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torn #2
im 16/f, i have recently started doing stuff with a 18/m. our relationship started out like this : he saw me in school in a classroom that he was visiting to say bye to the teacher because he was graduating that week. He saw me and obviously thought I was cute so when i got home i saw he friended me on facebook. then he Inboxed me and got my number [this was in june] the first day we started talking, he asked for a handjob/blowjob. i jokingly agreed to it because i liked the attention. from then on it only got worse. he asked for pictures the second day we started talking. i didnt give in until about the 5th day after having a long talk about it with him..ever since then ive became pretty much whipped and i will litterally do whatever he wants me to do, whenever he wants me to do it. i guess you could say i like it when he tells me what to do..i dont know why..anyways, we had sex for the second time today. when i got home, i realized that i really like him. and now that weve had sex, [he was my first by the way. when we first did it, he made it seem really safe and he made me feel really comfortable about it, the way he talked to me because he knew i didnt want to] when we first did it, after he left, i felt like we were bonded togethor and that i needed to be texting him..i felt like we had a connection, a bond. obviously he doesnt feel that way..but for me, it really means a lot to me that he was my first and that we did that. i really like him ..even though hes clearly stated before that he isnt looking for a relationship and he just wants to have fun and thinks im hot. [hes never called me pretty by the way. just hot and cute and sexy]
today after we had sex at his house, i got really sad. because i really enjoyed it and while it was happening i looked into his eyes and i felt like we had something. i just cried my eyes out for over an hour because now i feel bonded to him for ever, because we had sex. i really really like him and i dont want him to ever stop talking to me, ever. and it really hurts me the most because think about it..if this is the way he met me and is doing stuff with me, then he's probobly doing the same thing with other girls. he never admits it. i dont know what to do..i feel torn. completely.
please help me
hey so i sent that question a while ago ^
and no nothing has changed. all thats changed is that now he doesnt even text me anymore. unless he wants a picture. and actually, things have gotten reaaally fucked up since i wrote this. back in september, he was over my house and my mom came home and she hates him already because she knows about him because the begining of the summer i tried to sneak in his car with him but she found out it was a guy who was 2 years older than me and since then has hated him. so she walked in that day and saw him and FREAKED OUT screaming and he just got up and walked out. then she grounded me for a month. wow theres just so much that happened i dont knopw if its possible to fit it all in here haha basically now the only time i see him is if he feels like driving to my house at night, which is ONLY 15 minutes away but he never wants to. and i sneakout and give him head in his car while he drives. the only thing that i WANNA do with him is fuck but he doesnt think we can get away with doing that in a car he thinks we'll get caught. thats such bullsbit because hes done it before so i don t know why hes saying that to me. i just wish he wanted to talk to me..he says he does but then how come he never texts me? ive been the one to text him first ever since that day i got grounded, a month ago. what the hell. ugh
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Want to answer more questions in the Sexual Health and Reproduction category?
Maybe give some free advice about: General Sex Questions?
Welcome to your first adult decision. Don't take it lightly.
A lesson in guys and girls. You're biologically pre-programed to form emotional bonds around sex. Its pretty much automatic for 90% of women, and while age and experience can work towards combating that, you have neither at your disposal.
Guys, on the other hand, have much more ability to separate sex and emotion.
I cannot for the life of me think of any reason you'd still be talking to this guy, and yet at the same time I understand. He was you first, you feel connected, even if the connection isn't really there or is one sided. The problem with this idea is its incredibly unhealthy.
A little harsh reality wake up time. This guy finds you annoying. He finds you annoying because he doesn't give a shit outside of sex, and yet he comes around because the fact is that teen guys don't pass up on free easy sex of any kind. Thats why you get no attention except to come over and get head.
The bottom line of this is that nothing you can do will make you anything but a sex toy to him. Nothing.
Its time to stop. Completely. There won't be a turn-around, there won't be a magic moment where he realizes he loves you. This is the real world, you will continue to trade sexual favors for attention until you are too disgusted with yourself to continue.
This isn't what relationships are. Why are you settling for this? You know, anyone is better than this. Everyone is better than being used. The trick is, its sometimes hard to feel that way. Hard to feel likable, desirable.
If you don't feel it, fake it. You need standards, and you need them fast.
I want you to make a list for yourself. Ten things that are important to you in how a guy would treat you. What do you WANT out of a relationship? Now, not later. Go get a pen.
Hopefully thats done. Read your list. Does this guy do any of them? Probably not. I'm hoping you can't reason your way around to thinking he does something for you other than exist.
Those are your new standards. Find a guy who meets some or all of your criteria. When you go on a date, go out, look for those signs. Look for a guy to show interest in what you say. Look for a guy who likes to do things that AREN'T sex with you. Look for a guy who shows genuine care for what you think and feel. If he doesn't measure up, he isn't worth your time. Better to be alone than be used.
If you decide to write back, I've got a tiny bit of homework for you.
I want to know why you still talk to this guy. A list of reasons. Why you don't look for someone else. And I want your list of things you look for in how you're treated.
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