about

I'm an 29 year old guy.
I'll always do my best to give well considered and sincere advice - give me your best shot. P.S. Don't be afraid to ask me private questions, I rarely spend a lot of time answering non-private questions.

o.o There is apparently a FORUM for me if you would like to talk about random non-advice stuff. Take off your shoes!

advice

my friend is a cutter and in school she carved 'bitch'on her arm. i wasnt in her class. she just came to me after class and was about to cry and showed me her arm. i got pissed of and said 'wtf whyd you fuckin do that' on and on. im a recovering cutter i know how it is but her life makes mine seem good and mine is hell hers is worse. i just dont know what to do? im 13 shes 14 femalees my best friends got me to stop by grabbing the knife

Hey,

The best thing I can tell you is something to say to her. Might work, might not, depends on her.
-The reason people cut a lot of the time is that they want to make the pain they're feeling either justifiable (because it really physically hurts), or just visible, so that people close to them will be able to see they are in pain. The thing that you've got to understand is that when you cut, that doesn't do anything good for you. It's not "constructive", it's just another way you will end up self-destructing. In the end, you want things to be better, don't you? So you have to believe that they can be better, and that it's not you that's a problem. You have to stop making your problems worse by hurting yourself, along with all of the other things that have gone wrong for you.-

The main point is that although it might seem like there is a reason to cut, one must realise that there's no point in being self-destructive. Knowing that you have one person who won't hurt you anymore (yourself), is sometimes the thing you need most.

Also, getting pissed off at her about it might not be the best thing to do. I guess it's hard not to be mad, but it might be better for her if it seemed like you were worried about her, or that you cared about her. Being mad almost seems like a form of blame, whereas your first reaction should probably be more to do with -what is hurting you? I care for you-

I hope that made sense.
-K

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i think i am about ready to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. it will be both of our firsts and i am a little bit nervous about little things during this sex like if i get pregnant or just something bad happening! is it normal to be nervous and is there any little tips i need to know before doing this? and can someone please explain how the process goes like does he get a little hard then put the condom on? or how does that work?
thanks

Hey,
If you're nervous, just make sure you know what to do if things do go wrong.
Three things you can do in terms of "protection":
Spermicide (probably available at a chemist, very likely avail at an adult store, however I don't know how old you are, so you may not want to try going there. This is additional safety that kills anything that comes from a burst or leaking condom.
Condoms: They're not hard to use, but there are a few things to watch out for. By the time you, or he get around to putting it on, his penis should already be erect. Magic!. They roll only one way. If you look at the rolled condom, one side will go down a bit, and the other side will just be flat. The flat side will be the one which goes down on the tip of his penis. It won't roll the other way, so you'll know if you've got it wrong. When you/him are fitting it, make sure that there is no air left in the tip, once it is a little way unrolled on his penis. This creates a high tension area, which pops around and can cause damage and bursting of condoms. When the air is gone (expel carefully), unroll to the base of the penis.
The third thing, is for if you know that the condom has burst. You would need to go see a GP, and ask them to prescribe you an oral contraceptive, commonly known as "morning after" pill. It would tinker with your hormones, in order to make you infertile temporarily (no pregnancy).

-K

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I got the new ipod nano for my birthday. It has been working really well except for I want music off my other ipod (that isn't in my files or library) onto my newer one. It won't let me drag it on!! It is agrivating me VERY much. This music I got from my sister's itunes. And I don't know how to put an album cover on if it doesn't come with out...please tell me how =P. And how to do delete photos you add onto your ipod??

Thanks in advance!!

Hey,
If your nano is the new (really short generation) I can only hope that apple hasn't created a hurdle that what I will suggest can't handle;
Apple got flack from the music industry, and subsequently disallowed (though the use of software, hiding files, and muddling the names) the copying of music that the owner of an ipod didn't already have in the library of their computer. The only way to get around this is to use a program designed to rip the music back. iPod Rip is ok, and has some free trial uses. BTW I should mention "stealing music is a criminal activity", just to cover myself :)
As for cover art, there are programs that will let you automatically search and add it, or you can just get a JPG of the cover art, and drag it onto a particular spot where it says "drag cover art here" or something similar, in itunes.
Photos you've added to your ipod manually for viewing can be deleted using itunes. There's a special sub-menu of your ipod within itunes which handles them.

-K

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I have a very oily face. Like, incredibly oily. I dont know how to get rid of it! Any help is veryyy appreaciated.

Hi,
Don't know if you have trouble with pimples because of the oil or not. If you do, there are creams that you can get from chemists like "Benzac" which contain very dilute forms of peroxide or somesuch, which usually also contain components designed to absorb oil, and release moisturisers. (Benzac is the brand that the dermo. told me about, but I'm sure there are others.)

If you don't have the pimple problems, perhaps there are just plain creams which absorb the oil?

-K

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i was playing with my ipod and i put a lock on the volume i thought i knew the code but i guess i dont and now i cant undo it i looked at the screen lock and typed what i thought was it and i was right so why didnt the other one work for the volume i tryed pluging into the computer but it doesnt work i changed it to 0000 in the screen lock the go back to volume lock and it wont work whats wrong with it. what do i do

If you've got all of your music on your computer still, use the reset option in iTunes to reset the ipod to factory settings.

If you haven't got all of your music backed up, and it's just on your ipod, you'll need a program that will extract the music to your hard-drive, before you reset it. There's probably already a question on here about that, so if that's the case, look it up.

If a reset doesn't work take it to Apple.

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14/f
I recently told my friend ( a guy, we will call him A ) that i had a crush on his best friend. ( we will call him F ) so A says to me that he will talk to F about me and see if F likes me too. A couple of days later, he tells me that F knows that I like him. Then a few more days later, and A tells me that F said he likes me but doesn't want a girlfriend right now during summer.

well, my question is- does this seem like he actually likes me? or is just being poliete and trying to say no he doesn't like me? i know it seems really silly, and obvious, but i just want to make sure thats the truth.

Hey,
I'll add a bit to what solidadvice4teens said, but I don't think it's completely suited to your situation. I agree with what they said, it's just it sounds from your question that you were just sniffing things out, rather than actually being serious about asking him out or anything, in which case asking a mutual friend might be best. If you want to ask him out, yes, do it yourself.
The thing I will add is that asking a mutual friend might be risky for other reasons; such as A has feelings for you, and is trying to keep you from finding out that F is crazy about you, in order to try to have a chance with you himself.

If there's none of that going on, and what A told you is the truth of what F said to him, then F probably really does like you, but just has short-term reasons for not wanting to become attached at the moment. I wouldn't want to stereotype, but guys don't tend to much about as much being polite by putting things off as girls do. By talking to his friend, he would be removed enough from you to feel like he didn't need to be polite about saying whether or not he liked you.

-K

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i'm really really bored with all the books i have read. i'm ready for a new good one. i don't like to read books that are about life, but more like one's that tell a story. i would like to start a new series. i like the harry potter books and sisterhood of the traveling pants. i'm 15 and female. i am smart so nothing that's really easy to read but nothing that takes to much thinking either. any suggestions?

Hey,
One of my fave. series, it's long, so it will keep you going a long time unless you're a speed-reader, but it's worth it;
Otherland - Tad Williams

Hope you like it
-K

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okay, about a month ago a guy i liked asked me "whats up" and i was like "nothing" and then i said "whats up" and he said "nothing" LOL. its funny looking back now but back then it was sooo awkward.

do you say "nothing" or do you launch into a full account of what you've done all week? im confuseedd. btw this applies to people you're not total strangers with BUT don't really know well enough to give a full account of everything that's happened in the day.

honestly, i think there should be an unspoken social rule that acquaintances dont say "whats up" to each other. =[

thanks in advance lovess

Hey,
What's up? :P
It's just a little bit more interested version of "hello" in Australia. Might be slightly different in the US..
Just use it as an excuse to make conversation. You don't actually need anything to talk about if nothing interesting has been happening, just make something up, or say something strange, such as "Well, I had () for breakfast".
My personal stock response is to perform a dramatic examination of the ceiling/sky, and comment, "Gee, look at all the flaking paint"/"Oh my you're right, it IS going to rain", but that's only because I detest the question being used as a greeting, and it's the best, most boring way I could think of to deter people from asking again :)

If you want the person who asks "what's up?" to invite you to do something, you can always say "I don't know, I'm bored", or something similar.

~Luck

-K

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Hi, I'm 14, soon to be 15 in 13 days, female.

My family has recently become poor. I've never been a person to shop at Hollister or anywhere that expensive, buttt, according to my mom and dad, we're almost in debt, and we can't pay our monthly bills. We can't afford my school clothes, so I'm having a yard sale.

My dad, tonight, just told me that we might not have enough to send me to Drivers Ed this September. I got really upset, and he still has to look into the finances.
I told him I was angry because we were poor, and he said whatever and left. What do I do about all of this? I think I hurt my dad's feelings, and yet I'm literally crying because we don't have enough money for anything anymore, I can't stop crying.

... please help. What should I do? My birthday will probably be the worst ever.

Hey
Sorry to hear you're not doing so well. How did your family become poor? Did one of your parents lose a job? Maybe they'll find another one soon...
xoLoLaox had a good point about driver's ed. It's probably the least of your worries right at the moment. Get someone in your family to teach you how to drive.
I can understand being "upset" because you're poor. Being "angry" is not acceptable, because in order to be angry, you must be directing hate towards somebody/something. What made your family poor? It wasn't somebody coming along and making sure you had no money on purpose, was it? So when you tell your father you're angry because you're poor, he probably takes that to mean that you blame him. That's not fair, so perhaps you should check to see that he knows you still love him, and that you're just upset. Right now, your dad is probably more upset than you.
Sally's suggestion of getting a job is a good idea. Also, if you are going to school, it's possible that your school has a program for students with financial difficulties (Like scholarships for financial stress, so that you wouldn't have to work while you study)
As long as your family has the money for basic things like electricity, heating, water, and food, then you'll be alright. Sometimes you don't really realise or appreciate that those sorts of essentials are there, until you lose them. There are people who are a lot worse off than you at the moment. That doesn't make it easier, I guess, but it's something you have to realise. You're not completely out of everything.

If I may say, Brie's answer was a little bit much like Sally's (i.e. what a rip-off Brie!)

xoLoLaox's point again, is very good. You should try to focus on the people you have. They're the best thing you have going for you, trying to get through a hard time. While you have friends, and a family that loves you, your birthday can be fine. You won't necessarily get many expensive presents, but what was there that you were going to get that is so important that it matters more than you? Is not having heaps of presents going to make you unhappy - or would it just be that you make yourself unhappy by not accepting that you can't have them just yet? Happiness is what you decide.
I hope that wasn't too crap and philosophical for you :) And you're happy that at least 3 people who answered you care enough to want to help you.
And I hope things go better and you feel happier soon.

-K

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When volleyball first started i was instantly in love with the sport. That is where i met my 2 BFF's. As we got to 8th grade we rocked at v-b and we where playing for fun and no one EXPECTED us to win, even though we where the "A" team.

Now that highschool started the coaches are like "you better do this or your not gonna play" and "You DON'T PLAY FOR FUN you play to WIN!!!" and "I DON'T WANT ANY LOSES!" she literly makes us run and do sprints(if you miss a ball in a game) by your self in front of everyone else. Then yells in our face if we don't win and points out every single mistake we make and what/who "cost" us the ""precious"" game.

Is it me or am i thinking wrong by wanting to quit? and is it as bad as i think(or am i being to 'wimpy'?) Help!

Hey
That sounds a bit nasty. I guess the thing is you can't let having bad teachers ruin things you enjoy. You could try to ignore the way the teacher acts (the sprints are probably good for you anyway;)
Or you could do a few other things. Somebody already suggested that you can play volleyball at some other place. Any sports centers close? The other things you could do depend on you, and the teacher, and the school. Would the teacher listen to you if you told her that she was being unfair and nasty... would she listen if a whole bunch of you told her, or ignored her when she told you to do things like sprints, or if you started sticking up for each-other? (i.e. team spirit that excludes nasty things she says)
Secondly, if you don't think confronting her is a good idea, you could try to find a way to anonymously report her to the school.

It's not wrong to quit when something doesn't interest you anymore, but at the moment it sounds like you still want to play, and it's simply the teacher being an obstacle that is making things less enjoyable for you. Try to deal with the teacher before you give up.

-K

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during lighting and thunderstorms i know that lighting bolts bounce off rubber, i was randomly wondering if its possible to sit on a trampoline during it, becuase wouldnt the bolts reflect off? haha anyone have any guesses, its killing me

Lightning is electricity evening itself out. I don't remember, but its either negative, or positive charge held in the clouds, and the opposite charge is held by the ground. (Like yin and yang) A very safe place during a lightning storm is inside a car, because it is separated from the ground by 4 rubber/silicon/non-conductive tyres. Lightning strikes the closest object that it can, which is still connected to the ground, by an electrical path (metal is good, trees are okay) That is why tall buildings, with metal structure, and tall metal antennae attract lightning strikes. Power lines, because they carry charge that can neutralize the lightning, are also targets, which really screws up the electricity company's equipment, which is why there are often black-outs due to lightning, apart from the falling trees over lines.

Being outside on a trampoline probably isn't a good idea, as it is a large amount of metal, sitting directly on the ground. There is enough electricity in a lightning strike that it jumps through hundreds of meters of air to strike the ground, so being very close to that much metal would be stupid. In fact, because you are closer to the sky than the metal, it might decide to go Through you to get to the metal.

So to answer your question: no, it wouldn't reflect off. Electricity doesn't reflect from rubber, it simply does not "seek" it, and you should not go near large metal structures connected to ground during a lightning storm. If you're just walking around in general, rubber soled shoes are better than synthetic, because they create a more effective non-conductive barrier between you, and the ground.

-K

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I have adobe photoshop, and I need help, cuz something isnt working. When I click on the paintbrush, and then I go to quick master mode to paint, it doesent show up! Help, whats wrong?

Hi,
You need to tell us more information. Such as what platform, and what version of PS you're using.

There are many possibilities of what is wrong. You may be painting without having set a colour. You may have the brush set to transparent (0%), you may be using a brush that is too small to see (1px), you may not be painting in the right layer to see anything, the brush mode may be set wrong (overlay/soft light/many modes will produce different effects, but not paint).

I suggest if you're not familiar enough with the interface to change the settings to make the brush work, that you need to reset all of the brushes. This will probably be contained in one of the menus, under "preferences". The location of reset will differ depending on what version of photoshop you have, and I probably don't have the same version, so sorry, but I can't give you a walkthrough..

Good luck

-K

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17/m If i'm a virgin, how long will i last my first time

Depends on your personal habits. Frequent, short-time masturbation conditions you to ejaculate quickly... not a good thing from the other gender's point of view. As a counter-point, in general, twice-weekly or more frequent masturbation lessens your risk of prostate cancer significantly, so it's not necessarily to be avoided.
If you don't masturbate, you might last longer, however you may be more excited about the first time, and ejaculate sooner. It depends on the person. I suggest if you're worried about it, that you invest a small amount of time reading about the man's side of oral-sex, because it will probably lead to greater satisfaction for any girl you sleep with.

-K

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how does one describe a voice? like joel madden's? (from good charlotte) i need to know this b/c im writing a story and describing the main character. theres something about his voice that sets him apart from like johnny depp's.

Hey,
Sound characteristics, accent, unusual ways of saying particular words, and words used to display that the character is talking are all ways to convey the way somebody sounds. Mostly, readers will imagine this for themselves, given prompting.

You could;
Have a pair of other characters talk about the character whose voice you want to describe, and have them suggest who it sounds like.

Use different words for "said" i.e. drawled/squeeked/whispered/wailed/urged/barked/growled/shouted/bawled. You don't want to use these words too often, or repeatedly though, because it will annoy readers if the same character always has the same speech marker used for them.

Sound characteristics would usually be narrated: telling the reader things such as "he spoke with a smooth, even tone, his words bubbling over each-other like honey", ok so it could be a crap, clichéd example, but you use descriptive words (or even things like honey/cream/ other food-things, or whatever the sound reminds you of, to get the message across. Toads, Buzz-saws, Dogs, Broken down cars...

You can also (If you're good at phonetics), write accents into characters; "such as if ah was pretendin' to be ah scotts-man", although you have to be fairly convincing, and fairly solid in what the accent sounds like to do this.

Good luck!
-K

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15/f. so, i would like to work at a mcdonalds. but, does being around so much grease [ i would not be working near grills. only cashier + the window drive thru] so, would it cause break outs? .. im not sure if it would. please tell me.

Hi,
Depends mostly on your skin type. If you're prone to pimples, then yes, definitely it will dramatically increase your number of breakouts.
Oil evaporates slower than water, but at such high heats (as McDonald's cookers) it -will- evaporate quite a lot. Not working over grills would be an advantage though, as you wouldn't be getting the radiant heat that is also bad for your skin.
A dermatologist would probably say "don't work there", however some people's skin stands a lot of oil without doing anything. You may as well get a job there, and resign after two weeks if it makes your skin bad.
-K

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ive had a Vivitar Digital Camera a little over a year and ive always used the USB cord to connect it to the computer, and have basically had no problems. Now, i havent used my camera since January.. and i recently took some pics. i just tried to upload them but apparently it isnt noticing the cord is connected? i dont know what to do. it made the little beep it makes when it connects, but then said the USB port was overloaded, so i reset it, nothing happened, so i switched ports. now its not doing anything. i turn it on and it just sits there. i switched ports again, and still nothing, but i know this port works because its the one i hook up my ipod to. whats wrong? please dont suggest buying a new cord.

Just an addition to the other answers:
Make sure you haven't added any new devices, or USB software between the time that your camera worked, and stopped working. I.e. having a thumb-drive in your other USB port could such enough power to put the port you're trying to plug your camera into out of comission.
Luck
-K

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ok well me and my friends are starting a band and well. my voice sucks is there anyway i can change my singing voice and make it sound like another singer or somthing! im really in need of help

Please use capitalisation, correct grammar, and spelling in any future private (or hopefully public) questions. It's very annoying having to read a question three times, before you realise that it should say "My friends and I are starting a band, and my voice sucks. Is there any way I can change my singing voice, to make it sound like another singer or something? I really need help". Apart from that, I don't know if you are Male, Female, I KNOW you are young, but I don't know how young you are. These things make a difference, as it's a lot different being a pubescent boy trying to sing than a 14 year old girl.

There are three things you can do to change your singing voice.
1. Find a singing teacher, who will teach you vocalisation techniques.
2. Practice those techniques, and/or experiment on your own in a desolate place or soundproof room.
3. Have drastic surgery on your vocal cords.

Oh, there is 4. (but it is cheating) you could use some kind of software, and run your voice through an electronic device or computer, which would alter what it sounded like.

It's not great to want to sound exactly like another singer. Nobody wants a world full of the same singer. Unless of course you're an Elvis impersonator :)

Please think, then ask. Good luck with your band.
-K

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I have been friends with this guy since Sophmore year in High School, I'm now a freshman in College (19 years old), we are going to the same college. Anyways with all the stress of college none of us have time for a boy friend or girl friend but we both do enjoy sex, yes, I will put it that bluntly. We both started this friends with benefits relationship with no strings and no questions asked and this started in the beginning of the school year. I recently met this guy who I have feelings for, actual relationship feelings for and really want to give it a shot. He has admitted his feelings to me on occasions before and we are now going out. The guy I had the friends with benefits relationship I tried to end it off with but he got mad and psycho! He started yelling at me and calling me a slut and all these names. I think he had actual feelings for me! The other day we met up because I had to tell him that there is no future for us and I don't need a friend with benefit anymore and he got even more mad, and I have never seen him like this before. I reported him to the police because I was terrified. He is now in the hospital and got 'evaluated' and he has bi-polar disorder and is taking pills. I feel guilty, should I? Isn't this my fault, if we never started this maybe this wouldn't have happened? Should I talk to him about the situation now that he is on meds or should I never see him again? He is still my friend and I don't want to back down on him... what should I do??

Bi-polar is bi-polar. If it wasn't you, then it was going to be someone else. People with bi-polar can be completely reduced by very surprisingly small things actually, although I suppose it depends on the degree. You shouldn't feel guilty about it. You two had a casual relationship, and it's not like he should expect you to keep having sex with him when you've found somebody who you want to be in a more serious relationship with. He shouldn't be like that even if you'd just decided for no reason that you didn't want to have sex with him anymore.
You could try talking to him about it indirectly, carefully, such as introducing it through another subject. If he starts to appear distressed, completely change the subject, and deny anything that sounds like he is self-depreciating. He might become very desperate sounding, and you should do your best not to agravate that, while also not promising anything that you know you don't want to give or do.
If he's just psycho on you about it, then it's possible he's just not a very nice person at all when he senses there are no "benefits" in a relationship for him. That would be nothing to do with bi-polar at all. That's an entirely different syndrome known by names such as jerk and prick. I hope the suggestion doesn't offend you too much. I don't know the situation, but in these kinds of situations I find it's always best to be careful in re-evaluating people who appeared to be good, nice people under other circumstances.
Good luck,
-K

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I wanted to try scrunchng my hair, so I asked my mom if we had any mousse. She said she had some and she gave me this can that is spray foam or something and no where on it says mouse.. I was wondering if it is? If I list what it says on the front.. back to basica is the brand. It says, volume infusing spray foam., spray on styler for volume, texture and lift. Is this mouse, and if not will it work for scrunching hair? I have thin hair if it helps.

Well it might not say mousse, but that's what mousse does... It sounds like you might be more after a strong hair-gel specifically for scrunching though. That spray sounds like it will add "boof" to your hair, or let you wear it fluffed out.
-K

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im very scard. i smokED, i recently stoped 2 weeks ago because of my shortness of breath. (weed and cigs) i noticed if i went up about 6 stairs, i was complety out of breath. i used to play soccer, but i cant anymore cause i cant breath. today i was skiing and i took 2 aleve in the morning, for my knees. at 4 i came in and they were killing me, so i took another aleve. now its 6:30 and its kind of hard for me to breath, and i have a killer head ach but i cant take anything for it. also im drinking cold water. but i saw a commerical on mtv, that was talking about lung cancer. im 14 and my parents DONT know i smokeD. i was wondering what are signs of lung cancer? im scard i might have it.

I'm not a doctor either, but I agree with Mackenzie. Smoking is bad, however cancer usually only shows up in people who have smoked for a relatively long time. The problems you're experiencing are quite likely to do with withdrawal from nicotine in the cigarettes. You should see a doctor, because they will be able to help you deal with the symptoms, and might also be able to figure out what is wrong with your breathing. As long as the doctor doesn't believe that you are at risk of "harming yourself" further, they don't have the right to say anything to your parents about it.
Smoking weed is very bad. I know about the side-effects and potency of modern weed, because my father is a Psych. Nurse. Most of the patients he deals with have been on weed at some stage. Prolonged smoking of weed would rewire your brain, and intensify any possible mental illness that you might be susceptible to, so please don't do it.
-K

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