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So my boyfriend and I (we're in high school) have been dating for about a month. He's a trustworthy, respectful, and caring guy in all respects and he's always really sweet to me. And we know each other fairly well. We also have talked about honesty and agree that telling the truth is always best and said that we will both be honest. Also in conversation, when sex was mentioned, he basically said he was a virgin (he didn't say "I am a virgin" but he said "I'd have no experience with that/know anything about how that would go" in refrence to sex. And I'm a virgin, he knows that. Our group of friends are all "good kids" who don't have sex, etc. in most cases (they aren't against it but don't want to in high school). And I don't have that policy, but everyone knows I'm a virgin. And I'm pretty sure most them would assume my boyfriend is too. However, my best friend, who never lies to me and is in band with him, told me that his ex and he had sex the whole time they were dating (she heard this from 2 trustworthy but 2-3 hand sources) and they he broke up with her because she thought she was pregnant (but it was a false alarm). Why would he lie to me about that? I could understand him saying he wasn't a virgin if he was-but this way? It makes no sense. Maybe he thought I would find being a virgin better-but I'd rather have the truth and I'm pretty darn sure he knows that! I think I'll probably ask him about the ex-gf (he hasn't really had reason to mention her) but I want to be prepared for what his answers regarding his virginity may be and why he has said what he said before I do that.
Technically, this is not a "weird" lie because most men will repeat it. It is common for members of either sex to discount the true number of people they had sex with down to the number of people they didn't mind that they had sex with. Plain and simple, the reason he lied is because he thought it would make him look better in your eyes-anything else is irrelevent.
Also, keep in mind that he's not a very good liar, given that the facts were easy enough for you to find out. I would ask him about his ex-girlfriend without any hint that you know and see what he says. His reaction will tell you loads about him, but you have to be willing to see it.
Why he won't kiss me when we're having sex
It is difficult to get into optimum kissing position while still maintaing optimum intercourse position. Plus, sometimes it's nice to concentrate on one thing at a time. Kissing is nice as foreplay, when you can devote enough attention to it, but when it gets down and dirty, men like to see what is going on, and it's hard to kiss with your eyes open.
so i messeged this guy of fb and he didn't message me back:/ its been a few days and i know he's been on. not to act conceited but i'm a pretty good looking girl. what do i doo?
You have messaged him, there is nothing else you can do that will not be counterproductive. Take it easy, though, two days in girl time might be five minutes in guy time, especially when your talking about writing. He might not be comfortable expressing himself in that way. The best thing to do now is let it roll off your back. Don't assume the worst, but don't message him again. Act natural when you are around him and NEVER bring the message up. If it means anything to him, he has seen the message and will make some effort to let you know he's interested. If he doesn't, well, it is what it is; he's not interested. This doesn't mean he doesn't think you're not pretty, it just means his mind is somewhere else right now. Not to mention the fact that a pretty face isn't all that matters to most boys.
So right now I'm feeling very anxious to see this guy that I like. However, when I do see him sometimes I find myself slightly less attracted to him. Or even embarrassed? But only when other people are around. I should explain.
My last boyfriend had flaws that I suppressed in my mind. He is not the most intelligent person ever (This is in no way to be a snob, but he is more of a party-going guy who doesn't like the idea of school. I live to learn and do really well in school so obviously there is a problem). My parents also hated him because they feared he wasn't "right" for me. And also he isn't what I consider extremely attractive. But I really liked him, and even loved him at one point. However, with all of these "flaws" I would sometimes look at him and suddenly be nearly repulsed (that word is too strong, but the point is that from one day to another my feelings for him would change 180 degrees). It's almost like he was a different person but obviously he hadn't changed, it was me who had the problem. Eventually my "hot and cold" behavior was our downfall. It caused so many problems. I broke up with him several times and wanted him back soon after. And he told me several times that I acted very weirdly and changed: that alone I would be one person and in public another. I had problems with "acting like his girlfriend." He told me that I treated him more like a friend. Eventually he stopped loving me and broke up with me for good.
Now I like another boy. And by his behavior I get the idea that he likes me as well. I don't find myself repulsed by him but rather uneasy. I told my friend that I liked him and now whenever I talk to him during class I feel like she is staring at me. I can rationalize that no one really cares and that even if did something stupid and people noticed it wouldn't matter. I'm usually not that self-conscious of myself in general in public. This tends to happen only with crushes or relationships.
I don't know why this happens and am honestly afraid that my last relationship will repeat itself with just a different face. My attraction for this new guy is completely different (he's smart, polite, my parents would like him, etc.) but I'm still afraid that this will happen. I thought that I'd gotten over this issue (it's been 7 months since I ended the last relationship) but I realize that I've just pushed this all under the rug and now it's coming out again. Am I psychologically disturbed? I don't know, but this is very aggravating. :(
You didn't push your feelings under the rug, but you haven't been confronted with them until now, either. The trick to wrestling with emotional difficulties is to master them, and as long as you endeavor to grow and learn everything will be allright.
Also, you seem to place a lot of blame on yourself about your hot and cold behavior, but it might have just been your natural reaction to partnering with a person who wasn't right for you. It sounds to me like you were doing a lot of questioning, combined with all kinds of odds and ends along the lines of"is this the right thing to do?" or "what if I find out he was really the right one when he is with someone else," or even the thought of him being intimate with anyone else.
Go with these feelings for the new guy.
So long story short, my brothers friend we hardly know parent asks if there kid can stay at our hous for three days. My mom was so taken aback and didn't know what to say she just said I guess I'll have to talk to my husband. Well we forgot about it and today they show up at our house and drop him off and they didn't even give him any money for food or anything. Also, we really don't have the money to support him. I've hardly eaten nor has my family for the past few days because we are waiting for my dad to get paid. We really don't have the money to feed an extra person. We hardly know this kid. The parents are off at some motorcycle thing. How do we get this kid out of our house.
I think you are going to have to just let him stay. I even feel bad for him that his parents care so little, imagine how it must make him feel. Believe me, compared to living with them, going a little hungry will seem like a walk in the park for him, and maybe you can even show him what a real family that works together looks like. It is inconvenient timing for your family, true, but a good deed will always come back to you.
Let me first start by giving you a little back ground information. My ex wife became pregnant when she was 20 and I was 19. Even though it was earlier than we both expected to become parents, we were thrilled and so excited to start our family together. We got married shortly after she gave birth to our son Matt. Soon after that, we had another son, and then a daughter. From my perspective, everything was great. That's why I was so blindsided when my wife came to me 9 months after our daughter was born claiming she wasn't ready to settle down and be a mother with divorce papers in her hand. Almost overnight, I became a 23 year old single father with a 4 year old, 2 year old, and a 9 month old. After the divorce was final, I rarely heard from my ex wife. She had begun living a life that I didn't necessarily approve of filled with drugs and alcohol and, while I wanted to keep my children as far away from that as possible, she was their mother and I didn’t feel like I could entirely keep them away from her. The last straw, however, came when I let my daughter, Alyssa, (who was 6 at the time) stay with her when I took my sons on a hunting trip. I was supposed to pick her up at noon the Sunday we got back. I spent the entire afternoon calling my ex wife’s apartment with no answer. At 5 that afternoon, I finally just went over to her house where I found her front door wide open and her passed out on the couch from mixing a few too many drugs with alcohol. Her neighbor came over to the apartment and told me that my ex wife had taken Alyssa out one night and come home completely plastered. Thank god her neighbor had woken up and decided to take Alyssa back to her apartment. And this is just one example of many. After that, I told my ex wide that I didn’t want her to see our kids anymore which devastated her so much she entered rehab. She got clean and for the past ten years has seen the kids a few times despite my hesitance. My kids and I have been living a great life together away from my ex wife. A few years ago I began dating another woman whom I am now engaged too. She gets along great with my kids and is an amazing person who I know will be a good influence on my kids’ lives. My oldest son Matt is now in college, but Colton (my middle son) and Alyssa still live with me. Since I have become engaged, my ex wife has become crazy about spending time with the two of them. She wants them at her house every weekend and doesn’t want my fiancé to parent them at all. She is trying to tell my daughter all kinds of lies about why she left, and how I am a horrible person for trying to keep them from seeing her. She tells her that the entire thing was my fault and all kinds of horrible rumors about my fiancé, who went to high school with my ex wife. She has asked both of my kids to move in with her. Colton told her absolutely not, but Alyssa is confused about the whole situation and doesn’t know what she should do. I have full custody of them so essentially it is my choice about whether or not she can see them. I don’t want to take them away from my ex wife, but I don’t want to lose them myself. I am still worried that she will resort back to her old ways and put my kids in danger like she has their whole lives. Am I right to not let my daughter move in with her mom?
I think you are absolutely right not to let your daughter live with her mom! Your daughter is probably going to resent you and blame you for hindering her relationship with her mother, but everything comes out in the wash, and in time she will thank you.
You probably already know this stuff, but I just want to call attention to a couple of things...
1. No matter how great a dad you have been, and how wonderful your fiance is, Alyssa has always longed for a relationship with her mother, and to save herself from the pain of abandonment, she has made excuses. No kid wants to accept the fact their parent is just too lazy or uncaring to put an effort into seeing them, so as a self-defense mechanism, they weave all kinds of fairy tales. This puts your ex at an advantage because all she has to do is show the smallest of interest and Alyssa is going to sop it up.
2. Teenagers have no concept of the idea of true love and friendship. They want to hear "yes" as much as possible, and they don't realize that it is usually the person who is telling them "no" and making them do the things they don't want to do that are their truest champions. This also puts you at a disadvantage because your ex is going to allow Alyssa to get away with things that would not fly with you. Alyssa, with her young mind, will think, "my mother understands me. She really loves me because she wants me to be happy."
3. Your ex is going to try to convince the kids that you love your fiance more than you love them. the only way to combat this is to do nothing, change nothing. You know it's not true, so don't play into it.
4. This kind of thing is going to go on for the rest of her life. Your ex is obviously a very selfish person who will have no problem using her kids to accomplish her own agenda. It's best to let Alyssa realize this. Don't try to shelter her. One day, Alyssa is going to want a husband and a family, and I promise you that your ex will try to ruin that for her because she will not want to be alone. This is why she is acting like this now-she is getting older, she's lonely, and she's wondering who she will have in her life now that she isn't such a spring chicken.
There is so much more, but I wanted to say a couple things about your fiance. First, no matter how nice she is, there is still going to be some jealousy. This happens with all women, myself included. While your fiance may not be jealous of your ex, she still has those feelings towards your children, especially your daughter. She probably, like most women, realizes that these feelings are foolish and disregards them, but all of this broohaha is making that more and more difficult to do. You are really stuck in the middle. Your fiance may be making a bigger deal out of your ex's revealations, and in doing so, she may be fanning the fire. It will be superhuman for her not to build up resentments against Alyssa at this time. You have to be understanding, but at the same time, I'm just telling you this so that you will be armed with that information before you take her input into consideration. When it comes right down to it, this is between you and Alyssa, and while you have to be sensitive to your fiance's feelings, I want you to understand where some of them are coming from. It is hard for us girls not to get pulled into the drama. Keep telling your fiance that Alyssa's mother is hoping to drive a wedge in between them, and if she allows that to happen the ex wins.
I do not envy your position. I don't know how well Colton and Alyssa get along, but it seems to me like he is your biggest ally. If I were you, I would have a long talk with him and enlist him as an ally.
I wish you the best of luck. Raising teenagers is hard enough under the best of circumstance.
I know minorities hve a greater chance of getting into Ivy League colleges because they want a diverse student body.
I'm 1/8 Native American; would that affect their admissions decision? I wrote my college essay about finding out about this part of my heritage because that was a pivotal point of my life.
If it, in fact, does positively affect their decision, would I be asked to prove it? Because I have absolutely no proof (it's a long story). :(
I go to an Ivy League college. I think your essay is really important, but don't try to give them any crap because they won't fall for it. I don't know if you have sent your essay, or not, but I know if you concentrate only on what you think they want to see rather than what you really feel it won't get you very far. If I were you, I would dedicate no more than one or two paragraphs on ethnicity, and the rest on other interests and events in your life. Remember, diversity isn't only about race.
The essay is important, I know, but there is also the interview. Mine was done by a psychologist, so like I said, the best thing to do is be yourself and don't concentrate on being 1/8 Native American. Be yourself, be open about your opinions and your life, even if you think they won't agree. They want students who are confident enough to stand behind what they feel. On alot of my papers my professors thank me for writing about how I really feel, and not just repeating what I think they want to hear. The website of the college you are interested in will probably have a link on how to write a good essay.
I am a college student and am having such a hard time now, but am afraid to start therapy. I have gotten through so many issues by myself, including self-injury and bulimia, but I feel that I shouldn’t have done it on my own. I feel like I can survive on my own, but I am not very happy.
I am afraid to start therapy because of the money too. I am under my parents’ insurance and I am unsure if they would find out. I don’t want them to find out, and I’m also not sure if I would have enough money to pay for it anyway.
What should I do? Should I try to keep doing things by myself or should I try to get therapy despite everything?
I just want to reiterate what the other two posters said about talking to your parents. No matter what, they will never find out what you tell your therapist, so you definately don't have to worry about that.
I feel like therapy may be a really great thing for you, because you have overcome the destructive habits, but it is really difficult to deal with the underlying issues that cause the habits by yourself.
You don't have to get into things too deeply with your parents. If you tell them you are stressed about the total life change of going to college and stressed about the future, you can ease them into the idea. They will probably support you whole-heartedly and be proud that you are mature enough to recognize you need some help.
So I am a freshman in college and I've been on a couple dates with this guy who really likes me a lot. I think hes adorable and sweet and stuff, and it's not like there are any other guys in my life right now, it's just that I don't want to be tied down in a relationship, at least for my first year in college. Is it selfish of me to want to continue dating him but not be labeled his girlfriend? and even so, i have a feeling hes going to ask me to be his girlfriend soon, so how on earth do i tell him how i feel without hurting his feelings?
You don't have to make it about him, you could just casually say "I don't want to be in a relationship." You could probably even make it so that by the time you're done with the conversation he's agreeing with you. I don't think it's selfish at all! You're supposed to be playing the field. Just as long as you are honest with others and don't lead them on, the world is your oyster.
14/ F I am have a rib/tummy/back pain that is getting worse each day. I have told my mom about it, but she wont take me to the doctor. It gets so bad that i fill fall down, throw up, are even pass out. I have no idea what this could be. And i feel i need to see a doctor and soon. :/
Do you drink enough liquids? Not soda, but nutricious stuff?
Dehydration can cause alot of your symptoms.
Have trust in the fact that your mom loves you and knows what she's doing. If you don't have a fever, I wouldn't worry. You're young and healthy, and it's really normal to have cramps, pains, etc. The fact that they're all over makes it sound like you might be really stressing out, which is tying your muscles up into knots. Try to relax-everything is going to be OK.
My best friend at college and I are in the same major and its very hectic and challenging. We work really late nights in the studio, last night we finally went back to our dorms at 5am after working since 2pm. We keep each other sane during times like this. I'm kind of crazy about him too and I can't tell if he feels the same way but whenever I come to work at his desk he always plays music about relationships and I can't tell if he's hinting something. I broke up with my boyfriend a little over a week ago for other reasons and he really helped me through all of that but when I was with him my friend would play "Over and Over Again" by Nelly..which if you haven't heard it says "I can't keep picturing you with him, and it hurts so bad" and now he plays songs like "Crush" by David Archuletta "I Gotta Feeling"-Black Eyed Peas, "Down"-Jay Sean and "Wonderwall"-Oasis.
I don't know if this is a coincidence or a hint. But sometimes he asks me to pick songs to play but I can't think of any on the spot.
I'm in this situation almost daily, what songs can I play that are about being over the past and having feelings for him?
Answer this question honestly: Are you really over the past? I mean, it has only been a week.
I am so uncool, I'm 38, so all of the songs I could tell you are waay out of date. If I were you, I wouldn't play any songs that talk about being over your ex and interested in him. Play songs you really like and want to hear. I mean, this guy seems to be really enjoying the chase, so why don't you let it continue for a while, or how about songs that say, "I'm still a little screwed up, but I can see myself having feelings for you." Cheryl Crow has a good song about that. Something like "The First Cut is the Deepest." Listen to it first, though, because I don't want you blaming me if it is all wrong, or even better, say this, "I was talking to someone about our relationship and she told me the song reminds her of us" That way, if it totally doesn't fit, you can both talk crap and laugh at me.
I don't know how long you were with your boyfriend, but if you get over him too quickly it will really bother your new friend. I know it sounds screwed up, but if you were all into this guy two weeks ago, and now you're falling for someone else, it will make your friend wonder just how deep your feelings really run. He really wants you to get over this guy now, but in a few months he will be wondering how quickly you would be able to replace him. You know how people who have affairs together, then get together, now can't trust eachother because they know the person was cheating, even though it was with them. Does that even make any sense, because I feel like I just worded that all screwed up?
Anyways, you would do much better to say, "I take my relationships seriously, so I need a little time to deal with one thing before I move on to the next." He will totally respect you for it when it's his turn.
I say, let things go the way they are for now-why would you want to change a thing, and all it will do is make him want you more, respect you more, and think once you tell him you're his girl he can count on it.
That was an excellent response. My profile changes because I never give out my personal information over the internet. However, I'll tell you this, I am from Massachusetts and I am male. I'm in the medical profession but on the side I'm also an unpublished author. I would never harm anyone:(. I just have a very vivid imagination and a fascination for the crime genre.
Let me make this simple for you. Let's assume you kidnapped me inside your home for the purpose of sexual pleasure against my will. I am only 5'3 and 125 lbs. How about you? Let's just assume that you overpower me and have me tied up to a chair with my hands behind my back. You cover my mouth with your hand while standing behind me. If YOU were to cover MY mouth with YOUR hand, how close to my nostrils might your palm come based upon the width of your palm? Remember, my mouth and nose are EXTREMELY close together - a mere 1 cm apart and that's it. That could spell trouble for me:( Also, what part of your palm would be nearest my nose? You say that I'd be forced to smell your hand. Can you explain why? And if I try to scream for help to your neighbors, what would you say to me? And how much noise through your palm would I be able to make? Let's assume you don't use a weapon. The idea of smothering me with your hand is an intriguiging one. It's quite clever actually. I'd like to see where you go with that. I look forward to hearing from you and so nice to meet you:)
Perhaps I answered the wrong question with the "get your rocks off comment" because this was the one that smelled fishy. That and the fact that there were two posts back to back. I just happened to make the comment on the other one, which was more benign, perhaps you didn't realize this one went through.
Okay this will be very long so bare with me.
I am 16 a girl, I'm in both freshman and sophmore classes, they are mixed since I've had many absances, health, skipping, injury and I've fallen behind ALOT. I feel as if I'm hopeless I need help, I want to do better in school. I want to graduate, I need to graduate, I don't want to dissapoint my parents. I know I am...and I'm sick of it I need to grow up and do the right thing but not sure how to start.
So basically I'm failing all my classes, I have alot of homework to do, but I've missed so much I don't get any of it. Should I stay after school? I really don't want to, but dammit! I think I have to.
That covers one of my issues. Another is my family problems.
Ok, so I met this guy over myspace, we connected and all, he was 17 and turned 18. Now we've been together for 8 months, he visits me, he lives in Ciciro I live in Waukegan. There was a time when I'd sneak out to see him, he'd take his car and come out to see me, we'd never do anything sexual, until like the 12th time we were together our hormones got the best of us and well, I ended up giving myself to him. -.- He was my first. I do actually regret it, I was caught a few times later sneaking out, my sisters my mother and father found out, but they didn't know I was with him. My mom did, since I told her myself and what had happen, I tell her everything. Well my sisters later found out, since he was an idiot and consulted a friend of his, about it online and them being the stalkers they are, well they found out everything. My oldest sister didn't say much, she did ask me and well, then she left it at that. My other sister however, threatened to tell my dad, which isn't good. My dad's a bit of an a-hole type of man, he always says he's gonna leave us, for every little chance he gets. :/
So no doubt he'd use this as a reason to, he'd also told my boyfriend that he had to wait for me to be 18, but then well that happened and ugh. I'm not sure what my dad will do, our relationship has already been fairly awkward and rocky, seems as if we argue for every little thing. So my sister didn't tell him after my mother gave her a firm talking to. So time went by my boyfriend and I had problems, we broke up 3 times and got back together, well I broke up with him these times, because of all the problems we were having. All this emotional shit, has got my stomach in a knot, and my emotions all swirled in a big whirlpool of confussion. I haven't a clue what to do, how I feel. I'm not sure if I even love him anymore. The distance, the problems, I'm so freaking confused.
I worry that he doesn't love me, he says he does, but sometimes I feel as if sex is the only thing keeping us together. But then other times I remember why I love him and shit like that, what's wrong with me?
Before I went out with him there was this other boy, a very close friend he was younger than me, is. He's 14, I don't know. We both liked each other alot, it was obvious plus he had told me and I had told him, we still do. But I don't know what to do. I feel torn apart. It's like I wanna say I love my current boyfriend but now I'm not to sure, and sometimes I think the only reason I stick with him, is since I gave him my virginity, but when he comes to visit me I do feel the love we have/had.? But we only see each other what, 2 or 5 times a month, we speak every night on the phone. But he ignores me often, too busy playing video games, or on the computer, watching t.v., then I don't know it bothers me. He says he loves me, I don't know. I say I love him, once again I don't know. Am I just stupid? What's wrong with me? This other boy, the 14 year old, he's still young and at a fickle age as am I...but I have strong feelings toward him too. My boyfriend and I, we always get real sexual, it's ok in the moment since I'm hot and heavy but afterwards I feel sad and don't know why. :( I'm pretty sure this isn't normal or good.
Ok, so a few days ago I asked my mom to get me the birth control pill, for more reasons than one. To have a ligther period since mine are very bad, and since him and I are active I'd feel better if I had it. She bugged out, but said ok. She then tells me she's going to tell my dad, he doesn't know a thing, he still thinks I'm a virgin. So I'm nervous and to be honest I'm a bit scared. I don't want to get my boyfriend into trouble, I have a feeling he's gonna try to do something because of the age difference. I'm a bad kid aren't I? :[ It feels as if I'm a huge dissapointment to my whole family, my sisters, my mom my dad. My mom was 14 when she got pregnant with my first sister and my dad was 21 when he got my mom pregnant. So I'm only guessing they don't want me to go down the hard path they've been through. I want to take it all back, but I know I can't. I feel like such a selfish stupid brat! And I hate myself alot right now.
I need to concintrate on school, sex to be honest I really don't think much of it, I want to please my boyfriend. I think that's why I always go along with it, I also don't want him to cheat on me...I'm guessing this is wrong, right?
What should I do? My sisters are dissapointed in me because of this, they both lost it when they were 18, and I at 15. It's horrible right? But I'm not the onlyone I know for a fact, but still I feel so guilty now, since they look down at me and all. I don't know what to do. I feel helpless.
Sometimes I feel the easiest option but most cowardly would be death. I haven't tried, I'm to much of a wuss, but I'm gettin there, I can feel it. All this stress is overwhealming.
Please don't tell me to go see my school counselor, that's not an option, or a real therapist, that's also not an option. No money and no time. School, is bumming me out, I'm sinking deeper and deeper, it's a feeling where I'm gasping for air and no one is around to throw me a floaty. What do I do?
Do I still love my boyfriend, was I ever even in love?
How can I make my family view me as normal again, instead of just one let down after another?
Is it ok to not want to have sex with my boyfriend eventhough we've been together for almost a year?
Will he leave me?
Should I even care?
Should I break up with him?
This other guy, my close friend, why do I feel so attracted to him?
It can't be love right?
He told me he loved me, I wanted to say it back but didn't, should I have?
Is it wrong that I sortah want to leave my current boyfriend and give this guy a chance?
How do I get back on track with school?
Should I talk to my teachers?
What do I tell them?
My dad?
Will he hate me?
I just...don't know what to honestly do, I'm at such a lost, so empty and all I can do is cry.
I feel as if I'm just a screw up and the world would be better off without me.
Well there you have it, please be honest and tell me what you think. 'Cause I have no clue what to do. Past expiriences if any, or such things amongst that would help. Thanks in advanced, I'm also sorry for all the questions and for any type'os I've missed.
Ok, first I have to admit I didn't read your whole post. I got to the end of the birth control paragraph and figured I had enough to deal with, so I'd better get started.
You are NOT a bad person. One thing that is really bothering you is your relationship with your dad, and that's affecting everything else in your life. You are not supposed to have to worry that your father is going to leave you, and though it doesn't feel like it, all of these things are his short comings and not yours.
About school. Yes, you have to stay after. Try not to worry too much about all of the make-up stuff because if you look at the whole pile it will seem overwhelming. Do everything you have due today, and then spend the rest of the weekend working on projects and papers you have due in the future; you don't have to finish them, just get them started. On Monday, pick two teachers and have an honest talk with them, and continue with at least one teacher a day until you have met with them all. Tell them that you feel overwhelmed, and ask for their help. They will let you know what is most important, and most likely, they will make you breathe a sigh of relief. Ask them to help you make a plan to get caught up. This is what your teachers are there for, and if they are not willing to help you, or somehow make you feel worse, go to their boss and talk to him or her. I think you will be surprised to see how much help is available if you just ask and make a sincere effort.
One of the things that has been holding you to this older guy is the fact you lost your virginity with him. It's like you will feel like you have wasted it if it doesn't work with him. Your relationship won't get better, only worse, so maybe you should get out now. You don't feel good about yourself after sex with him, so the best thing to do is to not see him. It's not like you can go back now and tell him you don't want to have sex because he will have a bad reaction, and you know if he really cared for you the sex wouldn't matter. He expects it from you, and worse, he brags about it to his friends. It will make you feel really good about yourself if you just stopped calling him and answering his calls and left him to wonder about why. Or, if you think that's rude, just tell him you're trying to concentrate on your life right now. If he starts to talk badly about you to his friends, you can defend yourself by saying he's just mad because you dumped him.
I don't have any answers about the 14 year old, but one thing I can tell you is just because you have had sex doesn't mean you have to continue. It is likely he's a virgin, and you don't want to put him in the position of feeling like you do now. I think the main reason you keep thinking about him isn't so much him, but that you are missing the simplicity of the relationship you had with him. Sex adds a whole bunch of crap to a relationship, and wasn't it so nice when you didn't have all of it? Why don't you make the decision to not have a boyfriend until you have at least talked to all of your teachers, and gotten well on your way to making things up at school.
The birth control pill is probably a good idea, but just because you're on it doesn't mean you have to have sex. You should think of the pill as a back up plan because you should use a condom. I wonder if the older guy hasn't always used a condom which made you think about the pill, and if that's the case than you don't need me to tell you that he's a selfish jerk; you know that already, which is one of the reasons why you're uncomfortable about having sex with him. He has already let you down by talking about your sex life on the internet-don't wait around for him to make things worse.
You are not a brat, or any of the other things you call yourself. Please stop putting yourself down. You sound like a really good person who really cares about other people. I hope you will be able to see that.
alright i really need your help...my friend was on and off with this guy for about 2 years.towards the end of their relationship she fell pregnant and decided to keep the baby. so once she gave birth to her baby boy the father visited the baby once in like 3 weeks.he doesnt have a job and isnt looking for one,he doesnt have a car to drive and has all these pending tickets from the police that he hasnt paid and cant afford to pay.all he does is drink and smoke dope.
anyway in the end after like a month of not seeing his son because he didnt have transport to get to her house they decided that once the baby was 6 weeks old (i think) she would take him to his father's place every sunday for aday.my friend soon regreted this because the father doesnt take care of the boy,he smokes around the baby and doesnt wash his hands after hes been smoking doesnt pay for baby's food and dipers etc like the mum doesnt think hes capable to be a good father figure for the son. she txted him today and told him that shes going to stop taking the baby to him( she didnt want her son growing up like his father) so now the father is txting her back saying that if he doesnt see the boy hes going to kill himself. the mum told me that he always talks like that when they argue(always says hell kill himself)just for attention. she asked me for advice and i told her to ignore the txt and not to txt back. she listen to me and didnt but then he txtd her again and said hes going to do it and wrote her a letter for her to read after hes killed himself.she txtd me and asked me what to do.i told her that if shes sure that she doesnt wnat her baby seeing the father then not to txt back because if she does the father will just try talk her into letin him see the baby etc. she put me in an awkward position and asked me if i was sure it was the right thing to do and i told her its what id do.now im just really scared he might kill himself.i dont want to get blammed for anything.what should i do?should she let him see the baby even though he doesnt have a job doesnt pay for anything because thats abit useless i rkon.what should i say to my friend??i dont wnat to be too late.would he actually kill himself??omg help!!!just anything tell me plz!!1
While it was good-hearted for your friend to want to make sure her baby has a relationship with the father, if she contiinues with the pattern the baby will grow up to be dissappointed. It really seems like it's the right thing to do, but in the long run this guy is going to be so used to her bending over backwards that when she can't anymore he will say it's all her fault that he isn't a capable father.
It sounds like she will always let him see the child as long as he proves capable, but I do think she needs to keep the baby away for a while until this guy can get his mind screwed on straight. It seems like he is only thinking of the baby as a way to manipulate her. How mature and responsible can he be if he is threatening to commit suicide?
One thing she is going to learn the hard way is that you cannot control what the other parent does; you can't make him see the child, or love the child, nothing-it all ends up in huge dissappointment, and no man is able to manipulate you like the father of your kids. She needs to have the mind-set that she is raising this child on her own, and any extra's that come from the father are nice, but not needed. I do think she should go to court for child support, but she may not be ready for that, yet.
What kind of a relationship does she have with this boys parents? Maybe if they are responsible people she could set up some sort of visitation with them. This way, the father is supervised, and the child will have some regularity with the paternal family. Maybe he has a mature brother or sister, someone who she can trust.
She needs to save those texts, because she may need to prove he is unstable.
You need to tell your friend that if she allows him to call the shots by playing upon her it will only get worse, and the child will get hurt.
Nobody can say whether he will actually kill himself, or not, but if he does, it will have nothing to do with her not letting him see his child, and everything to do with his own emotional issues.
I read your added info, and I'm sorry to hear all of this is happening. This is supposed to be such a beautiful time for your friend and now it's turning into a big nightmare. It is good she has people like you so she can vent, and get support. It sounds like your friend is very young, and she might need to bring this matter to some sort of authority because it sounds like the father's family is not reasonable. They could do things like call DSS, or other threatening things. I don't know how she gets along with his parents, but if they are normal, she should turn to them. Number one priority is for your friend to protect herself and her child. I do hope you are able to convince her to at least ignore any communication from his sister until she can treat her with the respect she deserves. It is so easy to get caught up in all the drama, and it will only get worse and worse. There is no need for her to defend herself, and that's what is happening, she is being put on the defensive. As her friend, you can continue to remind her of the positive. In actuality, the family should be on their knees thanking her for taking it so easy on him. Many woman would have been to court for not only child support, but also to make sure he had no contact with the baby. Just keep reminding her of how good hearted she has been.
My sister is 15-years-old. We have had problems with her for years, she doesn't do anything anyone tells her, has screaming tantrums on a daily basis, steals from us and more recently has been kicked out of school.
Today I found out that she is pregnant by her boyfriend of six months. I am absolutely livid. This is my final year of school and I will be taking important exams around the time that the baby is due. It is also my 18th birthday next week, which is a pretty big deal as I live in the UK, and we were planning a big party with family and friends. Obviously this is now being completely overshadowed.
I know I'm being selfish for just thinking about myself but for years I have suffered as a result of her behaviour, baring the brunt of my parents' anger and finding it really difficult to stay at home as the constant noise and arguments are too much. This feels like the last straw. This year is so important for me and instead of fully supporting me, my parents are going to be preoccupied with this.
I know she might not even end up having the baby as it is very early days and she hasn't made any decisions yet, but I am furious with both her and my parents, who I partially blame for this. Ever since she got together with her boyfriend I told my parents I didn't think it was a good idea to let her stay at his house and that she wasn't using protection but no one listened to me. They are now angry with me for being upset. My sister and I had a bad relationship anyway but now I don't want her anywhere near me. As far as I'm concerned she has ruined what is going to be one of the most important years of my life.
What should I do? I honestly don't think I can bare being anywhere near her, let alone live with her, especially if she decides to keep the baby. I can hardly look at my parents because I'm so angry about their attitude and the way they're dealing with it.
It might be that your parents are so desperate to get your sister on the right track they secretly (or not so secretly) hope this baby will make her grow up. I'm not saying it's logical, I'm just pointing out a reason why they allowed such a young girl to sleep over her boyfriend's, etc.
I don't think you're being selfish-fed up is probably more like it. After all, it must really suck to be a responsible teenager and get dismissed off to the side because all of the energy goes into the one who is causing all the trouble. I am sorry, and there is really no answer, and I think you're not so much asking a question as looking for a way to validate your feelings. You have every right to be upset because you've been getting the short shaft all this time, and the one thing that you kept in your mind is that when you graduated, your parents would really be so proud and it would kind of (at least a little) make up for all the times you got ignored. You wanted, just once, for your parents to make a big deal out of you, and the plus was that it was from your accomplishment, not screw-up. Now you feel like all hopes of that is lost, and you worked so hard to accomplish this and you feel it will be once again overshadowed.
Here's the thing, and you don't realize it, but your little sister is really jealous of you. If she wasn't why would she work so hard to get all the attention. Your hard work will be rewarded when you watch your children grow with all of the comforts afforded children whose parents have made wise decisions. You will be lucky enough to have a husband who can consider you an equal. You will be the one who is welcome in any family environment. You have the benefit of never causing people to be embarressed of your behavior. There are some people who feel like they have to be the center of attention all the time, and everything they do is aimed at the easy way out, feel sorry for me, notice me. Nobody really wants those people around, except to talk about behind their backs. Then there are people who have the quiet dignity of a person who knows the world does not revolve around them, and do what they can to make it a better place. When you start to feel down, just remember, the greatest reward is being able to walk with your head held high.
i really like this guy & we where really good friends. i always thought he liked me back but it turns out he still had feelings for his ex.
the thing is that im kind of angry at him cause he always flirted with me like he took my hand or we cuddled in his bed etc. & why would he do that if he doesnt have at least slight feelings for me? and even AFTER he told me he still likes his ex he continued.
& now im not really talking to him anymore cause it hurts me. i like him sooo much and i just have to look at him & it feels like a box of butterflies in my stomach exploded haha (:
i really wanna be friends with him again but im not sure that i can without liking him so much. but i have no chance with him :/ i dont know what to do :[
I know you are angry at this guy, but look at it from a different perspective: he was going through a heart break. He still had feelings for his ex, who didn't have feelings for him. He felt worthless, useless, and ugly--just the same way anyone feels when the person they like doesn't like them. He thought you were a friend. He thought you understood where he was coming from, and you were offering your friendship just for what it was-friendship. Now he finds out that you had ulterior motives, and to top it off, you're mad at him. How would you feel if you were really good friends with a guy, you confided everything to him, and felt so comfortable that you could actually just be yourself, snuggle, and get the affection you really needed. When you had a problem, he was the one you called. Then, all of a sudden, he tells you he has feelings for you and he won't be your friend if you don't return those feelings. Then, he blames you for leading him on, so now you actually feel bad for offering your affection; a gift that you thought was so personal. You might be more cafeful about affection the next time, or not open up so quickly because you don't want to lead the other person on. Now, everytime that guy thinks about all of the intimate moments the two of you shared, he will think about them negatively, instead of fondly.
When you really think about it-what did he do so wrong? Be your friend? It doesn't sound like he led you on in any other way than just showing you affection. You don't say that he told you he liked you in that way, or promised something he wasn't willing to deliver. It sounds like you led yourself on and now you're mad at him for it.
I can totally understand that you wish there was something more there, but really, you're just trying to rush things. You really had everything you could possibly want from the guy, except the label "boyfriend and girlfriend" If you would have just let things continue slowly, without trying to stick a wrench in the works by forcing him to make a decision (which, by the way, he totally respected you by being honest because some guys would have told you anything you wanted to hear to get you to have sex). It sounds like you had a shot with a loyal, sensitive guy, and if you just slow down a little, you can still have that shot.
I really didnt know what to put this under so im sorry if its in the wrong catagory.
k well iv wanted to ask this qurestion for a while now but have been too hesitant. im 19 female if you need to know.
iv really been questioning religon lately. both my parents have their own religon, which i wont mention what it is because thats not the point. they feel very strong about it and believe in it. They think i should believe in it to because they think its the only way i will go to heaven or have a happy life etc.
when i was 4 i was continuously molestered to some random bastard,iv always been blamed for everything that happens within the family like arguements etc,i had a tumor which was cancerous,my bf proposed to me but found out that he only did it so he could get the green card etc (very long story).
my parents say that things happen to me because im not a good person i do bad things then bad things will happen to me so they assume im a bad pperson.this has really made me question things like what do i really believe in?i dont think i believe in my parent's religon.how do i know if this is the right religon to follow?i mean theres soo many religons out there which one is right?im so confused because i guess i want to believe in soemthing and im scared that if i dont believe in my parents religon then ill go to hell or bad things will happen to me in this life.its made me really depressed and emotional.i cant talk to my parents about it because they will be so angry (they think their religon is the way to go)but what if its not?i mean i was 4 years old for crying out loud how would i know what God is or what hell is etc and i still got molestered over and over again.am i really being punished?i just dont know what to think,im afaraid and i dont want to die not believing in anything :( but i dont want religon to be forced down my throat either.
I dont exactly know what im asking but what ever your thinking i guess id like to hear it.
Thank you, please please dont judge me.i cant help the way i think
Religion is for people who are scared to go to hell; spirituality is for people who have already been there.--Bonnie Raitt
You follow what is in your heart. I was molested as a child, too. In fact, it was almost like I had a sign on my forehead that said 'easy target." I know the whole thing is pretty devastating, but it is something that you can overcome when you accept a few things in your heart.
1. You being molested was not a punishment from God (for lack of a better term, I will just call the higher power "God"). People have their own free will, and that jerk who molested you used his own free will.
2. The genetals are made to feel good. Sometimes, people who were molested feel like they brought it upon themselves because it felt good. They feel like they asked for it. This is not true!!! Genetals are mode to feel good, and the next time you're out look at a 6 year old-pretty innocent, huh. Well that was you. You did nothing wrong, you are not dirty, or bad.
3. Who knows why bad things happen? The only thing you can do is resolve to make the best out of it. I bet you can tell sad little kids from a mile away, can't you. I'll bet you just instinctively know sexual predators, just like you can pick out kids who are being victimized. What happened to you is terrible, and the only thing you can do is accept it and know you will be able to help someone one day from having to deal with all of the pain alone.
4. As you get older, it will become easier. I promise.
OK, so now that you know that--Maybe it's time for you to start exploring what is in your heart. It's fine to take your parent's feelings into consideration, but they can't speak for you. Maybe it's not one religion, but a combination that feels right. Good luck.
we have been dating for over a year and in the beginning he developed (or re-started actually) a horrible cocaine addiction that lead to stealing from me and voltile fights between us. i live with him and his family loves me. he quit the addiction for about 5 months and i thought we were doing great.over the time he was sober, i did however become high maintance and started to control the things he did-or at least have a strong input with things-such as getting a streetbike, joining the army, (i bluntly said no to both things because they scare me! its his life im concerned about!) and the things he bought. i always asked him how much money he had and stuff but it was because of all the stress and shit he had put me through previously. about 2 weeks ago he relasped and i freaked out. i probably shouldnt have as bad as i did but i put my foot down hard NO MORE COKE. his best friend luis is one the happiest nicest people i have ever met in my life. i love him dearly but he does coke sometimes-he isnt addictied but once in a while for parties and what not. he can handle his shit and my boyfriend couldnt.
my bf said he wouldnt do it again after his relaspe but luis suggested a lil "fun night" just them doing some coke. my bf agreed and asked me for permission. i was very upset and they tried to explain to me he wouldnt do it all the time and if he did it this time he wouldnt do so again for a long while. this was last week.
yesterday out of nowhere he politely broke up with me--minutes after suggesting we go get the kitten we had wanted to buy for ourselves. he explained how i was controlling and became a bitch and he coulnt handle it anymore. i understood but was so heartbroken and crying and he was so cold! like didnt care at all!
i cried and said i wont belike that anymore. i noticed i had become like that and for him to give me a chance. afterall i had given him so many.
he is my best friend and i love him and we have been through EVERYTHING and made it through EVERYTHING. he said he will give me a chance and he took me to dinner afterwords.
when we got home from dinner--he kept saying i looked tired an dhosuld go to bed. the he said luis was coming over. i had suspicions. sure enough the dealer came by and they were doing coke in the living room.
i stayed up with them very late. just chattying and what not. my nerves would not let me rest. he explained to me that he was osrry for not telling me the truth but that hes not doing it for a long while--months. he said he broke up with me to make me relaise what i was doing and i said "what if i had said ok?" and he said "then we would have gone through with it," he wants to get a kitten today.
he has done this before surprisingly and did coke the night we broke up months ago. it seemed all too familiar but this time freaked me out.
i want to be with him. even if he joins the army. i think we will make it
I'm not exactly sure how this guy could lie and steal, and basically dump all over you, and then turn it around so that you're apologizing.
You probably did get bossy, but he put you through hell. If he was really serious he would do anything to make it up to you.
Here's the problem, and you already know it. He loves the coke more than he loves you. You don't want to hear it, but he's an addict and it's true.
As for the army. Maybe that would have been the best thing to keep him clean, so you are going to have to look at what you really want here. You are not his mother, and acting like it is only going to push him away. You say you want it to work, so if you do you're going to have to back off and let him make his own decisions-even if those decisions end up causing the destruction of your relationship.
The best thing you can do is to go about your life. Find what makes you happy and do it. Get a life outside of this relationship because I would be willing to bet your whole world has revolved around him and his problems for a long time. Do you even know what you dreamed for anymore? Or are you just too busy treading water waiting for him to come up for air?
I am sounding hard, but really, it's not your fault. It is what happens when you love an addict. Don't think your story is going to end up any differently than everyone else's because he will not quit until he wants to and if you forbid him he will just lie and sneak around.
I know people who have been able to stay sober, but it takes a real slap in the face and serious commitment. He doesn't want to stay sober right now. It's not your fault, so don't take it personally and feel like if you were better he would. Drugs are very powerful. People chose them over their children, over their life.
Once he sees you doing your own thing, he will be a lot more likely to rethink things, but not if he knows you are always going to be there, apologizing for loving him. Please-don't get the kitten, by the way. It will only serve to be a responsibility that you don't need right now. You're having enough trouble without adding something else.
None of this is what you want to hear. I will send you lots of good wishes.
You have to start taking care of yourself. You can't save him if he doesn't want to be saved
15/f
I could never trust anyone but my closest relatives.Everyone I knew would betray me.People would always make fun of me for reasons I wasn't familiar with.First there were the ones I went to elementary school with.I'm not exaggerating when I say I had almost no friends at all.Only a few out of hundreds of them could actually understand me.For 8 years it seemed like nothing would ever change.I thought they hated me because I was and still am a straight A's student who doesn't like going out at night and getting into trouble.But that's not all.I had a boyfriend who I was truly in love with.He was with me for 7 months,but then cheated on me with my best friend who ended up not caring about me and went for him.I was destroyed for months.He was my everything and I grew up with her.Luckily,my grades remained the same.The thing is I can't bring myself to trust anyone now.Especially boys.For some weird reason I always think they're kidding me.I'm in first year of high school now,and today a guy from my class who's apparently hitting on me came up to me and said I was the hottest girl in class,and instead of feeling good about it,I wanted to slap him! I did say thanks though,but I have major trust issues!I always think people hate me and make fun of me behind my back... I want to fix it but I'm lost and I don't know how.I hate when some people who are good to me,mostly girls tell me they wish they were me,because they have no idea how I feel and what emotional mess I am.What should I do about this? It's just too much for someone my age to handle.Thanks for taking your time to read this.
You said it in your first sentence; when it really comes down to it, family is all you truly have in this world. That's not entirely true, because there are trustworthy people out there, but if you know five of them in your whole life, consider yourself lucky.
But, about the rest of your story. Don't let this one guy ruin it for the next one because you just might push away a really good person because of something he had nothing to do with.
Heartbreak really sucks- I mean REALLY sucks, but you can't be scared to love because of it.
We know when we're getting cheated on, and we know when we're being lied to. I'll be willing to bet that when that jerk was cheating on you, you kind of knew it in the back of your mind-you just chose to ignore it.
The best way to be in a relationship and still keep your sanity is this....Set up boundaries. Have expectations about the way you want to be treated, and if your boyfriend doesn't live up to those expectations, dump him. Don't make excuses for him, or think he will change. Just end it and move on.
Listen to that little voice. It is telling you the truth. So don't push it aside just because you really like the guy.
Don't get angry at people who are nice to you. That's the thing. When we get cheated on it totally destroys our self-esteem. The people who should feel bad, like your friend and that guy, don't even get effected and the person who gets cheated on walks around feeling so down on themselves.
Just remember-the smartest, best, most beautiful people still get cheated on. It wasn't you, it was them. Maybe it's time for you to open up your heart to the rest of the world. It's just so hard, but you're a brave girl if you do!!
16-f-UK
Ok i want you to pretend im like 6.
never played football beforein my life.
(i have just so you know - and for the record... im not 6)
i need to know how to describe a tackle to me.
step by step. im really struggling... and online thigns are confusing me.
please help
thanks in advance.
The best way to tackle a person is to trip them up from the legs. I don't know if this is legal, or not, so if the ref blow the whistle don't do it again. Anyways, don't stress about it. the whole point is to get the person off their feet, and that can be pretty easy. Think about someone you hate, picture him/her, and have at it. You are an animal, nothing can get past you. If the runner is ahead of you, you can catch them. Think of yourself as invincible. Rev yourself up. Finally, you have permission to hit, push, and do all of that stuff you're not allowed to do in real life. Go with it and enjoy!!! Remember, the noone can run very far if their legs are out from under them.