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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
i am 39 and my gf is 28 are we can date in a hotel?? is police can punish
The Answer
It depends where you live.
In most, democratic countries, it's perfectly legal for two adults to meet in a hotel.
There are only a few countries, that have fanatical, religious leaders, that make it criminal for unmarried adults to do things like get a hotel room. For example, premarital sex is illegal in Iran, in the Maldives, in the United Arab Emirates.
So, you'll need to find out what the laws are in the place where you both live.
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The Question
hi i have another question what dose it mean if a girl knows you for a hole year but all of a sudden she wants to be your friend
The Answer
It means she has changed her mind, and only wants to be your friend.
You have to give people this basic respect: Believe what they tell you.
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The Question
Okay so I went out with this guy whom I actually loved and really cared for 5 times. He actually came home and met my family and I lost my virginity to him. My family loved him to death. Everything seemed to go great. He acted like the perfect boyfriend then he told me he told his family all about me and they were excited to meet me at his graduation. I was excited and nervous to meet them. Finally when it was his graduation time, they came and took pictures with him and looked at me like I was some weirdo as I waited on the sidelines for him to introduce me. After a while of ignoring me, I pull him aside and ask him if they no about me. He shrugs and says 'not really' then ignores me. I tell him I'll be right back and leave the gym and sit behind it and bawl my eyes out.I felt betrayed. After a while my guy friends came by and tried to comfort me.I sent my best friend to get him so I could say goodbye only to find out he left without saying goodbye to me. Weeks past without an email or call from him. Summer break I FINALLY called him and ended it. Now it's 3 months later and I like somebody but I'm not sure if I should even take the risk again. I'm graduating soon and would like to start new but I don't know if I should...
What should I do? I'm afriad to get screwed over again.
The Answer
You might get screwed over again!
It might happen. Actually, in the 80+ years you will hopefully be alive on this planet, you will almost definitely get screwed over again at some point.
Seriously, stop worrying about it. It's the risk we take when we care for someone. If you never take that risk again, you'll never get any of the rewards.
So don't worry so much. Bad things will happen. Keep your eyes open and don't be a push over. If you are ready to take the risk with someone new, then just take that risk.
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The Question
I am in the 12th grade, worrying about the future of course. I've been looking into this and trying to see what I want. Recently the idea of taking a year off was brought to my attention. Everyone I have asked has thought it is a terrific idea and they had wished they'd done it. I'm afraid that after my four years my life will be in a place where I wouldn't want to leave where I am because I would be beginning working. I would love to, more than anything, go backpacking through Europe and maybe even take a literature class in Athens. My father on the other hand feels it is a horrible idea and we don't have the money (even though I plan on getting jobs where I can and figuring that out on my own. I also have a job now) I guess what I need is not so much an answer but an opinion from someone more experienced is incredibly needed.
The Answer
DO IT!
I went straight into University at 17. I knew what I wanted to do, got in where I wanted, so I went, but even still, I was too young. By the end of my degree, I knew I could have gotten way, way more out of it if I'd been a bit older and a bit more prepared.
My younger siblings took a year off, some just worked and saved, some traveled and worked. I think they made the better choice.
It is harder. It takes more thinking and more planning than just heading off to college.
The only big risk, and concern for a lot of parents, is that you wont go to school at all. I think as long as you are committed to using the time well, and giving some sort of post-secondary a shot the year after, it's the better approach to take.
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The Question
I've been having really bad heartburn for a while after eating bread. I mostly eat bread because we don't really have a lot of food in our house. And in the last few days I've also been experiencing headache and dizzyness after eating bread. And I feel really bloated for a long time. Could I have a gluten or wheat intolerance? I don't get diherrea though and I also don't experience a lot of gas which are other symptoms.
Does anyone have an idea what this could be? I also like to eat noodle soup and when I do it's not as bad. I can eat fruits and vegetables without problems.
I ate some pancakes yesterday afternoon and now it's the next day and I still have really bad heartburn and still feel bloated. I don't get this . What should I do?
The Answer
You should see a doctor.
Heartburn isn't a really common symptom of food intolerance, but it is possible. It's also possible that certain foods might be making your heartburn worse - but that the heartburn itself is being caused by another issue. It's not really sensible to assume you have an allergy or intolerance without seeing a doctor.
You should see a doctor to get the root of the problem. A food intolerance or allergy is one possible cause, but there are lots, and lots, of other things that could be behind it. Better to find out now for sure, than just to stop eating bread and hope that's all it is.
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The Question
21/f
I'm beginning to think something is seriously wrong with me. I've have been intimate with 4 guys && none of them could last longer than 4 minutes max (and I think that might be a generous number, could be less, definitely not more). They all but 1 have had sex with a couple of people a piece and said I'm the only girl they have climaxed with that fast. My ex && I (he was a virgin) had sex and for the whole 2 years of our relationship, he would only last 2 whole minutes! After we broke up, he had sex with several other women & a couple told me he was the longest lasting man they've had. We ended up hooking up one night, (I was excited to be able to have sex wit him longer than 2 minutes) and not even 3 minutes later, he busted. His face was full of disappointment. He said "you are the only girl that makes me bust that fast"
Like my new boyfriend, said I had nothing to worry about because I told him my sex life in the past was awful due to disappointment; believe it or not, he only lasted not even 4 minutes. I haven't been able to have sex since (that was 3 months ago). What is wrong with me? Why can't guys last that long with me?
:(
The Answer
I don't think there is anything wrong with you.
You might be very tight, you might have muscle contractions in a way that really works for guys. You might just be really attractive to them.
None of these things are 'wrong'. It's just who you are.
I stumbled on a study early this week that said the average sexy-fun-time for adults in the US is 11 mins. That's 11 minutes from the first foreplay to the end... It's a bit sad really, but there you have it. There is nothing all that abnormal about what you are experiencing.
Some suggestions:
Don't rush to penetration. There are lots of other fun things to do with someone in bed beside have them stick their dick in you. Fool around a bit. Don't rush to the big finish.
If you know you are going to have sex with your partner, encourage them to masturbate (or get them off once when you are together) and then take a break before you go to penetration. That might help them last longer, but that will differ from guy to guy.
With the guys permission - get 'em a bit drunk. Not wasted, but have a beer or two. Some guys will orgasm much quicker when slightly drunk, but most I have met will last longer. If you are having really strong muscle contractions that just send them over the edge, drinking a bit *might* decrease those on your end as well.
Finally, if what really excites you is being penetrated for a long period of time, buy dildo and ask your partner to go to town on you, either before or after they have orgasmed.
If you aren't using condoms (but you are, of course, right?) condoms might also decrease the sensations a bit and allow a guy to last longer...
So, you've got options, but I'd strongly suggest that you don't think about this as 'what is wrong'. Bodies are unique. Learning to have fun with what we've got is the best path to happiness. Placing unrealistic expectations on what your body should be like is the best path to misery.
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The Question
Okay, 20/f
My vagina stays wet ALL the time! There is no itching or burning or discomfort. There is a little odor, but not fishy. I don't know how to explain the odor. I've tried everything to get it to go away and it will for a brief period of time and then it'll come back. The odor started when I stopped wearing underwear. Then I read that, that could cause your PH balance to be messed up, so I quit. The gyno said there wasn't any type of infection.
How can I get rid of the odor? (I bathe normally) and why does my vagina always stay wet?
The Answer
This is really something to talk about with your gyno, even if these is no infection, they are the experts.
Also, you should wear cotton underwear - no lacey, synthetics or thongs. Whenever you are uncomfortable with anything going on in that area of your body, go back to granny panties immediately. The a healthy vagina should be self-cleaning, but you can help it along by protecting it from your clothing with underwear, and choosing underwear that allows air to circulate.
The truth is, you are probably fine. This might just be the nature of your adult body. Some women have more discharge than others. Some have more odour than others. If your gyno says you have no infection, then the less you do to disrupt your vagina's natural balance, the better. (No special soups, douching or wet-wipes. Those are never healthy alternatives.) On a personal level, when I know I'm going to working a really long day (10+ hours) I bring a change of underwear, because I know I wont feel fresh by late afternoon.
The last thing I could recommend is to put deodorant on the inside of your thighs. Not ON your labia in any way, but on your thighs. That is another thing I often do if I have a long or hot workday ahead of me. If sweat is contributing to the odour, that can help control it.
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The Question
I really liked this guy, so I figured I had nothing to lose by telling him the truth. Here's what happened:
"I like you, and think you're cute. What do you think of me?" I whispered.
"You're awesome," he said.
"Do you like me?" I asked.
"Yeah, I like you."
But then I was confused because my friend told me that he might've only meant he liked me as a friend. So I asked again did he like-like me and he said, "I don't know". And only a few minutes after, I caught him rolling his eyes at me. The next day, I ignored him and he kept staring at me always wanted to be near me. Plus, I heard one of his guy friends say, "She's probably just playing hard to get". I decided to stop ignoring him, so I started texting him. The only reason I ever ignored him was because his answer confused me. I sent him a nice text saying, "Sorry by making things awkward between us by saying I liked you.." and he didn't reply, even though he read it....
I saw him today for the first time in two months, and I ask, "Do you like me....you did say that you did..." and he said, "Oh really? I don't remember that, I only like you as a friend! We only see each other once a week!" And now, he acts really awkward around me. I'll tell a really funny joke, and everyone will laugh, except him. Plus, he's always around me.... So strange.
To let you know, we're 14. And he's never had gf. He's the outgoing/joker type.
The Answer
It's not putting an unfair amount of pressure on a guy to say "Remember that thing you said?".
You didn't screw it up. You know how to talk to guys just fine. (Guys are simply human beings, not frightened little animals who need to be coddled and have girl's 'feelings' explained to them every single time.) You obviously were trying pretty hard to do the right thing and be honest. You told him whats what.
You two didn't understand each other for two reasons, neither of which are your fault:
ONE, You are both inexperienced talking about romantic feelings.
TWO, Neither of you knew what to do NEXT.
For whatever reason, he either didn't like you in that way, or didn't like you enough to do anything NEXT. (Or possibly, liked you, but had no idea what the NEXT thing to do about it.)
It was a bit of jerk move for him to say "I don't remember that..." but it was the move of a really inexperienced and overwhelmed young person. It takes a lot of guts and self-knowledge to be as direct as you've been, and most other people your age aren't going to know how to do that, or how to handle it when someone else does.
For now, I think you should just try to be his friend. He's told you he likes you as a friend, and you should accept and respect that as the truth. Maybe he really does like you as more than a friend. Maybe he doesn't. Maybe he's really not sure. Either way, it's clear that he is uncomfortable for a bunch of reasons that have nothing to do with you. He's got some shit to sort out, and you can't help him with that. It's some growing up that just needs to happen.
So for now, accept that the timing wasn't right, believe him when he says he wants to be friends, and just enjoy his friendship. The awkwardness will pass if you let it, and he might just come around and realize he acted like a bit of numbskull.
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The Question
I live with my dad and brother in an apartment in California under section 8 housing. My landlord writes these notices that I think aren't legal, like "certain people can't come over" or "no In and outs past 10pm". Is this even legal under the rules of HUD, CDC, Equal housing, etc? Links to any legal info would help!
The Answer
You don't give much to go on.
If "Certain People" have visited and caused damage or committed crimes on the property, your landlord not only can ban them from the property, they have a responsibility to do so for the safety of the other tenants.
I have also lived in areas where drug dealing was a real concern and have seen no "Ins and Outs" - which basically means no deliveries, after a certain time. Landlords have a responsibility to take reasonable steps to stop drug dealing in their units... I don't know if that rule is legal, but I've certainly seen it before.
You should contact your local housing authority, or start with your Tenant committee, if your apartment has one, and ask them your questions.
As far as I know - which isn't too far - landlords have no special powers over Section 8 tenants. They are bound by Landlord-Tenant laws, just like everyone else. There will be some limitations on the lengths of visits you can have under Section 8's Family Obligations (you can't have someone basically living with you, but calling them a 'visitor'), but otherwise Section 8 Tenants are the same as any other.
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The Question
Hey everyone!
26/f. 5'3", about 130 give or take a couple pounds. History of anorexia ending something like 5-6 years ago, slight body dysmorphia still on bad days.
Background: I gained weight recently because of a steroid medication I was on for crohn's disease. To combat this known weight-gain issue while I was on it, I immediately switched to a clean eating/daily workout lifestyle. I'm thankfully off the medication, but kept the lifestyle...and the 15 pounds I gained.
That said, I don't expect to ever reach 115 again like I'd love to, because I have a pretty decent amount of lean muscle mass in my lower body. I run barefoot-shoe, so my legs are ALL muscle. I also do primarily body-resistance "lifting," and have a set of 5-lb weights. I do want/need to lose SOME weight or size. My body can't seem to comfortably handle 130. I've recently had to slow down on the working out (didn't get to at all last week) since I've started clinical psychology Master's classes on top of my full-time social work job, but since I gained weight, I'm getting pains from running that aren't my usual soreness, and it's more difficult to keep form. AND I'm slower... and that is killing me.
Anyway, here's the biggest question - my diet is extremely healthy for being out and about 12-14 hours a day. For example yesterday:
Breakfast - greek yogurt, banana, tablespoon of peanut butter (yum! For a former anorexic, I really, really love good food.)
Lunch - 20g protein bar, small apple, a bunch of almonds
Snack - more almonds, carrots, celery, grape tomatoes, another greek yogurt container
Dinner - Pita and hummus, chicken breast, about 1/2 cup of chocolate sorbet.
I nibble mostly; I don't have time for big meals, nor do I have time or energy to cook. The issue is, if my diet is okay and I'm (was) working out like a fiend, why I have I seen ZERO change in six months? I've been taking progress pictures, no less, and there has been none. I don't own a scale or measuring tape. I've noticed I have curves for a change, which is nice, but clothes (mainly pants) that were comfortable are not so anymore. I almost think I've GAINED size, but how could that be? I mean I know steroids take a few months to come out of your system, but really...
Is it possible that I'm actually not eating enough? I'm pretty sure I'm nowhere near 2000 calories a day... Have I thrown my body into some bizarre starvation mode?
Please help me find some nutrient-dense/calorie-dense foods that will help me out if you feel that's the issue, because I feel like I'm eating constantly and this is still going on. And/or, please suggest equipmentless (and preferably free) ways to switch up my exercise...? (I refuse to Zumba, and have no time for classes - must be something I could do at home.)
If more information is needed, please let me know.
I am so confused, and I would love anyone's suggestions or feedback on my situation.
Thank you to all who respond!
The Answer
Do you have Crohn's Disease?
Because if you have Crohns, or are recovering from it, no one here is the least bit qualified to help you.
If your system has been through anorexia, Chohns, and steroid treatment then you've got complex shit going on when it comes to how your body processes food, and the standard, everyday advice that people toss around, might not apply to you very well.
There are so many things that could be contributing to soreness and fatigue - not just your diet (although I'd hazard a guess that you are not eating enough, and you don't mention any vitamins, which would be probably be good for you given an eating disorder during a major growth period) but your recent lifestyle changes and stress could also be contributing. You might be rushing when you can exercise and not warming up/stretching sufficiently given the fact you are exercising less often. You might have vitamin deficiencies linked to Crohns or teenage anorexia. You might not be hydrating well. You might have a sleep disorder that is preventing you from loosing weight and leaving you fatigued. You may have a blood flow issue to your extremities (also, a common problem for people with eating disorder during their teens).
I'm not suggesting that all, or any of that, is what is wrong with you. I only mean to say that I cannot know, and neither can anyone else here. There is just too much going on for a layman to help you out in any reliable way.
My best advice to you: Start taking a good multivitamin, make sure you are getting enough water and enough sleep, and talk to a nutritionist and to a doctor about everything else.
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The Question
So, my period is really heavy to the point where I have to use super plus tampons and change them every hour. Classes at my school are an hour and 30 minutes long. So, every day I have to go to the bathroom at least once in each class. For some reason, my period never stops. By not stopping, I mean every day for at least 365 days, I have had to use a tampon every hour. It's been an entire year of having to change tampons, and dealing with the intense cramps.
I'm not sure how to excuse myself from class. Sometimes I become suddenly aware that I need to go to the bathroom RIGHT NOW, and this often happens during a lecture. My teachers have asked me why I need to use the restroom so much, and are concerned that I am missing too much valuable class time. I don't want to lie, so how should I approach telling them? And, how do I avoid the strange looks my classmates give me?
The Answer
You should see a doctor.
There might be medical options to help make your period more manageable. If it's interfering with your life to this degree, it's time to talk to a doctor.
The best thing as far as you teachers go, is (assuming you are still in highschool, not post-secondary) have your parents write a note to your principal or VIP, and to the individual teachers, to please excuse you when you ask, as you have a medical condition that requires frequent trips to the bathroom, and to ask your teachers to contact your parents directly if they have any concerns with this.
That is really all your teachers need to know, and if you are a minor, the message is best coming from your parents. You don't need to explain what the situation is.
But you should also see a doctor. When these physical realities interfere with day to day life, it's time to get help.
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The Question
So, I know guys have wet dreams, and can ejaculate in their sleep. Is it possible for girls to orgasm in their sleep too? Without touching themselves or rubbing up against anything in their sleep? Has anyone experienced this or heard of it happening to girls?
Just curious. Thanks!
The Answer
It's possible. It's not nearly as common as in men, but it does happen to some women frequently, and to other woman very infrequently.
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The Question
19/f
Me and my boyfriend were having some problems, we broke up last month and have gotten back together and talked through all of the problems.
It was mostly about him not being able to care for me when I was going through a hard time and said he didn't want to try.
I'm very on edge about drugs and alcohol. Before we dated (We've been together for 2 years) he did smoke weed. But he had stopped and after that we eventually got together and he wasn't doing it. Not that I have a problem with other people doing it but I just personally don't want it around me and I don't date people who do. He is a great guy, with the exception of how he treated me this past couple months. He smoked again after we were dating, he told me about it and felt really bad. I thought it was a one time thing so I didn't get mad or anything, but it did end up happening a couple times after as well.
Today I was sitting in his room while he was outside doing some work and he got a text on his phone. I went to open it to tell him who it was through the window but the messages were about how he was on acid a few weeks ago.
I'm not ok with it at all. I told him I saw it and he said I shouldn't have been looking through his phone but I told him it was completely innocent, I didn't go snooping or anything. So then he said, "Ok. Well sorry." and walked out.
I haven't gotten mad, but I don't know how to handle this the right way.
I know a lot of people are ok with their partner smoking but there has been so many bad things happen in my family that I can't bring myself to let it into my life or my future.
I'm sure when we talk about it he's going to tell me it will never happen again. Also, this happened while we were broken up. So should I be ok with it and just let it go?
Like I said, I don't date guys who do that and lie to me about it. He always would tell me so I guess he didn't tell me because he promised me he'd never do acid.
I feel like things were getting better for us but this just brought me back down. I'm just hurt from him not telling me about it but I feel like I shouldn't be since we weren't officially together during that time. We were talking but we weren't together so I don't feel like I have a right to feel the way I do about this.
My questions are, how do I handle this the right way? When we talk, what should I say to him? Should this be a deal breaker because of my values? I truly don't want this relationship to end because of how much work we've been putting into it and I do love him. Everybody does make mistakes but if you all think it'd be a good idea, I'll sit down and have a talk with myself.
Sorry that this was long. Thank you so much.
The Answer
Is this a dealbreaker?
You keep saying it is, but you are still with him. Which means he expects he can continue doing this and only has to suffer through you being upset for a while afterwards.
You and he think differently about this. He doesn't see a problem with smoking weed, or dropping acid as much of a problem. Ignoring the legality of these actions for a moment - his opinion is as valid as yours is. In fact, when it comes to what he puts inside his own body, his opinion is more valid than yours.
Right now, you and he have established a pattern where he says he wont do something that you don't like, goes ahead and does what he wants anyways, you get upset for a while and eventually talk yourself into 'forgiving' him for some reason or another.
That is exactly what is happening, over and over.
Only you can decide if this really is a deal breaker, but look at your behaviour right now: You aren't acting like this a deal breaker.
If this isn't a deal breaker for you, maybe you should stop asking him to make you promises you know he is unlikely to keep, and instead really ask him what his opinions are on drugs, and where he will draw the line with drug use. It's nice of you to convince yourself that 'everyone makes mistakes' but it doesn't even sound like your boyfriend thinks he made a mistake. His behaviour would suggest that he just thinks causal drug use is fine. If you approach these talks as a chance to actually find out what he thinks, rather than trying to make him give in to your way of thinking (when you know he'll just lie, and agree with you) you'll actually know what he thinks is okay and acceptable. Then, when you actually know what he thinks, you can make choices about the relationship that are about shared values, not about ultimatums and lies.
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The Question
recently since Taylor Swift entered the music scene she started dating everybody she met from Joe Jonas John Mayer Taylor Lautner Harry Styles and ect and she dumped every single of them only to have something to write about and everybody praises her for it except me and im glad i wont be dating Taylor Swift anytime so will she ever stop dating and not start again till shes fully grown
The Answer
I don't know Taylor Swift much, or her music.
But I do know she's 23. She is fully grown.
She might be vapid, or shallow, but she's an adult and she can date or not date whoever she pleases.
Lots of women live their lives as 'serial monogamous' daters - jumping quickly from one 'relationship' to the next. It's okay if you don't like it - don't be friends with those kinds of women! But it's not worth getting worked up over what other adults do with their love lives.
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The Question
Recently my mother and little sister has moved in with me and my boyfriend due to finicial struggle. My boyfriend and I talked about and both agreed that it would be okay for my mother and my sister to move in, until they get back on their feet. They have only been here 3 days and its not going great. My boyfriend is constantly complainning about how they are too loud. I tell them to be quiet and they listen but if they talk above a whisper he starts banging the walls and grunting at them. I just don't know what to do. I will not have my sister and mother on the streets but I feel like my boyfriends anger is rising too much lately.
The Answer
You need to speak to your boyfriend. He's being unfair.
He agreed to having them there. It's one thing if he wants to revisit that agreement. It would be fair for him to turn to you and say "Man, I thought this would be okay but it's just horrible for me." but it is NOT fair for him to torture them with complaints and insults.
And that is what he doing. It would be one thing if they were screaming or blasting music, but what he is doing is punishing them for existing. That's not cool.
You might also want to speak to your mom about how long she thinks this will last. "Until they get on their feet..." can be a very, very long time. It's fair for you and your boyfriend to ask for a firmer commitment from them. You'll have an easier time telling your boyfriend to respect that he is now sharing the space with them, if you can give him some guidelines about how long that is going to go on.
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The Question
Firstly I'm male age 20, my gf is 17. We have been together for 2 years now, back in high school when I was 18 and she was 15. We live in California, and have never had sex.
She has wanted to make love for a while now, but I have always been worried about getting in trouble. I was reading the laws on statutory rape and they say that if Im more than 3 years older than her I could go to jail if someone found out. And it doesnt help that her adoptive parents (who are emotionally and physically abusive towards her) dont like me.
I am technically a little more than 3 years older than her, but currently since Im 20 it seems like just 3 years and no one cares.
So I guess I want to know if the police would really take this seriously if her parents reported it, and if I would really go to jail (Im a nice guy and I care about her. Ive known her my whole life and would never want to hurt or manipulate her, but I know other people would think I was just because of the age thing.)
So what do you guys think? Is this really a big deal? Will I really be treated like a pedophile or something? And please dont tell me to just go out with girls my age. I want to get her away from her abusive parents when she turns 18. We both want to marry each other and have kids when we are older. It just sucks that we happened to be born a little too far apart...
The Answer
The advice you've recieved, this it's not illegal for you to have sex with your 17 year old girlfriend, is wrong. In most states, that would be right, but in California having a sexual relationship with someone under 18 is not legal. Not ever. Even if both people were 17! It may sound absurd, but that is the way the law is written in California.
Adviceman is also incorrect that dating her in California is criminal. Although there are some states where 'statutory rape' covers more than just intercourse and can apply to regular dating activities like kissing and groping, in California law, it does not. In California, the age of consent for "lewd and lascivious acts" (kissing, groping, petting) is 14. There is nothing in California law that can charge you for dating your girlfriend. The law only comes into effect if you have oral, vaginal or anal sex with her. The Mann act only applies if you both leave the state, on the assumption that you are doing so to have sex with her.
The '3-year rule' wouldn't make it okay even if you were a few weeks younger. All the 3 year rule does in California is say that if the older person is less than 3 years older than the younger person, the crime a misdemeanour - not a felony. It's still a crime. And I believe it still lands the older person on the sex offender registry.
So yes, having sex with your 17 year old girlfriend is against the law. She is old enough to consent to date you, to hug you and kiss you, but she is under the age of consent in California for sexual intercourse.
Be safe. Don't do it. It's probably not a 'big deal'. You'd probably be fine, but what happens if you aren't fine is life-altering, and could destroy your plans for the future - with her and with anyone else! You would be labeled sex-offender, and would carry that brand with you every time you moved, or applied for a job.
Yes, it sucks, and no, I don't think the law is reasonable or fair, but it's the law where you live! Please don't do it. You need to wait until she turns 18.
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The Question
Sorry for the length. So I'm 21/f and since I met my boyfriend three years ago we've formed our own little group with the two of us and three other guys around the same age. There was no conflict, good times and my boyfriend and I would always talk about how we had a great group of friends. About a year ago one of the guys had entered a relationship with a girl that was already dating someone else (she cheated on her, now, ex with our friend). At first the rest of the group was very skeptical but our friend seemed happy so we welcomed her into the group. As time went on we noticed that she was extremely insecure, she lies constantly about things that just don't matter, she is a constant flirt with the rest of the guys, and whenever her and our friend would argue, as most couples do, she would blast him on Facebook spreading their business to her friends and family. Not only that but apparently I'm a threat to the girl, as I'm not allowed to laugh at anything her boyfriend says, be alone with him, or even like the same things. At first i thought maybe it was the fact that i miss being the only girl but the guys including my boyfriend say that she's crazy but they don't want to hurt the guy's feelings by saying they don't like his girlfriend. What should we do? Thanks for any advice.
The Answer
'We' should do nothing.
As a group, you are teetering on the edge of a hate-fest, which will accomplish nothing but drama. You may be absolutely correct in your every opinion of this girl, but you still need to take it down a couple of notches.
You are each individually, his friends. There is no reason to gang up on him. You should approach this as individuals.
You also have to recognize that any conversation with this guy, would be far more effective coming from an individual with a penis. The worst thing you can do is validate her illusion that you are the problem, by being the first person to take any action 'against' her. Go on being his friend. Like what you like and laugh when you want too, further than that, encourage your other male friends to grow a pair and talk to their buddy. If it falls to you to tell it like it is, they run a higher risk of crazy drama, and of loosing him all together.
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The Question
I am getting married next month, One of my biggest concerns to the wedding are guest possibly showing up empty handed. My fiance has invited a lot of work friends which is fine but many of them are in their early 20's.
I have a friend of mine also whom complains often about how she is broke. My friend was firmerly in the bridal party as a bridesmaid but told me she couldn't afford a dress. I was fine with this, I told her she can come as a guest. Niw lately she has been talking about getting a tattoo and how ahe will be left with little to money after. Which raises my concerns to whether she plans on bringing anything. I don't want to sound greedy but my fiance and I are relying on the gift money for our honeymoon...
How do I deal with this?
-Stressed Bride and Groom
The Answer
You don't.
You don't just sound greedy. You are actually thinking about this in a greedy way.
And you are upsetting yourself about something that you cannot control.
Of course it wouldn't be nice for someone to not bring a gift. It's also pretty unlikely that will happen.
The choice of the gift is 100% up to the giver and there’s no minimum or maximum amount that can be expected or demanded by the couple. Every etiquette expert out there will tell you as much: Gifts are just that, gifts. Not a re-payment for their seat at your party. There are some guidelines out there for gift givers, but people still get to make up their own minds.
You can help people, by making a wedding registry, and checking into your registry from time to time to make sure there are still a good number of things at various price points for people. Some travel agents will also let people pay directly into your honeymoon plans, and that can be a great option is what you really want is money for the honeymoon.
In the end, you have to remember that marriages are celebrations. You invite people to participate in them, not to pay for them. You throw a party for yourself and the people you want to celebrate with you.
Your guests aren't throwing the party for you. They should not be, in any way, perceived as paying for it through their gifts. That is s flawed and inappropriate way to frame this in your mind.
If you can't afford the wedding and the honeymoon that you have planned, then you need to plan a wedding and honeymoon you can afford, without placing expectations or demands on others.
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The Question
Does anyone know any good sites about the migration of the Ice Age? I know people migrated to North America but I can't seem to find any reliable sites that explain it in detail. THanks
The Answer
You can start with Wikipedia, and check out the sources they reference. When in doubt, Wikipedia is a good way to get an overview, and links to appropriate sites and books.
For example, the wiki entry below called Models of Migration to the New World contains a bibliography and an external links section which includes articles from the Smithsonian magazine, and National Geographic that you'll probably find very helpful.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Models_of_migration_to_the_New_World#See_also
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The Question
He throws a fit if you tell him no ice cream any hints. The mom does nothing cause he does the same thing every time i go over and the only way to get him to stop throwing a fit is to tell him he can have some but it doesnt feel right . Help me!
Stressed out babysitter
The Answer
Honestly, your job is to do what his parents ask you too. If they are okay with him getting ice-cream, than give him ice-cream and don't worry about it.
If they don't want to you to give him ice-cream, than don't give him ice-cream. Tell him it's his parent's rule, and mellow while he freaks out. As long as he isn't hurting himself or anyone else, he can have a fit if he wants too. I promise you, you have more patience than he does. He'll tire himself out eventually, and then you can offer a distraction. Really small children don't need to be punished for being unhappy - unless they have hurt someone else, or broken other rules during their fit. If he keeps on having a fit until his parents get home, good, that's a good opportunity for them to step in.
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