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he may have feelings, but i dont
i am a girl. i have been in the same classes with this one guy for about 6 years. around 3 years ago, we started to talk and hang out together. rumors started, but then they kind of went away after everyone realized that nothing was going on and high school started. this kid follows me constantly and never stops talking. the rumors are starting back up again, and its getting annoying. i dont know if this kid likes me as more than a friend, but i just like him as a friend. how do i let everyone know this (including him without hurting his feelings) and get the rumors and jokes to stop? please help!
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Um.... well to be honest there is absolutely no way to not hurt his feelings. But that is okay... pain is a part of life. The msot you can hope for is the least painful way to hurt him...
I have two suggestions for you but in both scenarios he will get hurt.
Either talk to him... bring up the rumors. Tell him something like "People have been saying you like me and I know we're just friends and all but people keep saying it and I just wantted to hear it from you. Do you like me?" Or maybe... "you don't like me, do you?" If he says yes tell him you like him as a friend. I never noticed how much I love this part and I always prepare a seech but I notice guys don't really like to hear our speeches. So... just say "that's sweet but I only like you as a friend". However... if he is one of those presistant guys (which i think he is sionce he follows you around) make sure you don't say somethign vague like "i'm not looking for a relationship right now" because it will give him hope for later. Say "I only see you as a friend and I can't possibly see you as more then that". If he says no, he doesn't like you, just laugh and say "sorry, I had to ask. It would be awkward if you would had said yes because I don't like you either that way. But it's good that you said no," and then go opn with a friendly conversation. But make sure you do state you don't like him because he may say he doesn't like you even if he does hoping you secretly like him and will say it first... but anyway, after that, cotninue with something friendly so you don't ruin the friendship. However, this conversation should occur in private so he can be as honest as possible... but it is evry likely that if you have this covnersation he will withdraw himself from you for a bit... at least until he gets over you... and that should help people stop thinking you like each other. I do suggest talking to him though... I had a friend who everyone thought liked me but I wasn't sure though I know from experience 'everyone' is usually right about that stuff. Anyway, I confronted him (in private, ofc) and he admit it and said he udnerstood and we stayed friends but he stopped following me around and acted more like a regular friend than a friend who liked me :-p So I definitely recommend you do this!
OR
If you don't want to talk to him at all... just talk about a guy you do like. But this is evry risky.... you have to tell people who the other guy you like is... otherwise people may think it's him. And it should be a guy you like because if this other guy finds out and likes you but you dont like him then you will have the same problem again :-p I personally like this because I see it as a win/win. You get to openly talk about your crush and even if your crush doesn;t like you, the annpying guy that does like you will loose hope when he realizes you like someone else. That, of course, will hurt him, too. And if he doesn't like you he will probably be a good wing man or something :-p You will know if he doesw like you also by how he reacts to how you talk about your crush.
Good luck,
~<~@
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Blunt honesty.
Welcome to your first "Nice Guy". The "Nice Guy" is a guy who makes friends with a girl hoping she'll develop the feelings he already has for her.
The Nice Guy is usually a bit of a doormat. Probably shy, definitely socially awkward. He is too scared and too inexperienced to flirt or present himself in an attractive light, and usually tries to hide all signs of his feelings from the object of his affections.
Its possible that if he had the confidence, maybe interest would have developed on your end. But because of the way he is, and the way he acts, it didn't. More than likely, he watches the guys you are interested in with resentment. He sits there and thinks "I'd be so much better for her" and "I'd treat her so much better". Which is bullshit, because he's probably never had a date in his life and he has no idea how he'd deal with a relationship, but its what he can tell himself to live in denial and pretend that he's your perfect match.
The other bad side is that he doesn't know shit about you. His one sided love affair means he's put you on a pedestal, he sees what he can of your good points and ignores your bad, treating you pretty much like an object rather than a person. Its not rational, and you can't reason with it.
When a guy follows you around like a lost puppy, he's doing what this guy did. The only real solution is to shut him down. Shut him up and tell him point blank that you aren't attracted to him, and that while you're fine with being his friend, you aren't fine with being followed everywhere. If he denies it, claims to just be your friend, look him straight in the eye and tell him you know he's lying, and that he needs to leave you alone for a while. Tell him he needs to stop talking to you until you come back and talk to him, and tell him you aren't sure you're going to be willing to do that.
Also tell him that you won't be able to be his friend unless he stops chasing you and starts being interested in someone else. Tell him that his attraction is whats causing an issue, and that he can control it or you can't be around him anymore.
Its probably not possible, its probable that you'll have to hurt his feelings to get him to stop. But the alternative is to deal with this until he gets tired of it or explodes on you about how you don't appreciate everything he does for you and you're an idiot for not appreciating what was right in front of you.
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