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runaway
hi it's lauren. I talked to you about my friend who ran away. Well she still hasn't been found and she hasn't called yet either. I tried calling the number that she gave me before and some guy answered he said that she gave him the phone in exchange for some heroine. I'm even more scared now I don't want anything to happen to her. I don't even know if she's still in the state or if she even knows where she is. After I talked to that guy I was crying and I'm soo mad. I called her parents house and I just lost it I flipped out on them and they were drunk or something so they didn't get it. I feel so guilty she came to me for help and all I did was cause more problems. At least when she was with them she could leave without getting beat for it. It was bad but not as bad as where she ended up. I'm soo scared for her and I don't know what to do. I can't talk to her I can't find her and she hasn't called me. I'm afraid that I'm going to read that she's dead in a ditch somewhere or that she was murdered or something. I'm soo scared. My mom has been trying to help me stay calm but I can't do it. I've known sam for too long and I know how she is. If she's in trouble or hurt she won't go for help she'll say that she's fine and pretend like everything's ok and it's not. Is there any system or anything that I can use to find her? Or is there even a way to find out if she left the state or not? Are there any records or anything that show that? I'm soo scared. I don't know what to do.
Thank you for all the help you've given me.
Lauren
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Dear Lauren,
You did not do anything wrong. All of the blame for what has happened and will happen to your friend Sam can be put at the feet of her parents. I am glad that you called them and let them have it. Believe me they heard you. Even though they are high all the time, they know what good parents are supposed to be like. It's not rocket science. I don't know if there is a way for you to find her. If you get foster care involved when they find her, they will put her back in foster care on in juvenille detention. There might be some nice people there, but there might be some bad ones too. I don't know if your friend has the where with all to leave the state. Or to go far at all. If there is a drug culture or drug neighborhood in your city, she may be there. She may be high all the time. She is young, she will find lots of guys who are willing to take her in, and yes not for good reasons. I don't know if it would do you any good to call the police. Is there an youth officer in your school. He is trained to deal with stuff like this. There is one in my son's school. I think you could just ask his advice. Or do you think you could get one of her parents to file a missing person's report on her. That might help also. I don't know if you can file that report. Does she have any other relative that could file the report. I assume that she does not have a credit card so you can't track her that way, and she no longer has her cell phone. You can check the paper each day and read the police blotter. If she gets arrested in may be in the paper, but then again, maybe not if she is a minor. DO you have a picture of her? that will help if you can make inquiries about her at the bus station or even the police station. Do she have any money? does she have access to money? I don't think she could leave the state without it. Some one may very well be taking advantage of her, and using her. Lauren, she knows how to get in touch with you if she wants to. I know that you are afraid for her, but God has way of taking care of people like this. She will be going through hell, but she has a good chance of surviving. Not without emotional harm, but her life has been full of emotional pain and turmoil anyway. She is not ready to do the hard work she had to do to get better. YOu cannot do it for her. Even if you found her, you may save her life for now, only to see her do more harm to herself. She knows what she has to do. YOU cannot do it for her. People like her get rescued all the time, but very often they go back to their dangerous lifestyles. But the day will come when she is ready to get the help she needs and be serious about healing. She will know what to do. Actually people like her are really very very strong. Imagine surviving what she has gone through! She is a survivor. Right now, even if the people she is with are "using" her. They may be the nicest people she has ever met. Except for you and your mom of course. What about school, aren't you two supposed to be in school. Is there a truant officer? Maybe he/she can help. I'll bet they have some good ideas of where to look for her. I wish I could help you more, help both of you. I see that it is very painful for you. But when you love someone, you leave yourself vulnerable to experience pain. But we all make our own paths in life. She is choosing hers, albeit, based on the awful way she was raised. But what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. I have met many women who were raised like Sam and went on to bring more harm and suffering on themselves, but one day, they realized they have had enough and they stop. And they get better. So I think the best thing you can do is pray to whoever your higher power is. And if the truant office or a youth officer is an option, try that, even if it is just for advice. I hope this helps. I feel helpless like you do. But please remember, you have done more for Sam than anyone else. YOu treated her like she had worth and value and that will mean more to her than anything.
Michele
Hi LAUREN, I HEARD FROM SAM. SHE WROTE ME HERE. SHE IS OK. SHE SOUNDS OK. SHE IS NOT HAPPY WHERE SHE IS BUT SHE IS AFRAID. I TOLD HER TO CALL YOU, I TOLD HER THAT YOU WOULD WANT TO HEAR FROM HER. IT TOLD HER THAT HOPEFULLY YOU GUYS COULD HELP HER GET TO COVENANT HOUSE. I hope you hear from you soon. She does not get access to a computer very often. I answer her on Friday Night about 10:00PM. Hopefully she will get my message soon and then call you. I hope you guys can get her out of where she is. BUt please lauren, as much as you feel afraid for your friend, and want to help....you and your mom are not prepared to give Sam the help she needs to get better, and have a normal life. You guys can always be friends. She will always remember you. And when she is oK, you can see each other. If she does not get the help she needs then she will be back on the street and you will be worried about her again. Covenant House is the only place I know of that takes in runaways, and does not make them go back home, and does not make them go back into foster care, and helps them get off drugs, and go back to school and get an education, get jobs, get healthy and have a chance at a normal life. Please let me know what happens. I hope you hear from her soon.
Michele
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