A quick note: If I answered a question and you have further questions for me, please include a URL link to your original question(s) so that I can be sure of what we're talking about. Questions that reference something we talked about a week ago that I can't quite remember are kinda hard to answer.
Welcome to my column.
I don't apologize for my answers. I speak to the audience, and in doing so I sometimes tell the audience things they don't want to hear or cant handle.
I believe in stands on principle. I believe that doing right for the sake of doing right is a good way to live. I believe in self awareness and encourage it in others. I offer the most unbiased viewpoint I have. And yes, I am only human.
Im going to tell you what I think you need to hear. You are not supposed to take what I say and follow it. You are supposed to take what I say and _think_about_it_
Oh, and feel free to ask me questions, but netspeak, ebonics, terrible grammar, and your teen angst about a crush will be ignored.
Location: No where you've heard of.
Member Since: July 16, 2007
Answers: 2588
Last Update: April 13, 2014
Visitors: 97413
Main Categories:
Love Life
Random Weirdos
Mental health
View All
|
| |
|
friday night i noticed i had a slight sore throat & small cough. this continued through saturday. this morning (sunday) i woke up feeling terrible. i'm so sore and achey, i feel like ive been in a brawl. i have the worst headache - moving my head at all is agonizing. my eyes hurt (terribly) when i move them too far in any direction. i have a fever of 101.5, am dizzy & nauseous. this can range from moderate to bad. it doesn't hurt to breath, but it's laborous, and i feel congested. i feel like i have to puke, but can't. i don't have much of an appetite, and when i only eat i few bites i immediately regret it. i googled the symptoms and i have almost every one. but do you think i do? please help :( a few kids at my school had it too. and my mom is showing the same symptoms. do i? :( (link)
|
Swine flu is less dangerous than the standard influenza a that people have been getting vaccinated for for years.
Is it possible you have some form of flu? Yeah, it is. Is swine flu something to worry about? No, it is not.
Heres a statistic. This year so far less than 1000 people have died from swine flu. Every year, approximately 30,000 people die from the normal, standard flu. Swine flu has thus far killed less than a tenth of the people that the regular flu has worldwide.
Drink orange juice, stay away from people, keep your stuff clean and wash your bed stuff every few days (beds can be a horrible breeding ground for germs and such). Tylenol cold and flu can help manage the symptoms.
|
Months ago my best friend confided in me that his marriage was not going as planned. I felt bad for this because he's really a good guy. I decided to keep my eyes opened when it came to their relationship to try and figure out what the fuss was all about because he was very confused. I know that since then he has talked about his wife coming home really upset after work, staying out much later than expected, not having sex with him for weeks, and other clues to her possibly cheating.
A week ago I was out and actually saw his wife. My girlfriend was actually the one that pointed her out to me as we were dining. His wife was all over another man, kissing on him and everything. I didn't recognize the man at all.
I actually went outside and grabbed a camera that we keep in the car for road trip moments and took a few photos of them kissing and leaving together hand in hand. The photos are surprisingly clear and I am still shocked that we bumped into this scene.
Should I tell my best friend? (link)
|
Yes, you should. Normally I say don't get involved, but you've got photographic evidence. Spend 10 bucks on a flash drive, make copies onto it, and bring it to him.
It sucks to be the bearer of bad news, but he's better off knowing and divorcing the bitch.
On second thought, bring him over for dinner or something and tell him at your place. Somewhere you can keep him corralled if necessary.
Speaking as a fellow man, I'd rather know. The only other option in the same vein(which I don't advise) is to tell his wife you know, and that she can tell him or you can tell him. Do not bring up the photos if you do this, save them for your friend.
|
|
im a 15 yr old girl and i find my self being really attracted to boys and girls and it really freaks me out when i am around a girl im attracted to because i know im not suppose to fell that way but i do (link)
|
There is no such thing as how you're "supposed" to feel when it comes to attraction.
That being said, prejudice is a real thing, I'd keep it to myself until I figured it out if I were you. Meaning don't tell your parents you're bi until you've actually started dating a girl.
It sucks to be labeled, so keep private information private and spend some time thinking about it.
|
15/f
So I have decided to have sex with my boy friend for the very first time. I haven't been pressured into this decision infact when I told him he asked me to think it through and make sure for a fact this is what I want. I know this is what I want, because I love him with all my heart and soul. He is my everything and I want to give him everything I can and he already contains my heart and mind because I love him with all my heart and I think about him all the time. The only thing left for me to give him is my virginity and this is because I want him to have it. So I know I am ready for sex and I was just wondering if like I could get some pointers as to how to make this the easiest on me, my body, and my beloved, cause he doesn't want to hurt me and I know it is going to. Basically is there anything I or he can do to make it hurt less?? (link)
|
Gotta love this website. Denial and "Have you seen secret life of the American Teenager" answers.
I'm going to assume that I cannot change your mind (I would if I could, sex at 15 is just not a great idea under any circumstances for reasons that won't change until you're capable of holding down a job, paying rent, and caring for a baby all at once) and continue from there.
The only actual advice I will give you is this. Relationships are about being with someone you trust. Someone who you can be awkward in front of. Someone you can laugh about the good, the bad, and the ugly with. Don't go into this with expectations, just do what you can and type every sex related word you know into google followed by "instructions" if you can't figure something out.
Other than that.
- Condom. This is non negotiable. I don't care if you're both virgins, pregnancy doesn't give a shit how often you've had sex.
- VCF. Vaginal Contraceptive Film. Same area as the condoms in any CVS/Walgreens/Wal-Mart/Whatever. Read the instructions, its pretty simple. I suggest them because its a second barrier against pregnancy in case of condom breakage (and it can happen occasionally). Condoms and VCF together is probably about as reliable as birth control.
- Speaking of, Birth Control. Get on it. If you're sexually active, it is the only responsible way to go.
- That means gyno visits! If you can't figure out a way to arrange a gyno visit, you don't need to be having sex. Period. Self maintenance is part of being an adult, and once you are active you should visit the gyno once a year for a check up. Figure it out.
|
|
Well, I am a girl and I am 17 years old. I have know this guy for 6 years now and he has been there for me through everything. I literally can not live without him. I always call him my guardian angel. The other day i met one of his friends an we ended up making out. It was just a casual high school type of thing. Im young i like to have fun thats why i dont date to much. After i dropped off the guy my best friend grabbed me an kisses me. To me honest it was kinda like kissing my brother. Anyway we tried it again saturday an oh my god it was the best night of my life. Like iv never felt so strong for a guy. I just cant decide to follow through with this crazy connection, be causal friends who fool around, or go back to normal as fast as possible. We bolth dont have serious relationships ever! thats why im afraid we could both easily mess this up. But when someones your soul mate you just know (link)
|
Ok. Let me explain how this will play out.
This guy is in love with you/likes you/whatever. Hes into you. This means the friendship has a limited life span. He's literally been waiting (probably years) for the opportunity, and took it hoping you would feel exactly as you felt. Trust me, this is how us guys work.
If you try to stay friends, it will disintegrate the second he finds a girl he thinks he can actually date and like as much as you. Normal is gone, its never coming back. The ONLY (and this is important) reason you are such good friends is because he wants more than that. Guys do not become "guardian angels" for girls unless we spend a fair amount of time imagining them naked or we're gay. Period, there are no exceptions.
You like him. You felt a connection. Pursue it, because in the end you quite literally have nothing to lose.
::Edited Sidenote::
Sex needs to wait at least a couple of months if you're both inclined to fuck like rabbits the next time you see each other. You're friends, you need to get used to dating and take it slow. By all means, jump in head first, but once you're in, take your time getting to the deep end.
|
ok this is what happening
my parents are out with family friends, and they'll be back any minute so I need your help
heres some background
i volunteer on my cousins softball team (im 17, the girls are 15)
and whatever yea i met this girl, her name is Allison, and we're going out for a while. We have a lot in common, sometimes i help her with her homework. I helped her on an english essay and she still got a C. This is because her teacher is a prick... anywayz
So she came over like an hour ago, and i really want to lose my virginity, so I ask her to have sex
"no i cant its not right" she said but i told her "dont worry i know what im doing, ill be done in like 10 seconds, plus ill give you 2 n64 games if you say yes"
So I gave her diddy kong racing and ken griffey jr baseball, and then she goes to my room. shes a bit confused and scared.
Then i think to myself - yo I need lube right? Cuz I hear you guys on TW saying you need to lube up her clit otherwise it wont fit in properly.
Ok so I have no lube, but i really want to lose my virginity - so i grab some butter from the fridge, but its cold, it wont melt - so i microwaved it for 8 minutes, and then i put it in a glass and poured it on her cooter, now shes saying i burned it.
I don't know what to do, my parents are going to be back any minute and shes crying in the bathroom plz help you guys are really smrat and please help me.
Any idea how to shut her up? Should i give her another n64 game? (link)
| |
Ban inc in 5...4...3...
|
|
Ok, I was at my girlfriend's house so we could go out and she had yet to take a shower. She didn't want to go out dirty so, of course, I told her that I would wait for her. Well, while she was showering I walked in because I really had to go (she is always cool with me coming in) and I saw her doing something really strange. She had the shower head (it's one of those handheld ones) shooting water between her legs! I'm talking, legs spread and everything! I didn't say anything to her because I didn't want to embarrass her but WHAT WAS SHE DOING?! (link)
|
............................................________
....................................,.-‘”...................``~.,
.............................,.-”...................................“-.,
.........................,/...............................................”:,
.....................,?......................................................,
.................../...........................................................,}
................./......................................................,:`^`..}
.............../...................................................,:”........./
..............?.....__.........................................:`.........../
............./__.(.....“~-,_..............................,:`........../
.........../(_....”~,_........“~,_....................,:`........_/
..........{.._$;_......”=,_.......“-,_.......,.-~-,},.~”;/....}
...........((.....*~_.......”=-._......“;,,./`..../”............../
...,,,___.`~,......“~.,....................`.....}............../
............(....`=-,,.......`........................(......;_,,-”
............/.`~,......`-...................................../
.............`~.*-,.....................................|,./.....,__
,,_..........}.>-._...................................|..............`=~-,
.....`=~-,__......`,.................................
...................`=~-,,.,...............................
................................`:,,...........................`..............__
.....................................`=-,...................,%`>--==``
........................................_..........._,-%.......`
...................................,
Jesus...
|
|
I have been with my husband for 12 years now. We've had some really great times but I've come to realize that he is more like a brother or a best friend to me. We aren't intimate much and we both seem to be satisfied with that. I don't feel any closeness between us that would indicate to me that our relationship was closer than brother/sister. I'm confused and am not sure what I should do? My feelings are strange and I'm beginning to worry about many things. I wonder if he still loves me and if he feels the same way about our relationship as I am beginning to. What do you think should go on? I don't have any idea on how to confront him about this situation. Should I consider divorce? (link)
|
You should consider couples counseling. Sex lives die because you let them die. Thats the simple truth.
Is he satisfied? I doubt it. Very few men are satisfied with not getting laid and no intimacy. Maybe you married a block of wood, its possible, but highly unlikely. I'd say its more like you two don't talk about sensitive issues, which is definitely not like a best friend. More like a room mate you get along with well.
Confront him? You don't confront him. You don't submit a list of demands. You walk up with concerns. You tell him whats on your mind. You stutter if you have to, but you get it out. Write a letter to hand him to start things off if you really need to compose your thoughts, but get those thoughts in his mind asap.
Is your marriage beyond saving? Unless hes a block of wood with no sexual desire, probably not.
Also, consider investing in lingerie or toys. Bring a girl with you to Victoria's secret and try a few things on, see what gets the best effect. One of the hardest hurdles most couples who end up in your situation have is finding a way to rekindle that spark. Do you still want him sexually? If so, make it known. Put on something sexy, push him down on the couch, and seduce him.
|
So, I'm in college and yesterday I turned 19. I was hanging out in the library between classes and this girl that I've been talking to came in and sat near me. We talked a little, and before I left I finally asked her out on a date (set for Friday). She said yes and I was really happy. I thought it was like a birthday present from God or something cheesy.
So, today (the day after my birthday, obviously) I go on my Facebook. I see that she has sent me a message about how she only wants to be friends with me and didn't mean to give me the wrong impression. I feel like I couldn't get a girlfriend to save my life though. I've never had one and have never even kissed a girl. I'm sure it sounds pathetic.
If you're a nice guy who girls don't like because your nice, how can you change that? What am I doing wrong? (link)
|
Hookay.
First, a mild suggestion.
http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3212582
Read it. Pay your ten bucks. Become a goon. Post in that thread. You will get plenty of helpful responses. Read the entire thread if you have time, believe me there's alot of pretty interesting information (and a ton of hilarious/sad stories)
Beyond that, there's a ton more information needed before any serious help can be given. Post your issues and let them ask you questions, its called the virginity megathread, but the overall goal is to make you datable.
|
I loaned my friend $600 nine months ago to help them keep their small business going. I have since learned that they blew this chunk of money on gambling and various things that were simply not related to the business. I feel like an idiot because I should have seen their immaturity and the warning signs; however, I would very much like to be paid back. When I loaned them the money, it was with the agreement that I would get the full $600 back within six months. Six months are up and they are telling me that I should wait longer. I suggested they pay me weekly until the loan is paid back but they refuse to agree to that.
What should I do now? (link)
| |
Count it as a hard lesson learned and mark that friend down as a user. Also, if you have mutual friends, tell them what happened so that your now ex friend can't get any more loans.
|
During the Holocaust the Nazis took lots and lots of Jews into the death camps. I read about the Jews lining up to be burned to death or gassed to death. From the stories, it sounds like they didn't really fight the lines and just followed what the Nazis instructed. I'm just curious about the reasoning, really. I mean, I figure there were lots more Jews at these camps than there were Nazis. Why didn't the Jews fight back and do the things that we typically think to do in situations involving life/death?
No, I'm not attacking Jews, I'm just curious about the Holocaust, that's all! :) No offense!!! (link)
|
A while back I read an article about teachers strip searching teens for Aspirin at school.
Now, teachers obviously don't have anything like the legal authority to search anyone. It wasn't right, it wasn't within their powers to order, but the girls involved allowed it. Teachers are authority figures, and we're trained from birth to respect and obey authority when its applied against us.
Now, imagine if the teachers had guns, and killed anyone who resisted immediately, right in front of you.
In a very, very small nutshell, that was the Holocaust.
Peeps handled the extensive description, but in basic form the Germans started controlling the Jewish population before war even broke out. Taking homes, businesses, forcing them to live where the Nazi's wanted and do whatever they were told. And its not like they announced their intentions ahead of time. It was slow, they put the pressure on little by little until the Jews were already in camps, as peeps said, doing work as the Germans told them to. Then they'd get on a train, and go to another camp. Then maybe another, and that would be the end of the line. But by the time they figured it out, they were behind fences, guard dogs, and men with lots of guns. Sure, there were more Jews than Germans, but in practical reality if all of Auschwitz rose up they'd have lost more than half their number to hopefully take over and get free. And at that point, they're minimally armed and in the middle of enemy territory. It was a no-win situation.
|
I seriously need some help.
Ok, so 2 weeks ago... at the start of the school holidays, my boyfriend and I attended this party, everyone was piss wasted, and I was so out of it...
I don't remember a lot, but...
My boyfriend told me to make out with this really hot chick, so I did... Then this random dude was like, ALL over me... and He was kissing me and feeling me and shit.
And... my boyfriend saw and he was being all emo the rest of the night, I tried to make it up to him, but he wouldn't talk to me, like at all.
The next morning, I went to another state and went to another suburb... (like for the holidays)
I haven't seen him in two weeks, and just recently he's been talking to me online, asking me "if this is really working" and "if you wana break up, just say so."
-Does that mean he want's to breakup with me, but he doesn't want to do it? Like he wants me to dump him?
He says he doesn't trust me.
What can I do to gain his trust?
Probably nothing huh?
I just, hate this!
He makes me feel so shit about myself, all the
time. Like even before all this shit happened...
If he only know how much he was hurting me.
What should I do?
P L E A S E !
I'm so desperate. (link)
|
I'm going to jump on the break up train.
You got drunk and made out with a chick because he told you to (Stupid)
Then you went and were all over some other guy, or he was all over you (Stupid)
And now you're both emotionally broken because you got drunk and both did stupid shit, and the relationship is fucked. Neither of you is mature enough to handle relationships. Drop him and take some time off to learn self control.
|
|
hi...i am planning to buy a gaming laptop by alienware... i customised m17x on the net according to my need and it ranged to about 2400 dollars. but then somebody recommended me to wait for a while till christmas and then buy the same laptop with some christmas. now what i want to ask is that would it be useful to wait till christmas... will i get any christmas discount or sale for alienware laptop?? and if yes then how much do u think i can save by waiting.???please help me... i have waited very long for a gaming laptop.. (link)
|
I designed a dell in September that I was going to order with Financial Aid money. (Dell owns Alienware).
I didn't have the money till the beginning of October, and by then the computers had dropped a good bit in price, I got a better computer for 500 less including a coupon they had on their website (though I got an XPS desktop).
Its possible that there might be a sale, but pretty unlikely considering that we just had a parts upgrade and price drop within that company in the last month.
Also, Alienware is incredibly overpriced for the value, even if Dell has the best warranty out there. I bought an Alienware laptop as my graduation gift to myself (the dell I ordered is replacing it) and it served me pretty well, but I can tell you that a few years down the road its going to start to feel sluggish, and you can't just upgrade a part or two with it, you're going to have to shelve the whole thing and buy a new one. My two cents.
|
|
My 18yr old daughter married a 20 yr old loser. How can i get her to open her eyes and see that he is a cheater, alcoholic, lier, controller, low life? (link)
|
The short answer, you can't. 18 year olds are stupid. I'm 24, it wasn't that long ago and boy do I remember.
The long answer is, be supportive. Your daughter is an adult now, and your time of control and teaching is over. Its time to let her learn her own lessons. And yes, they will probably be painful. Sorry, but theres nothing you can do about it. And if you try, you will drive her away and further into his arms.
What you should do is keep a door open and contact flowing. Tell her you love her regularly. Ask her how she's doing, and let HER do the talking. If she's upset, ask her to talk to you and hold off on the advice, if she feels like she can come to you to blow off steam and later get advice, she will. But not if you're trying to tell her you know better than her. It doesn't matter that you know better, because there are some lessons everyone has to learn for themselves, and unfortunately most women have to learn how to have standards when it comes to men. Hopefully your daughter is going to learn it sooner rather than later, but the best you can do now is to give her a refuge from him, give her love, and be there to help pick up the pieces when it crashes.
Remember, she doesn't see what you see. She loves the idiot and married him (and for the record, I'm giving you alot of benefit of the doubt here that he's really that worthless). If you had pictures of him cheating, I'd say show them. Suspicions and prejudices aren't going to sway her no matter how accurate they are.
Also, as I repeat ad nauseum, listen to Rahzie.
|
|
ok so i like this boy in my class. he, in my class is the authority figure (student wise) so he needs to talk to everyone and have good communication with everyone. he talks to everyone and goofs around with.. everybody.. except with me he's so shy. he looks at me alot, we make tons of eye contact and the cute thing is, he lets me look away first. i really like him, he's sweet and kind to everyone. when we do talk, it's little bits of conversations, we'll talk and we'll smile and laugh. my friend says he likes me because when im not looking at him he looks at me and gives me "the look" i have yet to figure out what that is but she said he looks at me like im the most important girl in his life. do you think he likes me? if he does, why doesn't he talk to me as much as everyone else? (link)
|
Because he's shy. You answered your own question.
Its time to flirt. Talk to him more. Smile at him. Make eye contact and let HIM look away first this time. And if he doesn't get the hint within a day or two, casually drop in "So I'm doing ALL this flirting with you and you still haven't asked me out yet!" and give him a few seconds to choke and sputter before smiling, telling him you're waiting whenever he's ready, and walking away.
Best effect, do this at the beginning of class, then spend the entire class torturing him with more smiles and eye contact.
|
I'm 17/m
All of a sudden, I realized that I had feelings for my really good friend (17/f). I'm pretty sure she likes me too, there's a lot of touching and ass grabbing and stuff like that. However, I don't know if
a) I SHOULD make a move and
b) if I should, then how
She goes to my school and normally I make it a policy not to date or hook up with girls from my school but I can't seem to get her out of my head. (link)
|
Jesus. All the game playing.
Sack up and ask her out. Seriously, you WILL regret it if you don't. Its as simple as "Isn't it about time we went out on a date together?"
|
It seems as though the world is upset with beauty. I feel as though I am. People often neglect people who aren't as "beautiful" and they grow insecure.
I understand that we all admire beauty, and we all like beauty but why have we become so obsessed with it? Even in religion -- For example, Islam; obsessed with the idea of perfect women in paradise that the women of this world are like trash compared to. (I say that because I was muslim at some point, and learned this all.)
Even when we're little kids; The focus is beauty.
How would someone not be obsessed with beauty? (link)
|
Look at magazines. Shows. America's next top model. Beauty is marketed at us constantly, and its specific kinds of beauty. Media would have you believe that unless you look a certain way, conform to certain ideal standards, you don't measure up and need to improve (and by the way, we've got ways to improve to market at you too!). People take advantage of insecurity to tell you you need to improve and they have the ways to do it.
Thats the basis. Humans have a natural drive towards beauty, but lately there's been an excess of emphasis on shallow beauty. I mean, theres always been issues with shallow beauty, but now its not just something that rich nobles at royal gatherings talk about. Its everywhere, and everyone has access to it.
Everyone wants to believe that theres something better out there for them than what they have. Now, you can see it rather than just wondering if its out there.
But theres alot more to it, its a complex issue. We're obsessed with the shallow in more ways than just physical beauty. Look at the whole "politically correct" movement. Political correctness is a nice way of saying "you don't step on my denial and lies to myself about who and what I am, and I won't step on yours". People don't want to be called on their faults, want to pretend they don't exist. Because its easier to fake being a decent person with decent standards than to actually make yourself into a decent person with decent standards.
Ultimately, its about easy. All of it. When a girl looks at an airbrushed magazine, she thinks she "deserves" to look like that. When a guy looks at the same, he thinks he "deserves" a girl like that. Its ludicrous, it makes no sense, but its what goes on in every day life. Look at teens. When I was in high school, not having a cell phone wasn't exactly rare. I didn't have one and didn't care, I liked the fact that my parents didn't have a leash on me.
Now, its not uncommon for kids to have (and pretty much all of them expect) to have a myspace, a cell phone, possibly an ipod, etc. They expect it, feel entitled to it, simply because its there, and all their friends who have one tell them they should too. Its a status symbol, another "easy" way to be cool.
I mean, owning an iPhone is easier than being an awesome person with hobbys that others can relate to. Its easier than treating people well and having confidence in yourself or building confidence in yourself. You just own a nice piece of tech, and you're cool.
We've been conditioned to take the easy way out. Starbucks, fast food, beauty products, sex tips in Maxim or Cosmo, all of it. I'm personally hoping for some kind of cultural awakening in my life time, but I'm not overly hopeful.
|
|
My boyfriend and i have been going out for a year now, but he always and rarely says the right things. You know, i'm 17 and hes 18 and you know how girls like to hear cute stuff. He has never really said cute things except "Laura i never knew i could love a girl as much as i love you (link)
|
Thats not rude, its relationships.
Guys aren't mind readers, and they aren't women. We don't know what you want until you tell us, and an 18 year old guy isn't going to be a genius in the workings of the opposite sex.
Talk to him. If you want something, tell him. But also, you shouldn't need fancy words to feel the emotion behind them. Theres alot more to love than prose.
|
|
i am a girl. i have been in the same classes with this one guy for about 6 years. around 3 years ago, we started to talk and hang out together. rumors started, but then they kind of went away after everyone realized that nothing was going on and high school started. this kid follows me constantly and never stops talking. the rumors are starting back up again, and its getting annoying. i dont know if this kid likes me as more than a friend, but i just like him as a friend. how do i let everyone know this (including him without hurting his feelings) and get the rumors and jokes to stop? please help! (link)
|
Blunt honesty.
Welcome to your first "Nice Guy". The "Nice Guy" is a guy who makes friends with a girl hoping she'll develop the feelings he already has for her.
The Nice Guy is usually a bit of a doormat. Probably shy, definitely socially awkward. He is too scared and too inexperienced to flirt or present himself in an attractive light, and usually tries to hide all signs of his feelings from the object of his affections.
Its possible that if he had the confidence, maybe interest would have developed on your end. But because of the way he is, and the way he acts, it didn't. More than likely, he watches the guys you are interested in with resentment. He sits there and thinks "I'd be so much better for her" and "I'd treat her so much better". Which is bullshit, because he's probably never had a date in his life and he has no idea how he'd deal with a relationship, but its what he can tell himself to live in denial and pretend that he's your perfect match.
The other bad side is that he doesn't know shit about you. His one sided love affair means he's put you on a pedestal, he sees what he can of your good points and ignores your bad, treating you pretty much like an object rather than a person. Its not rational, and you can't reason with it.
When a guy follows you around like a lost puppy, he's doing what this guy did. The only real solution is to shut him down. Shut him up and tell him point blank that you aren't attracted to him, and that while you're fine with being his friend, you aren't fine with being followed everywhere. If he denies it, claims to just be your friend, look him straight in the eye and tell him you know he's lying, and that he needs to leave you alone for a while. Tell him he needs to stop talking to you until you come back and talk to him, and tell him you aren't sure you're going to be willing to do that.
Also tell him that you won't be able to be his friend unless he stops chasing you and starts being interested in someone else. Tell him that his attraction is whats causing an issue, and that he can control it or you can't be around him anymore.
Its probably not possible, its probable that you'll have to hurt his feelings to get him to stop. But the alternative is to deal with this until he gets tired of it or explodes on you about how you don't appreciate everything he does for you and you're an idiot for not appreciating what was right in front of you.
|
im 16/f, i have recently started doing stuff with a 18/m. our relationship started out like this : he saw me in school in a classroom that he was visiting to say bye to the teacher because he was graduating that week. He saw me and obviously thought I was cute so when i got home i saw he friended me on facebook. then he Inboxed me and got my number [this was in june] the first day we started talking, he asked for a handjob/blowjob. i jokingly agreed to it because i liked the attention. from then on it only got worse. he asked for pictures the second day we started talking. i didnt give in until about the 5th day after having a long talk about it with him..ever since then ive became pretty much whipped and i will litterally do whatever he wants me to do, whenever he wants me to do it. i guess you could say i like it when he tells me what to do..i dont know why..anyways, we had sex for the second time today. when i got home, i realized that i really like him. and now that weve had sex, [he was my first by the way. when we first did it, he made it seem really safe and he made me feel really comfortable about it, the way he talked to me because he knew i didnt want to] when we first did it, after he left, i felt like we were bonded togethor and that i needed to be texting him..i felt like we had a connection, a bond. obviously he doesnt feel that way..but for me, it really means a lot to me that he was my first and that we did that. i really like him ..even though hes clearly stated before that he isnt looking for a relationship and he just wants to have fun and thinks im hot. [hes never called me pretty by the way. just hot and cute and sexy]
today after we had sex at his house, i got really sad. because i really enjoyed it and while it was happening i looked into his eyes and i felt like we had something. i just cried my eyes out for over an hour because now i feel bonded to him for ever, because we had sex. i really really like him and i dont want him to ever stop talking to me, ever. and it really hurts me the most because think about it..if this is the way he met me and is doing stuff with me, then he's probobly doing the same thing with other girls. he never admits it. i dont know what to do..i feel torn. completely.
please help me
hey so i sent that question a while ago ^
and no nothing has changed. all thats changed is that now he doesnt even text me anymore. unless he wants a picture. and actually, things have gotten reaaally fucked up since i wrote this. back in september, he was over my house and my mom came home and she hates him already because she knows about him because the begining of the summer i tried to sneak in his car with him but she found out it was a guy who was 2 years older than me and since then has hated him. so she walked in that day and saw him and FREAKED OUT screaming and he just got up and walked out. then she grounded me for a month. wow theres just so much that happened i dont knopw if its possible to fit it all in here haha basically now the only time i see him is if he feels like driving to my house at night, which is ONLY 15 minutes away but he never wants to. and i sneakout and give him head in his car while he drives. the only thing that i WANNA do with him is fuck but he doesnt think we can get away with doing that in a car he thinks we'll get caught. thats such bullsbit because hes done it before so i don t know why hes saying that to me. i just wish he wanted to talk to me..he says he does but then how come he never texts me? ive been the one to text him first ever since that day i got grounded, a month ago. what the hell. ugh
(link)
|
Welcome to your first adult decision. Don't take it lightly.
A lesson in guys and girls. You're biologically pre-programed to form emotional bonds around sex. Its pretty much automatic for 90% of women, and while age and experience can work towards combating that, you have neither at your disposal.
Guys, on the other hand, have much more ability to separate sex and emotion.
I cannot for the life of me think of any reason you'd still be talking to this guy, and yet at the same time I understand. He was you first, you feel connected, even if the connection isn't really there or is one sided. The problem with this idea is its incredibly unhealthy.
A little harsh reality wake up time. This guy finds you annoying. He finds you annoying because he doesn't give a shit outside of sex, and yet he comes around because the fact is that teen guys don't pass up on free easy sex of any kind. Thats why you get no attention except to come over and get head.
The bottom line of this is that nothing you can do will make you anything but a sex toy to him. Nothing.
Its time to stop. Completely. There won't be a turn-around, there won't be a magic moment where he realizes he loves you. This is the real world, you will continue to trade sexual favors for attention until you are too disgusted with yourself to continue.
This isn't what relationships are. Why are you settling for this? You know, anyone is better than this. Everyone is better than being used. The trick is, its sometimes hard to feel that way. Hard to feel likable, desirable.
If you don't feel it, fake it. You need standards, and you need them fast.
I want you to make a list for yourself. Ten things that are important to you in how a guy would treat you. What do you WANT out of a relationship? Now, not later. Go get a pen.
Hopefully thats done. Read your list. Does this guy do any of them? Probably not. I'm hoping you can't reason your way around to thinking he does something for you other than exist.
Those are your new standards. Find a guy who meets some or all of your criteria. When you go on a date, go out, look for those signs. Look for a guy to show interest in what you say. Look for a guy who likes to do things that AREN'T sex with you. Look for a guy who shows genuine care for what you think and feel. If he doesn't measure up, he isn't worth your time. Better to be alone than be used.
If you decide to write back, I've got a tiny bit of homework for you.
I want to know why you still talk to this guy. A list of reasons. Why you don't look for someone else. And I want your list of things you look for in how you're treated.
|
|