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Do I Belong in a Relationship??
I am a 22-year-old male from the USA. I have been in a serious relationship with my girlfriend, "Alex," for 1 year, 8 months. She is my first serious girlfriend and the first girl I've had sex with. Before me, Alex dated another guy for 3 years. I have recently been feeling the need to experiment with other girls. There is absolutely nothing wrong with Alex, but I still feel the need to have sex with other girls. I don't want to end up getting married and have this problem screw up a marriage someday.
I decided to tell her I didn't want to be in a relationship and she agreed because she wanted to give me space. I had sex with 3 different girls while we were apart and began to feel terribly guilty even though we were broken up at the time. I tell her everything and I know that if I tell her about what I've done she most likely won't take me back. We're trying to work things out again, but I still haven't told her about the intercourse with the other girls.
I'm just so confused and would really like to know if I belong in a relationship right now or if I just need time to grow up and figure things out.
Thanks,
Confused
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Why are you telling her about your sexual escapades with other girls? Alex has no right to know any of that. It is the private business of you and the women you banged.
Look, you made the right decision in breaking the relationship up in order to go through the necessary exploratory phase of your life. Alex needs that, too, and she has probably been having sex with other guys since you left her, which is fine.
The sensibilities of both you and Alex are going to change a bit over the ensuing years, so your chances of being able to get back together at some point are pretty thin. You got to learn to move on. You don't owe Alex anything nor does she you. Cut the cord man! Don't overthink this! You sound like a chick!
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You're 22 years old. No 22 year old wants to be tied down, they want to go out and have fun! I think you wanting to have sex with other people is normal.
Obviously you love this girl, you want to be with her, but you want to have fun too. Trying to make it work when you're not ready could ruin it forever. Then again, if you don't try to make it work now, she could move on and find someone else.
If you don't want to have sex with anyone else anymore, then I think you should give it a go. She sounds like a really understanding girl if she thought you needed some space, so the best way to go would be to tell her everything and get it all out in the open. If she really cares about you, she'll forgive you eventually.
You're confused, though. If you're not sure if you should be in a relationship right now or not, then I don't think you should be in one. You don't have to give up on it completely, just make things really slow right now until you've decided what is best for you.
This isn't something we can decide for you, this is something you have to decide on your own. But what has always worked for me is taking everything slow, even the beginnings of dating. If you don't feel ready, you're not ready just yet.
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The chances of your girl being in a relationship with another guy for three years and never getting sexually involved with him are slim. If you don't tell her about these girls, it's going to eat at you for as long as you are with her. If you do tell her, you put it on her to accept with you. I've been through this before, but not exactly. My boyfriend and I had both been with other people in the few months that we'd been broken up. Yes, it stings to know he was with someone else, but it was a mutual decision, so it's something I had to accept. It's up to you to decide if your girlfriend will be mature enough to accept it. Go slow, only you can decide if you're ready.
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