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I am afraid our wedding guests will show up empty handed and not give us anything for our future.
I am getting married next month, One of my biggest concerns to the wedding are guest possibly showing up empty handed. My fiance has invited a lot of work friends which is fine but many of them are in their early 20's.
I have a friend of mine also whom complains often about how she is broke. My friend was firmerly in the bridal party as a bridesmaid but told me she couldn't afford a dress. I was fine with this, I told her she can come as a guest. Niw lately she has been talking about getting a tattoo and how ahe will be left with little to money after. Which raises my concerns to whether she plans on bringing anything. I don't want to sound greedy but my fiance and I are relying on the gift money for our honeymoon...
How do I deal with this?
-Stressed Bride and Groom
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Gift Giving?
Sounds like you are not expecting physical gifts, like towels, dishes but only cash. Is that what you stated in your invitation, that any gifts should be cash only?
Or do you plan to take brand new wedding gifts back to the store in return for cash?
It is sad that in this economy, very few are going to have much spare to give as nice a gift as might have happened 20 years ago. And honeymoons to some exotic place may sound nice but they are not a Necessity. Not even a wedding ceremony is a necessity. In times 400 yrs ago and older, a couple who wanted to become wed or handfast, wore their best dress, wearing white was a fashion that hadn't even come in style yet. And some tied their two hands together to symbolize their joining as friends stood round to hear them give their vows to each other...and that was it...nothing else.That is where we get the phrase today of "I'm gonna tie the knot" to mean you're getting married.
Or the couple wanting to start a life together would join hands and jump over a broomstick signifying that they were starting up household together.
Maids of honor, grooms men also are not necessary. They come from an old fashioned belief that evil spirits would try to spoil the wedding for the happy couple, so other couples were dressed as fancy as the marrying couple and hung out in close proximity to them to confuse the evil spirits so they would not know which couple was the one getting married...and that has evolved to become the reason why todays weddings.
Wedding rings also are not a necessity. The giving of rings was one of many different small gifts that a couple gave each other for their wedding "as a token of their love" and it depended alot on if they could even afford to buy any jewelry. Poor farmers might carve a wooden spoon for her and she knit him a pair of socks if thats all they could manage. The couple did not have anything like a honeymoon is those days.
The only real necessity is to have each other and be deeply in love and want to spend the rest of your lives together.
A wedding could be small, just the couple saying their vows to each other with no officiant in the way past or having a priest or community leader do officiating and the witnessing of another couple. All the other guests are....just a privilege. Their presence at your giving of vows IS the gift. Today it has evolved to the guests bringing a gift. Thats not how it was meant to be.
Bridal registry...yeah I did that. Never received complete set of anything. I ended up getting most of what I needed at 2nd hand stores or Walmart. Today, there's Craigs list from which a daughter has furnished her entire place for free.
If I were you, hard as it may be to break the image in your mind of what you've believed all your life that a wedding and honeymoon should be, I'd mentally prepare to scale down.
No one can give enough cash even if they could give a cash gift, to add up to enough to go to Hawaii for example or some other fancy vacation spot. There are many beautiful spots likely near where you live.
I will grant you this, the wedding night and for a couple days after, it would be nice if a couple had some luxury and pampering and that is not going to be accomplished staying at home.
So if you are willing to go away to a really nice Bed and Breakfast somewhere in your state or area, where you know there are places near by you'd like to do sight seeing, it can be very very special. I have been to literally dozens of bed and breakfasts in my life. I love them. You can find them by the beach, in the mountains, rustics, or old victorian style, even some smaller scale castle homes I have seen turned into b&b's complete with antiques and period decor. Some rooms come with private jacuzzi tubs, or hottubs off a private deck or hot tub in the garden shared by all guests. Some have the fancier bridal suites, some offer a basket of goodies, fruits, champaigne, soaps, lotion, massage oil for an extra fee. If you were to stay lets say four nights, you only have to come up with the deposit right now of the first night to reserve a place. To get the right room available when you want, you have to make reservations. The cost of the remaining nights lets say are 200. a night but the ones that fall on weekdays may be cheaper. $600 at the most and breakfast comes with the deal. (I stayed at one place that advertised a 4 course breakfast. By time finished with that, we still werent hungry by dinnertime)
I had one room, 4 poster bed, goose down covers, our own private jacuzzi, double marble showers and sauna. I felt like royalty. Depending on what you consider to feel pampered, is what you look for. $600. is pretty easy to cover. 30 guests each giving a gift of $20. if thats all they can give. I would think that anyone can afford $20 in these times. It might be awkward but you could contact each guest and say that in your invite you forgot to mention that if they can afford a gift, there's the choice to bring a purchased gift or there will be a box in which to place cards with donations of $20 cash as their gift, to go towards your honeymoon cash. Some guys are gonna love this option as they don't have to shop and decide what you might like. Depending on whats on your gift registry, purchasing a gift may be more expensive than just giving $20. cash.
It's not the best manners but it could work.
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You don't.
You don't just sound greedy. You are actually thinking about this in a greedy way.
And you are upsetting yourself about something that you cannot control.
Of course it wouldn't be nice for someone to not bring a gift. It's also pretty unlikely that will happen.
The choice of the gift is 100% up to the giver and there’s no minimum or maximum amount that can be expected or demanded by the couple. Every etiquette expert out there will tell you as much: Gifts are just that, gifts. Not a re-payment for their seat at your party. There are some guidelines out there for gift givers, but people still get to make up their own minds.
You can help people, by making a wedding registry, and checking into your registry from time to time to make sure there are still a good number of things at various price points for people. Some travel agents will also let people pay directly into your honeymoon plans, and that can be a great option is what you really want is money for the honeymoon.
In the end, you have to remember that marriages are celebrations. You invite people to participate in them, not to pay for them. You throw a party for yourself and the people you want to celebrate with you.
Your guests aren't throwing the party for you. They should not be, in any way, perceived as paying for it through their gifts. That is s flawed and inappropriate way to frame this in your mind.
If you can't afford the wedding and the honeymoon that you have planned, then you need to plan a wedding and honeymoon you can afford, without placing expectations or demands on others.
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Getting married is not about getting gifts. Sure it's nice but come on now. If you get something be grateful if not then you won't be surprised. I'm not sure if you have sent out the invites or gift registry yet but if not but on there that cash gifts are appreciated. As far as your tattoo friend you have more than a gift giving issue. How Selfish of her. If she is your friend she should know how important this day is and put off the freaking tattoo and buy that dress. I would question the friendship all together. TATTOO!!!! Thats some kind of friend right there.
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