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Is he worth fighting for? that is the question...
I'm 19..Ok well this is the story. I was with my previous boyfriend(lets say is name is lenny)for 4 years until I went off to college and we ended up breaking up 3 months(october/november) into the school year. Things weren't officially over until january.
At the beginning of the school year i met a new guy friend(casey) and we meshed well. once me and lenny were officially over, one night i cried to casey about lenny and i came to find out that casey was going through the exact same thing as me. he was trying to let go of an ex and we found comfort in each other (sounds like a rebound i know, but honestly once meant to be that way). a month into us becoming closer we ended up dating. things were amazing! after about a month things started getting rocky. we were on and off and he was the one always ending it(he confessed he was scared i would hurt him). He was constanly going back home to dallas during this time.
we finally took a good break and ended up getting back together once the summer started. we were having a long distance relationship as he was from dallas and i stayed in austin for the summer instead of going back to houston. casey told me he had never loved someone so quick and wanted to get married after college.
one weekend things got really bad between us and he ended it( as always using the excuse of him feeling i would hurt him because i had so many guy friends). i ended up asking him if he still loved his ex girlfriend(i always felt she was the reason why he left), he said yes and i confessed I was also still in love with lenny(at the time i felt i still did). I told him "maybe we're better off being back with our exs" he just said "we do"
I stupidly insisted in him trying to get her back since i thought i wanted luis. I could tell casey was sketchy about going back to her but since he saw i was still in love with lenny he would return to her. He called her that day and met up and got back together. I also tried doing the same with lenny but i had hurt him to much and he said it wouldnt be a good idea.
I had decided that i would drive to houston and get lenny back(i knew if i talked to him in person i would). after really thinking i decided i didnt want lenny because he wasnt going any where in life. he was just stuck in our little community and i needed to better myself. throughout this process of me trying to get lenny back, casey was there for me. I ended up realizing that casey was the one i really loved but it was too late to get him back since he was back with his ex. (casey is the type of guy that once ends the relationship he will no longer talk to the girl. he doesnt cheat and always does the right thing) because of this i was scared he would kick me out of his life completely, but i understood. it ended up being that casey still wanted to text me and have me in his life. one night i confessed that i felt i was the "other girl" and i put an end to it and stopped all contact with him.
a few days later, he contacts me and is upset on how i can forget about him so easily. I was only trying to do the right thing no matter how much i loved him. He's tore in between us two. he's in love with her and is in love with me too. he can no longer leave his girlfriend because he went back into her life and cant just leave again because it would be wrong.
I'm afraid when school starts again and he comes back to austin, that he's going to come looking for me again and i wont know if its just because its convienant to him or because he'll realise that he really wants me. what do i do? i'm trying to be a women about this because i dont want to hurt anyone. (it might sound as if casey is a douche bag, immature and doesnt know what he wants as of now but he's a great guy. he taught me that i want an educated man in my life that has goals. I wish he would realise that about his girlfriend(she's not educated and it bothers him)) should i move on or really fight for him? or has the girlfriend already won the battle? i'm sorry its so long but i need some counseling from y'all.
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First, you were right about Lenny. He isn't ready to leave home, yet, either emotionally or physically.
The truth is Casey doesn't know what he wants. He would actually like both of you but realizes that isn't going to fly. And he now has a kind of moral obligation to his current squeeze.
What this does for you is induce a lot of drama you don't need because college is stressful in its own right. Plus it leaves you hanging emotionally and in wondering just when you are going to commit to seeking partners with a more focused outlook on relationships.
However, let me say this, too: you are too young to be tied down. You need to date around and explore life a lot more because if you don't do it now you will regret it later and become restless in whatever relationship you are in at that time. Remember that your brain won't stop developing until you are around age 25. So your sensibilities are still evolving and you aren't quite a mature human being yet, even at your age.
Once you graduate from college, go live overseas just to get yourself out of your comfort zone, learn more about how other people function and to help you become a more independent person. Thus, getting bogged down in a serious relationship at this point will only hold you back. Relax, take the long view and kick butt in school.
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alright so this may not be what you want to hear but I think you should just start fresh. Forget about lenny, forget about casey, forget about their ex's.. just start fresh. Find a whole new group of friends and hang out with them. Whenever I get into a lot of drama, well I hate it, so I immediately try to escape it. And from your story, I can tell there's a lot of drama going on between everyone in your story. You really just need to get away from everyone and focus on YOURSELF. Yes it might sound selfish.. but ultimately, this whole thing is about you. Its about your relationship and what kind of person you want to be with. its about satisfying yourself. Why would you date a guy if you're not feeling satisfied?? Right now, you're unhappy and confused. That's not right. So just focus on yourself right now, think about what YOU want. Don't think about how it would impact someone else, or if they'll still like you or not, or whatever. Think about what you want and what will make you the happiest.
In order to do all of that, you need to get away from your busy life. try taking a road trip or even book a flight and go somewhere new or your favorite place. "getting away" doesn't always have to mean transporting your body.. it can also be transporting your mind. Try meditation. Your mind will "get away" from your busy life and you'll feel relaxed. Put on some meditation music and you can even do some yoga or pilates. There are other things you can do like photography, painting, doing puzzles, going for walks etc. The main key though is to focus on yourself and what makes you happy. Eventually.. the answer will come to you. For some people, it takes hours, for some it takes days, and others.. well it could take years. It just depends on what the situation is and how well you know yourself and what your wants and needs are.
Most importantly.. YOU have to make this decision. Don't let other people influence you. You're the only one who knows yourself the best. Once you figure out what makes you happy and what you want in life, the answer will come to you. Let fate take control and follow your dreams and listen to your heart :)
Good luck!
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I don't think Casey is a douche, but he does sound immature. I think you back off this one. I have a feeling that once your absence from his life is more "permanent" he's going to realize that you're the one he really wants. But I dont' think you get that result by pushing. Let him come to the realization on his own. It may be hard to wait, but it will make his final decision that much more solid when he does make it. Good luck.
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