ask DearAbby92



read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators



Hello, call me Abby =] I'm eighteen and a senior in high school this year. I've always had great advice, I'm just not so great at following it =P Feel free to ask me anything, I'll do my best to give you an answer.
Gender: Female
Age: 18
Member Since: February 10, 2007
Answers: 962
Last Update: May 3, 2012
Visitors: 48341

Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Fashion and Styles
View All

Favorite Columnists
Cux
Whats the difference between leggings and jeggings?

Whats the difference between jeggings and skinny jeans?

They look the same to me (link)
It can be confusing, since they all have similar names!

Leggings are skin tight, usually cotton, 'pants'. They are more like thick stockings than pants. Most people wear long shirts or short dresses over leggings. Here is a picture of common leggings:

http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://thegloss.com/files/2007/09/basic-legging.jpg&imgrefurl=http://thegloss.com/fashion/not-real-green-leggings-thats-cruel/&usg=__4AElmhjaBKDjrENQjgJEb8VV1oU=&h=450&w=300&sz=69&hl=en&start=0&zoom=1&tbnid=W5ICETIwh2Lt0M:&tbnh=174&tbnw=116&ei=3UESTvLgDcLngQfzxbD2Bw&prev=/search%3Fq%3Dleggings%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26sa%3DN%26biw%3D1366%26bih%3D527%26tbm%3Disch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=rc&dur=100&page=1&ndsp=14&ved=1t:429,r:0,s:0&tx=82&ty=91

Jeggings are a legging/jean hybrid. They come in different forms! You can get jeggings that are literally as skin tight and soft as leggings, but just have a fake jean print on them. Or they have jeggings that are simply very stretchy and soft skinny jeans. They feel almost exactly the same as normal skinny jeans, just a tad more comfortable.

Skinny jeans/jeggings can basically be the same thing. Typically skinny jeans will be made out of a thicker fabric and be less flexible.

Hope that helped!

Good luck,

-Abby


I'm a teenager. Last night I gave my boyfriend a handjob. He cummed and a little got on my hand. Almost immediately after, I wiped my hand off on a rag that had already been somewhat used. Meaning he used it to wipe the cum off his hands then I used it to do the same thing. About half an hour later, I was home. I went to the bathroom. Before I touched myself down there I washed my hands with coolish water. Then I went to the bathroom and wiped myself down there. My finger didn't go in my vagina but I did touch near it but higher up, more near the urethra and clitoris. Is there any way I could be pregnant from this? Please help, I don't know what to do! (link)
You aren't pregnant, don't worry. Make sure if you have sex, you use one or more methods of birth control.

-Abby


Can long term vaginal infections such as yeast infections that last longer than normal or BV mess with the reproductive system? I'm only 17 years old at the moment but I do plan on having kids some time in my future. I have had this yeast infection for about two months ( even though that's way to long for a yeast infection to last and I'm beginning to think its something else)and it won't go away. I just want to know could this possibly mess up my chances of having kids in my future? (link)
While they sell over the counter treatments for yeast infections, its important to go to the doctor and actually get diagnosed. What seems like a yeast infection can be a urinary tract infection or something else. If this goes untreated, it can cause damage.

Only a doctor can diagnose you and give you the proper medication to clear up whatever you have.

Trust me, save yourself some grief and go to the doctor. I'm 18 and I've had 2-3 yeast infections in the span of a year and it's so uncomfortable.

Heres a tip, DO NOT get the monistat 1 day treatment. It is a one use suppository, and because it is supposed to work fast, it is super strong. It literally made my vagina itch and burn for over a day. That irritation can aggravate the vagina more, causing more infections. If you do use one of the over the counter treatments, get the ones that take a week, so it's as gentle as possible.

Good luck,

-Abby


Ok I'm 13 year old girl and I'm Horney and have no boyfriend. But I want to know how to masturbat but idk how. I'm so held in from EVERYTHING so pls don't judge me. Just anser my question. How can I masturbate??? (link)
I'm glad you are being honest and straightforward; open communication is key when it comes to sexual health.

First off, thirteen is a good age to explore and learn about your own body. You don't need a boyfriend right now, and doing something like sex at your age is irresponsible and premature. A boy can't please you if you don't know what feels good, and your body probably isn't ready for sex at your age.

Masturbation is a good way to become familiar with your body. Most girls just use their fingers in the beginning. Feel around gently, and see what feels good. You can get a hand held mirror so you can see your vagina. Find your clitoris, which feels like a little ball under hooded skin. It has many nerve endings, which means it is very sensitive. Stroking this will give you pleasure.

Some people like to do it in the bath tub or shower, others like to dim the lights and do it in their room. Do what is comfortable to you. Make sure your hands are clean before and after and don't worry if it doesn't feel great the first time. You are just starting to come into your sexuality, this may take time.

Good luck,

-Abby


My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now. We're not at what I would think is the age to get married. We're 20 and I've got a lot of school plans for myself before that happens. He has no interest in leaving and has said he wants kids in the future but my issue is that I feel that when the time comes that I feel like getting married, maybe in 3-5 years, then he won't find the need to. Are there men that want to get married for the sake of being married or do they do it because women want it? I feel like by then, 6-8 years of being together, he won't see the point. (link)
Marriage is often something of opinion, and does not have a common defition.

Some people get married because they are madly in love and know they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Others get married because they have been together a long time and they feel it is the next step in their relationship, or they feel ready to settle down. Some guys just do it because the woman finds it important or vice versa. Parents do it for their kids, or some do it because they want money. People even do it because of the benefits they can receive from the government.

You should talk to your boyfriend about what marriage means to him. Ask him why he wants to get married, and what he wants out of married life. As you do, I'm sure he has his reasons.

Good luck,

-Abby


i dnt want to sound all jealous or like a gf that doesnt let her bf have friends or anything but today i was at the mall right? Just hanging with my pops. and outof no where my bf is walking with some chick, i wouldnt really care but the werid thing is that he has been ignoring my texts for the past two days. so i dunno what to believe . they were not holding hands or anything .. what a relif.. but i was thinking , maybe he is cheating on me bcuz he was at the mall with another chick,hasnt texted me in 2 days and maybe he waz busy so mabye he couldnt of texted me but being at the mall is not busy. o ya he texted me saying y i didnt say hi and all and said that they r jus friends . can anyone help me ? do u think his cheating ? thanks for reading (link)
Your boyfriend is being sketchy and lying to you.

No respectful boyfriend ignores his girlfriend's text messages for two whole days. He couldn't have been THAT busy.

The fact you saw him at the mall with a girl you didn't know? He's cheating, or at least thinking about it. You don't hang out with just one person of the opposite sex, alone, if you are in a relationship. If he did have a girl best friend that he liked to spend time with, you would have known about her already.

If he really was just friends with her, he would have said hi to you and introduced you.

I suggest you CALL your boyfriend (texting just lets him have time to think of excuses or ignore you) and ask him to meet up in person. Then ask him to explain himself and be honest. Tell him that if you want to continue dating each other, he has to communicate with you more often, and tell you about girls he is hanging out with. Tell him you want to meet his friends and know the people he spends time with.

If he can't handle this, then he is not mature enough to be your boyfriend and you are better without him. If I was you, I would have dumped him on the spot.

-Abby


I have three best friends (Ella, Nicki, Ashley), except it's usually "me and Ella" or "me, Nicki and Ashley". We all know each other, but all four of us never hang out together. But the thing is, whenever I spend a lot of time with Nicki and Ashley, Ella gets really mad at me (and Nicki and Ashley). I feel like I have to split up my time with my besties and I wish Ella would just hang out with Nicki, Ashley and me! Plz help. Thank you! P.S. I'm a 13 year old girl. (link)
The best you can do is try to get all the girls together.

Make it easy, and host a sleepover at your house. Invite them all, and have a plan for the night. Pick out some movies, break out some board games, maybe get cookie mix for you guys to make together or buy/make your own facial masks and have a beauty night. Try to keep it fun and interesting, so the girls won't feel awkward and they can all get to know each other. If they have a fun time, they will want to hang out as a group more often.

Appreciate the alone time you have with each of them, because it doubles your plans and when you get tired of one, you can hang out with the other!

Good luck,

-Abby


When your period was brown and stuff, because I just started birth control and so is mine. Is it normal for it to smell bad too? Because this is kind of freaking me out! (link)
This is probably normal, it isn't odd for period blood to come in a variety of colors, consistencies, and odors. This has happened to me, and I've never been on birth control.

If your next couple periods are like this, you could call your doctor and ask if you have anything to worry about. Likely your period will go back to normal or be even lighter because of birth control.

-Abby


16/f/India
Okay so I am in senior year. Here 12th grade is VERY important..My admissions into a good college will be only on the basis of the marks I score in my "board examination" which is held at the end of the year. The papers are not checked by my teachers but by some other teachers who don't know me and are teaching in some other school. This is done to make the examination fair. The cutoffs for any college where i live (new delhi) are CRAZZY. I mean nothing below a 475/500 is acceptable.
I have Physics, Chemistry, Computer science, English and Maths as my subjects.
Im telling you all of this just so that you know there is a lot of pressure to perform well.. and I have to in order to get a good college.
Ive just been real distracted for a while. I don't know how to concentrate on my studies. I dont feel like sitting with my books. It is freaking me out because every day matters to me. Please help!!!!! (link)
Hi there :)

First off, I'm shocked to here how competitive it is in New Delhi. In the US, college admissions are based off of a number of elements, such as test scores but also GPA (grades you have gotten in each class all four years of high school), extra curricular activities, volunteer work, and writing. We get the chance to show some personality to schools, and I wish you had that chance.

All I can suggest is using the time you have wisely. Don't over do the studying, but make time for it every day. If you can take an hour to study one subject every day, you will be on the right track. Try practice tests and working with other students. Have you considered getting a tutor? I had a tutor for my SAT testing and he helped me raise my score about 80 points.

It's hard to concentrate on boring subjects, but this is something that you have to buckle down on and tough it out.

Test scores are not the end. If you cannot get into the college you want in India, there is opportunity for you elsewhere. You could probably get a substantial scholarship in America to a prestigious college even if you don't make top marks. Your success is in your hands, not the hands of the teachers grading your test scores.

Work hard, do your best, and then plan your next move from there.

Good luck,

-Abby


Okay so there is this real close friend of mine.We are classmates. And we had this sleepover, a couple of us, guys and girls. I just broke up two months back with my bf who cheated..so i am still getting over it...And my friend broke up a few days ago. We ended up chatting throughout the night, and i dont know what happened but we ended up kissing each other too..it was not our intention of doing ANYTHING like that. we pretty much have feelings for our ex's and not each other. i dont know why and how it happened.
we have promised not to tell this to anyone. and that this incident will stay a secret between the two of us forever. but i feel weird about it, i feel disgusted for doing such a stupid thing now. do you think things will change because of this? i am scared he would tell someone which i really dont want.HELP. how should i handle this? (link)
I wouldn't feel too guiltly about this. Both of you feel the same way and are in similar situations, so you connected by talking. You both know that the kiss was just your way of trying to distract yourselves from your break ups, and that it was a test or a rebound. You are both single, you have nothing to be ashamed of.

I doubt he will tell anyone because if he wants a chance with his ex he won't want her to know, and it sounds like he respects you. It may be awkward between you two, but you can always try to talk to him and explain yourself.

I would just try to move on with your life, and not worry about it too much. It was just a kiss.

Good luck,

-Abby


ok so me and my boyfriend have been going out for a year and a half. were both 17 we go to the same schoool. He just recently started working alot and i dont get to talk to him and i find my self cryinggg because i hate change and im used to talking to him 24/7 and i dont want to be clingy and i keep crying cuz i feel like he doesnt care and idk what to do anymore. i feel really depressed. please help me. (link)
My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year, and he just moved to another state, over 4 hours away. I'm used to seeing him everyday, now I'll be lucky to see him every two weeks. Be thankful with the time that you have, and also appreciate the fact that he is being responsible and making money. I'm sure he'll use some of it to take you on dates or get you something nice.

-Abby


I normally use a all natural shampoo, and after i use that i dont have any dandruff. The next morning i wake up, and my head just feels super itchy and oily. I do have eczema, (runs in family) but it only shows up on some of my face next to my nose but i have a natual oil that clears it up in 2 days easily. Im not sure if this is possible but i think i might have eczema on my scalp too. Iv used head and shoulders clinical strength dandruff shampoo, and it doesnt help at all. I was thinking about going and buying selsen blue dandruff shampoo. Does anyone have any ideas of what i could do? (link)
I have psoriasis on my scalp, which looks a lot like eczema or dandruff, but is caused by something different.

It sounds like you have very sensitive skin, so I suggest a shampoo that is sulfate free, all natural, and fragrance/color free. Read the labels carefully, don't get anything with crazy sounding ingredients or dyes. Natural ingredients like aloe vera, jojoba oil, oatmeal etc. may soothe your scalp.

I use T-gel shampoo, which helps with the psoriasis on my scalp. It's a tar based shampoo so it may be hard to get used to, but it definitely helps (and your hair doesn't smell bad or anything afterward). It may be worth a try.

If you can't find a good shampoo on the shelves, try going to a dermatologist and getting a medicated one.

Good luck,

-Abby


A friend of mine has asked to meet a cousin of his GF, shes 17 and im 29... We both are ohio residents.

Im afraid to even meet her for something that might not be legal.

Please advice if i should say yes or no, with legal considerations about age of consent in OHIO... (link)
Until she is 18, that is not legal. Each state has their own age gaps that are legal and are not (in my PA, it's four years) but it seems that 17 and 29 a big stretch.

-Abby


I've been dating this guy for about a year and he says he's ready for us to take our relationship to the next step but every time we'd come close to having sex I'd ask him to stop. The thing is, I was sexually abused as a child (it started at about 5 or 6 and didnt end until I was 12), which he doesnt know. His younger brother (my best friend) and my older sister who helped stop the abuse are the only ones that know about it. Im actually surprised that I can talk about it here. Anyway, because of that Im just really nervous about having sex (to say the least). I know theres a difference between rape and sex. And I like kissing and making out with Kevin, but whenever he touches me or when he starts to get a little rough from being so 'over excited' I just freeze up or freakout. He thinks Im being a tease which is definitely not the case, so ofcourse we just end up fighting and its just soo emotionally draining for me. Ive tried to tell him about what happened but I just cant. He seems to just be getting more and more frustrated (he's not a virgin, in fact he's far from it). The last time I'd asked him to stop he got angry and said that if I wouldn't sleep with him he'd find someone who would. Im sure he didnt mean it but It really hurt me, and scared me because I know that if he wanted to he could. Im trying soo hard and I love him soo much. He's a great guy; He's nice, funny, smart and he's gorgeous. He's all Ive ever wanted. I just really don't want things to end between us. What should I do? (Im 18 and he's 23, he's my best friend's brother and I've known him for 3 years.) (link)
First off, congratulations on surviving the sexual abuse and being able to talk about it. Memories and stigma from that time can remain with you for years after the incident, and never disappear, but they can be overcome.

In order for your relationship to grow, you must tell your boyfriend about this. I know it will be hard, but honestly it will feel like a load off your shoulders. He will know that you aren't trying to tease him and he will be more sensitive to your needs. You confided in his brother, so it is likely that he will be just as understanding.

Being sexually abused isn't something to be embarrassed by, or to be ashamed of. You shouldn't hide it from your loved ones. It is something that was traumatic but will make you stronger.

Perhaps you can write him a letter telling him what happened to you and how you feel. This can be for practice or you can give it to him. Maybe it would be easy for you, your boyfriend, and his brother to sit down and talk about it together. Figure out what works for you, and take it slow. Just make sure you are trying to make progress.

Good luck,

-Abby


I have a sweet sixteen coming up and I don't really want to have a party. So, I've decided to go to a fancy restaurant with a couple of friends that hopefully has dancing. I don't mean salsa dancing, like ya know, just having fun dancing. Is there any place in Central Jersey you know of that has that? It can be somewhere else but not that far from where I live. Thank you so much if you know, you'd be a big help!!! :D (link)
I don't know of any restaurants that have teen dancing/club style dancing that isn't a club, or like you said a salsa/hispanic style of dancing. Clubs in Philly like Shampoo have teen nights, maybe you could make reservations for dinner somewhere close by and then go to dance.

Good luck,

-Abby


Okay so I am a cheerleader and I want to kno. Which tampon works best for being a flyer. I am lookin between playtex sport and kotex. Which one is better?? And if you have one that works even better just say. Normal flow not too heavy bu some days it is a little heavy. I am 98 pounds and I am 5' 2". Thank you!!! :) (link)
Tampons really don't differ too much from each other. The absorbency is what is important.

I've tried Playtex Sport and Kotex, and I notice that kotex is thicker and wider. I like using it because it is easy to put in and absorbs a lot.

Your tampon will not come out during flying or tumbling or toe touches. Make sure you insert it properly (you shouldn't be able to feel it's there, and the string should dangle between an inch and two inches from you.) and change it often. If you insert one just before practice, you should be fine.

I would try both brands and see which you prefer. Both will be effective.

Good luck,

-Abby


My mom is pretty religious and as always taught us not to have sex until we are married. I understand and respect her views and agree with them to an extent. Because of this up bringing sex has always been a taboo subject in my house. I can't even talk about it with my sister, and it has cause relationship problems with my mom. My sister is 23 and I am 21. Anyway she still just can't accept that my sister or I would ever do something of that nature. My mom recently found out my sisters boyfriends parents let them sleep in the same bed and she cried. I just don't understand why she just can't accept these things. We are old enough to make our own decisions. We are both in long and serious relationships. I understand she doesn't agree with that stuff, which is fine, I just really do not understand why she feels soo strongly against us choosing to do so and why she cant get over it. I'm not asking her to agreed with it, just accept it... (link)
Waiting until marriage is probably an important moral to your mom. How she was raised and her life choices have lead her to feel this way.

Have you ever tried talking to her about her first time? That would give you some insight into her perspective, and also help you have better communication.

Also, as a parent, your mom has a hard time seeing you and your sister grow up. Sex is a big deal, and its another step away from leaving your mom and becoming an adult.

Regardless of why she feels this way, there may not be much you can do about it. You can try to talk to her and have a more open relationship, but that won't make her like you having sex. All you can do is live your life, and at least make responsible choices for your mom so you don't end up a pregnant young girl.

Don't stress about this too much; one day when you are married with your own kids it won't even matter. Then you'll have your own children to worry about!

Good luck,

-Abby


My husband's 85 year old mother is solely dependent on my husband for support. She has lived separately but due to the onset of severe Alzheimer and her mounting maintenance costs, it is no longer affordable by my husband. I have agreed to take a loan in order to expand our home and allow her to live with us.
I am however stressed by my husband's announcement that he intends to move all of MIL's furniture in to our home despite being unable to accomodate them. I feel exploited by having to take a loan to ease my husband's financial burden but yet he is willing to impose further stress on me. I must say that I reluctantly agreed as my husband is her only child but she has been a very vulgar and rude woman in the over 10 yrs I have known her and now I will also have to deal with her behavioural issues associated with her illness.
Please suggest how to deal with this pending crisis before I end up divorced! (link)
Mother in laws are usually not fun to have around, especially when they are a burden.

As a wife, you will have to make some sacrifices to accomodate her. She is important to your husband, and your husband would not be here without her. However, you cannot let this ruin your home or your marriage.

You need to have a firm discussion with your husband. Tell him that you are sacrificing a lot for this, and if his mom wants to live there he is going to have to make comprimises. All the furniture cannot fit, so you will have to sell it or store it.

Perhaps you can explore the option of a nursing home? It may be cheaper than moving her into your house. Honestly, it is only a matter of time before she will need to have the care of a professional, as she will only get sicker with time. It might not be worth changing your home just for her to live with you for roughly 1-10 years.

It won't be easy, but you two need to work together and compromise. It is difficult, but possible.

Good luck,

-Abby


what do i do when someone i am interested into asks his friend to ask me out for him?
i am 13 and a girl (link)
That means he is just shy, and afraid you don't like him. I would tell the friend that you would really like to talk to your crush yourself, and that you would like to go on a date with him. (maybe give the friend your phone number to give to your crush?) Don't let the friend get too involved, there are always complications when you involve a middle man.

Good luck,

-Abby


21/f Ryan 19/m

So me and Ryan used to have a "thing" back in October and lasted until January. It was a long story why we stopped talking, he basically was a jerk. Well then in March he chatted me on facebook asking how i was doing and then in April he asked if we could still be friends and that he was sorry for what he did to me and felt bad and hoped to see me in the summer.

Well I just turned 21 at the end of May. And Just last night I get a message from Ryan saying Hey, whats up? And i was like Ryan! I miss ya how have you been? And he was like I've been good I've just been on my boat a lot what have you been up to? And i was like yeah I've been on the lake a lot too but wow thanks for the invite on the boat haha and he replied... That's sweet. Didn't know you wanted the invite haha. What's your number again I got an iPhone. That's sweet your 21

So my real question is that I am a little skeptical that he is talking to me now that i'm 21 so I can get alcohol for him and his friends. He has a sister that's 22 but I'm not sure if she buys alcohol for them. It just made me think how random it kind of was how he said "That's sweet your 21" Do you think he's trying to use me? How will I be able to tell? I don't want to look like a fool! (link)
"Thats sweet" couldve just been a comment, not neccesarily him wanting to use you for alcohol.

See if the plans to hang out work, and if he asks you to bring alcohol right off the bat then thats a red flag. Say you just want to hang out the low of you and have it be low key. If he doesn't want to do that, then he's using you.

Good luck,

-Abby




read advice get advice make favorite read feedback advicenators

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop
eXTReMe Tracker