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boyfriend broke up with me out of nowhere!
we have been dating for over a year and in the beginning he developed (or re-started actually) a horrible cocaine addiction that lead to stealing from me and voltile fights between us. i live with him and his family loves me. he quit the addiction for about 5 months and i thought we were doing great.over the time he was sober, i did however become high maintance and started to control the things he did-or at least have a strong input with things-such as getting a streetbike, joining the army, (i bluntly said no to both things because they scare me! its his life im concerned about!) and the things he bought. i always asked him how much money he had and stuff but it was because of all the stress and shit he had put me through previously. about 2 weeks ago he relasped and i freaked out. i probably shouldnt have as bad as i did but i put my foot down hard NO MORE COKE. his best friend luis is one the happiest nicest people i have ever met in my life. i love him dearly but he does coke sometimes-he isnt addictied but once in a while for parties and what not. he can handle his shit and my boyfriend couldnt.
my bf said he wouldnt do it again after his relaspe but luis suggested a lil "fun night" just them doing some coke. my bf agreed and asked me for permission. i was very upset and they tried to explain to me he wouldnt do it all the time and if he did it this time he wouldnt do so again for a long while. this was last week.
yesterday out of nowhere he politely broke up with me--minutes after suggesting we go get the kitten we had wanted to buy for ourselves. he explained how i was controlling and became a bitch and he coulnt handle it anymore. i understood but was so heartbroken and crying and he was so cold! like didnt care at all!
i cried and said i wont belike that anymore. i noticed i had become like that and for him to give me a chance. afterall i had given him so many.
he is my best friend and i love him and we have been through EVERYTHING and made it through EVERYTHING. he said he will give me a chance and he took me to dinner afterwords.
when we got home from dinner--he kept saying i looked tired an dhosuld go to bed. the he said luis was coming over. i had suspicions. sure enough the dealer came by and they were doing coke in the living room.
i stayed up with them very late. just chattying and what not. my nerves would not let me rest. he explained to me that he was osrry for not telling me the truth but that hes not doing it for a long while--months. he said he broke up with me to make me relaise what i was doing and i said "what if i had said ok?" and he said "then we would have gone through with it," he wants to get a kitten today.
he has done this before surprisingly and did coke the night we broke up months ago. it seemed all too familiar but this time freaked me out.
i want to be with him. even if he joins the army. i think we will make it
<3
comments or answers appreciated.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Anyone, who believe they are the most important person in their lives and wont consider your thoughts, your beliefs, nor how you feel about a situation then that very person doesnt truely care about what you even think!! So question is why are you even with that person? Life goes on, thats the wonderful thing about life. You will always date again, you will always find someone else to go thru events. Just because you done this and you done that with this person or you two said this.. What people say and do one day is what they mean THAT DAY! It will and maynot be the same feeling next week. People fall in and out of love all the time. Its hard for people to stay in love, falling out of love is easy! And if you are already controlling his moves then honestly you aren't happy and you are not meant to be. Don't waste anymore time with someone you want to change, cause the question is.. Would you change yourself and your thoughts just to make someone happy? Change the way you dress, your make up, your hair, the biggest change someone can address you with is..to leave your family for them. If they ask you any of them then RUN they may like a part of you, but they don't like all of you.
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I'm not exactly sure how this guy could lie and steal, and basically dump all over you, and then turn it around so that you're apologizing.
You probably did get bossy, but he put you through hell. If he was really serious he would do anything to make it up to you.
Here's the problem, and you already know it. He loves the coke more than he loves you. You don't want to hear it, but he's an addict and it's true.
As for the army. Maybe that would have been the best thing to keep him clean, so you are going to have to look at what you really want here. You are not his mother, and acting like it is only going to push him away. You say you want it to work, so if you do you're going to have to back off and let him make his own decisions-even if those decisions end up causing the destruction of your relationship.
The best thing you can do is to go about your life. Find what makes you happy and do it. Get a life outside of this relationship because I would be willing to bet your whole world has revolved around him and his problems for a long time. Do you even know what you dreamed for anymore? Or are you just too busy treading water waiting for him to come up for air?
I am sounding hard, but really, it's not your fault. It is what happens when you love an addict. Don't think your story is going to end up any differently than everyone else's because he will not quit until he wants to and if you forbid him he will just lie and sneak around.
I know people who have been able to stay sober, but it takes a real slap in the face and serious commitment. He doesn't want to stay sober right now. It's not your fault, so don't take it personally and feel like if you were better he would. Drugs are very powerful. People chose them over their children, over their life.
Once he sees you doing your own thing, he will be a lot more likely to rethink things, but not if he knows you are always going to be there, apologizing for loving him. Please-don't get the kitten, by the way. It will only serve to be a responsibility that you don't need right now. You're having enough trouble without adding something else.
None of this is what you want to hear. I will send you lots of good wishes.
You have to start taking care of yourself. You can't save him if he doesn't want to be saved
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