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How to tell my parents about my engagement
19/f
My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married. He is in the military and it just makes a lot more sense for us to get married now than when we are older. Please do not give me a lecture about marrying young, we have been together for 4 years and have been through a lot. We are going to go through a deployment before we get married too, we have thought this through a lot. The problem is that I know my parents will not be happy about this. The area I am from no one even thinks about marriage until after college. My parents got married at 30. I want to talk to them before he proposes so it can be a happy phone call, and they will be prepared. I don't know how to tell them. Has anyone gone through something similar to this, how did your parents react? Thanks
I'll be 20, almost 21 when we do end up having the wedding
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My daughter married her husband when she was about your age. She met him at the school where they trained for their MOS. She kept the marriage secret from us for nearly a year for fear that we would have tried to disuade her from marrying and would have "freaked out" after the marriage. They are currently each deployed in separate countries.
If she had confided in us, my wife and I would have definitely raised questions as to the wisdom of them marrying at that time, under those circumstances, just as my wife's parents tried to talk some sense into us when we got married. Naturally, we went ahead and got married anyway. I often think, though, that we would have benefitted greatly by listening to and heeding their advice.
We did not freak out about our daughter's marriage, though we were disappointed she had so little confidence in our goodwill toward her and that we missed out on sharing in her wedding.
From a parents perspective, I appreciate the fact that you want their blessing and that you have given this some thought. When you sit down with your parents, they are going to have objections: have you thought about this? What about that? If you listen to them and address their concerns as best you can, it will help them to come to terms with and respect your decision. This will, in turn, help them to be in a welcoming frame of mind when your boyfriend proposes.
I would not have chosen the man my daughter married for her, but she chose him so I accept him. I will support them in their marriage in any way that I can. I pray for them often, that they would overcome the obstacles common to all marriages and those specific to military marriages and that they would enjoy love, laughter, and joy all of their lives.
If your boyfriend is a man of good character, if your parents are people of good will, they will come to terms with it.
This question reminds me that I really need to give my son-in-law a cyber-hug. Thank you for the reminder.
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Instead of you presenting it to them, why don't you have your boyfriend call and tell them he wants to propose and would like their blessing. They may not approve, but as a parent myself, I'm pretty sure they will be quite impressed with his courage. It takes guts and character to ask the parents of the woman you love for her hand in marriage. And its romantic too. Imagine how hard that will be for him to do. Your parents will recognize that. They may not be happy you are marrying so young, but it will help them accept it to know that you are marrying a man of good character, a man who understands that his g/f's parents are very important people in her life and wants to make them a part of his love for her. Good luck!
PS - he may want to explain what you just did, that you'll be at least a little older by the time the wedding comes around. Its not like you're eloping tomorrow!
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