StarryNightSkies's advice column

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Q: Is there anything that my fiance and i can do to make sex less painful. I am very worried that it will hurt. Any advice would be great thank you

Do some foreplay to warm you up a bit.
It is really important that you relax and you're not tense.
Use a lot of water based lubricant.
Instead of him penetrating you, you should take it very slowly and guide his penis in yourself.
It honestly doesn't hurt all that bad.
You'll just be a little sore afterwards.
With my first I honestly didn't feel it and I had to question if he was in or not, and he wasn't small either. I was just expecting a lot of pain when really I didn't feel any.
And with my current boyfriend (my second) it did hurt cause he is bigger but you just have to remember to relax and the pain subsides in a minute or so.

Good luck to you!

Q: Okay, so its been a while since I asked a question, and this time its not about relationships. I'm on the Pill now, called Microgynom or something like that. I have a few questions to ask about the Pill. Firstly, today I will have been taking it for two weeks - my GP says, if I have not missed one for these two weeks it will be safe commencing these two weeks to have unprotected sex without the risks of getting pregnant, or very little. I understand there is never one hundred percent protection against becoming pregnant, but as I have been taking it now for the required time, what are my risks of getting pregnant (if I do not mix it with the added protection of a condom which I will be doing for a while anyway, but say if one was not to hand, what would my risks be?)?

Also, I know the Pill provides no protection against the passing on of STI's, but me and my partner had never even kissed anyone else before we met, were virgins when we first slept together, and had never had any sexual contact with other people. I know this for a fact (besides, I am 15, nearly 16, and he is 16 - we met while he was 15 and I was 14), so I'm 100 percent certain he didn't contract STDs from anyone else, and there's none in his family or mine. Is there any chance he could pause on an STI to me, or me to him, in these circumstances? (And yes, I am one hundred percent certain).

Another question related to the dreaded time of the month. The pill is supposed to shorten periods although it causes spotting sometimes, I recognise. I started, as instructed, taking the pill on the first day of my period and have been taking it ever since, but my period was much longer than usual. It lasted about a week and half - has this been heard of before? I presumed it was just because I was only just starting the course, and my period from then on will be much lighter. (My sister suffered the same way when she started taking it).
Is that normal?

Thanks very much, any help or answers to these questions are appreciated.

Please don't mention my age, in Britain, I'm only three weeks away from becoming legally allowed to have sex and my GP and parents know anyway. I know what I'm getting myself into.

:D

I suggest using the pill for more than the suggested 2 weeks. You should take it for at least a month to know that your body has accepted the hormones. I happend to be on yaz for about 6 months, and i never missed a pill yet i still got pregnant, so i would suggest alternate birth control methods such as a condom.

Q: Right, I have slept with about 9 girls, and never had any complaints or problems, most of them were one offs or short term relationships, at the moment i'm with a girl who I want a long term relationship with and I love her so much, we are both 17 and she is a virgin, we have been together 2 months and she was ready to have sex, I get an erection all the time with her and she has tossed me off and ive licked her out, but when we go to have sex, ill put the condom on and itll take a few seconds to lose my erection, i just cant keep it up even if she rubs it, it wont get hard enough to go in. Please help me I dont know what to do and its really embarrassing.

Thanks

do you have anxiety problems? that can cause this kind of problem as well as not being able to last long. my boyfriend had problems with that. it didnt take him that long until he was completely comfortable with me. just make sure you relax. don't worry about things. it may also help if you express your feelings to your girlfriend, i know she'll let you know that it's alright, that will help ease anxiety.

Q: How do you get him help? Who do you contact?

go online and look up bipolar rehab centers near you and talk to him about getting help and how much his life will improve

Q: What if this person has got through all of what you said and doesn't take his meds.and drinks on top of it all.

well him not taking his meds is not helping him at all. bipolar never goes away, thats why he has those meds so he can get closer to being normal with them. it really also depends on how often he drinks and how it affects his moods.

Q: any reviews on Vagasil?
good? bad? sideeffects?
Thanks :)

i've never tried vagasil but i have tried monistat one. i love it. all your itchyness will be gone that day.

Q: i'm babysitting these two kids on tuesday, one is a year and a half old, and the other is about 3and a half years old.
this is my first time babysitting so i don't have a rate and i'm almost 15 years old.
how much should i charge per hour?
like 5 or 6$?
thanks

well from all my babysitting experiences (it's been 7 years since i've started) no one really asks you how much you want to get paid. they just kind of pay you.
but if they do ask then yeah about 5 or 6 dollars an hour is a good wage. i babysit 2 times a week for 10 hours each day and get 6 dollars an hour.

good luck!

Q: How do you get help for someone who will not get help?

bipolar is really hard to deal with and the person you're trying to help is probably really embarrassed about it.

medications can help a good deal, also going to a therapy place for it.

my boyfriends is going to florida for a month and staying in a inpatient center for his bipolar.

you just have to support them and try telling them that it's really effecting themselves and everyone around them.

Q: Whenever i wear leggings, and i go to school [it seemed that was the only place that it happened] i would get a rash on my bum. it would make it uncomfortable to sit, it would feel like i had tourettes. What is it? and how can i avoid it?

this is what is referred to as "swamp ass" it's caused by sweating and it not being able to be released which causes a rash.

your best bet is to put baby powder on it.

Q: these are two totally different topics but i dont feel like asking two different questions, sorry..

when you are raped does that mean you arent a virgin?
and
why does it feel so much better when i guy fingers you then when you do it yourself?

question 1) personally i believe the definintion of losing your virginity is with sexual intercourse where both of the people agree to it.
Physically you're not a virgin when you are raped but logisticlly you are. it wasn't your choice so technically you can still tell people you're a virgin.

question 2)it can depend on the angle he's going in at, he also might just know how to work with his hands well. also since he's there it makes you more turned on so it will feel better

Q: Im still a virgin but i want to try using a dildo will it hurt ?

It all really depends on your pain tolerance, and the hymn. I am assuming mine was thicker, i've only had sex with two people, the first one didnt hurt at all, no blood or anything, the second one hurt and i bled a little but i could handle it.

you will probably just be a little sore afterwards

Q: i have a problem with my gf, she doesnt like being on top or the bottom when we make out so what the hell am i suppose to do

Perhaps a bit of a tease will make her more at ease :] wow i'm corny sorry. Maybe she just feels uncomfortable with kissing. Try talking to her. And like i said at first, tease her a little bit, she'll want it so bad that she won't even care what position you're in. Maybe she prefers sitting up and kissing, she might thing that someone on-top of the other might lead to other things, tell her your intentions if you don't want it to lead anywhere else and she might be more comfortable.

Q: my good friend and I go out at night together. I think that I am prettier than her and more striking... but guys always seem to hit on her... pretty much every time... guys that I am attracted to always flirt with her... I end up feeling confused and a little jealous... what does she have that I don't? she's petite and I"m a normal size... but I think that my style and my face is way more attractive.... what does she have that I don't have to make guys want to pay attention to her?

Perhaps you just think you're better looking, and as I've noticed, guys tend to like petite girls. And quite possibly it's not about the looks but the personality. Guys pick up on when girls think their better than someone else, and they don't like that. Just relax when you're with guys, and your friend. Don't act like you're better than anyone else guys don't like that.

Q: ok this could be embarrassing but i live in an apartment and we live down and the neighbors upstairs dog is annoying me and really scaring me. what am i going to do if i had to come out there again. its so annoying the dog senses everything and even if i tried not to be scared it seems like its barking at me still and i am scared of getting bitten or attacked by it. what if it chases me around. i cant stand dogs they really scared me and i dont think i could stop being scared. the dog senses me strongly. i would be happy if it just leaves me alone. and i also feel kind of spied on and disrepected by the neighbor upstairs. so what do i do? and i am not a dog lover and i dont like going to pets and petting them it just annoys me.

Try having a talk with your neighbors about controlling their dog a little more. If you are uncomfortable with that than might i suggest that you speak with your landlord, they will warn the neighbors and if the problem persists they could be evicted.

good luck!

Q: Its been three days since my missed period i took a home pregnancy test it came out negative but i feel like im pregnant my body feels different i hav esome of the signs like tender breast,having to go to the bathroom more.Is my cycle changing or am i pregnant?

tender breasts are also a sign of getting your period as well as having to pee... i would take another test tomorrow morning with your first pee (it is easier for the test to be right if its with the first pee in the morning because the hormones show up real well then).

your period may be late due to stress so don't get all worked up about this just yet.
take another test and if it's negative again then you can either wait until you get your period or go to a doctor for a test there if you really suspect you are.

good luck!

Q: I wanted to get a hip piercing with a surface bar, but I learned that they leave bad scars and get rejected by the body easily. Someone told me to think about microdermals, which are permanent...

Should I get two microdermals on my hip? :)

i had microdermals on my hips, and of course, my body rejected them, and they still leave scars.

i wish you the best though.

edit*****
yes they are permanent i had to get them removed at the hospital, i've had piercings rejected too and it was pretty much the same.

Q: I'm 17f. Last weekend I was sleeping over my best friend's house. We're really close and she knows everything about me. But since we're both religious Jews and our families are too, we're very modest. We never change in front of one another or anything like that. One of su goes to the abthroom and other changes in the bedroom. Anyway, On Saturday I woke up at like 7;30 because I heard a noise. I looked around and saw my friend in her hed. She was on top of the blankets and her p.j. pants and panties were off. She was playing with herself. She must have thought I wouldn't wake up. Anyway I didn't move at all, and sort of squitned so it would look like my eyes were closed but really I could see her. Since her beds are in a L shape design, I saw everything.

I was never sure if she did that, but since I know I do, I figured she must do it too. But it's not something we would EVER discuss. Now I kinda feel guilty for watching her, but at the same time I'm kind of interested in talking to her about it since I don't have anyone I can talk to about that stuff. But I'm afraid she'll be totally embarassed and I might lose my best friend. At the same time, I'm scared because seeing her like that . . .get me VERY turned on. What do I do?

part of her being embarrassed may include her getting mad at you... maybe you can bring the subject up if you feel the need to talk about it but don't let her know that you saw her.

Q: You know when people say stuff like "2nd base" and "3rd base"? What are the bases? Please someone explain. Thanks.

the answers below me are wrong...
1st base is making out
2nd base is fondling of breasts
3rd base is petting (hand job/fingering) and oral sex
4th base is vaginal intercourse

Q: Okay so I'm a 15/f but no guys notice me. I'm kinda quirky and stuff and I want to know what I can do to get the guys to notice me. I'd like a bf, but I'm not desperate. Some tips would be wonderful!

Thanks!

Be flirty, but play hard to get.
it's kinda like the whole single yet unattainable gig... but don't forget to just be you.
you don't want to get someone to like you when you're not even being yourself.

Q: Ok, so I'm 16/m...

Yesterday I went to the movies with this girl I like. We were flirting and I'm 99.9% sure that she likes me. We've hung out a few times before and I was wondering if I should just ask her out already, or hang out with her again...

It might be too soon to ask her out, but you don't wanna wait too long.

i suggest that you talk to her on the phone, make it a really long conversation too, find out for sure if she likes you and what she wants in a relationship, like if shes ready for one or if shes just trying to play the field.

then hang out with her again and pop the question :]
good luck!