may realize through out looking at my column, some of you love me and some of you flat out hate me. There's really no gray area with me I guess you can say.

I haven't given advice here in so long and it's only because I got caught up in life. But I'm more mature than I ever thought I could be.
So anyway I'm here again. It's been a long time, but I still love giving advice and still plan on it in the future.

Everyone should feel free to Private Message me for advice, I can be harsh, but I'm always trying to help someone by giving them the truth they need.

About My Ratings:
I enjoy ratings. And if I ask a question on here, I always rate the person. If you work hard to give advice, you deserve to be rated.