I am an advice hound. I love to give advice, get advice, read advice columns. I love telling people what to do ; D
Truly, I have a love for people and an honest desire to see every individual excel and succeed in their personal lives, to shed themselves of as many burdens as possible and enjoy this strange and terrible and wonderful gift that is LIFE
Location: Los Angeles
Occupation: advice guru and life coach
Member Since: June 9, 2009
Answers: 900
Last Update: February 5, 2012
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A few months ago I started feeling like I was becoming anorexic...I would eat as little as I could I would skip breakfast everyday, and lunch and dinner as much as I could. I ate as little at lunch as I could because I was at school and no one could force me to eat...I would eat around 600-950 calories a day and try and exercise as much as I could off...around then I lost weight I weighted 83 and at one point it dropped to 82...lately since it's summer I've been having to eat more since my parents r watching me I have also started snacking more...now I'm eating around 850 calories a day and still exercising just not as much...I now weight 84.6ish and it flucates but never above 85...I've stopped caring as much I still record everything I eat but Ive been a bit less strict...Also it would prob be best to include I'm 16 and on the short side.....so I was wondering would I be considered anoxeric now? Or then? Thanks! And sorry that was so long! (link)
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All signs point to anorexia. Especially the recording everything you eat. You need to seek help before this gets out of control (if its not already). Anorexia can lead to a shut down of major organs, including liver, kidney and heart. In the future it can lead to infertility and weakened immune system, leaving you open to devastating diseases. In extreme cases the lack of nourishment can promote brain damage. This is not to be trifled with. Seek out help immediately. Start with your school counselor, and then your doctor. Don't be afraid to be honest, these are people who are sworn to protect your privacy. The help you get will not be help to gain weight. It will be help to figure out why you feel the need to do this to yourself and how you can achieve a positive self-image outside of weight issues. I urge you to do this soon, while you are still young and can still save your body from the awful ravages of this disease. You are reaching out for help here, and that is a great sign of strength. Dig deep and find the strength to reach a little further to people who can help get you back on the right track. Good luck!
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This is really painful, I can't even find a word that sums up exactly how I feel.
I'm having a really hard time coming to grips with the fact that the person I fell in love with isn't really who I thought they were. It was an act. It was real for me; everything I said to him - how I felt.. was real. But I didn't mean nearly as much to him as he does to me. It was all fake, at least that's the conclusion I've come to.
I've known him for almost four years now. We started dating about 2 years ago, and it's been on and off. It started off really good, and then just went downhill from there. My best friend, who lives in Missouri (we're in Texas), told me he was texting and calling her telling her he loved her and wanted her to come back to Texas. It lasted literally our whole relationship which lasted about three months, and it was extremely stressful. I wanted to believe both of them. But I eventually ended up breaking up with him because he lived about 20 minutes away and neither of us has a car so we hardly saw one another. He would go days, even a week or so sometimes, without talking to me. And I'd never say anything just to keep peace; I didn't want to be a "bitchy" girlfriend. But I finally had enough and ended it. We kept in touch every once in awhile.
He would say things like "I don't even want a girlfriend right now unless it's you". So I kept talking to him to see if he wanted to try things again, but things never moved forward. He'd still talk to me and tell me how he felt about me, but I sensed something wasn't quite right. Back in October I went to MEPS for the Army and they put me in a hotel the night prior to going so we could all go at once. On this day he was texting me that I was the only girl he wanted. I got on the computer at the hotel and went on Myspace (which I deleted after this incident, it hurt so much) and saw that his profile picture had changed. It was of him and a girl laying in his bed. I went to his pictures and there was a whole album of him and his new girlfriend. My whole body tingled, my hands got clammy, and I felt like I was going to throw up all over the keyboard. I felt my heart constrict in my chest. He had JUST been telling me a few hours ago I was the only girl he wanted. I texted him saying "You had me fooled, don't ever talk to me again". He never responded. It's all I thought about at MEPS the next day.
Almost five months later, In February, he found me on Facebook (I'm sure he'd noticed I'd deleted my Myspace, he loves getting ahold of me way AFTER he hurts me). He posted on my wall saying "Wow, this is crazy I was just looking for you on this sh-t the other day". He had slithered his way back into my life..
Between February and now, there was about a two month period where we didn't speak. Then he called me on May 31 and we talked for maybe four hours or so. Let me sum up what he told me:
He said he was so in love with me; that he wanted to marry me, and have kids with him someday.
Now elaborate that to fit four hours of conversation. If you've been in a relationship then you know the little things we said to each other, that's just a summary. I didn't want to believe him, but I did. Because I love him.
Now he's ignoring me again. His ex girlfriend I knew from years ago found me on Facebook and called me. What a coincidence, right? She asked if I still talked to him, so I told her everything. It felt good to talk to someone who understood how he was. She had an app on her iPhone that makes up a fake number so you can text or call someone without them having your real number. She was texting him and in those texts he denied saying he wanted to marry me, and then he had his GIRLFRIEND text her telling her to "leave her man alone".. This is the second time he's had a girlfriend behind my back. He wanted to marry me?? While he's got a girlfriend?? I was so pissed and hurt I started crying. She said "Do you want me to call him on three-way so you can hear it for yourself?" and I said yes.
I listened in and he had no idea. I heard every word. "She's f**kin' crazy! She's obssessed with me, I think she likes that I don't like her. If I'm gonna marry ANYONE it'll be the girl I'm with now, I'm in LOVE with her!"...
....He called me, remember.. he's the one who poured his heart out first.. how am I crazy?
Another thing that makes this even worse is that I had sex with him after we had that long conversation and I found out a week ago that I came up positive for Chlamydia. So not only did he cheat on his new girlfriend with me, who he said he wants to marry, but he gave me an std. She has it too now, I'm sure. But she'll just have to learn about him the hard way like I did, right?
On top of this, remember that "best friend" I had? Well, he showed his phone to me and she was texting him things of a sexual nature. I'm not friends with her anymore, obviously. It made me think "how long has THAT been going on without my knowledge??".
So I'm leaving on the 20th for basic training. All of this happened within the same two weeks.
It hurts so much. Everything he has ever told me was probably a lie. He cheated on me, and had girlfriends behind my back.. and all the while he was pretending to love me. I think I fell in love with a "character". Nothing more than an act. And my best friend betrayed me. I got screwed over by two MAJOR people in my life so close together.
He tried to get ahold of me the other night, but I ignored the attempt. He's actually probaby part of the statistic of mentally abusive people out there, I most likely need therapy because of the things he's told me and done to me over time. And how controlling he is.. What do I do now? How do I begin to move on? Should I even say anything to him? He supposedly thinks I'm crazy, so I should just keep up my progress of not talking to him right? Am I nuts for even caring about this, am I crazy?????? :'( Please help... (link)
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You're not nuts for caring. You were hurt. You will think about this for quite a while. The truth is there are some people out there who get their kicks from screwing with other people's heads and you managed to pick one of those people for your boyfriend. Its ok to feel betrayed. Its not ok to ever go back to this guy, talk to him, listen to him or believe him ever again. He is a proven liar and slimeball. He picked you to mess with because he sensed a certain weakness about you, a certain desire to be loved so badly that you would put up with a lot of junk. He honed in on you and used you and you have the proof. You did the right thing by not talking to him. Keep doing that. You'll just have to do this cold turkey. You are hurting so much right now, you can't trust yourself to not be taken in by his lies again, so just stay away. For good. Go to training, learn how to find your inner strength and become more confident in who you are and what you believe. When you develop that confidence and set goals for your life that you are serious about acheiving, the right man will come along when you least expect it and he will be honest and kind, something this recent guy most certainly is not. Good luck.
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I'm asking this question for my friend. He is 20 years old.
His roommate (also 20) and him are re-locating to a new apartment and can't decide who gets which bedroom. Each bedroom is the same size. The only difference is that one has an attached bathroom. The room without the attached bathroom has one literally five feet away, outside of the room.
Of course, they both want the room with the attached bathroom.
My friend actively went apartment searching and found the place while the other casually looked for places online. Do you think my friend deserves to get the room of his choice since he found the place? Should he pay more money for this room? Any other suggestions? Thanks! (link)
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If the bathroom is a private bathroom (meaning its not shared by the rest of the apartment) then the person who gets that bedroom pays a slightly larger amount of the rent. That amount can be worked out between the parties. Easy-peesy.
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HI
Well my friend Is lieing alot to me and asking me for money and say you pay me back never has. She always says that shes going to get some thing like before she said she's getting an ipad and iPhone when she isnt. Im really sick of it. And before she asked me for money so far i have given her about $20;00 or more in the last month and says she'll pay me back but never has. In class she always copies me with worksheets, projects and even the way i dress and do my hair! She copied me in a project and said that she did it first when i did and i had to do it all over again. And she gets all the attention when she copies me me im so sick of it. I know these are really not big problems but im really sick of it! I need help for her not to do it no more. :)
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She is wrong to use you like that, but you LET her use you. You can't change her, you can only change yourself. Stop lending her money and letting her copy your work. End of story. If you can't do that, maybe you need to spend some time thinking about why you let yourself be such a pushover.
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My husband's 85 year old mother is solely dependent on my husband for support. She has lived separately but due to the onset of severe Alzheimer and her mounting maintenance costs, it is no longer affordable by my husband. I have agreed to take a loan in order to expand our home and allow her to live with us.
I am however stressed by my husband's announcement that he intends to move all of MIL's furniture in to our home despite being unable to accomodate them. I feel exploited by having to take a loan to ease my husband's financial burden but yet he is willing to impose further stress on me. I must say that I reluctantly agreed as my husband is her only child but she has been a very vulgar and rude woman in the over 10 yrs I have known her and now I will also have to deal with her behavioural issues associated with her illness.
Please suggest how to deal with this pending crisis before I end up divorced! (link)
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This is a very difficult situation. If a senior care home is not affordable, then of course it is the right thing for a child to care for their aging parents. However, there are two of you involved in this decision and you have every right to feel stressed over this. You can imagine your husband is equally stressed. Since you have already taken out a loan, take some of that money and use it to seek out therapy. You two will need help to negotiate the boundaries of this arrangement. You both have valid concerns and this is a decision that will greatly affect both of you and your marriage. Don't leave this to chance. Seek outside help. If your husband won't go with you, go alone. You will at least learn effective ways to communicate your concerns without putting your husband on the defensive.
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I'm 19..Ok well this is the story. I was with my previous boyfriend(lets say is name is lenny)for 4 years until I went off to college and we ended up breaking up 3 months(october/november) into the school year. Things weren't officially over until january.
At the beginning of the school year i met a new guy friend(casey) and we meshed well. once me and lenny were officially over, one night i cried to casey about lenny and i came to find out that casey was going through the exact same thing as me. he was trying to let go of an ex and we found comfort in each other (sounds like a rebound i know, but honestly once meant to be that way). a month into us becoming closer we ended up dating. things were amazing! after about a month things started getting rocky. we were on and off and he was the one always ending it(he confessed he was scared i would hurt him). He was constanly going back home to dallas during this time.
we finally took a good break and ended up getting back together once the summer started. we were having a long distance relationship as he was from dallas and i stayed in austin for the summer instead of going back to houston. casey told me he had never loved someone so quick and wanted to get married after college.
one weekend things got really bad between us and he ended it( as always using the excuse of him feeling i would hurt him because i had so many guy friends). i ended up asking him if he still loved his ex girlfriend(i always felt she was the reason why he left), he said yes and i confessed I was also still in love with lenny(at the time i felt i still did). I told him "maybe we're better off being back with our exs" he just said "we do"
I stupidly insisted in him trying to get her back since i thought i wanted luis. I could tell casey was sketchy about going back to her but since he saw i was still in love with lenny he would return to her. He called her that day and met up and got back together. I also tried doing the same with lenny but i had hurt him to much and he said it wouldnt be a good idea.
I had decided that i would drive to houston and get lenny back(i knew if i talked to him in person i would). after really thinking i decided i didnt want lenny because he wasnt going any where in life. he was just stuck in our little community and i needed to better myself. throughout this process of me trying to get lenny back, casey was there for me. I ended up realizing that casey was the one i really loved but it was too late to get him back since he was back with his ex. (casey is the type of guy that once ends the relationship he will no longer talk to the girl. he doesnt cheat and always does the right thing) because of this i was scared he would kick me out of his life completely, but i understood. it ended up being that casey still wanted to text me and have me in his life. one night i confessed that i felt i was the "other girl" and i put an end to it and stopped all contact with him.
a few days later, he contacts me and is upset on how i can forget about him so easily. I was only trying to do the right thing no matter how much i loved him. He's tore in between us two. he's in love with her and is in love with me too. he can no longer leave his girlfriend because he went back into her life and cant just leave again because it would be wrong.
I'm afraid when school starts again and he comes back to austin, that he's going to come looking for me again and i wont know if its just because its convienant to him or because he'll realise that he really wants me. what do i do? i'm trying to be a women about this because i dont want to hurt anyone. (it might sound as if casey is a douche bag, immature and doesnt know what he wants as of now but he's a great guy. he taught me that i want an educated man in my life that has goals. I wish he would realise that about his girlfriend(she's not educated and it bothers him)) should i move on or really fight for him? or has the girlfriend already won the battle? i'm sorry its so long but i need some counseling from y'all.
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I don't think Casey is a douche, but he does sound immature. I think you back off this one. I have a feeling that once your absence from his life is more "permanent" he's going to realize that you're the one he really wants. But I dont' think you get that result by pushing. Let him come to the realization on his own. It may be hard to wait, but it will make his final decision that much more solid when he does make it. Good luck.
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20/f. So, during the spring, I was taking this science class, which I heard was suppose to be easy. It turned out everyone did REALLY bad because the teacher was terrible. We all picked a bad teacher. It happens. I got a D-! I am a smart girl with a high GPA and I cannot bear to see that D-. So, I can take it again, get a higher grade, and have that "forgiven," as the policy in my university states. If I do, I am certain that I will get an A, with whomever I take it with, as long as it's not this guy. His questions were tricky. I didn't learn anything. And I would like to keep my GPA high for scholarships and awards. Also, I am going into my third year now. This class was a pre-requisite class, so it's not like I need it for my major. I am also planning on applying to grad school, so it's just good to have my numbers high.
So, during the spring I started studying with a guy who was in my class. I started to understand things a little better when I had a friend to study with. But, after a couple of study sessions, he whipped out his penis in the library. It made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable, needless to say. They are offering the course this summer at my school. After that incident, the guy tried calling me and adding me on facebook. I guess he doesn't understand how disgusted and scared I am. My mom came to pick me up at school the other day because she was using my car, and saw him wandering. I'm a little bit scared and I think he's going to take the summer B class because he actually DOES need this class for his major. i don't want to take a class with him. I'm a little scared after that and I don't want him to be in a class with him.
Please help! What should I do?!?!?! (link)
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Report this guy to your advisor or the class teacher. You should have done that right away. Exposing yourself in public is illegal and is usually the sign of a sick person. Don't let this go. Tell the teacher or your adviser you want to take the class again,but can't if this guy is in it, because of what happens. See what happens from there.
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I am a collegiate athlete and have been on my team for three years. I have always had a solid relationship with my coach and my teammates have commented randomly that they can tell my coach tends to have her favorites and that I'm definitely one of them. She does a good job of making everyone feel included and important to the team, but there are some people who she has gotten to know more. Over the last few weeks, however, she's been unhappy with me.
She told me in front of a couple other teammates (outside of the team context, though, so not during practice) that I look like a bitch sometimes. I think she realized she stepped the line because she clarified that I just don't tend to smile all the time. It took me aback.
There were other instances, but mainly it was just abrupt interactions with her. We're out for the summer, and never resolved anything (although honestly I don't know what could've been done, other than surprising her with a "you make me feel bad" conversation).
I suppose I could've formulated this question better. A part of me wants someone to tell me that I'm not a bad teammate/person and that my coach was out of line. But really what I want and need to know is how to deal with this situation. It's made me question myself and I feel so raw and full of self-doubt.
Thanks for any input! (link)
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Sometimes coaches use harsh words and language to spur their athletes. She may feel she's not getting your best performance and its coming out in a bitchy way. I know its uncomfortable, but I think before you take any other action you should talk to her first. Since you say you have a solid relationship, I think its perfectly acceptable for you to have a one on one conversation. It doesn't have to be that deep. Just tell her you've been sensing that she's not happy with you lately and you'd like to know if you've done something wrong. Give her a chance to explain. It might not be that big of a deal to her and she just doesn't realize how deeply its hurt. Or it may be that she just hasn't been able to find a way to tell you she is noticing a change in your play. Whatever it is, you'll never know if you don't ask, and that leaves you filling in the blanks on your own. And, as you can see, that leads to a lot of hurt feelings on your part. Have the conversation, if it doesn't help, then consider other avenues. Good Luck!
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i recently developed an over-eating disorder.
im not over weight or anything like that but i hav been crash dieting ALL year and doing starvation diets so now i over-eat like crazy.
I NEED TO STOP.
its not healthy and im gaining weight.
how do i stop and start a normal, healhty diet?
i want to start a good diet tomorrow.
i want to loose 10-15 pounds.
HELP (link)
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The first syllable in diet is di... and that is exactly what your body is doing when you deprive it. Instead of looking for a quick fix (no such thing) start looking at programs/healthy lifestyles that teach you how to manage food intake without depriving yourself of the things you love. Weight Watchers is a great program for that. It teaches you how to make good food choices from the things that are already around you while also learning how to "treat" yourself without going overboard. You can do a walk-in program or do it all online. I lost 75lbs on WW and it changed the way I look at food. That's just one program, there are others, just look around to see what fits your lifestyle. Leave crash diets behind.Not only are they horrible for you, but the longer you do them, the more difficult weight loss will become as you age. Good luck.
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hello.
my name is leah i am 21 years old. i got married at 18 my personal choice so please dont juge. we both meet when i was 15 he was 14.. we feel in love pretty much right away but didnt start dateing right away. but when we did start dateing things where great we where both virgins and had sex 9 months after we started dateing. the sex was great everytime we did it. of corse being that young we did it offten...he asked me to marry him when i was 17 so 2 years in to are relationship. we both always wanted to get married young and i still love him just as much as i did back then. and so does he.
but see now we have been married for 2 years everything is great in a marrage excepted for the sex. hes only 20 this is odd for a man at that age to not want sex. i have a very high sex drive but even im ok to wait a few days to have sex but him he will go weeks with out it...we both dont work so i know hes not cheating on me cuz hes always home. he plays games all the time and i mean all the time from the time he gets up till the time he goes to bed. i just dont get it anymore
i try talking to him about it but he never has anything to say except i donno. i mean even if i come on to him try to get him in the mood he dont even get a bonner he says he gets tinggely feelings but no bonner and still dont want sex. that or he will push me away and say hes not in the mood. i love him so much but this is killing me and just makeing me not want to be with him i cant keep fighting with him about sex its crazy. does anyone have any ideas why hes like this its only been since we got married befor we got married things where great. but after we got married it just got worse and worse and now the last 6-9 months have been really bad like we go weeks now with out it use to just be days...and even if i do things he likes or tell him ill just please him it still dont seem to do nothing...he will only have sex if hes in the mood even if im not in the mood he will keep bugging tell i give in. but i dont belive in pushing a man away for sex unless theres a good reason like ur sick or something so i always say yes to him even if i dont really want to...but if i want to and he dont then its like to bad for me he wont give in even if i begg or try to do things he likes...
does anyone have any ideas why this is happening? or any adivce on things i can do that might spice it up and get him to want it or be more intrested im pretty open minded and will try anything once.
also please dont juge me about being married so young. i doubt me being married so young has anything to do with the sex life. and if he wants to leave me he can i dont stop him nore dose he stop me. we both do really love eachother and like i said everything in are marrage is good except for the sex part. thanks so much
P.S sorry for the speelling im jsut a lil stressed and try to figgure things out plus iv been up for 2 days i cant sleep with this on my mind all the time. (link)
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Neither of you work? Huh? Red flags went up right away when I read that. Sex isn't just physical. Its emotional and psychological. Healthy, happy sex comes when both partners feel fulfilled in other areas of their life. You husband doesn't work. That means he doesn't earn and doesn't provide, and that is a biological need set in EVERY man. He may not even realize it, but its true. Not doing those things can lead to depression and a sense of unworthiness. He's home all the time. That's another problem. He doesn't go out with friends, have hobbies outside of home and is basically in the house with you all day. Its not good for anyone to spend all their time in one spot with one person. I can have a serious emotional affect and it sounds like it is for your husband. If you want things to get better, encourage your husband to find work or decide on what career he would like to pursue and start working toward that. Get him out. Go for walks or sign up for activities in the community.Go out with friends, go places where you can meet new friends. And find another couple that has been married longer to be friends with. Its nice to have people to talk to and hang with who understand the difficulties of marriage and have been through it and can give you good advice. Marriage is work. You're learning that now. But you've made the commitment and you say you love each other, so you can pull through this, but it will take effort on both your parts. That's the truth. Good luck.
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pros.
-babys father
-talented, and with the right mind I know he will have success in the music industry....not lil wayne sucess, or even fame, but he can support us.
-I am somewhat attracted to him
-he doesnt check out other girls or talk about them...wich i find is a rare quality
-he has been a dedicated person (before i knew him) and worked very very hard
-we share and have shared the same group of BESTFRIENDs for 6 years (we were together for 3 of them) really, like a very tight knit cirlce of best friends...that 70s show status.
Cons
-The abuse in the past has clouded my love for him
-I feel like I cant even respect him anymore
-He has bad employment history, (aside from the one timehe was a hard worker) he will work a job for a few months and get sick of it or fired....he hasnt had a job in 11 months now.
-he has said unforgivable things to me..from fat cunt (i weigh 115 lbs and have a small pudge from the baby, and big thighs and a rounded face...im working toward being tiny again though but i dont like feeling like i have to for someone else) to suck your brother's dick you would like it (i was touched by my brother when I was younger...not very badly, not even molestation but it was uncomfortable...and he uses it against me) and how im a huge bitch with no friends (also not true, i am easy to get along with and everyone loves me)
-he tried making em choose between him and my brother (because my brother beat him up after everyone found out he had been putting his hands on me for the last 6 months) I ended up throwing him out and telling him i wont chose, he now says he wont make me and he is back
-I cant leave my daughter with him at home bc he doesnt take very good care of her and throws a fit if he watches her more than once a week...so I have her in day care instead
-he feels entitled to the free ride he is recieveing at my moms house
-he hates my family...he recently tries to pretend he doesnt but i can see through it
-he usually leaves the house and goes frisbee golfing right as I get home with our daughter (now only 2 days a week...used to be everyday)
-I cant file for child support because he lives with me (my thought on that was he would get a court order saying he needs to be paying someone something and realize he needs a job..this was my last resort and i just found out it wont happen)
-not that i wanna...but i feel like he should have manned up and married me a while ago if he really had his heart in this and wasnt in it for the free ride.
-the abuse started when I was pregnant....continued until this valenties day when I called the police...(yes, he fucking ditched me on vday and told me he wanted nothing to do with my fat ass...then the next day got pissed bc he was hung over, I had to work so I needed him to wash bottles so I could take our daughter to grandmas...n he flipped callin me all sorts of terrible shit, said he was leaving.. I said FINE GO..and he wouldnt so I started throwing things at him, so he got up and chased me through the house slamming me against walls, choking me and eventually pushed me down the stairs...that was the worst it got and the last it happened)
-on mothers day, he went frisbee golfing after he promised he wouldnt...i asked him why and he said i dont wanna fucking be around you
Lately, after I have made it clear I am done with the bull...he is poutting an 80 percent effort in. He says he is looking for a job, but I dont really think he is....I HATE living at my moms, I feel terrible about it, this is MY problem I dug MYSELF a hole and I want to get out of it and into my pwn place....My dad wants to actually buy me a house but wont because babydaddy isnt doing his part and my dad doesnt want to help him....My bestfriend literally since I was three has a baby now too, and we have talked about taking advantage of that house offer together and my dad is totally for it. but i dont want to give up. I want my baby to have a daddy who is there all of the time, which i know he isnt right now but he swears hes gonna change and everytime he says he will he does for a minute, then he backtracks and theres only a small amount of change that stays. We had alot in common, but now its like were two different people...I mean we were 17 when we got together and now we are 20/21. I am not who I was when I was 17, I am much more mature than most 23 year olds I have ever met and he is still stuck at age 17. I know in my heart what I need to do, I just wish there was a better option.
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This seems like a no brainer. Look at your list of pros. Now look at your list of cons. Hello? Its huge! You already know what you need to do. Put on your big girl panties and stand up for yourself and your child. Make a better life for yourself. There's all kinds of help available to young women in your situation, so you have no excuses. Do it. Before its too late.
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I been seeing a someone for 6 months but i still keep my options open because he told me he might not want to get married for 2 years and hes 4o. Im 37. Do u think i shouldnt sleep with him and just b friends only. Until i find someone who wants the same things. (link)
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Are you looking for marriage? If so, you are wasting your time with this guy. Not that he's being unfair. He has honestly told you where he stands, and that's kinder than stringing you along. I'm sure he's nice enough, but don't waste anymore romantic energy on this one. You may be missing "the one" because you are spending too much energy on "the one for now".
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If you read my former questions, you will see all about the abusive relationship I have with my babys father. While he remains jobless, he is getting better at being a father so I am giving him one last chance. He hasnt put his hands on me in a long time. But I feel like the damage is done and I can not love someone I have no respect for. Anyway, I used to talk to a guy named pete before BD and I started dating. I had stronger feelings for pete than BD but I didnt think the feeling was mutual. 3 months into me and BD's relationship, pete told me how much he liked me and how gorgeous I was to him and how he is sad he never said anything. well three years later I have a baby with BD and always wonder what could have been.
I have nice dreams about pete, how it couldhave been but last night I had the most lucid dream about him I have ever had about anything.
We started hanging out again (we still talk bc we work together....but we dont hang out like we used to) and our feelings for eachother returned. We were so comfortable and at peace in eachothers grasp. It felt like he was saving me from the hell I am living in. He loved my daughter. He loved me. But it was all a secret...eventually BD puts the pieces together and leaves me, but I had no sadness, just joy. I am just unsure what this dream meant. I know I would never jump into another relationship right off the bat, and I doubt Pete still has these feelings for me. It was just the feeling of the dream was unlike anything I have ever experienced....it was just nirvana. I just want to know what it is telling me. (link)
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I think you secretly wish someone would come and whisk you away from the awful relationship you are in right now. Your mind is telling you that you are too scared to be alone, and if only someone else would come along to love and protect you, you could finally get out of your current relationship. The old crush is just someone on your mind. I don't think he is really the issue. I think you need to ask yourself why it is you need another man to rescue you from a situation you obviously don't want to be in. If you love your daughter you will be the example for her of the kind of life you hope she has someday. If you stay with an abuser, statistics are pretty much clear that she will end up with an abuser too. If you jump from man to man, she will grow up to do the same. Think of your daughter and do your best to become the woman you hope she will be someday. Its the most loving thing you can do for the both of you. I think that's what your dream means.
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19/f
My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married. He is in the military and it just makes a lot more sense for us to get married now than when we are older. Please do not give me a lecture about marrying young, we have been together for 4 years and have been through a lot. We are going to go through a deployment before we get married too, we have thought this through a lot. The problem is that I know my parents will not be happy about this. The area I am from no one even thinks about marriage until after college. My parents got married at 30. I want to talk to them before he proposes so it can be a happy phone call, and they will be prepared. I don't know how to tell them. Has anyone gone through something similar to this, how did your parents react? Thanks
I'll be 20, almost 21 when we do end up having the wedding (link)
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Instead of you presenting it to them, why don't you have your boyfriend call and tell them he wants to propose and would like their blessing. They may not approve, but as a parent myself, I'm pretty sure they will be quite impressed with his courage. It takes guts and character to ask the parents of the woman you love for her hand in marriage. And its romantic too. Imagine how hard that will be for him to do. Your parents will recognize that. They may not be happy you are marrying so young, but it will help them accept it to know that you are marrying a man of good character, a man who understands that his g/f's parents are very important people in her life and wants to make them a part of his love for her. Good luck!
PS - he may want to explain what you just did, that you'll be at least a little older by the time the wedding comes around. Its not like you're eloping tomorrow!
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My boyfriend of about 2 years is moving to alaska for a teaching job (which is realllly far away) he wants me to go with him, but honestly, i am reallly close to my mom and sister (pretty much my only family) and cannot imagine going away and not seeing them for who knows how long. i don't know what to do. i honestly thought he'd be the one i'd be with forever. any advice? I know the story of this isn't complete, but we were together for 2 years so it would be extremely long. i'm just looking for anything that might be helpful in dealing with this (link)
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Maybe it would be a good idea to just let him go to Alaska without you, and make a decision on whether or not to join him at a later time. You may feel more clear about things after a few months apart. Good luck!
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My situation seems to be different from anything I’ve ever heard of or read about. I love my wife dearly, but I’m about ready to walk out the door because my own emotional ‘love bucket’ has run dry.
My story starts in the 15th year of our marriage: at Valentines we had a marriage vow renewal ceremony then shortly after (March 5th) she told me about her infidelities during the previous years. Actually, she told me about 4 and it wasn’t until much later that I found out the number was way higher.
She’s said she was sorry, that she’d never wanted to hurt me, that she’d been ‘sick’, that she’d only done it for the attention and she just wanted me to forgive and forget and we could just go on as if nothing had ever happened.
When I cried and told her how much this hurt, she got angry and defensive. My position was (and still is), “You destroyed something that was very precious to me: what are you going to do to make up for that? I don’t know if I can ever trust or believe you again: what are you going to do about that?”
Her position: “Nothing! I stopped, didn’t I? Beyond that I don’t owe you anything.”
Even if our sex life hadn’t dried up, I doubt that I could muster much enthusiasm for a woman who turned out to be so much different from the girl I thought I’d married.
If only she hadn’t told me! My advice to every adulterer is: don’t ever tell unless there’s a burning chance that he/she will find out – in which case you need to tell them before they find out on their own.
I don’t want much: I was promised love, honor and faithfulness and I want that! If I can’t have that then I at least want a substitute I can live with.
The other side of the coin is that during this time I was a radio / tv broadcaster. The opportunities for me to have been unfaithful to her were abundant. Nope! Not once. Not even close.
Which leads me to the other edge of my sword of frustration: had I taken advantage of those opportunities then right now, we’d be on equal footing.
What would you do?
(link)
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I'd go see a marriage counselor. Right away. Its hard to believe it right now, because you are so hurt, but other people have been through this, and they have fought through to find a pretty amazing marriage on the other side of it. Believe it or not, your marriage isn't over. Yet. But you do need to take steps to save it. Even if you both decide it can't be saved, seeing a therapist will help you talk to each other in a way that you can each hear and understand. Perhaps your wife needs a third party to help her clearly understand the devastation she has brought to the marriage, and perhaps you need a third party to be able to express how you feel in a way she can understand. You're angry and hurt right now. You should be. But because of the high emotion, this isn't a good time to be making decisions that will affect you and your family forever. So ask your wife to go with you to counseling. If she refuses, go alone. You can't and shouldn't be dealing with this by yourself. You both need professional help to push through and decided what comes next in your lives. You can do this.
Response: Then try a regular professional, non-religious. If you don't do EVERYTHING you can before you walk away you may never really be able to heal down the road.
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so i have this friend, theres always been this tension with us. i think he likes me and i do to. but he has a 3 year relationship. every time i see him, his always flirting with me and tries to hook up. once he drove me home from a party, we were really drunk and i ask him in, we hooked up (nothing to serious, kissing and touching) . after that we seem to get distance from each other.
recentely i've been hanging out with him again, he still have a girlfriend but he tells me that things are no good with her and tries to hook up. he keeps saying that theres nothing wrong by doing that. but i feel bad because i really like him and dont want to get too involved with him if he's not leaving his girlfriend.
last weekend we were watching a movie and he started to touch me. and i
couldnt resist it, so we ended hooking up again. today is wendsday and he
haven't call me yet.
i really like him. what should i do?
(sorry for de grammar, english is no my native lenguage) (link)
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The title for your post is "He has a girlfriend and hooked up with me", but it really should be "He has a girlfriend and I hooked with him anyway". Seriously, I could think of nothing worse in a relationship than just being the "sex" girl. Do what you want, but remember that you reap what you sow. Remember that.
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I have mistaken religion and spirituality as the same thing for years. I am not a religious person (nor do I wish to be) and have been fighting both of this for years. I know understand that they are two different things entirely and would love to learn about spirituality and how to live my life with it, but I am struggling with it. can anyone who is spiritual give me some suggestion on how I might go about this? (link)
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"Religion is man's attempt to make God like more like man. Spirituality is man's attempt to become more like God" - Anonymous
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Ever found out something about someone you love and it crushes you but you can't confront them bec you were snooping and had no right to be in there business in the first place... What would you do? Note... My husband says that be had nothing to hide and that I'm allowed to look... I just never did it bec something about going thru another persons stuff seemed wrong... Then few stated acting different.... So I looked... Its not that he's cheated yet.... At least as far as I can tell but its like he's standing in the door way... Telling other women that he loves them... That he's tired of Missing them.. And that if their near by to call so they can "make out" because they are so sexy... Or they have a nice ass. That he is "so serious." Should I confront him? Or am I thinking too much into this...? Would he actually do the things that he's typing to people and messaging to women or is he just joking.... Help me please... :'( (We've been together for 3 years and married for one. Recently had a baby girl but this has been going on for a long time... according to the time stamps. Everyday he his super attentive and affectionate... I would have never guessed that this is what he sends to women and what is really thinking. Ive tried hinting at situations that are similar but he just says that he would never do that to me. So confused!) (link)
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I've been married 12 years. No - you are not overreacting. What he is doing is dangerous and wrong and if it hasn't led to anything yet (which I suspect it has, if those are the things he's been saying) then it will. So you must confront him. It doesn't matter right now that you were snooping. That was wrong, but what he's doing is worse and you had to know. So that is not AT ALL the issue. He has violated your trust, he is possibly cheating on you physically, and already doing it emotionally. This is not good. Husbands don't "joke" like that. My husband has never spoken or written to another woman like that, not because he's never been tempted (we're all just human) but because he respects me and the commitment he made to our family. Something is wrong, no matter how he treats you when you're together. A committed husband doesn't do or say those things behind his wife's back. If you are able, try to seek some counseling. Find a marriage counselor. Yes, it costs money, but a divorce will cost more, so think of it as an extremely important investment and find the money to do it. It could save your family. If he won't go, go by yourself. If you don't choose professional help, look to your religious institution (church, synagogue, whatever you practice if anything) and see if there are any marriage counseling or service available. You're going to need help to get some clarity on this and figure out where to go from here.
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I am a 48 year old female who live her mom all her life. My mom helped me to raise my 3 children who are now 28,26,18 and I would not have been able to do it without her. We were a team mom and I and were there for each other through thick and thin good time and bad. All 4 of us love my mom so much. My mom just passed away a little over a month ago and I have yet to shed one tear and I am really starting to get more then a little concerned. It doesn't seem to really bother me that I dont hear her voice or see her smiling face. This has been very hard on my children yet they talk to me about how they miss her very much. I don't seem to feel any of this and I am starting to think I am just a cold hearted person. Is this normal? (link)
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Oh yes. This is very normal. You are not cold hearted. You are numb. Shock is the first stage of grief and can last for quite a while. Do an internet search on "the stages of grief" to educate yourself about the different cycles you will be going through. Also, look in your local paper or online for grief support groups. Contact your local hospital too - they will have a directory of support groups. It will help to be around other people going through the same thing, other people who have suffered a great loss and are confused about coping. Don't panic and don't be hard on yourself. Give yourself permission to experience your mother's death in whatever way is happening at that moment. You are not a bad person. You are normal and what you are feeling (or not feeling) is normal, but it will help you to talk to other people who know what you're going through, so do look a support group nearby and attend. Good luck to you and I am so sorry for your loss.
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