Question Posted Thursday September 19 2013, 11:50 pm
21/f
I'm beginning to think something is seriously wrong with me. I've have been intimate with 4 guys && none of them could last longer than 4 minutes max (and I think that might be a generous number, could be less, definitely not more). They all but 1 have had sex with a couple of people a piece and said I'm the only girl they have climaxed with that fast. My ex && I (he was a virgin) had sex and for the whole 2 years of our relationship, he would only last 2 whole minutes! After we broke up, he had sex with several other women & a couple told me he was the longest lasting man they've had. We ended up hooking up one night, (I was excited to be able to have sex wit him longer than 2 minutes) and not even 3 minutes later, he busted. His face was full of disappointment. He said "you are the only girl that makes me bust that fast"
Like my new boyfriend, said I had nothing to worry about because I told him my sex life in the past was awful due to disappointment; believe it or not, he only lasted not even 4 minutes. I haven't been able to have sex since (that was 3 months ago). What is wrong with me? Why can't guys last that long with me?
Reasons I can think of where your partners are on the short side of average could be:
1. As Razhie wrote that you are tight and have great muscle control.
2. To much foreplay
3. Your foreplay is better than other partners these men have been with.
4. This is meant as a compliment from a male point of view. You may be downright more sexy then other women.
The sexier the women the faster the guy is going to be. Learn to slow your partner down. Let him give you more pleasure during foreplay & try pleasuring him first then allowing him to pleasure you before intercourse. This will allow him to cool a bit before intercourse.
The following is the Study excerpt:
According to the new study "Canadian and American Sex Therapists' Perceptions of Normal and Abnormal Ejaculatory Latencies: How Long Should Intercourse Last?" adequate coitus lasts anywhere from three to seven minutes, not including the Pledge of Allegiance. This data, from all the normal people who see therapists for sexual problems, corresponds closely to earlier studies, which put the average at five to seven minutes. (We can safely blame the two-minute discrepancy on the Canadians.)
"Very few people have intercourse per se [Latin for by thrust] that goes longer than 12 minutes," says sex therapist Barry W. McCarthy. Essentially, ejaculatory inhibition, which is also called "delayed orgasm" or "junkie orgasm," has less to do with actual time than an inability to ejaculate when you'd like. And premature ejaculation, which is also called "rapid ejaculation" or "your ejaculation," refers to intercourse that lasts less than a minute or two.
McCarthy says you can slow things down by honing your technique through what he calls "non-intercourse sex" (what the rest of us call "jerking off"). You also might want to try switching positions and varying the speed and pattern of your thrusts, and then you might attain the required 18-minute minimum no legitimately normal person ever fails to meet.
Razhie answered Friday September 20 2013, 10:29 am: I don't think there is anything wrong with you.
You might be very tight, you might have muscle contractions in a way that really works for guys. You might just be really attractive to them.
None of these things are 'wrong'. It's just who you are.
I stumbled on a study early this week that said the average sexy-fun-time for adults in the US is 11 mins. That's 11 minutes from the first foreplay to the end... It's a bit sad really, but there you have it. There is nothing all that abnormal about what you are experiencing.
Some suggestions:
Don't rush to penetration. There are lots of other fun things to do with someone in bed beside have them stick their dick in you. Fool around a bit. Don't rush to the big finish.
If you know you are going to have sex with your partner, encourage them to masturbate (or get them off once when you are together) and then take a break before you go to penetration. That might help them last longer, but that will differ from guy to guy.
With the guys permission - get 'em a bit drunk. Not wasted, but have a beer or two. Some guys will orgasm much quicker when slightly drunk, but most I have met will last longer. If you are having really strong muscle contractions that just send them over the edge, drinking a bit *might* decrease those on your end as well.
Finally, if what really excites you is being penetrated for a long period of time, buy dildo and ask your partner to go to town on you, either before or after they have orgasmed.
If you aren't using condoms (but you are, of course, right?) condoms might also decrease the sensations a bit and allow a guy to last longer...
So, you've got options, but I'd strongly suggest that you don't think about this as 'what is wrong'. Bodies are unique. Learning to have fun with what we've got is the best path to happiness. Placing unrealistic expectations on what your body should be like is the best path to misery. [ Razhie's advice column | Ask Razhie A Question ]
evil-devil12 answered Friday September 20 2013, 9:20 am: Maybe you're just really attractive? I think the more turned on a guy is the faster he climaxes.
My ex boyfriend also came after just 2-5 minutes and so did my current boyfriend in the beginning. I then suggested to have sex a little slower and it worked. He still doesn't last all that long but it's gotten a lot better. Maybe it'll work for you too.
I know how you feel though ._. I've been having the same problem and it does get a little annoying after a while :( I hope this helps. [ evil-devil12's advice column | Ask evil-devil12 A Question ]
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