Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Last Update: June 30, 2016
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adviceman49
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My son is 9 years old. He has been diagnosed with aspergers. We have tried counseling , therapy , medication with no avail. We recently just switched to another therapist this past week after being with our last for two years. He has anger issues. My ex husband was abusive as far as locking the kids in bedrooms pulling down his pants to spank him kicked him with a steal toe boot etc. His best friend was taken by social services recently and we haven't seen them since. Another friend and down syndrome and passed away. I bought him a puppy to try and help with the loss of friends and responsibilities he wants nothing to do with the dog he says he loves him but doesn't want to take care of him
He is constantly yelling and screaming calling us all names. If I ask him to do something it's no no no until I hate to actually yell at him to get him to do anything. I have spanked him before I feel like I spend all day yelling and him and it's not good for either of us. I just don't know what to to anymore. (link)
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This is a tough one because only YOU really know your son and its not for us to tell you how to raise him basically.
What i CAN say is that at his age, a child can get VERY fuckin sassy, and give you a bunch of guff about every little thing until you enforce the rules on him in a way that will let him know "im mom and you WILL do as a i say without complaint" Some kids can just be harder to discipline then others and sometimes it TAKES a doing whatever you have to do in order to get through to that child.
Its always been my belief that even a child that has learning set backs and things like aspergers can still do as their parent asks them to do in a timely fashion. This is alot of times from what ive seen with other friends who have children with this disorder that you have to be more on top of them than ever before.
It might help that when you need him to do something to walk up to him and ask him to stop what hes doing and stand over him while he does it so that he knows you WILL stay on top of him while he does what you ask UNTIL he can do what you ask WITHOUT you having to stand over him. Also the sooner he does what you ask, the sooner it'll all be over with and he can go back to doing whatever it is he wants to do.
Theres no reason to yell and scream in order to enforce. With my son and i its a simple request that i make, and if i dont see results, i ask him if i should get the slipper.
No one here can tell you "the right way" to raise your child or what method of discpline to use, that all depends on you.
I personally use the slipper or shoe method with it comes to spanking, i use the same shoes i wear outside and when they act up i tell them calmly to look at my shoe. They remember that thats the shoe i used on them the other night and that im ready to take it off and use it on them if need be in a private place like a bathroom.
they then see it and comply and no one else knows what im talking about.
good luck
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I live in a small shitty 2 bedroom apartment, It's condition and furniture is really bad, I really hate living in it. I never invited my friends over, I have been friends with them for 5 years and never invited them once. It's really bad I can't invite anyone, also when they visit my neighborhood I just meet them in the streets and they keep hinting how they want to come over. I keep making up excuses. My parents are divorced and my father doesn't pay anything. my mother is struggling on her own, I am so sick of getting scared if they ever decide to just knock on my door. I hate this life what should I do? (link)
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Ok, this can be really simple IF YOU WANT it to be.
ASK your mom if "WE" can clean up the house.
By this i mean gathering up all the shit in the house you dont need and or never use and either toss it in the trash or put it in someones car if you dont have one and then go donate it to the nearest goodwill or thrift store. All you have to do is walk in and say you have stuff to donate, they dont turn people away at all or inspect what youve brought, they let you just drop it off and then they sort through it later.
Next, When it comes to furniture, throw out anything shitty or half broken and then like i said go to the thrift stores that sell used furniture! I have a huge ass sectional in my living room that i bought for 70 bucks! and although it doesnt exactly look new, its in decent condition, not filthy, and friends can sleep on when their visiting!
Listen, the thing to remember here is that everyone DOESNT have the perfect house ok. I come from a poor welfare family and trust me i know what its like to have a shitty ass house, i lived in a condemned house at one point that had no heat. so i get it. We used a giant cable spool as a dining room table, old computer desk chairs for it, and whatever else we could find outside as furniture for a while. and this was me, my brother, and mom living in a one bedroom duplex where i shared a bed with my mom until i was 14 years old ok. lol.
Now im grown, married to a good man that makes good money but i have never forgotten what i come from and i know the struggles.
Just start slowly getting rid of shit you guys dont use and start always being on the look out for nicer things you can get for cheaper. Go and just walk into thrift stores in your free time, maybe with your mom maybe on your own, and just look around. You might be really surprised by what you can find. Check them regularly for new items coming in and go with friends if their down for that if you have nothing to do.
Ive walked into thrift stores with friends just to look around and make fun of some of the silly and old things they have in there and it was actually alot of fun. This will get them into the spirit and THEY might actually find things they like TOO.
Make it more of a priority to slowly start cleaning, start by getting rid of all the obvious trash, and then move on to sorting and throwing out anything thats broken, rotten, taking up needed space etc.
talk to your mom about this and ask her if theres anything you can do to help. Just her child asking if they can help make things a little better can be a huge stress reliever for her alone. Offer to go with her to some thrift stores or flea markets in your area to see what kind of deals they have on shit.
good luck i hope that helped a little..
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Hi guys, I'm 21 and my boyfriend is 23. We reside in Pennsylvania and he left last Wednesday to go on a three week trip with his best friend out west. They flew to Denver and had a layover and from there, they flew to Seattle. From Seattle, they're using their rental car to drive to Eugene, Oregon where their other best friend goes to school and then next week they're driving to San Francisco to finish up their adventure. While I'm so proud of him for finally doing this as it's something he's wanted to do for years, there's been many hiccups along the way.
First of all, three weeks is a long time to be without the person you love and we had a long talk before he left about how he was going to call me every night and Skype me when he could to fill me in on his adventures. While I do enjoy my time to hang out with old friends and just relax without always having him here and having to settle on a channel to watch that we both like, etc, I am starting to miss him. See, the first day that they went out adventuring, they were hiking along the coast and a wave came up and engulfed my boyfriend and his friend and consequentially, his phone got wet but somehow his friend's didn't. He and I had a texting conversation the entire day that he was traveling and when I haven't heard anything after he went to sleep the first night, he emailed me the next night to let me know what was going on. He brought his tablet along to work on school work so that's what he's been using to get ahold of me.
There's now two weeks left in his trip and the most we've been doing is emailing, one a day. I know he's out having fun all day and he isn't going to carry his tablet around and find wifi just to talk to me so he only sends me short messages before he goes to bed, many saying that hopefully he can call me the next day on his friend's phone or that we can skype and then that winds up never happening. Two days ago, I even tried to stay awake late and email him right after he emailed me so he'd get that I wanted a real conversation and he didn't. At most, his emails consist of him telling me that he'll have to show me the pictures he took that day when he gets home and then that he's going to sleep so it's not even like the messages I get are of any importance.
So, my question is - do you think it's rude of me to put in my next email to my boyfriend that if email is the only thing he can accomplish over the next 14 nights, then I'll just wait til he comes home to talk? I'm stuck here at home, continuing on with my normal life and going to work everyday and I get excited to see what cool pictures my boyfriend's best friend put on Instagram of what they did that day because my boyfriend's emails are not even descriptive of anything. I just think I should tell him to not even worry about me and enjoy his last two weeks and that I'll see him when me and the other girlfriend pick them up at the airport because this whole email thing is not cutting it for me. I'm just not sure if that's a mean thing to say.
Thanks for any advice. (link)
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Well first off its normal that you miss him and your upset he wasnt responsible for his own phone (i mean who takes a phone into something where it could get wet?? ever hear of a plastic bag??) lol.
Heres the thing of it ok, If hes talked about doing this with his friends for years and this is finally his chance, then why would you want to be his kill joy and later know that you made it so that he didnt have a good time with his friends on a possibly once in a life time trip because he was so worried about things back home with YOU and he couldnt focus?
Do you really want him to look back at that memory with his friends and then ALWAYS remember that you did that?? probably not.
Now, think about how you'd really feel deep down if you then went and pulled some passive aggressive shit and said "just forget about talking through email" and actually had to wait until he got home to talk again....thats just making matters worse and it sounds like your doing it just because your upset and thats not fair to you or him.
Yes you miss him, yes he messed up his phone, yes communication is harder right now, but this was his trip, he really wanted to do this with his friends, and its only fair to allow him to have this. It might really mean alot to him.
What you COULD do is say in your next email that you stayed up late and waited up for him to email you and he never did and that your upset about THAT, but taking it to a level where your saying BASICALLY in a nut shell "just fuck off until you get home" isnt fair. Let him have his fun with his friends, you go have a good time with yours when you can, and then discuss it when hes back and settled so then he will at least had a good time with his friends.
you'll live ; )
good luck
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this guy hustled me for $7,500 and hid out of state for a year when I finally got him to court. I thought I was going to die during that whole year, I thought I was having a breakdown. I finally served him out of state with a law suit and I didn't think he was going to show for court but he did. We went thru a mediator and I agreed to settle for $5,000 with him paying me $200 a month. Since he has gone back to his state I have allowed him to call me and I could kill myself for even speaking to him because I really despise him. He has the nerve to talk about his girlfriend. We were never really a couple though. He wanted me to think we were at the time. I would never ever want him in my life but yet I don't want to feel rejected. Why have I allowed myself to be any part of him. I am sick over this and I have been so disgusted with myself!!!! I hate myself for this. Thanks. (link)
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I think you ned counseling. This man basically pimped you out and you still feel like theres something in him thats WORTH feeling rejected over?? no hunny.
It sounds like your having some major self esteem issues, maybe some abandonment ones as well im not a doctor here but anyone who does you wrong like that NEEDS to go, and SURE you might always miss the person you thought he was but it wasnt real. none of it ya know....
Theres no reason to feel disgusted with yourself, you trusted this man and he betrayed that trust. Period. HE did YOU wrong and you did nothing to deserve any of that, so dont beat yourself up over feeling rejected by someone anyone would more vulgar words for then i can say here.
Its not your fault you trusted him, and you got tricked. It HAPPENS ok.
Try to get yourself some counseling if you can to get through this.
good luck.
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Hi,
I asked a previous question about makeup which you answered, and I have a couple more questions.
First of all, I did some research on concealers and foundations and such. So my skin is sort of a medium color...I tan pretty quick but my skin isn't olive....its somewhere between pale and olive...Also I have really oily skin. I was wondering if you have suggestions for the best kind of concealer and foundation and whatnot to use that won't be destroyed by the amount of oil that accumulates over the day (it's not like there's a lot of it...but my forehead and nose are pretty coated by the end of the school day), and also that won't cause breakouts, because I read that some products can promote acne on oily skin.
Also, can I use concealer without doing foundation and stuff for if I don't want to look super made up?
Thanks very much...your previous answer was very helpful! (link)
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Sure, no problem!
See, this is why make up is so fun! there are limitless options to what you want to do because there is such a WIDE range of different types of skin that you really just have to try lots of different things and experiment! and thats sort of part of the fun. The goal is to find whats CLOSEST to your skin tone, and type.
NOW, the first thing to remember is that if the color of your skin changes through the seasons, then you have a "seasonal" skin type as we like to call in the make up world, were youll have to buy different foundations for the summer and different foundations in the winter months to best suit you.
you can absolutely use just concealer or just foundation, its really all about preference.
When it comes to oily skin, you need make sure all your make up is suited to oily skin, and maybe try a product that ive found helpful called Loreal 360 go clean. It comes with a scrub brush for your face and it helps clean out and shrink pores. The more you can shrink pores, the less oil they can create.
If you find it too hard to find concealers or foundations that match your skin color you MAY have to buy two bottles and then blend them together before applying it to your face (but thats only if your absolutely desperate and need something and you just cant seem to find something at the stores youve gone to)
If you have anymore questions feel free to hit me back!
good luck! ; )
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I feel like it my fault..im trying so hard to get over him and move on but it feels impossible..i went on facebook today and reread our old conversations before i deleted it but when i exited i accidently pressed tha wrong button so he ended up getting a text bt then i textd hm sorry it was an accident ...reason why i apologized is cause i dnt want him to think i did it on purpose cause i ddnt..like iv mentioned before i havent heard a single word from him so yeah (link)
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well after whats happened, it would be easy for alot of people to think their at fault because of a failed relationship but its not your fault. He has his OWN issues going on right now that not YOU or anybody else can help him with but HIM. He needs to figure out who he is and what he wants and until then, hes basically no good in terms of a steady relationship.
Its understandable that you still miss him, thats normal.
All pain takes time to heal ok.
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my bf and I made out last night. he slept over at my place. when we started making out, he tried to put his finger in my vagina. before the finger entered, I felt pain. he tried it the second time and the same thing happened. am scared because am a virgin. I just want to know if am still a virgin. (link)
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the pain you felt could have been the sharpness of his fingernails having not been clipped properly and cutting your vaginal tissue, it could have been him thrusting in and out with his fingers too fast or what have you, theres really no way to tell you there. If the pain is in your hymen or WHERE it was then yes he popped your cherry and your no longer a virgin.
check and see if things feel "different" then they did before or is its suddenly "easier" to slide a tampon in. Sometimes that can be a good help.
good luck.
To update this, let me say i apologize, generally AS I KNOW IT in "street lingo" between young people this would be considered the case but the other posters ARE right, until a human penis has been in you, then your still a virgin.
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I am married but my husband is impotent then i met a guy who was same of my age and we become a gf and bf or friends then we get into the point that we have sex thing and after that i didnt know that he was capturing what we doing nude photos and one time he ask me to come see him and i resist and what he did he blow out and send to my husband emails that me and him having sex and even sent to my friends inbox facebook telling on the nude pics that inam a whore because i did not meet him.so what should i do? (link)
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Well what you could do is talk to a lawyer about suing this guy for doing this to you because you didnt know he was doing it and didnt not give consent.
Im surprised honestly that he didnt black mail you first with threatening to spread photos around but i guess he didnt even want to do THAT much work.
What you need to do next is sit down with your husband if hes still willing and have a conversation with him about "needs" Stay CALM during this conversation and hear him out. Let him talk but also ask him to hear YOU out as well. Explain to him that we all have needs, and that because this issue (im assuming) wasnt addressed in a timely manner, you gave into your human urges, but that it doesnt mean that you dont still care for him. Theres lots of married couples that have an issue with ED and DO really love each other and make GREAT companions, but also understand that humans have basic needs and one of them IS sexual. Weather people like to admit that or not, it is.
Ask him if hes willing to try to fix things and go to counseling because if you really DO still truely love him and this is the ONLY thing thats in the way for you two then this marriage may be worth salvaging because you ONLY did this because you couldnt get it from him and nothing more. There may not have been any emotional cheating and even though sex IS a large part of a solid marriage, its not ALL there is to it. Its also companionship, kindness, caring, devotion, and so much more.
When your friends if they saw the photos and want an explanation, then im afraid to say this but, its time to get real and just be honest. I mean what else can you really do in a situation like that BUT just SAY what happened and that youve been going through alot and just didnt want to burden anyone else with what was going on. The best thing you can do is just be honest with people (providing that you do it in a kind manner so that they can tell that your genuine) If people feel that you need them for emotional support and your trying to lean on them for that, then they may be more sympathetic to your situation with all this and want to help you move forward and not scorn you for your actions instead.
i hope this helps
good luck ; )
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Hi so you have gave me advice on my previous post "help" this week he was almst whole day everyday on whatsapp he hardly goes on facebook..but i stl havent heard anything from him..i miss hm so much and i want to text him but im scared he wl just ignore me again..so iv taken your advice to give him space hoping that i wil hear from him soon again..Do you think i will..do u think he will miss me or has he forgotten bout me alreadi :'( (link)
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Hunny, your asking me something that theres no possible way anyone else but him could answer. But what i CAN tell you is that if you had something special with him then he will NEVER fully forget you, but it doesnt mean that hes going to WANT to contact you either. This is a risk you take with relationships because they are so complicated.
No one said this would be easy, life isnt easy in general and this pain will pass if your willing to let it. Now go out with your friends! have FUN, and give him the space he needs but dont hang your life up waiting for him because its HIS choice weather or not he wants to come back ok.
If he doesnt, then its his loss and youll find someone else that will love you the way you need to be loved.
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I live with three random roommates. They are nice girls and we get along well, but at least one of them has been consistently getting their period all over the bathroom, and not just on the toilet but on the floor, bathmat, etc. It is hard to say for sure who is responsible for the issue because we kind of get our periods around the same time. I just know that it isn't me, because I meticulously check the toilet area after changing my tampon/pad.
This started happening within the first month of us moving in. I waited a while and then said something to the effect of; "Hey guys, there's been period blood on the toilet seat for a few days now. I'm very squeamish about blood and would prefer not to touch it because it isn't mine." I ended up cleaning it myself, however, because I was sick of not being able to use my own toilet.
I know it's not *that* big of a deal to just wipe down the seat, but it's just really unpleasant. Currently there is blood down the sides of the toilet, on several splotches of it on the floor, etc. It's not really noticeable so it's plausible that the person who made the mess didn't notice, but *I* did and I'm not on the lookout for it.
What should I do? I don't want to be the one roommate who makes a big deal out of everything. (link)
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Ok, heres the thing. I think MOST people dont like seeing blood or period spots all over the place in the bathroom (even in a public bathroom) so what you might do is have a "house meetings" and see if you can get them to agree to doing chores. youll ALL have a hand in making sure certain things get cleaned regularly, and if anyone tries to get out of it you can say "well you live here too so if you use it, you need to help clean it, this is a team effort"
Try to appeal to to this being a team effort, and that you want to work towards just making the house more comfortable for everyone. No one wants to worry about there being bodily fluids all over the place when they walk into a shared bathroom.
Idk if your just school roomies or if your all adults and in an actual lease in an aprmt. but there has to be basic rules set down when rooming with anybody.
Ask them what they would be OK with making sure gets done or if they'd like to just worry about themselves and are willing to make sure they clean up after themselves.
Theres no real pleasant way to have this talk, so maybe before you have a house meeting you can walk them each into the bathroom and ASK them if what they see there is gross or not, and ask them if they feel we should have a house meeting about cleanliness and see what they say. Tell them to think about any concerns they have as well that they can bring to the table when you have the meeting, so that you can figure out a way to all happily live there without being grossed out.
what your feeling IS normal, thats gross, and someone is obviously either oblivious or just not paying attention.
i personally would have one person that takes the trash all the time, someone else that does the dishes and mops the kitchen, and someone else that does vacuuming. Ive roomated before and alot times if your all rather young, everyone will think your place is some sort of crash pad where they dont have to respect anything and can get things dirty or use them and then just not clean up after themselves and i had to let them know this was not the case.
good luck! ; )
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Okay, so my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 4 months now (we'll be 5 months in a week or so and our relationship is getting pretty serious) . Anyways, so my boyfriend is mixed...his mom is white, his dad is black. His parents are married, he lives in a house, his family is Christian, etc. My mom has already met his parents and they seem to get along great as well as my mom doesn't have a problem with my boyfriend! My brother likes my boyfriend too, but my dad doesn't and it's all because my boyfriend is biracial and he isn't white . My boyfriend has never really been over at my house to hang with me , only for my birthday party (when we were still friends) and my dad walked in on us cuddling . This stresses me out very much, just what can I do to get my dad to actually get to know my boyfriend and to get over the fact that he's mixed? (link)
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Are you sure its because hes mixed? maybe your dad feels your too young to be in a relationship? or maybe wasnt HIMSELF ready to see you with a male like the way he did that day?
I mean there could be more to this then just the fact that hes bi-racial here. Sometimes parents have certain ideas about how they'd like their kids lives to turn out and when it doesnt follow that path (and it usually wont because you are your own person) they get all up in arms over it and have alot of processing and internalizing along with mixed feelings. Sometimes your child getting into a "relationship" of this sort is also a big slap in the face that their getting old now and this can scare them.
I say try to sympathize with him, as he may be going through some things too right now. Alot of times kids dont think of how their parents feel, because up until a certain point every things always been all about you. ((not that i think your self centered here thats not what im getting at ALL))
But that parents are humans too and have feelings and certain ideas about things, and when life swerves off the path they thought it was on, they can sometimes feel like life has been turned upside down.
If he was totally ok with you up to this point and then is just NOW acting like this then consider that there could be more to it and maybe try to calmly sit down with him and ASK him if what hes saying about your boyfriend is what he really means or if hes feeling scared because youve started to begin dating and hes having mixed feelings about it. Then let him know that its OK, that your a GOOD judge of character usually and that aside from his race, you wouldnt have given this boy a chance if you didnt think he was worth it at all.
Ask him to just trust you for once, and let him know that you dont expect him to agree with everything you do in life but that you DO expect him to act civil towards the people you value and bring around.
Now, when you talk to him, make sure he is relaxed and calm, ignore anything dumb he might say, dont get hot headed because getting angry wont lead to any kind of resolution with him, and if he wants to talk, then stay quiet and hear him out. (or at least pretend to) this will make you look WAYYY more mature to him and like you can have those "adult talks" now.
If he simply says its just because hes mixed, then i would ask where his chain of reasoning is right now because pulling the race card on someone doesnt mean anything anymore, nor does it define who he is as long as he was raised in a good family, which you already investigated and found out that he IS.
If your father is the type of person thats unwilling to be open to new things and or new people then life for him has probably been very difficult and will continue to be. Acting like that cuts off new and better opportunities simply because they dont want to be around someone who is mixed. I would also CALMLY remind him of this and then leave him to it for a while to think about.
Let him know that there WILL be things that he will not be included in BECAUSE of the way he acts, concerning mixed people and that youll all be sad that hes not there but when he decides he wants to get over that then youll all welcome him to join in, no questions asked. ((sometimes people, even adults have to be told "if you dont want to play nice your going to sit on the side lines until you do"
Then let him know that youd like him to think about what youve talked about here for a while. then dont bring it up again and dont bring the boyfriend over for a while so that he can really think about what doing something like this to his own child means. Then do nothing when youve come home from a date with him but talk loudly to your mother about the fun and great things youve done together while your were out and what things HES doing to improve his life for the future.....soon he will see that it doesnt matter what race he is at the end of the day but that this young man whats better for himself AND for you, and your father may just start to come around.
good luck! ; )
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I'm a sophomore female in high school and I have been so confused about my sexuality. I've never dated a guy because no one has ever asked or had interest in me I guess. But for a long time my own friends thought I was lesbian because I'm a very affectionate person. I like giving hugs and I like holding hands with my friends when we walk down the hallway like idiots. But I only like giving hugs to certain girls, and I always get awkward or nervous around them. These girls were both on my team and have helped me so much and would always look out for me. I can't tell if I like them. Like I want to be with them and I want to talk to them and this will sound super weird but I sometimes daydream about them and make up scenarios about them being there for me and giving me hugs and making me feel better. That last part probably sounds really weird but I'm serious. I think I like guys. But I can't tell if I like them too. I wouldn't be ashamed if I liked them. But what am I? I just want to know who to love. (link)
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It doesnt sound to me like you are lesbian no. For most, they are more sure of themselves even as a young person.
It sounds like your personal space boundaries with people and friends are just different then most. I also am really close to my friends and have even had straight girls start to "gravitate" if you will towards me, simply because i am there for them more then most of the males they date or relationships theyve been in before in the past.
I have one friend currently who broke up with her babys daddy and we've hung out alot since (simply because her man is now in jail, we've known each other since we were 14 and were now almost 30) but THEY didnt know that and assumed that we much be "together" because shes happy and doing well right after the brake up.
((the reality is, im just THERE for my friends MUCH more then alot of other people are)) and i think that because good friends are hard to find these days, people arent used to it and think something MUST be up with that.
You might notice that people dont know what it means to be a good friend anymore, so they are shocked to find someone thats willing to go out of their way to help/be there during a crisis/etc. Being a good friend is something thats usually taught or learned by watching people as you grow up and seeing the relationships others have with each other. No one just grows up KNOWING how to be a good friend. Parents are supposed to teach that and BE the example, and all too often its a little part of what people think of when raising their kids these days.
Ive both kissed and held hands with female friends before but never went beyond that because the bottom line is that i like guys and had a man.
Think about how you see yourself one day in the future, you have hopes and dreams of your ideal life? Of maybe eventually getting married to a guy? having kids? if you can actually SEE yourself and feel like deep down thats what you want one day then i dont think your gay. I think your young, your open to others, and your boundaries vs. others around you is simply different.
It might be a good idea to think about how you would be with a boy friend vs. how you be with just a friend (affection wise) because a FRIEND might actually feel uncomfortable with the level you speak of, where as with a boyfriend that would be appropriate. There are certain types of touching too that could lead someone LIKE just a friend to believe that about you, so think about HOW you want to be viewed by your friends when it comes to showing certain types of affection. You dont need to be overly affectionate to be a good friend either, so think about some of these things as you think about boundaries and being a friend.
good luck ; )
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I'm a 16 year old female. Ever since I was younger id always have thoughts of being with a girl. I would really like to experiment but I don't know how I'd be able to? I don't know any girls that are lesbians :( (link)
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Im not lesbian, nor do i ever REALLY wonder what it would be like to be with another female in that way but i have had other females that wanted to be with me in that way and a sister in law, brother in law, and cousin that are gay so we talk alot about feelings and thoughts so maybe i can at least give you something to chew on thoughts wise here.
I would like to say that i agree with the other poster, your thoughts are not dirty or wrong, your just thinking of all the possibilities, your hormones are raging and all over the place right now as well so nothing really is out of the realm of what you'd be willing to try right now.
Can i ask, when you say you were thinking about what it was like to be with a female, do you mean that you have been thinking about it since you learned about couples? and relationships? or just always, and then never saw males as an option?
I have friends that turned out not to be gay and actually HAD relationships with other females where they even went so far as to move in with them and build a life with the person and often times there was alot of emotions involved that ruled the relationships more so then with the opposite sex. (idk if it was just their personalities or not)
Have you considered buying a toy to meet your needs if you cant find anyone right now? ((im not trying to discourage you from experimenting because i AM an open minded person, just trying to give you options))
What you might do is go onto a forum or bixsexual dating website and talk to people who would open minded that you could talk to on there.
good luck
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What do you do when someone fairly new in your life, but who you care for and are worried about, has a dying father who doesn't want to see or talk to her before he dies? I know there's not much anyone outside of the family can do about it, but there's got to be some way to help.
Imagine that this father had two daughters and was a deadbeat to both of them when it came to taking care of them, but has always had a special spot for his first born. She's always been his perfect little princess while the youngest has always been his defiant little screw up. At least that's the way he's always seen her.
He had a certain plan for each of his girls. He had high standards when it came to where they'd go to college, what classes they'd take, what career path they'd take, what kind of guys they'd marry, and things of that nature. Neither daughter followed his demands, but the oldest came closer than the youngest did. The oldest got a pass for disobeying him simply for being his little princess, but the youngest didn't. When he felt that the youngest was defying him, he cut her out of his life. He cut her off financially, he sent back every letter she ever sent him unopened, he divorced her mother when he found out she'd been spending time with the daughter against his wishes. He and his daughter haven't spoken in ten years because the last time they did, he told her that he was ashamed of her and she was a massive disappointment as a daughter.
She's basically dead to him. He's never met her husband or children and anytime someone tells him something about her life, he tells them that he doesn't care. He probably wouldn't even know if she was alive or dead if people didn't mention her occasionally and I feel he wouldn't care about that either.
Now he's dying. After years and years of heavy smoking, he's dying of lung cancer and the family wants him and his daughter to make peace before he dies. However, neither of them are thrilled about the idea. He will be in the hospital until his death and does not want her to come see him or have any other contact with him before he dies. She doesn't want to see him either and insists that she doesn't need her father and never has. You are sorry that the dad is dying, but could care less if he gets what he wants or what's best for him when it comes to this issue. You're worried about the daughter. You know that if the dad dies before she makes peace with him, SHE will be the one in pain, not the dad. I know she cares, despite her insistence that she doesn't because I caught her breaking down and crying about all of these issues.
So what would you do? I know you can't force the two of them to see each other, but is there Amy way to help? Any help will be appreciated. (link)
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Wow, well first off im sorry that this person is going through this and that your having to withness it. Thats awful.
something here tells me that theres more to this story then just the things you mentioned because who could possibly act that way under the circumstances, knowing that their dying, and STILL not want to at least see their child one last time.
Your going to have to talk to this girl and tell her that this isnt about him anymore, he CHOSE to have two daughter and therefore he has a family (weather he wants to acknowledge only one of them or NOT) When someone is dying their emotions are all over the place ok. Their angry, their depressed, and unstable emotionally from day to day, so at this point when someone is dying the people around that person just need to tune out the bad shit hes saying and just BE THERE with him. If there really IS only a limited amount of time then Your friend needs to grow some thick skin, bite the bullet and just GO and see him and say "you know what im your daughter too weather you like it or not and im here because i care and your NOT going to ruin that for me or anyone else.
I took care of my mother before she was taken by breast cancer ok, and i can tell you now that in those last months or days, its all about embracing every moment together (even if their not in a good mood that day) the fact that you in one place together, spending time together, and ACTING like family is what matters. Sometimes adults have to do that in order to be able to look back and say "i was there for them in their last days, we got to talk, and we spent time together" even there was things that went unspoken.
side story: one a few different occasions before my mother died, i had moved closer to her to help out more and she slowly became more and more capable around her house, and i was there with my brand new (now 4 year old) son cleaning and doing things for her, and she was in such a shitty mood that day that she told me she didnt want me there and was getting angry at every little thing. I finally spoke up and said "HEY! im not going to let your bitch ass attitude RUIN our quality time together so RELAX and calm down" And she did, and after that she realized that i was right because she didnt have much time left on earth and decided it was best to just make the best of things and not leave me with memories of her acting like a horrible person.
if hes in a hospice now then no one is going to stop her from going to see him because shes family. It doesnt matter what rotten things he says to her, at this point shes doing this for HER so that she can look back without regret or sadness.
If you can maybe encourage her to write him a letter so that when she goes there to see him, she can read it out loud to him. This is kind of like going to see someone whos already dead but with this, shes lucky enough to have a little bit of time to where if theres anything she wants to say to him, nows the time.
Just ignore his bullshit comments, tell her not to listen to that because hes dying and doesnt know HOW to feel right now so anything he might say besides positive things should just be tuned out.
good luck
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Mt boyfriend wants me to sing for him but I don't know what song I should sing.... Any ideas on what I could sing? (link)
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well that depends on firstly, what kind of music you both like, and what your real singing voice sounds like.
pick a female singer obviously, and then pick something slow and nice. ill list a couple songs i like that maybe you could practice to before hand.
Mabel-my town my boy
Ciara-oh baby
Tamar Braxton-let me know
Life house- you and me
(now this song IS sung by a male but a it would sound just as good if a female sang it to a male)
Idk if your planning on singing along WITH the song or actually learning the words and then singing it as a cover song without the singers voice, but for the most part the lyrics could work.
Paramore- Franklin
Mario-let me love you
(also sang by a male but could still be really sexy if it were a female)
Genuwine-Differences
also a male but works.
hope that helps, check these out on youtube so you can hear them free and see the lyrics.
good luck!
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I'm a girl, and it's my best friend's birthday this week, and i need to get her a gift. She's turning 18, and we've been friends since we were little, but I can never come up with anything. Here's some information to help with gift ideas:
She loves reading. She reads lots of books, but I don't want to buy her a book because she only reads them once, and I'm not sure if I would pick one she would enjoy.
She likes to bake, but doesn't need any more cookbooks, or any baking tools/materials.
She enjoys art, but already has paintbrushes, paint, good pencils, and a sketchbook. She also knits and crochets, but she doesn't really need much for that either I don't think.
I can't buy her clothes because I don't know what size she wears or what style of shirt looks good on her.
She does not want any kind of food, seeing as it was just Christmas and she got a lot of chocolate then.
Any suggestions? I am looking to spend about $20, and I don't want to get her something boring like a gift card or movie tickets....It's just so hard to come up with interesting ideas.... (link)
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does she like nail polishes or manicures??
try this, go to walmart or any beauty supply store and buy a glass mason jar with a wide mouth (not hard to find) then pick out one or two nail polishes you think she might like! then throw in some cotton balls, nail clippers, nail file, the nail polishes, and maybe a small thing of polish remover all in the jar. Tie a ribbon around it and BAM! you have a manicure in a jar that SHE can do on herself! ; )
also look on pinterest for do it yourself little gifts you can make.
good luck!
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How do I keep my mom from knowing that he asked or do I need to tell her? (link)
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well if she can look through your texts or has it on a plan where she can go back and SEE your text conversations then shes GOINg to see it anyway on her own at some point so its either you tell her, or let her find it on her own and be mad....it could be a lose/lose situation.
Is the phone on a family plan where she gets the text messages too? or has a way to see them OTHER than looking in your phone? cause if she does, then your pretty much screwed.....
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Hii I asked a question and you answered it but I still have a few more questions about acrylic fills. I used clear nail tips and put clear acrylic over it . Once they dried I painted them with REGULAR nail polish. I didn't use gel nail polish. I saw on a YouTube video they usually file the gel off with a drill but I didn't use gel nail polish or have a drill! I used plain old nail polish and I was wondering about a method to do my fill? (link)
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ohh ok, well in shops they drill the gel shit off just because its faster, but yes you would have to paint more acrylic to do fills. Beware of doing fills though because the skin on your cuticals grows just like your nails do and if you paint OVER even the smallest amount of that skin without properly pushing that skin back, then the nail will begin to lift and youll lose the strength of that nail. Skin needs to breathe and is soft tissue, not tough like the nail is.
most nail shops know that fills are actually just rips off because your nails grow and once that skin grows too, unless you can be REALLY careful and push that skin back and then paint more of it then its just not worth the time and effort. Thats what my nail teach taught us anyway....
good luck!
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Hi my name is Lisa and I have a question to be answered I have little girl and her dad and I is just now getting to be cool again and I told him a year ago that I feel like it's time for us to have another little one I wanted two or more by the time I was 30 and I told me not now it would be to much for him and we had sex a year ago and he asked me When we was having sex do I want he to nut in me can someone let me in your opinion what do you think he means by that ? (link)
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Sounds like your over analyzing here a little. If it was in the heat of the moment during the sex then he may just have been trying to tell you what you wanted to hear, we dont really know.
If he told you when you discussed it that having another child would be too expensive then i think you need to respect that. If he financially cant do it and knows that it would directly effect the quality of live you have now (meaning more bills, less fun things because you wont have enough money etc) then thats not the fair thing to do.
If you have the chance to plan you child coming into this world BEFORE you do it, and not just have an accident and thats what he wants to avoid then i think hes doing the smart thing here and maybe you should try to do the same. Life never turns out how we think it will and even famous people who have tons of money dont have the perfect life because theres some things money cant buy, like good relationships with family or kids.
If you want to know what he meant by it then your probably just going to have to ask him and then bring up the topic again if planning more children is what you want, but the most important thing here is that your both on the same page about it because bringing a child into a world or a situation they had no control over isnt fair to them, or the father because now he'll be stressed out knowing that he has to work harder or more to support that child.
good luck
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sir i need activation powder,is it mercuric acetate? (link)
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ummm what are you trying to do to need that?? being to vague is not helping us to help you at all.....lol
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