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comfortable relationships
My boyfriend and I have been together for three years now. We're not at what I would think is the age to get married. We're 20 and I've got a lot of school plans for myself before that happens. He has no interest in leaving and has said he wants kids in the future but my issue is that I feel that when the time comes that I feel like getting married, maybe in 3-5 years, then he won't find the need to. Are there men that want to get married for the sake of being married or do they do it because women want it? I feel like by then, 6-8 years of being together, he won't see the point.
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The last part of your question sounds to me as if your saying your BF and others would be saying: "Why buy the cow if we are already getting the milk for free."
Fact is I can see your point in asking this question. My problem is if your question were really true of all men then marriage would have gone out style many decades ago.
I don't know your boyfriend so I cannot answer specifically for him. What I can do, being a member of the male sex is answer for myself and others that I know.
There are men, just as there are women, who do not see the point of marriage; after all it is just a piece of paper as they say. Fortunately there are still more men and women who believe that there is a sanctity and security in marriage that one does not have in just living together.
As to: "men marry purely for the sake of marriage" or "because the women want it:" I wish I knew the true answer. I married because I fell in love with my wife and I wanted to offer her the security that marriage offers. It is my feeling, emphasize my feeling, that most men marry for the same reason though I have no evidence to support this.
You write that he talks about wanting kids in the future. Relationships are all about communication. His desire to have children some day is a good place for dialog about your future together. The how when and with who does he see himself having those children. Ask him about his feelings on marriage. Why? It is important to you. If he has different feelings then you do then this may be a deal breaker for you. Would it be better to learn this now or 6 to 8 years from now.
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When my husband asked me to marry him although I said yes I was not ready to get married right away... Engaged to get married seemed good enough... my husband would have waited for me to be ready no matter how long it took... but he wanted to marry me because he loved me and he wanted me to be his wife... I am sure that no matter how long it takes your boyfriend will want to marry you if he really loves you :)
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Marriage is often something of opinion, and does not have a common defition.
Some people get married because they are madly in love and know they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Others get married because they have been together a long time and they feel it is the next step in their relationship, or they feel ready to settle down. Some guys just do it because the woman finds it important or vice versa. Parents do it for their kids, or some do it because they want money. People even do it because of the benefits they can receive from the government.
You should talk to your boyfriend about what marriage means to him. Ask him why he wants to get married, and what he wants out of married life. As you do, I'm sure he has his reasons.
Good luck,
-Abby
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