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Says one things but does another
Ever found out something about someone you love and it crushes you but you can't confront them bec you were snooping and had no right to be in there business in the first place... What would you do? Note... My husband says that be had nothing to hide and that I'm allowed to look... I just never did it bec something about going thru another persons stuff seemed wrong... Then few stated acting different.... So I looked... Its not that he's cheated yet.... At least as far as I can tell but its like he's standing in the door way... Telling other women that he loves them... That he's tired of Missing them.. And that if their near by to call so they can "make out" because they are so sexy... Or they have a nice ass. That he is "so serious." Should I confront him? Or am I thinking too much into this...? Would he actually do the things that he's typing to people and messaging to women or is he just joking.... Help me please... :'( (We've been together for 3 years and married for one. Recently had a baby girl but this has been going on for a long time... according to the time stamps. Everyday he his super attentive and affectionate... I would have never guessed that this is what he sends to women and what is really thinking. Ive tried hinting at situations that are similar but he just says that he would never do that to me. So confused!)
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You may call it snooping - but then again you may call it 'covering your bases'. Marriage may mean different things to different people, but if you married based on the premise "what's mine is yours and what's yours is mine - we are 'one'" then there are No Secrets From One Another. None! If you've uncovered evidence that your spouse is keeping secrets then that's strike one. Don't wait for strike two, confront him with the evidence now. Do you feel as if you'd be in physical danger if you confronted him? If so then find an arbitrator - such as a counselor - to mediate.
You should know, too, that super attentiveness and affection can mean that he's already crossed the line.
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I would dump him he is playing you and he obviously thinks its okay to do so.. Ill tell you something my ex. hadnt done anything yet but had been texting and ex co worker making plans to be meeting up while i was at work telling her he loves her blah blah. i found out i left him and that night he hooked up with her and i think he hooked up with her before than to.
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I've been married 12 years. No - you are not overreacting. What he is doing is dangerous and wrong and if it hasn't led to anything yet (which I suspect it has, if those are the things he's been saying) then it will. So you must confront him. It doesn't matter right now that you were snooping. That was wrong, but what he's doing is worse and you had to know. So that is not AT ALL the issue. He has violated your trust, he is possibly cheating on you physically, and already doing it emotionally. This is not good. Husbands don't "joke" like that. My husband has never spoken or written to another woman like that, not because he's never been tempted (we're all just human) but because he respects me and the commitment he made to our family. Something is wrong, no matter how he treats you when you're together. A committed husband doesn't do or say those things behind his wife's back. If you are able, try to seek some counseling. Find a marriage counselor. Yes, it costs money, but a divorce will cost more, so think of it as an extremely important investment and find the money to do it. It could save your family. If he won't go, go by yourself. If you don't choose professional help, look to your religious institution (church, synagogue, whatever you practice if anything) and see if there are any marriage counseling or service available. You're going to need help to get some clarity on this and figure out where to go from here.
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What he's doing isn't physically cheating because he hasn't come into contact with them, but he's flirting and telling girls things he'd like to do with them ... I'd consider that some sort of emotional cheating or even cyber cheating. What he's doing is wrong. It's not okay to make his wife feel like crap. If he said you could look at things, assuming you never would, that's his own stupid fault. I understand not wanting to confront someone with information you found snooping, but if this effects you that greatly, you need to speak up for yourself.
If you don't want him to know you were snooping, you'd have to catch him in the act of doing something wrong, and I don't know about you .. but I wouldn't want to wait that long and make it get to the point where my husband actually physically cheats.
If you confront him now, you might have a chance to salvage your relationship. I'm not saying you should leave him, but you guys should work on whatever is causing him to be such a pig right now.
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