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My boyfriend doesnt say the right things..
My boyfriend and i have been going out for a year now, but he always and rarely says the right things. You know, i'm 17 and hes 18 and you know how girls like to hear cute stuff. He has never really said cute things except "Laura i never knew i could love a girl as much as i love you<33" thats the only thing. I was really upset one day and i asked him how much he loved me, he said alot.. why? i said idk im upset, can you elaborate on it a little and make me smile? :) and all he said was.. i dunno laura i love you alot.
i just love it when guys call me beautiful, girls you understand that, being called beautiful to your face is the best feeling you can ever get while talking to someone. when he looks in your eyes and says your beautiful. its also a great feeling when he tells you how much he loves you, it makes you feel so energized and happy. its like a huge confidence booster.
i really want him to start saying cute stuff, my friends boyfriend says so much cute stuff, im not one to compare my boyfriend. i texted him the other day when he was going back up to college after he left my house i said "baby i cant stop thinking about you.." and he didnt answer that. 20 mins later i texted him back i said "hello...?" (because we weer in a convorsaton and i said that randomly) and he answered back like hey! idk, i wanna talk to him about it but i feel like thats rude... any suggestions?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Thats not rude, its relationships.
Guys aren't mind readers, and they aren't women. We don't know what you want until you tell us, and an 18 year old guy isn't going to be a genius in the workings of the opposite sex.
Talk to him. If you want something, tell him. But also, you shouldn't need fancy words to feel the emotion behind them. Theres alot more to love than prose.
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You got to ask yourself what the big picture is doll. Check this out, my dad is the coolest guy I know. When I was little, he did all the repairs himself, when I was a teenager, he changed the oil to my first car. Growing up, he tried to show me how to pitch a baseball and catch a football. He is a man of few words. But his actions speak louder than any other.
I'm not comparing your BF to my dad, what I'm saying is sometimes guys show love in other ways. If it really bugs you, you may want to change boyfriends because you can never really "change" someone, and making someone say something when they aren't used to just makes it sound unsincere.
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get your head out of your romance novels and pay attention. some guys have a natural talent for flattery, and they'll burn in hell for it later on, but thats a different topic. Flattery is apparently not his style. deal with it. most dudes have a word usage of approximately 700 per day. this statistic gives you an idea of how much we like to talk about shit. He sounds like a great guy. now, are you going to keep him, and deal with the fact that, hey, he just says all those nice things in fewer words. OR you could get rid of him in favor of one of these silken tongued weenies, and have a lesser man in every other regard. OR you could go back into the world you just dropped out of where every guy is "edward cullen". There is no such thing as "saying the right things". that shit's a fantasy. Be happy with what you have.
-Gunner
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My suggestion: Stop being a bully about it.
I'm really serious. I completely understand where you are coming from and why this bothers you, but you are going about it the wrong way. You are doing this the mean way. It's like hitting the puppy when he wont 'sit'. It works better if you give the puppy a treat for sitting nicely.
You are demanding he change without really supporting and teaching him about the change you want. You can't just say 'elaborate', and you can't make this all his problem to solve or have him do all the work.
Whatever you really want change in you relationship you MUST be prepared to be the person doing most of the work, at least at the beginning.
You need to be an active participant in the solution. If you keep sitting back and demanding that he fix it, you'll piss him off, and he'll be right to be pissed off. (The puppy would get ticked off too if you kept hitting it for not understanding what 'sit' meant.)
There is a lot more to teaching and learning new behavior then just demanding it.
First: You need to have an honest, non-judgmental talk about the use of text messages. Too many couples fall into fighting about 'not responding'. It's a silly fight that happens because people think about texts in different ways. For example, I don't have 'conversations' on text message. They take damn too long and I work during the day. I view texts as e-mails, I get back to them when I can. This has upset some of my partners, but we've been able to talk it out and I've been able to explain that I am not trying to be rude: I have a job and lifestyle where texting conversations are not possible., except sometimes in the evenings.
You and your boyfriend need to have a similar conversation about where texts fit into your life, and what is the appropriate way to end a text conversation, or to say that you aren't able to carry one on right now. This will save you from being hurt, and him from feeling pressured to answer when he's busy.
Now, as for the compliments.
What you are, in effect asking for, is a great degree of verbal affection and courtesy. Which is totally fair. Here is the way I'd suggest you go about doing it.
Take a deep breath, and have a calm, loving talk with your boyfriend that goes like this:
“I know we are crazy about each other and I'm really happy with our relationship, but I know that I really value spoken affection and courtesy and we aren't very good at that, so what I was hoping we both could do is work on TELLING each other the positive things we like about each other. Next time I see you I'm going to have thought of three things that I really like about you, and I'm hoping you can think of three things you really like about me. You can even write them down.”
See how that communicates that you are the one who has the problem (not blaming him) and that you want to work on the solution (because it's important to you, and because you think he's awesome) and how you would really value his help so that you could be happier (and make the relationship stronger for both of you). Finally, it's not putting him on the spot, where he feels pressured and you get upset if he 'fails'. It gives him every chance to succeed, rather then stressing him out right in the moment, and setting him up for failure.
It's a very different way of going about it then telling him to change. And yes, it means you doing the work first! It will mean that for a while.
When you are actually together, there is a very simple thing you can do to improve the courtesy between the two of you, and that is mind your ps and qs. We often drop please and thank you with people we are really close too, but we shouldn't. It's part of speaking with affection to one another. A simple “Thank you so much for coming over. I'm so glad you are here.” can go a damn long way. And when people hear please and thank you, they are more likely to say it back. It's a small thing, but if you don't do it know, it could be a big shift in your relationship to start.
Finally, give him what it is you want to receive.
Don't just leave it at your homework of three things, if something positive jumps into your head, tell him what it is. If you think that shirt looks really good on him, say so. If he is telling you a story and something he did impressed you, say so. After a day or two of this, point out to him gently that those are the sort of 'feel-good' things you would want said too you, because they are true and special when they come from someone who cares about you.
The most important thing though is this:
When he tries to compliment you, even if it doesn't quite work, praise him to high heavens. Just like when a puppy is first learning to sit, you might give them a treat for getting their butt close to the ground, and then get pickier as they figure it out. For the first little while, pay very close attention to your boyfriend's first bumbling attempts to compliment you, and really let him know how much you appreciate it (even if he's not very good at it yet.)
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