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My sister is pregnant
My sister is 15-years-old. We have had problems with her for years, she doesn't do anything anyone tells her, has screaming tantrums on a daily basis, steals from us and more recently has been kicked out of school.
Today I found out that she is pregnant by her boyfriend of six months. I am absolutely livid. This is my final year of school and I will be taking important exams around the time that the baby is due. It is also my 18th birthday next week, which is a pretty big deal as I live in the UK, and we were planning a big party with family and friends. Obviously this is now being completely overshadowed.
I know I'm being selfish for just thinking about myself but for years I have suffered as a result of her behaviour, baring the brunt of my parents' anger and finding it really difficult to stay at home as the constant noise and arguments are too much. This feels like the last straw. This year is so important for me and instead of fully supporting me, my parents are going to be preoccupied with this.
I know she might not even end up having the baby as it is very early days and she hasn't made any decisions yet, but I am furious with both her and my parents, who I partially blame for this. Ever since she got together with her boyfriend I told my parents I didn't think it was a good idea to let her stay at his house and that she wasn't using protection but no one listened to me. They are now angry with me for being upset. My sister and I had a bad relationship anyway but now I don't want her anywhere near me. As far as I'm concerned she has ruined what is going to be one of the most important years of my life.
What should I do? I honestly don't think I can bare being anywhere near her, let alone live with her, especially if she decides to keep the baby. I can hardly look at my parents because I'm so angry about their attitude and the way they're dealing with it.
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First off let me say that I'm sorry your parents are letting you have the butt of everything and the anger is coming towards you. Your sister is a very trouble person and honeslty if you dont wanna stay in that house,dont, move in with a relative you trust and think will help you in order to achieve your goals this year. Like you said it is an important year for you and it is your year in a way. But like I said if its that bad I would say go live with a relative, explain to your parenst exactly why you want to do this, maybe they will understand why but its still your choice wether you want to do that or not..I hope it gets better for you:)
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She didn't ruin your life. And besides look at you: you are 18 years old, almost done with school, you have a whole life ahead of you. Think of it this way, would you rather be in your sister's shoes?
Give your sister a chance and show her some support. She is afterall your sister and since your the older and smarter one, you have to show her that you care for her. Who knows, maybe you'll end up loving your sister and her baby.
Right now, she needs your support despite her past mistakes. I understand your suffering and it is hard to deal with anger with your sister. I don't think your parents want to take your fun away on purpose. They're probably heart broken too with what happened with your sister and it's hard for them to take it. This is a difficult time in your family and you should really just understand and support your sister. Understand how your parents are feeling too.
I hope all turns out well for you and your family.
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you need to show your sister some support. No offence no matter how mad of a relationship the two of you have she needs support or help. I was 15 and pregnant and i keep my son and i wish i had a sister to help me or friends who stuck by my side. It is not your parents fault she would have found any way possible to have sex with her boyfriend weather your parents let her stay the night with him or not. it just shows you will make better choice for your children in the future. being pregnant is a choice your sister needs to deal with. weather she decides to keep the baby or not.
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obviously your sister is a troubled person , my best friends little sister is the same way only shes 12... yeah its bad.
but look, your sisters bringin a baby in the world. you need to get over yourself and your problems with her because she probably needs you right now, just like you would need an older sister in this situation.
what are your parents goin to do ? she already had sex and shes already pregnant. its not like theyre goin to ground her. i got pregnant at 15, and my parents werent happy but they didnt act like that could do somethin about it because they knew there was no point.
when you turn 18, MOVE OUT. your parents arent goin to kick your 15 year old sister out because you cant stand her.
youre sister probably wants all the attention and thats the reason for her behavior. just kill her with kindness, meanin just act so nice to her that she cant be a bitch to you.
sorry about your sister, but its a situation thats not gonna go away so you need to find a way to make the best of it.
good luck.
x sweeethoney
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Before I go into any kind of detail, I have to say several things in your defense:
1. I don't think you're being selfish.
2. I think you have every right to be angry.
3. I think you sound very mature for 17.
4. I think you have a very bright future ahead of you.
I come from a family that sometimes makes me wonder how I could be related to such stupid people! Every one has flaws, but my family could be on a two part episode of Jerry Springer. It might sound mean, but it's the truth. My mom and my siblings' choices still confuse me and I'm 26 years old. I don't know how I went on to college and got on the honor roll, but I did and I'm in the process of transferring to UNC, which is a major university here in America. If I can do something like that with the way I was raised, I'm positive you can do something even greater.
It sounds like you're a very level headed young woman who's tired of dealing with the drama of a younger sister who desperately needs to grow up and two oblivious parents who won't do their job and show her the way. It's understandable that you would be angry, frustrated, and maybe even a little jealous that her BS continues to steal the spotlight from all the good things that you're doing. Unfortunately, your parents aren't going to change and it doesn't sound like your sister is getting an efficient amount of guidance and support from them, so you're going to have to keep your eye on the prize and focus on yourself.
I really wish you got the attention you deserve, but you have to remember what's important: your future. While your sister and your parents are going to suffer the consequences of their actions, you get to be the one who gets away from it all. You're not going to be the one with the baby to take care of. You're not going to be the one who has to take care of the baby who had a baby. Will your life be easy? Absolutely not, BUT it'll be easier AND better than theirs. It might sound selfish to take comfort and joy in that, but it's not. This is your time to shine, and even if you're the only one celebrating how great your choices have been, party like a rock star!
You really deserve it.
So what should you do, you ask? Absolutely nothing. Keep doing what you're doing because you have success written all over you. Soon you'll be out on your own, I'd imagine, and you won't have to deal with this. Their problems are only your problems if you let them be. Regardless of what your sister decides to do with her baby, live as though it's you against the world. If things change for the better and your family stumbles upon some common sense, then good for them and great for you, but don't expect that to happen. Remember, your family are the people you choose to keep in your life. Don't let these people get you down. You have to ignore their attitudes or accept them. It's your choice to make.
Good luck!
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It might be that your parents are so desperate to get your sister on the right track they secretly (or not so secretly) hope this baby will make her grow up. I'm not saying it's logical, I'm just pointing out a reason why they allowed such a young girl to sleep over her boyfriend's, etc.
I don't think you're being selfish-fed up is probably more like it. After all, it must really suck to be a responsible teenager and get dismissed off to the side because all of the energy goes into the one who is causing all the trouble. I am sorry, and there is really no answer, and I think you're not so much asking a question as looking for a way to validate your feelings. You have every right to be upset because you've been getting the short shaft all this time, and the one thing that you kept in your mind is that when you graduated, your parents would really be so proud and it would kind of (at least a little) make up for all the times you got ignored. You wanted, just once, for your parents to make a big deal out of you, and the plus was that it was from your accomplishment, not screw-up. Now you feel like all hopes of that is lost, and you worked so hard to accomplish this and you feel it will be once again overshadowed.
Here's the thing, and you don't realize it, but your little sister is really jealous of you. If she wasn't why would she work so hard to get all the attention. Your hard work will be rewarded when you watch your children grow with all of the comforts afforded children whose parents have made wise decisions. You will be lucky enough to have a husband who can consider you an equal. You will be the one who is welcome in any family environment. You have the benefit of never causing people to be embarressed of your behavior. There are some people who feel like they have to be the center of attention all the time, and everything they do is aimed at the easy way out, feel sorry for me, notice me. Nobody really wants those people around, except to talk about behind their backs. Then there are people who have the quiet dignity of a person who knows the world does not revolve around them, and do what they can to make it a better place. When you start to feel down, just remember, the greatest reward is being able to walk with your head held high.
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For now take deep breaths, long baths, and or long walks. Take care of your own peace of mind, because you are right, no one else is going to have the time or energy.
The situation is, as you well know, completely out of your control. Flipping out about it isn't going to help. There are other decisions to be made before you'll have enough information to decide what you need to do.
Your responsibilities are this:
Defend yourself, your needs and your happiness, as well as you can, without disrespecting or hating other people.
Try to forgive everyone involved.
If it comes down to it, don't punish an innocent child for the mistakes of others.
If defending yourself means looking for other living arrangements, so be it. If defending yourself means a lock on your bedroom door and a box full of ear plugs, go for it. If defending yourself means not eating meals with the rest of your family, go for it.
But the way you explain your actions in your defense is not by hating and blaming, it's by standing up for yourself.
You don't say:
I can't believe you let her do this! You are all idiots! I can't stand to be around you!
You DO say:
I'm really unhappy and stressed by this whole situation that is not my fault or under my control. That's my problem, and the way I'm going to handle my problem is by doing X, Y and Z. I hope I can have your support at this important time, to do these things I feel are nessicary so I can succeed and be happy.
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