Dear Readers:
I think my life experience is what qualifies me to write this column. I made every mistake imaginable. But have learned from them. Most important I still remember what it was like to be 12, 13, 14, 15, and so on. Currently I am a single mom, I have two wonderful boys. One in college. We are all happy emotionally. We love life, and know that you can too. I try to be the kind of parent that understands. I know that I can help you to understand where you parents are coming from, and help you get over the difficulties of being young. You can even have your parents write to me and I will help them to get over their fears and at least respect you and your feelings. I have been married and divorced twice, so I have experience in that field also. But now I own my own home, and my own business and am successful. Lots of luck to you! Hope to hear from you.
Website: Ask Michele
E-mail: cobweb2@comcast.net
Gender: Female
Location: Connecticut
Occupation: accountant, internet marketing, creative writing
Age: 56
Member Since: March 22, 2005
Answers: 1331
Last Update: June 20, 2010
Visitors: 84179
Main Categories:
Work/School Relationships
Families
Parenting
View All
|
| |
hi it's lauren. I talked to you about my friend who ran away. Well she still hasn't been found and she hasn't called yet either. I tried calling the number that she gave me before and some guy answered he said that she gave him the phone in exchange for some heroine. I'm even more scared now I don't want anything to happen to her. I don't even know if she's still in the state or if she even knows where she is. After I talked to that guy I was crying and I'm soo mad. I called her parents house and I just lost it I flipped out on them and they were drunk or something so they didn't get it. I feel so guilty she came to me for help and all I did was cause more problems. At least when she was with them she could leave without getting beat for it. It was bad but not as bad as where she ended up. I'm soo scared for her and I don't know what to do. I can't talk to her I can't find her and she hasn't called me. I'm afraid that I'm going to read that she's dead in a ditch somewhere or that she was murdered or something. I'm soo scared. My mom has been trying to help me stay calm but I can't do it. I've known sam for too long and I know how she is. If she's in trouble or hurt she won't go for help she'll say that she's fine and pretend like everything's ok and it's not. Is there any system or anything that I can use to find her? Or is there even a way to find out if she left the state or not? Are there any records or anything that show that? I'm soo scared. I don't know what to do.
Thank you for all the help you've given me.
Lauren (link)
|
Dear Lauren,
You did not do anything wrong. All of the blame for what has happened and will happen to your friend Sam can be put at the feet of her parents. I am glad that you called them and let them have it. Believe me they heard you. Even though they are high all the time, they know what good parents are supposed to be like. It's not rocket science. I don't know if there is a way for you to find her. If you get foster care involved when they find her, they will put her back in foster care on in juvenille detention. There might be some nice people there, but there might be some bad ones too. I don't know if your friend has the where with all to leave the state. Or to go far at all. If there is a drug culture or drug neighborhood in your city, she may be there. She may be high all the time. She is young, she will find lots of guys who are willing to take her in, and yes not for good reasons. I don't know if it would do you any good to call the police. Is there an youth officer in your school. He is trained to deal with stuff like this. There is one in my son's school. I think you could just ask his advice. Or do you think you could get one of her parents to file a missing person's report on her. That might help also. I don't know if you can file that report. Does she have any other relative that could file the report. I assume that she does not have a credit card so you can't track her that way, and she no longer has her cell phone. You can check the paper each day and read the police blotter. If she gets arrested in may be in the paper, but then again, maybe not if she is a minor. DO you have a picture of her? that will help if you can make inquiries about her at the bus station or even the police station. Do she have any money? does she have access to money? I don't think she could leave the state without it. Some one may very well be taking advantage of her, and using her. Lauren, she knows how to get in touch with you if she wants to. I know that you are afraid for her, but God has way of taking care of people like this. She will be going through hell, but she has a good chance of surviving. Not without emotional harm, but her life has been full of emotional pain and turmoil anyway. She is not ready to do the hard work she had to do to get better. YOu cannot do it for her. Even if you found her, you may save her life for now, only to see her do more harm to herself. She knows what she has to do. YOU cannot do it for her. People like her get rescued all the time, but very often they go back to their dangerous lifestyles. But the day will come when she is ready to get the help she needs and be serious about healing. She will know what to do. Actually people like her are really very very strong. Imagine surviving what she has gone through! She is a survivor. Right now, even if the people she is with are "using" her. They may be the nicest people she has ever met. Except for you and your mom of course. What about school, aren't you two supposed to be in school. Is there a truant officer? Maybe he/she can help. I'll bet they have some good ideas of where to look for her. I wish I could help you more, help both of you. I see that it is very painful for you. But when you love someone, you leave yourself vulnerable to experience pain. But we all make our own paths in life. She is choosing hers, albeit, based on the awful way she was raised. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I have met many women who were raised like Sam and went on to bring more harm and suffering on themselves, but one day, they realized they have had enough and they stop. And they get better. So I think the best thing you can do is pray to whoever your higher power is. And if the truant office or a youth officer is an option, try that, even if it is just for advice. I hope this helps. I feel helpless like you do. But please remember, you have done more for Sam than anyone else. YOu treated her like she had worth and value and that will mean more to her than anything.
Michele
Hi LAUREN, I HEARD FROM SAM. SHE WROTE ME HERE. SHE IS OK. SHE SOUNDS OK. SHE IS NOT HAPPY WHERE SHE IS BUT SHE IS AFRAID. I TOLD HER TO CALL YOU, I TOLD HER THAT YOU WOULD WANT TO HEAR FROM HER. IT TOLD HER THAT HOPEFULLY YOU GUYS COULD HELP HER GET TO COVENANT HOUSE. I hope you hear from you soon. She does not get access to a computer very often. I answer her on Friday Night about 10:00PM. Hopefully she will get my message soon and then call you. I hope you guys can get her out of where she is. BUt please lauren, as much as you feel afraid for your friend, and want to help....you and your mom are not prepared to give Sam the help she needs to get better, and have a normal life. You guys can always be friends. She will always remember you. And when she is oK, you can see each other. If she does not get the help she needs then she will be back on the street and you will be worried about her again. Covenant House is the only place I know of that takes in runaways, and does not make them go back home, and does not make them go back into foster care, and helps them get off drugs, and go back to school and get an education, get jobs, get healthy and have a chance at a normal life. Please let me know what happens. I hope you hear from her soon.
Michele
|
I was bitten by a bug (I'm not quite sure exactly what kind, although I think it was a tick) a couple of nights ago, and my mom thinks that it is infected, and so she wants to take me to the doctor tomorrow to see if it is or not. My question is...
1) How does the doctor tell if it is infected or not?
and
2) What will they do if it is?
I'm kinda worried about it.
Thanks in advance! (link)
|
Well if the area you got bit is red and swollen then yes you have an infection. And you can probably treat it yourself with an antibiotic ointment like neosporin. Just rub some one and put a band aid on it. YOu can swab it with rubbing alcohol first, that will burn but it will kill the infection. The doctor may ask you to describe the but, what did it look like. And then if the infection does not seem to be clearing up, he will prescribe some oral antibiotics. Pills that you will have to take, to kill the infection. DId you ever have an ear ache and have to take that pink stuff, well that is anti-biotic and it cleared up the infection in your ear. But if you can put some alcohol and then neosporin, then a band aid on it tonight, it may look a lot better by morning.
Michele
|
|
I had just gotten off of my period two days ago and just after those two days me and a friend had sex and I started bleeding pretty bad after it. What happened has my cherry popped? Because I have had sex with him before and this has never happen or does it have something to do with my period? (link)
|
This is not enough information. Did you have a full period? DId it last the normal amount of days? 5 or 7? Were you a virgin when you had sex with him? And are you still bleeding now. And does he have any piercings? And are you in any pain?
Michele
|
i have this friend claims to be a strong muslim, having a relationship with a christain, and he told her that he is tired of this country and want to move to another, the problem is that she thinks that if she dosent say yes then he'll leave her what do i do ?
please note , she went out with him knowing that one of her friends liked him, what do i do ?
i will rate 5 (link)
|
Let me caution your friend and you not to go down this road. If he wants to go to a muslim country to live, they will have to marry. It would be against their laws not to. Then if she goes to a muslim country with him you will never ever see her again. She will be treated like dirt there, worse than dirt. His family, who they will move in with, (because the families all live together in compounds) will hate her because he was not originally muslim. She will have no freedom. She will not be able to leave he house without him. She will not be able to leave the country without him. She will have no say on how her children are raised. Her daughter (if she has one) when she is grown will be given away in marriage to some old man, and he may even beat her and there is nothing she can do about it. SHe may even been beaten by her husband, and even his mother, and even his father, and there is nothing she can do about it. It is not against the law to do this to your wife in the muslim countries. IF she embarrases him or his family, they can kill her, and that is not against the law either. And the United States government will DO NOTHING to help her get back to this country with or without her children. She should let him go. I am sure that he is handsome and is very attentive to her, but muslim men, within their own countries, do not treat women nicely. They do not have to. If you want to convince her there is a book out called NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER. It was also a movie. There are lots of books out, and even stories that you can find on the internet. About american women who married muslim men and who went to the middle east (just for a vacation) and never came home to the us again. Their families are heartbroken. These women,when they can get a call out of the country, call their families and ask for help, beg, plead, cry. But there is no help for them. She should run as fast as she can in the other direction. The rest of you should stay away from him also. Believe me his family wants him to marry somone of his own faith.
Sometimes if the American families have money, they will hire mercenaries to sneak into the muslim countries to kidnap their daughters back to the US. but they can't always get the children too, so the children are left to suffer without their mom, or the mom changes her mind and stays on and suffers for the rest of her life.
Please I am serious. Get the facts and show them to her. I hope you can convince her. Have her write to me if she wants more info and you have trouble finding the proof.
Michele
|
|
at my school we need to wear uniforms, with mine i waer the sweatery thing, and latly its been getting really warm out, well i dont like to take my sweater off cause im kinda fat and i look really bad in the uniform. but the problem is since its been hot iv been sweating {even though i wear dedorant} and its smelling bad. im afriad i smell bad!! all my friends say i dont but still, my mom refuses to wash 2x a week. what should i do? (link)
|
Why don't you offer to help with the laundry. Learn how to do it yourself. maybe you mom will agree to show you once or twice and then you can get it done yourself.
Michele
|
|
Hi my girlfriend recently told me she was pregnant and that the baby was concieved before we met i love this girl and was looking for any advice on not being the biological father and also looking after a small child any input from people who have experienced this and been through it would be very helpful thankyou in advance. (link)
|
Ok, if she recently told you she was pregnant, she must be a recent girl friend. PLEASE be careful. you don't know her that well yet. What do you know about her family, her background? Why did she leave the boy who is the father? Do her parents know? Perhaps you are both young adults, and don't need to inform your parents, and that is fine, but you should still be careful. Is she scared, is she helpless, is she looking for someone to rescue her? You will find that that gets old real fast. Well perhaps you have six months or so to make up your mind. You can hang in there and get to know her better, but be cautious and trust your instincts. Is her family behind her? Are they going to pitch in and help? These are important things. Even young married couples who have children, have their families for support. It is important. I can be overwhelming to have a baby even when it is planned for.
If you decide to go through with it, then if you love her, you will love the child. Most likely you will be the kind of dad that your father was, and hopefully that was good. I hope you are both prepared to put yourselves and your relationship and enjoying the younger years of your lives as free and without responsibilities, once this baby arrives. The baby must come first. There are lots of books on parenting. You can get inexpensive ones on this web site
some are used, but very cheap. www.half.com
go there and search on books and search on parenting.
Michele
|
ok i have a friend who has this b/f. HE and she have been going out for 5 months at the most and he has already popped the question... She doesnt' know what to do... She is barely graduationg this year and he is still a junior. She fills presherd and stuff and he has already been talking about having kids with her... she is scared and she even feels like not coming to school because hes here... what should she do? She doesn't want to hurt him though so please give good advice i rate high.....
thank you
some-1-whocares... (link)
|
I think she should suggest that they discuss it with his parents. They will probably help him see the light. That he is much to young to be thinking about that. She should also try talking to him about their future plans. Not together. Separately. Like college, jobs, trips vacations. Hard to do all these things when you have a couple if kids in tow. She has to tell him, nicely that if they are to enjoy a long and happy life together , they have a lot to do before they get married and have children. She can say she is just to young to even think about it and doesn't want to talk about it any more.
Michele
|
|
can a doctor or whatever tell if u have already had sex? i mean how can they tell? cuz your hymen can be broken lots of ways other then sex.... and if they can tell otherwise.. then how can they tell????????????? (link)
|
Well are you going to an OB/GYN doctor or your regular family doctor. If it is the regular family doctor he won't be examining you down there. He/she doesn't have the equipment. But what may happen is he/she may ask you if you are having sex. After a certain age, he/she should be examining you ALONE, without your parents, but with a nurse, and he/she may ask you if you are sexually active, and in most states, it is against the law to share with your parents what you told the doctor. You should let the doctor know because he/she will give you info that you need, that you will not ask your parents for.
If you are going to an OB/GYN they may ask you if you are sexually active, if yes, the doctor will do an internal exam with a specula, certainly after inserting that instrument, you will no longer have a hymen in place. It does not hurt, it is uncomfortable, and sort of embarassing, but all women go through if. You should be seeing an OB/GYN if you are sexually active. It is the only way to have a healthy sex life,and avoid pregnancy. If you are not willing to be alittle embarassed and go to a OB/Gyn, then you should not be having sex.
Michele
|
|
when i have got my hands wet my nails go almost transparent and take a while to go back to the normal colour. does this mean i have a calcium defiency? if so what can i add to my diet to improve this as i already eat a fair amount of cheese and drink milk in my tea. (link)
|
The supplement that helps hair and nails is an herb called Horse Tail. THe pharmaceutical name is silocon. It is a trace mineral found in the Horse Tail Plant. It will do wonders for your hair and nails. IT is not expensive. You can get it at any health food or vitamin store, or on the internet. look up Horsetail or Horse Tail Supplements.
Michele
|
My friend has been missing for 2 weeks and I'm really worried about her. She ran away from her house because her parents are abusive and they are always hitting her and her dad and her moms "boyfriends" did a lot of sadistic things to her that nobody deserves. Well she told me about everything that was happening to her and I tried to get her some help but that only made things worse. She was put in a foster home where they treated her just as bad. So badly that she ran back to her parents house. She's been doing drugs, drinking, smoking, and cutting for a long time now. I talked to my parents and they said that she could stay with us as long as she stayed sober and clean. I told her and she said that she can't do that she's been in it too long and she can't not do it she said she was going to live with this kid and she gave me his number. I called there and he said that she never showed up. Well then she called me. She was stoned and she said that she was sorry but she couldn't make it to my house and that she really messed up this time. She said that she talked to you and that you gave her good advice but she couldn't do it. I'm really worried about her. She gave me a cell number and I've been calling her everyday but I have no idea where she is. Sorry that this is so long.
My question is how can i get her to tell me where she is and if she's ok? I'm really scared and I don't know what to do. I've talked to my parents and they've been helping me look for her but they don't know what to do either. I think that they are ready to give up and I don't know what to do. What do I do? Please help me I'm soo worried about her.
Lauren (link)
|
Dear Lauren,
I am so sorry that this is happening to your friend. I do remember her questions to me, and my answers. I tried hard to encourage her to stay off the drugs and not be like her parents. Her parents are terrible, they should be shot. I am glad that you have a good mom and that she wants to help, but I am afraid that you would both be over your heads. I think she means it when she says she can't stop, so most likely she would bring drugs and stuff into your moms house, and put both of you in danger. You guys are wonderful to want to help. She needs professional help. People who can provide shelter and strong counseling. People who are used to dealing with people who have been abused by the people they are supposed to trust, and so they stay high so they don't have to deal with the pain. I told your friend to go to the nearest covenant house. They take in runaway kids, in any condition, and for any reason, and they don't make them go back home, and they don't call the police on them, and they know that many kids who run away are on drugs, and it is because they are abused. Go to their website www.covenanthouse.org and see where there locations are. Is there one near you guys. This is what I told her to do.I know that they would take her in. She just has to get there. If she calls you again, maybe you can talk her into going there. Maybe you guys can drive her there. If she does call you again, it may be because she is really desparate, and needs a place to crash. SHe may be in a bad way, and she could be in a lot of trouble. I know you want to help her, but you may not be able too. I caution you both about letting her in. But do encourage her to go to one of the covenant house locations. If you can take her there that will be great. If she gets arrested, try to show up at court when she is arraigned. Talk to the judge, tell them briefly her story, and that she needs to go to a rehab. Maybe the state will send her to a rehab and cover the costs. But at best shell have 10 days there, and then be out. But if they keep her sober or straight for ten days, then maybe she could stay with you. I know you are worried about her honey. This is the results of how her parents raised her. they should be in jail, but unfortunately, they won't get in any trouble for this. They don't even care. I wish I could be more help, but I can only tell you that a place like covenant house is prepared to help her with food, clothing, shelter, counseling, and she can stay there as long as she likes, and as long as she follows the rules. They are very supportive, and become like her family. The one she should have had. There may be other places like covenant house, and maybe there is a place like that near you, but I would not know. Maybe you can find out. She will call you again, I just know she will. Inside she is a good person, and she knows that you care about her, and so few people in her life have cared about her. YOu have done a great job. You are a good friend. Remind her about what I said about covenant house, and that you too think she should go there. Lauren, where there is life, there is hope. It may take a while for her to straighten out, but I do believe she has it in her to do it. It may just get worse before it gets better. But you did good, honey, you did good.
Let me know what happens.
Michele
|
|
Hi all I need help My wife and I have been married for 28 years have a good relationship but we have a few problems. one is when I play softball in the summer she does not like it when all the guys get together and drink beer or go back to the bar for a beer, I have to tell you that I am not that fond of beer but it is fun to get together after, I find myself just leaving after the game just to avoid a fight with her is it a major thing that I would like to stay for a quick beer and just hang around I personally do not see anything wrong but she hates it.. what should I do thanks... (link)
|
Well she must have told you why she doesn't like it. What did she say. I know how guys can be when they get together at a bar for a beer, it may be that "group" behavior that she doesn't like, and maybe you come home sort of acting like that after. Is that possible? It certainly sounds harmless, one beer after one game. Is it just once a week? Since you haven't started yet, why not sit down with her now, before softball season, and bring up the matter before she gets mad. And tell her, I want to really resolve this problem. I am willing to listen to your side, if you are willing to listen to my side. And then reasonable people should be able to resolve it. She may be afraid of what might happen to you. Drink and drive, or get his by a drunk driver. Maybe she is afraid to loose you. How about the rest of the guys on the team....any of them cheat on their wives, any of them alcoholics? If so, she should not be judging you by their behavior. She really needs to come clean about what is REALLY bothering her about it, so you can deal with it properly. I agree with you, it seems like it should not be a big deal, so I think she is not telling you the REAL reason why it bothers her. HOpe this helps.
Michele
|
|
Here in the past 2 months one of my friends mother died. And as you know. Sunday was mothers day. and it was just so bad. and she kept wanting to talk to me about it. and i wanted to talk to her about it. but i didn't know what to say! And she still talks about it every day. and she carries her mom's picture around. and i think this is just making it worse. but i want to talk to her about her mother. and i want to be able to comfort her. but i don't know what to do or say. I've told her that any time she needs a mother figure. that my mom is always avalible. but she just says it's not the same. and i somewhat understand. but i just don't know what to do. any suggestions? (link)
|
You can talk about any found memories that you have of her mother. You can talk about things that her mother did that made you laugh. If her mom did special things for her or both of you, then talk about that. People who loose loved ones, don't want to forget them. So many people are afraid to talk to someone who lost a loved one because they don't want to make them feel bad, but they couldn't possibly feel any worse. Nothing you say can make it worse. But people who have lost a loved one says it worse if people avoid them, or if they don't talk about the loved one who died, as if they never existed.
When you and your friend are talking about her mom, and sharing memories, and smiling at the good times, and maybe a few gigles, when you remind her of something funny that her mom might have done. Then say to her, you were lucky to have a mom like that. or You were lucky to have such a good relation ship with your mom. Sometimes when a loved one dies, we think of something bad we said or did, and feel guilty, but I know when a person is dieing, all they think of is how much they love their family. their last thoughts are always for their family. So she does not have to fee guilty about anything. You will become the friend she can go to when she feels the need to remember her mom. It is really nice of you to be that person for her. It will help her through the grieving process. Don't be afraid of her greiveing, embrace it, and be there of her. You already know what to say. Thanks for being a good friend to her. She will be grateful.
Michele
|
I think that my daughter (14) has been using drugs. She hasn't had it easy and I haven't really helped that. A few of my old boyfriends hurt her and violated her. I've stopped dating because of it she doesn't deserve that and I don't want that to ever happen to her again. Recently I've been noticing that she's been coming home after 10 (her curfue is 9) and she acts differently. I've tried talking to her and she says that she isn't doing anything and that she just loses track of time. I don't know what to do. I'm not a great mother but I'm trying as hard as I can. Does anyone know how I could talk to her about this or how I can help her if she really needs it?
I will a rate high to anyone who at least tries thank you ahead of time. (link)
|
Hi honey, I am a mother too, and I worry about the things you mentioned also. This is how I acted with my mother. I don't have these problems with my sons, thank God, but I thought sure that I would, since I know how I behaved when I was young. I don't know if you have owned up to what you did, but that will go a long long long way, to healing the relationship between you and your daughter. You admit to us here on this website, your responsibility in your daughter being violated, but have you admitted it to her. It is important that you tell her, that you were wrong, and that you are at fault, that she did nothing wrong, and that you will never let that happen again. Even though this is the way you are ACTING, it needs to be said, to be put on the table. You need to admit to your daughter that you made a mistake and then apologize. Then be a parent. A real tough one. YOu have it in you to do it, becaused you have faced these very hard issues. I know you have guilt, and there is no way around it, but this is not about your guilt this is about saving your daughter and not letting her go down that same road that you did. You know how emotionally painful it was for you. Don't you want to protect her from that. It sound to me like she already has to much freedom for a 14 year old girl. And I don't care what her other friends are doing. YOu are only concerned with saving her, not the whole neighborhood. ONce you have apologized to her and owned up to your responsibility in her being harmed, and in bringing danger into the house, then you can look her straight in the eye, and say, AND HONEY, YOU ARE NOT GOING DONW THAT ROAD! WHILE I HAVE AIR IN MY LUNGS! I guarantee, 1000% that when she is grown up, she will thank you. It will be hard, but it will be worth it. It is better to spend a few months not letting her get away with anything, then to spend years mourning her. Or watching her hurt herself over and over again. You sent her the wrong messages before with your actions, it is time to send her the correct messages, now that you know better.
You are doing the right thing. It is worth it, Keep it up. I read a lot of books on subjects like toxic parents, and raising self reliant childrent, and books like that help me. Because my mom was not a good role model and I did not want to be like her, but I did not automatically know how NOT to be like her. I had to learn.
Please don't give up, and she may throw your past in your face to get her way, don't fall for it. Just say that was then, this is now, and now I am paying the bills here, etc,etc, etc, and you will follow my rules.
I hope this helps. If you have any more questions, please feel free to leave a question in my in box, or send an email to
michele@personaladvicecolumn.com
Good luck to you. Be strong
Michele
|
|
How can I become more self confident? (link)
|
A very good way to become self confident is to accomplish something. Something that you maybe thought you couldn't do. It is not based on how you look, or coloring your hair blond, or being skinny, or looking like movie star, because some of the most beautiful people in the world, have very little confidence in themselves. believe it or not. The better you feel about yourself inside, the more confident you are. A good way to make some accomplishements is to do some volunteer work. Is there an opportunity for you to do that. Volunteer at a senior center, a pet center, a child care center, a nursing home, a hospital. I don' know how old you are, and you may have to be 15 or older to volunteer at a hospital, but what about a dog pound or pet center. Most adults would be really happy for the help, and they will thank you and thank you and thank you and tell you so often what a great help you are, and what a difference you make, and soon you will begin to realize that you are capable of doing just about anything you set your mind to, and that will give you confidence
And confidence, is very sexy. Men and Women are very attracted to people who are confident.
Hope this helped
Michele
|
ok ... so my mom said that if i loose 10 pounds shed give me 100 dollers!! the problem is..i dont know how.. i cant exercise regularly cause i never have time im always doing soemthing and i cant really eat special things cause one weekend im with my dad and one day during the week i am with him...i dont kno what to do i need HELP! what could i do to loose weight??????????? thank you sooo so much! OxoxO
(link)
|
Cut out all soda, and drink water, Soda has 12 to 16 teaspoons of sugar in each can. Walk or ride your bike as much as possible. Snack on pretzels, not chips, or cookies, or cakes, or pies. Make low fat mircowave popcorn, instead of popcorn with butter. And don't eat cheese. See if these things make a difference.
Michele
|
|
can the air i breathe give me respiratory conditions? like if i breathe pollutants.. what conditions could it give me? (link)
|
I can help with that. Do you live in a big city? If you live in a place like New York City or Los Angeles, the air there is high in pollutants because of all the cars. On humid days with low wind the pollution is higher. ON days when it is very hot, the pollution is higher. DO you live near any factories that have smoke stacks that give off smoke. If you do, then this is a high pollution area. And the same applies. Hot days have higher levels of pollution that cool windy days. Asbestos, if inhaled can cause lung disease, but Asbestos has been banned, and is rarely found in places where children would go, but I am just letting you know about it. It was used to insullate pipes in old houses and buildings. And in some cases it is still there. Cigarette smoke definitly causes lung conditions. Cancer, emphysema, COPD. just to name a few. But I will assume that since you are concerning about lung conditions, that you will never smoke. ( good !) In poor neighborhoods, kids have a high incidence of asthma, and some doctors feel that it is due to dirt, dust, air pollution and cockroaches. (THe "dander" that they leave behind) Pets also leave dander, and if allergic to it, you can experience asthma from it. So I hope that you don't live in any of those conditions. The best thing you can do is avoid pollution as much as possible. I doesn't mean you can't drive some day, but be aware that driving cause air pollutants. There is a good book to read called When Smoke Ran Like Water, by Devra Davies. Sub title, Tales of Environmental Deception and The Battle Against Pollution. You realize that we are fighting big corporations, and big government who have allowed our environment to become as polluted as it is. Take good care of yourself, and eat a healthy diet, to try and minimize exposure to pollutants, and save your lungs. YOu can also go to a web site called www.earthday.org and take this little quiz called YOUR ECOLOGICAL FOOT PRINT Click on that banner. It is very interesting.
Michele
|
|
Okay I have this black pigment skin I guess you would call it. Where like some parts of your skin are darker than others. Like around my mouth its dark. Does anyone know how to get rid of it? I hate it. (link)
|
Hi, I am an esthetician and I can help.
You have to battle this three ways. And it is a battle, it won't go away overnight. First you need to exfoliate the skin with a microdermabrasion cream, I think Loreal Makes one now, and so does Mary Kay. Remember that, Manual Microdermabrasion cream. Since you are young, I would say use it two times a week. Especially around your mouth, or the areas that are darkest. Of course it is safe to use all over your face. Or hands for that matter, or anywhere on your body, but that could get expensive. NEXT you have to get some lightening cream or gel. Get one that contains Hydroquinnone 2% (can only get 2% in US, in Europe they sell 4%) check the internet, if you can get Euro version, that is good. Hydroquinnone, lightens the skin, but sloooowwwlly, over a period of time. NOt over night. So skin lightening creams may also contain Kojic acid this also lightens skin. Next you have to AVOID THE SUN AT ALL COSTS. Use a sun screen at all times, even in the winter. YOu have over active melanin cells, and the sun makes them act up even more. If you follow these steps, in time you will see the dark colorations fade. ONe other thing you can use, is buttermilk. It is cheap and plentiful. It lightens your skin. It is not a moisturizer. Splash some on after you wash and rub into skin, gently. It will also lighten your skin. Ssslloowwwly. Buttermilk is an old home remedy that was very popular in the south during the civil war. Try this web site skinstore.com to purchase the skin products that I recommended. You can get buttermilk at any grocery store. The best part about all these products is that they also prevent wrinkles, so you will have lovely young looking skin all your life. I do and I am 52, hardly any wrinkles and I get compliments about my skin all the time.
Michele
|
there is a girl at school she is so mean how do i deal with it i mean she used to be my friend and now she is so mean to me
(link)
|
Well I need a little more information first. Like how old are the two of you, and why aren't you friends anymore? If you were both adults, I would give this advice......When people are mean to you, it is usally because they hurt inside for some reason. It may have nothing to do with you, It may be that the person's life at home is awful, and they just don't know how to cope. So they are mean to everyone. To someone like that I would be very nice. I would pay them a real big compliment. It almost always, always brings a smile to their face. Even if you just tell them that you like something they are wearing. Well, now that I give it more thought, this is what I would advise you to do. But it IS IMPORTANT, that she is not being mean to you because you were mean first. If she is just paying you back for being mean first this may not work.
What does she like to do, what does she think she is real smart at doing? What does she excell at, and like doing and like showing off doing? If you can figure that out then it may help if you said something like.....Wow, you are soo good at such and such, and need your help, but I won't ask you because you are too mean and I don't like it. When we were friends, it would have beeen easy for you to help me, but now I can't ask you. Of course it has to be something that she really wants to do. And I don't know if just going to the mall would be enough incentive. I think she is being mean because she is hurt. I think she may miss you too, and wish that things were better between the two of you. Were you both really good friends? The more you two were friends, the more she will miss you, and is being mean to hide her feelings. She needs a way out. She needs a way to be friends with you again, but still save face with the rest of the kids. You have to need help with something real important.....like saving humanity, or saving some animals that were harmed, or collection food for the poor, or donating time for a good cause. Something that she would say yes too even if it were not you doing the asking. If there were a school project, something that the whole school would benefit from, that you two could do together. Could you two work on an end of school year party or dance, or maybe on a gift for the teacher, if you both have a favorite.
Well these are just ideas.
I will say this, that when you grow up, you won't find so many friends that are mean. People mature, and girls don't act like that when they are older. Oh there are a few, there are always a few that never grow up, but most of us do, and you will make some good friends in college or at work, that would never be mean. Those are the ones you keep.
Michele
|
Culinary Question =D
I had this salt at a restaurant, and it wasn't sea salt and it wasn't regular table salt. The salt particles were kind of big for salt, and some were in tiny thin chunks. Is there a name for this salt - it has an excellent taste and I'd like to track it down. (link)
|
It could be sea salt. IT comes in different flavors, I just saw some in a magazine. IN fact it was this months Oprah magazine. Try the internet, search on sea salt.
Michele
|
|
How bad is it that I hate my husband's parents and they hate me? Will this ruin my marriage? (link)
|
Well, your husband should be on your side, that is if your parents are disrespectful to you, and try to come between you, then he should defend you. If they are hateful and mean, he should defend you. At the same time, you should not try to come between them. He should be allowed to see them on occasion, without you if need be, so that no one can point the finger at you as being an trouble maker. You must make sure that it is they who have the problem and not you. Don't bait them, and don't take the bait if the try to cause trouble. Just consider them ill informed and ill mannered, and go on with your lives. If you are required to listen to them, and take follow their advice in order to gain their approval, well too bad. If they think you are beneath their son, and he could have done better, while I know that an hurt, it is your husbands love that matters. Not their opinion. And please try to understand that your husband is caught between a rock and a hard place. No matter which way he turns, he makes an important woman in his life very unhappy. Please do not put any pressure on him. Let him make the decisions. If he tries to make both of you happy to some extent, try to be understanding. If he just spends a little time with them on occasions, but does not expect you too, or expect you to agree with them, or compromise your beliefs to make them happy then let him have his occasional visit, and be happy that you don't have to see them.
This is about all can say with as little info as you gave me. I hope it helps
Michele
|
|