I'm Em.
I'm a 20 year old English/History student living in Sydney.
I dig art, music and books.
I'll take questions on relationships, friendships, high school, uni, or whatever else.
I try to give the best advice I can, usually drawing on my own personal experience. But I'm not perfect, and sometimes when I look back on some of my advice it's far from it (especially when I was 15 and writing LiKe THiS). It's just advice, though. It's not an answer or a solution, it's simply a potentially helpful perspective. And that's all I can offer you.
Photo:
Yayoi Kusama
"Infinity Mirror Room"
Performance art.
Mirrors, soft sculptures.
Castellane Gallery, New York.
1965.
Gender: Female Location: Sydney, Australia. Member Since: January 11, 2007 Answers: 391 Last Update: May 22, 2014 Visitors: 31788
Main Categories: Love Life Friendship Colleges & Universities View All
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I am a 22-year-old male from the USA. I have been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend, "Alex," for 1 year, 8 months. She is my first serious girlfriend and the first girl I've had sex with. Before me, Alex dated another guy for 3 years. I have recently been feeling the need to experiment with other girls. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Alex, but I still feel the need to have sex with other girls. I don't want to end up getting married and have this problem screw up a marriage someday.
I decided to tell her I didn't want to be in a relationship and she agreed because she wanted to give me space. I had sex with 3 different girls while we were apart and began to feel terribly guilty even though we were broken up at the time. I tell her everything and I know that if I tell her about what I've done she most likely won't take me back. We're trying to work things out again, but I still haven't told her about the intercourse with the other girls.
I'm just so confused and would really like to know if I belong in a relationship right now or if I just need time to grow up and figure things out.
Thanks,
Confused (link)
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You're 22 years old. No 22 year old wants to be tied down, they want to go out and have fun! I think you wanting to have sex with other people is normal.
Obviously you love this girl, you want to be with her, but you want to have fun too. Trying to make it work when you're not ready could ruin it forever. Then again, if you don't try to make it work now, she could move on and find someone else.
If you don't want to have sex with anyone else anymore, then I think you should give it a go. She sounds like a really understanding girl if she thought you needed some space, so the best way to go would be to tell her everything and get it all out in the open. If she really cares about you, she'll forgive you eventually.
You're confused, though. If you're not sure if you should be in a relationship right now or not, then I don't think you should be in one. You don't have to give up on it completely, just make things really slow right now until you've decided what is best for you.
This isn't something we can decide for you, this is something you have to decide on your own. But what has always worked for me is taking everything slow, even the beginnings of dating. If you don't feel ready, you're not ready just yet.
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My friend is feeling scared and she's really upset and crying. She wont talk to me. What can I do to comfort her ? What should I say to her ? (link)
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What do you want people to do when you're crying?
When I'm crying, I get really embarrassed. All I want is for someone to give me a nice big cuddle, let me put my head on their shoulder and cry my heart out.
When I calm down a little, I feel like I've let out all of those bad emotions, and then my friend and I have a talk about what's upsetting me.
If she doesn't want to hug you, then just sit by her until she's ready to talk to you. If she doesn't want to talk, then just keep hugging her until she's all cried out.
You don't need to say anything, you just need to be that shoulder to cry on. If she wants to talk, just ask "what's wrong?" and let her talk while you listen.
I hope you're friend will be okay
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Ok, so I want to write a story but I'm having a hard time coming up with something cool and different. This is what I have in mind- Can you tell me if it's been done, and what can be done to improve it? Thank you!
An evil man wakes up the ancient demon king Mikov Crow, in order to get him to bring power to evil groups of magic-users. Mikov kills him as a sacrifice to give them power then disguises himself as a human, going into the nearby town. His plan is to take over once he learns enough about these people. He meets a young woman when she asks about the markings on his face. He gets a lot of information from her but is also attracted to her. He then decides that she must die, but doesn't like it. He invites her on a date and when she sees his knife she realizes his intentions. He then tries to tell her how that was the plan at first but he truly loved her, but she doesn't believe him. Then the people who got the power come to attack her as his minions, he fights them off but is severely wounded. She is upset and says she loves him, but can do nothing. He then dies and as she cries her tears heal his wounds and bring him back, revealing his true form. (link)
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Okay firstly, don't give out your story, even if it's just a plot, online or anywhere. You should only share your writings with someone you trust very deeply. Anyone can take your idea, and while you have ownership of anything that is written (regardless of it being published), it would be pretty annoying to find out a few years from now that your idea was stolen.
Secondly my dear, all writing comes from history and intertextuality. With any piece of writing that I make, I worry a lot about unknowingly regurgitating someone else's work. The thing is, it's really difficult to mimic someone's work completely.
And it's impossible to write a story without taking drips and drabs of other peoples work! Everyone wants to make something cool and different, but no one ever has. Even the greatest writers in history only got their ideas by using other peoples. J.R.Tolkien got his ideas on his characters from ancient Norse mythology, and these kinds of mythology have been used in thousands of epic tales for centuries! Don't worry about trying to make something completely new or different, just enjoy writing it.
This is your draft. Write and write and write non stop without fussing over little details. Once you've written the whole story, then go over and start doing your first redrafting. You'll redraft your work so many times, and you'll pick up when something sounds a bit too cliche, or when you think something should be a little different.
I think you've got a great plot there, a lot more developed than most people have them. I think, especially because you're looking at a fantasy-kind of work, to maybe make your story a little more complex. Think of it as an intricate tapestry, each thread of a character/town/event weaves through several other characters/towns/events, coming together in the end to form one polished artwork.
Other than that, research/google things that interest you, like on ancient demons for example. You might find some great mythologies or names you want to use in your story.
I don't think I've heard of any story with a king Mikov Crow, or that exact plot if it makes you feel better :)
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what qualifications from school do i need to become an advice columnist? (link)
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Are you talking about a magazine/newspaper advice columnist?
To have your own column in a online or published magazine or newspaper, technically you don't need any qualifications. BUT, a degree in the Bachelor of Media and Communications or the Bachelor of Arts (majoring in English/literature studies) would be very beneficiary. Media and Communications is more relatable to journalists, which would be far more applicable to a career as a columnist, but having a Bachelor of Arts degree in English/literature studies would also help (particularly because it teaches linguistics which is the study of the human language to help with editing and proof-reading, and also has creative writing units).
Sometimes with advice columns, depending on what you're giving advice on, some form of credentials will probably be needed. In the magazine I used to buy in my younger years, a doctor had an advice column related to love/life/body.. etc. So, depending on what you want to give advice on, you may need a degree in medicine/psychiatry, or possibly a doctorate.
If you want to start up your own website, no qualifications!
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I love animals more than any normal person should and i want a career working with them, i want it to pay good money so i can afford a place with enough room for my own animals. I have done nothing but research my whole life, and know a lot about exotic, and domestic animals and pets. I want a job which leaves me time to spend with my own animals. I was thinking about being an exotic animal vet. But where i want to live is more farm land, so should i become a live stock vet? Im open to ideas on good career choices. (link)
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I'm not sure why that answer was given a 3, I thought it was really good advice. Volunteer work is a great way to find out if you really love something; a friend of mine is studying nursing, she was unsure about it for a year and then went into placement in an emergency unit. It made her realise how much she loved being a nurse.
I know money is important, and of course you should have that in the back of your mind when you're deciding what kind of career options you're looking to pursue. BUT, it shouldn't be everything. You may not get a great salary as a live stock vet, but if you adore it and you can at least rent a little place on your own until you save enough to buy a house with land, then why does it matter?
I'm not an expert on animal related careers, but what about working in a zoo? The keepers always look so happy with the animals, and imagine all of the exotic animals you could work with then! Or at least visit regularly.
Unless you're going to have your own farm with your own animals, I think it'll be pretty difficult to spend a lot of time with your own animals. To be earning enough money to afford so many exotic animals AND the land to keep them on, you'll need to work full time. This means you'll only have evenings and weekends at most to spend with your own animals.
It can also be really difficult to get specialised careers in animal care. Two friends of mine have spent the past two years studying different courses on horses. So far they've been unable to get any work on stables, so they're working casually in retail and trying to do more courses to better their chances.
I would definitely suggest looking into University courses. Uni is so much fun, but being there you also learn about so many different careers and courses available to you. And you have so many knowledgable people that can give you far more informative and inspiring advice than anyone on here could give you. Even if you start off in a course you decide you don't like, you can transfer to something you enjoy better. Or try electives in different specialties to explore what you like and what you don't.
In life, you have to make compromises. Everyone wants to have a career that they love and that pays great money, their own place, their ideal location, and enough time to enjoy the sweeter things in life. But you don't get any of that easily, it takes a lot of time and effort.
So I would suggest to start looking at potential part time jobs working with animals or volunteer work. Look into courses. Institutions will always have someone you can call or email to learn more about different degrees. The more you learn about the training that's available in your area, the more career options that will be opened up to you.
I found this great site just by googling "animal careers".
http://www.anapsid.org/resources/jobs.html
Most of those jobs involve a lot of training, particularly at a University level, which is why looking at courses is so important.
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im a 16 yearold boy, and there are alot of girls at my school who were tops that are too short, and it shows off their stomach/hips. For some reason i have some kind of obsession with girls' hips, and when they show them off like that i get turned on as hell. i dont even get turned on by their breasts or ass, but whenever i see like a nice, tanned, waist line, i get so damn horny. Is this considered normal? A fetish>? (link)
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I don't think theres anything wrong with a fetish like that. It's not hurting anyone, it's just something you like. Some guys love girls with slender legs and aren't particularly fond of any other part of their body, some guys are completely fixated on breasts, it's a personal thing.
Call it a fetish, a turn on, something you find attractive, whatever you want, I think it's normal.
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i have gone through depression and i am 13 i am still going to therapy and it is helping me alot and i have become alot less stressed and anxious and calmer about my life. But my father hasnt been in my life for quite some time now and i dont miss him i am much releved and happier. i dont miss him i miss having a father but i guess everyone goes through big bumps in ur road of life no matter what age you are. and times occur in the most randoom time i will strat crying becuase i see a happy fmaily or something and that make me sad and i cry and i get it out and the next day im fine. but prior to my depression while still seeing my father i had cut and smoked which i was not proud of and am proud of that i stopped, but i was not addcited to either one but neither was helping me. So anyway prior to my depression from family troubles, let me also say me and my mom and siblings fought alllll the time and it was horrible and sucicidal throught came across my mind and i felt like i was the lonliest sole on this earth that could not connect with anyone else including family and friends, becuase i was mentally abused by my father; and im happy he's out of my life. and so now i have a better relationship with my siblings and a lil with my mom. But not a challenge i face everyday is to become like i was before the depression and my family split, i was a great leader as a friend, sister, and sport player. aND Iwould like to be like that and have but also have the life lessons i've learned. Because i am such a down to earth girl and independent smart funny and nice but tought girl. And now it seems very hard open up or act the way i used to. So for example when i go to parties i like to dance in front of everyone and have a good time. But its sad because i need to have caffenie like coke a cola and then eventually it wears off but then im still dancing becuase then im fine and confdent. sO all i really want to be is more confident and happy and make sure that hole is filled with my saddness and i just want to be happy. So how do i become myslef and happy and confident like i always and was before besides sports because i do sports? to fulfill my life at 13 would to wish to be more confident. if i said this 2 years ago it would be a joke becuase i was nothing but that, not cocky at all but comfortable. to be more confident would mean i would raise my hand in class, raise my grades, be happier, be outloud and funny like i always am, not get benched and be a better friend and sister, and thats what i always was. How do i get to be like that again? thank you sosososos much! (link)
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It takes a lot of time to heal from depression. But eventually things do get a whole lot better.
I know it sucks now, I really do, but I promise that if you take it day by day, you will slowly start to see a change in yourself.
It's hard not having a normal or perfect family. It's totally normal to be upset or angry that you don't have that father figure in your life, but remember that you still have those other amazing people in your family. It may be hard when you fight with your mum and siblings, but they love you so much more than they could ever tell you. And no matter what, they'll be there for you.
Sometimes I like to think that everything happens for a reason. Depression is awful, but from my own experience I realised that it matured me a lot as a person. Now, I'm able to talk to people that have depression and understand what they're going through. And the great part is I can give them advice to help them out a little. If I had never been through depression, I never would have been able to help the few people that I have.
Just be positive about yourself. Say nice things to yourself, to remind you that you are a confident girl and that you can be just as happy as you were before. Don't force yourself to be the girl you were before, let it grow naturally. If you know the answer in class, take a risk and put your hand up. Doing little things to break those fears will make you realise that there's nothing to be afraid of.
Recovering from depression is a battle that you have to fight every single day, but I promise sweetie that it does get better. Hold your head high and be proud of yourself for quitting smoking and cutting, and remember every day how amazing you are.
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So, I've been single for about four almost five months, I got dumped on Christmas by my boyfriend of a year, he took me out to California and broke it off. After that it was hard to see him around since we have all the same friends. Well I am over it, but now I have reserves and kind of built walls around myself. After we broke up my best friend B who is a guy who is dating my other best friend V, introduced me to his good friend O, well me and this guy hated each other's guts but always had to be around one another due to the fact we were friends with the same people.
He'd insult me and really hurt my feelings, but recently I have started to like him, not a lot but a little bit. The other night B was explaining how he really wished the two of us could get a long, and when B was taking me home he told me that O really like me and was just being rude so he didn't like me more. Well I got his number and we have been talking. He doesn't know I like him but I know he likes me. I plan on going with him and my other friends to play billiards tomorrow night. I just am very apprehensive on everything, I feel like I am not ready for another relationship, but I want to have fun, is it wrong to play hard to get? I want to date him but not seriously. What is a good way to play hard to get without losing him and getting him to like me more without him finding out I like him. I also would like to know what it is guy like to see girls wear. We're both kind of punk kids I guess, we go to shows sometimes and I have cherry red hair, what do those kind of guys like to see girls wear and see their hair like?
Advice and suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks (:
17, female (link)
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Okay, after reading that, I have a big feeling that you are not ready to be in the dating realm at all.
Especially from this line: "What is a good way to play hard to get without losing him and getting him to like me more without him finding out I like him"
You say that you want to have fun, but then you're afraid of losing him. You want him to like you, but you don't want him to know that you like him. Maybe I'm wrong, but it sounds like you do really want to be dating and having that want to be in a relationship again, but you are really just not ready at all to take that step. And that's okay. Sometimes it just takes a lot longer to feel comfortable dating again.
It can be really damaging if you try to convince yourself that you're ready when you're not. And do you think it's really a good idea to start considering a relationship, or even just dating with someone that used to insult and hurt you? 8 year olds are mean to girls they like. Teenage guys that are genuinely mean to girls are just jerks.
And you have to remember that if you're just having fun, so can he. What would you do if you found out he was just leading you on and didn't want to be in a relationship? Or maybe if he was flirting with other girls?
And why does it matter what guys like to see girls wear? You should wear whatever you like, and any guy you date should be happy with the way you look in whatever closes and hair colour you choose.
You'll KNOW when you're ready to start dating again. If you still have that feeling that you're not, then don't.
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i have to do a response to literature for english so could you guys give me a few tips on how to go about doing it, i have an idea but i have no sense of creativity whatsoever
thanks a lot (link)
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Could you elaborate a little?
What kind of text are you responding to (play/novel/poem)? What is it? What is the question asking of you? What form do you have to write the response in (short answer, essay, creative writing)?
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how can i lose weight without losing my butt completely and tone it as well? i understand that exercising will cause me to lose some of my "booty", but i want something where i can lose weight fast without losing too much of my rear end. thank you! (link)
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From what I know about weight-loss, which is from my own experience/experiences of others/ fitness trainers, it is pretty impossible to lose weight from one area, and also impossible to try and NOT lose weight from another.
When you start losing weight, it goes from all over the body. Some areas of your body are genetically bigger/smaller and will lose weight first/last. Like many women, the first place I lost weight was my breasts, unfortunately. The stomach is usually the most difficult to burn and takes a little bit longer to burn than the rest of the fat on your body.
It really depends on your genes, what kind of exercises you're doing and how much weight you're trying to lose.
If you have a naturally bigger booty, it will probably stay relatively big (though it will shrink). If you're not sure, take a look at the people in your family (women if you are a female) and see what their body type is like. My family tends to have slightly bigger thighs, so when I lost weight I knew my legs were going to stay a bit thicker, even though I was jogging and burning a lot of fat from them.
If you're trying to lose a lot of weight, then your booty will probably be more dramatically affected.
There are some butt exercises you can look up google that will help tone your behind. Things like squats, lunges, jogging, walking, dancing and aerobics will help as well. Anything that gets your but muscles moving!
Honestly, I don't think you'll lose your butt. I had a biggish butt and now it's gone down to the size it's meant to be (and toned up so it's a lot firmer), but it's still a bit of a big booty.
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Sooo, I met this guy a few months ago, my guy best friend's best friend. He and I weren't the best of friends, but I recently started to like him. my friend tried hooking us up, yesterday we watched a movie and my friend and his girlfriend took the couch so I was stuck with this guy on his water bed. Well we laid kinda far apart but by the end of the movie we were cuddling. We were play fighting and he was tickling me and it was just very butterfly filled. haha, but he took me home and I opened the car door and said goodnight then I just turned around and kissed him out of the blue. I did a rotten thing today and read my other friend's texts. And in them the boy was talking about how much I made him smile and he was the only girl he wanted (he is/was kind of a whore) and he was talking about how last night he hadn't been happy in so long and he still has the flutters. We've been flirting around and such for about a week now, and I have this superstition, every guy has asked me out on a happy holiday and has ended up screwing me over. So I kind of want us to get together on Friday. (I know it is stupid....Don't tease me haha) But how do I ask him out or get him to ask me out. We both agreed that we were going to take things slow, but you can still do that as an official couple right? (link)
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Of course you can still take things slow as a couple, but I wouldn't recommend it.
When you're in a relationship, you want to be close and completely comfortable with that person. You want to trust them totally and have them trust you back. And even if you do want to take it slow, knowing that you're his girlfriend and he's your boyfriend can make it easy for you two to speed things up (a little too fast).
You've only known him for a few months and I'm not sure how many dates you've been on, but if this is one of the first then I would definitely set up a few more before making commitments. Hanging out alone together is really important before getting into a relationship too, having friends around can make awkward situations like dates seem more comfortable than they really are.
I would suggest more dates and getting to know each other, then when you feel like the time is right to ask him out.
But you know what, it's your choice! If you feel like you both can take it slow while in a relationship, then go ahead and ask him out. If you feel like it's the right decision, then do it.
Oh, and the age thing isn't such a big deal as long as you are careful and a little cautious about getting into a relationship.
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Ok im 15 and im about 5'2 in height. I want to know how much exercise it will take to loose lovehandles. i swim for 45 min every weekdays. and Every sunday I have a 40 hr softball practice and we do nothing but run , jog , crunches and pushups the first 30 min. I currently weigh 134 and my goal weigh is 120. I just want to know an estimated time of how long it will take to be in my goal weight..how many months...and what other fitness hours would i need to do to loose the pounds. (link)
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When you lose weight, your whole body is targeted. It's pretty difficult and almost impossible to target one area of your body. I've been jogging, walking and eating healthy, and the weight around my torso has slowly gone down gradually along with the rest of my body.
You sound like you're doing plenty of exercise, and as long as you eat around 1800 calories per day (or at least more than 1200) you will lose weight. If you have an iPhone, the MyFitnessPal app is great for helping you count and watch your calorie intake per day. You need to eat this many calories per day to keep up with your exercise regime. If you don't eat enough, your body will burn up all the calories it needs when you exercise and that means your body isn't getting all of those great nutrients it needs. If you eat under 1200 calories, your body will go into starvation mode.
You are in a healthy weight range, so don't try to eat less than what you should be eating. 125 is the absolute ideal weight for your height (which isn't taking into account your body type, muscle...etc) so I would really suggest staying around that mark.
If you keep up the exercise you're doing and eating healthy foods you'll probably lose the weight in a couple of weeks (around 6-8).
I would suggest talking to your parents and also a dietician or someone who knows a lot more about weight loss than I do to help you understand proper eating and exercising.
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i was thinking of getting him a throw blanket of his favorite sports team, a pillow for the college hes going to, and i want to make him somethhing for him. he wrote like the story of us for valentines day and i absolutely loved it because it was basically a time line of our relationship. i want to do something along those lines, but every idea i come up with is either really similar, not personal enough, or too corny. i need to come up with something from the heart that shows how much i love him. we dont have a lot of pictures :/ open to any ideas. and what do you think about the blanket and pillow? thanks! (link)
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This is probably way too corny, but what about a teddy bear? Maybe even one of those build your own bears? It can even be an animal that maybe you two like, or that has some personal significance. A teddy is something he can sleep with every night that he's away from you, and something he can pick up and cuddle when he misses you. You could even spray a little bit of perfume on it to make it smell like you.
I got a teddy bear for my ex boyfriend when we were dating because I thought it looked like him, and he absolutely adored it! I have a best guy friend that lives overseas, and he sent me a teddy bear with a little ribbon of his countries flag on it to make me feel closer to him (and I love it to pieces!)
I think the best thing you can make is a card. Maybe you can take his idea and change it a little, like maybe writing about the way you feel about him? And maybe just things you've thought about him that you've never told him? If you've got a bit of talent, why not try drawing something for him, like a picture of him and you? If you know how to sing or play guitar, why not write a song for him? It is super corny, but he will definitely love it.
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My ex is obsessive and I want to him to go far far away. I've told him "no contact," he just doesn't listen. How do I make him go away? (link)
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How obsessive are we talking? If it starts getting scary, you might want to contact your local authorities or get a restraining order.
I'm not sure how old you are, but at whatever age I would suggest telling other people. Parents, friends, anyone that can maybe have a conversation with your ex to tell him to back off. Asking a friend of his to talk to him about it isn't a bad idea either.
If it's just a teenage relationship where he keeps contacting you because he wants to get back together, don't worry so much. Just keep ignoring him and eventually he will get a hint and leave you alone.
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When ur boobs are tender and hurts when u slightly touch them. Does it mean they are growing? If so how long until it gets bigger? (link)
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Possibly. Breasts also get very tender just before and during ovulation (your period). A woman's breasts grow at different rates because every woman is different. Usually, from about the start of puberty (normally when you start your period), so anywhere beginning from the age of 12 to about 18 is when a woman's breasts grow. Some girls breasts stop growing at 16, other's keep growing for a few years after 18.
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How can i get a guy to like me more than a friend? my best guy friend likes me alot but he doesn't want a girlfriend right now. (link)
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You can't make someone like you more than a friend, it takes time. You just be the fabulous woman that you are and eventually you'll find someone that loves you exactly how you are!
Unfortunately, you can't make someone want to be in a relationship either. This takes time too. It has nothing to do with you, it's completely him. He isn't ready to be in a relationship right now, and you need to respect that. In time he will want to be in a relationship. If you try to force it now, the relationship will start off on an unstable foundation and eventually will just fall to pieces.
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I have a male friend I've known all my life we grew up together. I have had a crush on him since I was 14 but not much happen because ended up moving away from each other. Now we are back in each others lives like in the old days. But whenever we are around it feels a little weird. I know I have a hard time talking to him because I like him and I'm trying hard to impress him and I dont know what to say or do when I'm around him. But it seems like he has a hard time talking to me too but hes not a shy person. He is very out going and social. So I was wondering why he is this way towards. I feel some sort of tension. I want to know how to make things more comfortable between us. What should I do? (link)
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In my experiences it can be two things.
1) It's been a while since you two have been around one another. Sometimes it's just difficult to return to that close friendliness. It's weird remembering that you two were so close once and that you aren't now, and just that can cause tension. This kind of tension has to resolve naturally, and it will. It's all about making an effort to be around each other and to learn to trust each other again, but without having to force yourself to try and be the close friends you once were.
2) There's something on his mind. It might be personal and completely unrelated to you, or it might be something involving you. I would suggest asking him if anything is on his mind, or if anything is wrong. Even if he says "nothing" and you have a feeling there might be something wrong, then just give it time. Eventually he will tell you.
Or alternatively, maybe he likes you?
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I like this boy at my school and we hang out every weekend pretty much and he always flirts with me constantly. I finally got around to telling him that I like him but he said that he just doesn't want a relationship right now. His actions are speaking much louder than those words though. I'm pretty sure that he likes me and I feel like we connect! How can I get him to ask me out already?! By the way I'm 14 going on 15 and a girl:) (link)
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He says he doesn't want a relationship, and I believe him. He might be flirting with you and leading you on because it feels nice to flirt with someone, to have someone's attention, to know someone likes you... etc.
I think the only way anything is going to happen is if you ask HIM out. And it's the 21st Century, girls are allowed to ask boys out! But, be aware that he has already told you he doesn't want to be in a relationship, so expect that he may reject you.
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Boys just don't seem to like me (and the ones that do have girlfriends...go figure). I'll be the first to admit that I'm a girls girl. I don't really have a lot of guy friends. But I am 19 and in college. Not to sound narcissistic but i'm decent looking, and i am in the best sorority at my school. I don't know how to fix this. (link)
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Single guys just don't tell you they like you. Not a lot of guys just come right out and tell girls they like them. They might even just be too intimidated by you to tell you.
There's nothing wrong with you and there's nothing that's wrong to fix. Sometimes guys don't like you for a while and then bam, 4 guys like you at once. It's just how things are.
Maybe try making the first move with guys a little more instead of waiting for them to come after you. Or be a little more relaxed around guys so they feel a bit more uncomfortable around you.
Guys do like you. Guys do find you attractive. They just aren't telling you. If you wait, I guarantee out of nowhere 3 guys are all going to come after you at once.
You don't need to change one bit.
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Oh my god, I'm sorry this is monstrously long but my life is just in complete shambles right now and everything is only getting worse. I have absolutely nobody else to turn to right now so please help.
I'm 16 and ever since I was 12, I've been procrastinating and it only seems to get worse every year. Now I'm a junior, and its really embarrassing for me to say but last marking period I failed 4 classes because of my inability to do work. I mean I know I am a smart person (despite the grades) and when I put my mind to it I've always gotten near perfect or perfect grades (I'm a big perfectionist). Sometimes to my own pitfall.. cause I'd hand a project a day late to get it perfect and get the same score as someone who did mediocre work because they take off points for lateness. I have terrible time management. Nobody ever really gives any proper advice on how to fix it. I know it mainly has to come from me, but i dunno... I just have some mental block or something. I try to make schedules but have trouble following them.
I don't know why this year I've just lost all my motivation to do work. It's hard for me to tell others my problems, too. Nobody knows the scope of how bad it is in my life right now.. this is definitely the worst time I've ever experienced in my life and I feel bad cause its my fault and I know a lot of others have it much worse and still prevail. I mean, I don't understand why I block out everyone when all I really want is for someone to notice. I try to hide my problems very well, but at the same time I want someone to notice something is not right and persist me to spill the beans. Just because I say I'm "okay" doesn't mean I'm okay. Someone asked me that today and I said I was fine, though I didn't look them in the eyes cause I had tears in my eyes at the time. This past week I've been teary eyed everyday.. I just feel so regretful for what I have done.. and don't know how I can fix it all.
I've become a lot more reserved this year.. my family moved to a new town in the middle of last year and I was more myself then. Very outgoing, got great grades, and everything. I had a lot of people to talk to, too. But this year, I guess its my own fault for shutting people out.. potential friends. I feel bad for it and want to make amends with them, cause its not their fault that I shut them out, its mine I think. I literally feel like I have no true friends apart from a couple people from a forum I go on online. I know friends aren't really important but it just sucks to not go to movies with anyone, parties, have all the inside jokes, or even just someone to talk to everyday in a school period. I'm not the type of person who needs a lot of friends, even just one good friend makes a day a lot better. Most talking I do nowadays at school is with teachers, but mostly with asking questions because it helps me learn better. And I'm a very talkative person.. its hard for me to be so quiet all day, so when I come back home its a huge relief. The first few hours from when I come home are like.. ecstasy. And then reality sets in that I have homework and as more time goes on I just feel guilty which just keeps me procrastinating, and then guilty.. just a big cycle. School is hell and I pay attention and everything, but I'm hoping the time goes by as fast as possible. And school used to not be that way. I used to LOVE school and wonder how anyone could dislike it. Cause I do love to learn but I also feel like I've missed out on a lot of the social aspects of growing up, like best friends, sleepovers, and what not.
In my old town I still had a friend problem but at least I could trust the friends I had grown up with since I moved to that town when I was 6. I talk to them now rarely.. I really miss some of them but I feel like I don't know what to talk about with them, aside from saying "miss you". I hardly ever talk to anyone on facebook or text/call anyone cause I don't know what else to say. like if I know someone from volleyball i dunno what to talk about aside from volleyball. school 'friends'.. i dunno what to talk about aside from school. I listen to pretty obscure music (indie rock.. not that obscure to people online but a lot of kids my age like a lot of mainstream stuff), and I'm interested in the world and what not.. I just feel like I'm not on the same wavelength as most other teens in my town, unfortunately. even in my old town it was still similar. I'm originally from the UK and my family is from Cameroon so maybe that could play a part with it? I miss England a lot.. I feel like I'd fit in more with British culture than American. I'm not the type of person to try to change myself.. I just try to find people like me that I know exist, because I talk to some of them online from around the world and of different ages.
Last summer I tried initiating things.. to hang out with people. I've only hung out with 1 person from school in nearly a year now. Cause I invited her to a concert that I won free tickets to. We both really loved that band. When I was new she talked to me a lot. Now she never even talks to me or says hi to me anymore, even when I occasionally say "hey" she just ignores me. Now I don't even know if I'm close to anyone to be able to ask to go to that sort of thing. I try being nice.. but I just feel like no one, apart from my family, truly cares about me. So I've just come to expect people to let me down, but at the same time I keep trying to find someone who wont. And it makes me sad because I care about everyone else.. even people I hardly know. I shut people out now because its very hard for me to be self confident and bubbly when my grades are so horrible. I have big dreams, to go to a good college and become an economist.. but I just feel silly when I think about it now, and tell people my dreams, with my grades being the way they are.. because I'm in a new school maybe my teachers think its always normal for me to get grades under Bs when thats not true. That is not what I expect for myself. I don't want them to think I'm stupid though I feel stupid for not doing my work. I know its my fault and I should put the blame on me and keep telling myself that.. but it just makes me so confused cause I don't know how to just change myself like my parents say to do. My parents don't help at all, they make me feel like crap and make me even more afraid for the future, and even more likely to procrastinate cause of myself feeling bad. They don't pressure me to get perfect grades though, just do to the best I can. I think it just comes from me.. but I don't know why I feel like I need perfect grades and for everything to be perfect. I feel guilty about procrastinating and all my stupid decisions everyday. Even little things. You don't know how hard I've wished to turn back time to just finish an assignment instead of surfing the web, watching tv, or wasting my time in that sort of way. And yet I still procrastinate worse and worse. Some classes I hardly turned in every work. I write down the work in my planner and everything.. but I just can't get myself to do it. I've looked up things online.. i dont know if I have ADD, fear of success, or depression. But I don't feel depressed.. or I don't know. I'm just self-analyzing myself so i dont know if I'm right. I dont know anyone who'd really care enough to listen to all of this to really help me. Though that is something I'd do. I'm not a pushover or anything, but whenever someone has a problem I try to give them good advice. I dont know why I can't give myself good advice and actually follow it.
I guess in my life I've developed a hard shell, so I can't admit when things really hurt me... I just brush things off but maybe some things stay in my self conscious. Maybe I took the phrase "sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me" too literally, sending all the pain to my subconscious. So for that I thought I was confident, cause someone could say something looks weird, but if I liked it, I just shrugged off the comment. But maybe I'm a lot less confident than I really think I am. Right now I'll admit I'm really not confident and worry about little things but just overall in my life, even when I thought I was very confident, maybe it was this way. I mean I have little confidence on getting a boyfriend. I dont even feel like I'm ready in my life to have one right now. I mean I'd love to have a boyfriend, but my life isn't the way I want it to be right now. Honestly, I'm a good looking person though a little chubby, but there's people who I don't really consider the best people who are average looking who have had lots of relationships. I've had 0. No guy has even asked me out, and I'd never do it either. But I've never outright flirted with anyone anyways.. I'm too afraid of rejection. I think that came from when I was in 5th grade, some guys played a joke on me.. that I liked one of them I think. I think that had a big impact on me.. cause it seemed like they were saying that dating me would be a joke. That's the impression that was left with me.. that they maybe thought I was too weird or something. I mean it was 11 year old boys.. it probably wasn't a big deal but, ugh. I know things get better after high school but I hardly have any experiences so far in high school ( and I'm a junior!) that I'd truly relish on. 10th grade was starting to go bad w/ procrastination before I moved to my new school and then i started doing great. and now its even worse than I've ver experienced in 11th grade. Also with guys, I don't know if this is really weird but I tend to be attracted to a lot of guys and that freaks me out cause I don't want to appear like I'm flirting with them when I don't want to pursue anything but it feels that way.. though when I think over what happened I know it wasn't like that. but at the same time I don't know whats going on in another persons mind! I dont go after perfection with guys I like, but I do expect we'd be on a similar wavelength with things... a great deal - best friend and boyfriend at once. I don't think I've even had a good guy friend, much less a best friend one though. Once in middle school a guy clearly liked me, and I thought it was creepy. But once he stopped liking me and started liking another girl, I grew jealous and started growing a crush on him. Whats wrong with me? I don't like games and everything but it seems like my mind just does it automatically. I like things to be out in the open but nooo my mind just has to be complicated???
It doesn't help that my guidance counselor doesn't give a crap either. she doesnt notice anything. its hard for me to talk to her when I don't even feel like she truly cares or even truly knows what she's doing. she's the only guidance counselor at school (its a small school) and she also handles a lot of other things like senior stuff and etc. I don't feel like she has the time to really pay attention. Sometimes I wish she'd notice how bad I was doing and get met to talk about it and make me feel comfortable with sharing.. but ughghgh. Should I just go to a therapist? Or can you help me in any way? I have an older sister who's recovering from depression and I don't know how to tell my parents I want to see a therapist too.. if I needed to. its expensive and just embarassing.. I can't share these thoughts with my parents. why is it so hard for me to admit these insecurities IRL, but so easy online.
I don't think I'm depressed.. I still love the same things. I really wanted to do soccer over the winter but cause of my crap grades I couldn't try out. That was embarassing. I had to leave the volleyball team near the end of the fall season cause of my crap grades. that was even more embarassing. there's just so many things that I regret that when I try to look forward and be positive (and I'm normally a very positive person I think) I just think I'm foolish for thinking I'm worthy of that when my grades have been so bad in the past. and how hard it will be to suddenly try to get people to like me again so I can actually get some friends. But I have to be a friend to get a friend in return, so I have to stop shutting people out from my life. But ughghg in my life in general its been hard for me to get together with friends outside of school so I'm still very uncomfortable with it. I know how embarassing that sounds.. but I don't know how it happened, in my life people just didn't invite me for things and I don't know why .I'm a nice person, and fun.. even more shy kids seemed to have more friends than me. maybe its cause most people in the places I've lived were white, then asian, and then african-american? I dont care about race but maybe it made some people not want to hang out with me? I say african-american because they're different from people with recent immigration from africa. also I don't act like a lot of them in the schools I've been to, with liking a lot of hip hop, the way I talk, and what not. I've been friends with all types of people though.. but I just don't know.. maybe other people have issues with other people being different.. i dont know. Also I'm a pretty good-hearted person, and though I can be sarcastic like I'm not the type of person who calls their friend the B word as a joke and what not.. and saying lots of sarcasm and having lots of witty comebacks. at my old school in the northeast there were a lot of people like that. now i'm in texas and people aren't like that generally.. but though everyone was all "southern hospitality"-like when I first moved here, now I feel like everyone ignores me.
I just don't know what to do but I can't keep living like this. I'm not suicidal or anything.. and I know I should think life will get better. but at the same time it doesnt just change. how do I change my life to get my desired result? I think I have a problem with actually planning out ways to achieve my dreams. I spend too much time dreaming about them than actually making effort to reach them. And I just cant let go of my regrets.. and don't know why I have so many issues with friends, why or if I have low self confidence and just EVERYTHING. This is monstrously long but if I kept this all in one day at school I just won't be able to contain the tears coming from my eyes when I sit in class again with everyone else laughing to their friends while I sit and try to occupy my time without being awkward..and I'll just hugely embarass myself by crying and going to the stupid guidance counselor who'll make me feel uncomfortable as I try to stop the tears to tell her whats wrong though she doesn't truly have the time to listen or really help me like I need someone to. and then news will spread across the school about me being a total weirdo and people wont forget, and my parents will be upset cause they dont want me to become depressed like my sister and just everything will f*** up even more than it is right now and it is very f***ed up right now since junior year is really important and everything and I just have to f***it up so far. And now I feel selfish for wanting someone to help me, but I just don't know how to help myself. It's been too long like this and I really want to change but those things online just saying "make lists, etc" do not help me at all as I have crappy self motivation and a9fuqw390ru9qefoe/ (link)
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Take a deep breath.
Done it?
Okay, good.
You do not need to know everything. You don't need to know why you're sad, why things are how they are, what will happen in certain scenarios. It's okay to not know why things aren't right.
It is not your fault. Stop putting blame on yourself for everything that doesn't go right in your life. No one is perfect.
And finally, there is nothing wrong with you. You are so completely normal.
Do you want to know how to deal with this? You fix it, one problem at a time.
When I read this, it was like watching my adolescence in some sort of obscure video. You are me when I was 16 years old.
When you're a teenager, you want everything. You want to be perfect, you want to have the perfect teenage experience. You want to have amazing friends that you connect with on an unbelievable level. You want the high school sweetheart boyfriend that makes you understand what love is. You want the perfect grades that will guarantee you a future in whatever your heart desires. And I had to wait until I finished High School to understand why I wasn't meant to have all of that and why I wasn't meant to know exactly what was in my future.
You're 16 years old. Life has not even begun. Here, you can take another deep breath and relax. Procrastination is about will power. It's about forcing yourself to work. You need to force yourself off the couch, grab a piece of paper, and do your work. It's so hard to make that first step, but the more you force yourself the easier it gets. It needs to be the first thing you do when you get home. The quicker you do it, the faster it's done and the more time you have to relax. YOU are the reason you need to work hard. You deserve to succeed. You deserve to go to college. You deserve to work your butt of to get what you want in life. Tell yourself that every day, that you are not only doing everything for yourself, but that you deserve it. You will feel like you deserve those marks when you work your butt off to get them.
You ARE a smart girl, you always will be. Just because you've been procrastinating does not mean that you can't start pushing yourself now to get A's. When I was in school I got average marks. By the time I started University, I was so disapointed in myself and looked down on myself so much for my High School marks that I just gave up from the get go. But in my second semester, I pushed myself. I sat down and did the reading I was assigned to do, I studied, I did my work, I did my homework. I did all of it and I did it on time. I went from getting passes and credits (60%) to distinctions (80%) which is the second highest grade I can receive. This was in my first year at University that I've just completed. I worked my butt off to get those marks. I worked my butt off to go from ordinary to exceptional and I deserved them. You deserve exceptional, so start proving that to yourself.
Sometimes it's hard to push ourselves to succeed when no one else cares. But you know what? That just gives us even more reason to push ourselves twice as hard and do twice as well. Prove to them that you're amazing. Prove to everyone that you're going to be amazing after High School. And if that's not enough, then you prove it to yourself that you're beyond amazing.
I like being different. I like having an obscure music taste and strange interests, that's what makes me unique. These things are what make you unique. They make you special. When you leave school, you'll look at the girls you once went to High School with and you'll notice how alike they all look and seem. And you'll be so grateful that you were different. After school, you'll meet more people that aren't like the kids you went to school with. They will be different and like different things, and the things that make you different is what they will love the most. These people will be better friends than you could ever have had in school.
It's hard in school making friends, and even keeping them. Sometimes you just don't click with people. Don't force it. You keep being a nice person and eventually you will meet someone that you become friends with. Embrace your differences too, be more yourself to people instead of keeping it caged up. Maybe that's what people are waiting for, to see the real you?
But lets get back to the first course of action: taking one step at a time.
Friends come and go. Sometimes it takes a little longer to make friendships, but there's nothing wrong with that. Right now, focus on your school work. Focus on studying and getting your grades up. If you make friends, that's awesome, but if you don't, that's okay. What is important right now is to get yourself back on track and stable before thinking about making friends.
You don't need to know what you're going to do after school. You don't need to know what college you're going to go to, or what course you're going to do, or what you're going to be in 10 years time. Even if you don't get good marks right now, you still have a lot of time and other options to get you where you will eventually want to go.
Do your best in school. Just think now and then about things you're interested in. Don't think too much. You can be anything you want to be. Just, now and then you might think something would be cool to do as a career or you might be really into something and then you might think "that would be kinda cool to learn about at college". Even when you get to college, people drop out, people change courses, people finish and decide it's not right for them, so don't worry about the future, just work hard for the present.
If you need to talk, if you have something to say, say it out loud. Don't wait for someone to ask you if you're okay, go to someone you trust and just tell them "I'm not okay. I need someone to listen to me." and just let it all out. Sometimes it's nice just to talk about your problems, and sometimes you figure out your problems all on your own just by talking about it out loud with someone else.
Nothing is screwed up. You're just a confused teenager which is so normal. If things get tough, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and take baby steps.
You know what I do when I'm really confused or scared or upset? I think about something I want. Something I really want. I live in Australia so I don't see snow. And more than anything, I want to see it. I want to see a log cabin peppered in white snow. I want to see huge, bushy pine trees like big green pillars sticking out of the enormous white blanket. When things get tough, I close my eyes and pretend like I'm there. I feel the snow as if it was really in my hands. The crunchiness, the cold. I breath in the clear, clean, crisp, cold air and hear nothing but the sound of wind. And I say to myself, "One day I'm going to be here. One day I'm going to see the place I've always wanted to see. And I'm not going to stop until I do."
Find something you want. Even if it's silly. Even if you only half want it. Find it, and when things get tough or you can't force yourself off that couch, you say "Well, if you're ever going to get it, you have to get off that couch. And I told myself that I'm not going to stop until I get it."
Who cares what people think? You're intelligent and wonderful. Be selfish and get a little upset and say that your life is horrible sometimes, but don't forget to be selfish and tell yourself that you deserve the world on a platter and that you will get it if you push yourself for it.
Oh, and boyfriends? Overrated. You'll find a perfect guy when it happens, that's how these things work. From my experience, the best things come when you least expect it anyway.
EDIT: I forgot to say why I understood why I wasn't meant to have the perfect teenage experience and why things had to be hard. Because it made me want so much more from life. It made me want to push myself to be something unbelievable. If I was given everything from the start I would have just sat content and been average. And when I do become exceptional, it's going to be so much more worth it.
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