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Q: I struggled with depression. Will things ever get better? I cant talk to anyone but a therapist because I am afraid to reach out. I am missing out on life, last few year have been a lot of downs. I am unsure of myself. I have little confidence in myself. I was hopeful and even happy for a while but then things got messed up again. Why???? I don't get it. Can you help me because I feel like I got lost along the way.
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I'm sorry to hear about your situation. While nobody can ever say they know how you feel because in truth your experience is unique to you, I can assure you that I relate to your life on some level.
First off, you say you are afraid to reach out. Well guess what, you have reached out in going to a therapist. For a lot of people that's one of the hardest things to bring themselves to do and it shows a lot of courage. It also shows that you are serious about making things better.
We all have ups and downs in our lives. It's kind of the nature of being human. The key is to make sure those downs don't prevent you from living your life in the territory of the ups.
Based on the fact that you say you are unsure of yourself, I would guess that much of your problem stems from self-esteem issues which can easily go hand in hand with depression.
I would recommend continuing with your therapist of course. Trying to take on step at a time in building your confidence might help. For example, focus on something you feel like you know how to do well and do it. Maybe then you'll be willing to try something you think you can do okay and try to work on improving your skill at it. And maybe eventually, you will be ready to take on things that you don't feel like you are very good at.
I often recommend at book called "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. In your case, while that may be helpful, I'd suggest his book "Ten Days to Self-Esteem."
You don't have to live like this and you can make things better. I'm rooting for you.
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Q: my dog eats everything-what to do
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Believe it or not, while it is not something that would be considered normal, this is a somewhat common problem and condition with dogs. The technical term is Pica.
The are a number of reasons why your dog may be going through this condition but the good news is that there are surly some things you can do about it as well.
Perhaps you'll find this article helpful:
http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/pets/dog-behavior/pica-eating-things-that-aren%E2%80%99t-food
It delves into some of the issue involved such as anxiety, boredom, attention seeking behavior and more. It also goes into ways to help reduce or even elevate the problem.
I'm glad to hear you care about your furry friend so much. The world could use more pet owners like you. Good luck.
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Q: I'm a 14 year old and I play a lot on this gaming website. I met a guy (Who claims he's 26). I claim that I'm 18. I never say my real age and never will due to safety reasons. I just feel so uncomfortable talking to him, but yet I feel emotionally attached to him. He's never asked me for my address or anything personal like that, but he's told me that he's on parole and all that and I kind of help him to make him feel better. I know I shouldn't lie and all that, but it's safety reasons. I've heard his voice before (Microphone) but he hasn't heard mine. What should I do? I feel kind of "unsafe", but I feel that about everything since I have a panic disorder. I want to just end the talking by just not starting conversation, but me and him play the game a lot and end up starting conversation.
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It has often been said that technology has really crushed the art of interpersonal communication. While in some cases this is certainly true, there are times when it isn't as well.
When I was in between my last year of high school and starting college, I developed an online relationship with a girl a few years younger. Sadly she was in a fatal accident but the point is that while we knew each other in the cyber world, we had a deep connection.
If you are emotionally attached to this guy as you say you are, I think it's fine to continue things as they are. For safety reasons, which you seem very smart about by the way, there is no need to take things any further.
At your age it is surely OK to have friends that are a good bit older than you so long as friends or some other appropriate relationship (like teacher, mentor, co-worker...) is what it remains.
In the event that he eventually wants to take the relationship offline, I would suggest that is something you avoid.
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Q: I am currently engaged to be married... Happily engaged, if I might add. We're in the middle of planning our wedding next year... While looking at wedding invitations online... My ex, who holds a soft spot to my heart... Calls me. Begging me to come back to him. The last time I heard from him was 8 months ago. He has tore my world apart for 2 years this past October. I'm confused, because although I love my fiance, my heart is being dragged towards my ex. What should I do? Who should I pick?
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While no one can make the decision for you, it has to be your own, we can surely give you a few things to consider.
You clearly had a back breakup, do you want to risk that happening again?
If your ex really cared that much, why would he wait until now to reach out to you?
You obviously have feelings for your fiance otherwise you would have never gotten this far in the engagement and wedding planning process.
Is this new hesitation about your ex or is it possible that it's just about being unsure of the relationship you are in now?
Just because we may love someone doesn't always mean we are meant to be with them.
You need to take some time to seriously reflect on things and eventually you've find your answer.
Good luck.
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Q: i want to have sex or be raped but i am only 11 and a girl!!
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At your age, you are coming into a period in your life in which hormones are raging and your developing sexual feelings. And that is just fine.
But, the desire to be raped is not a normal feeling. While technically, if it is something you wan't it's really not rape as that the definition of rape is non-consensual sex, it's still not a good thing.
Personally, I would recommend that you speak to your school guidance counselor and perhaps he or she might suggest you see a therapist or mental health professional.
While it is ok to have sexual urges and even ok to have some unusual fantasies from time to time, you have to be sure that you keep them in check. get yourself some help and be safe.
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Q: it's gotten so bad that they took it upon themselves to "cleans" my room taking anything they thought seemed demonic, like a spiral of glow n the dark stars on my wall because we live n a spiral galaxy which to them is apparently demonic, they took my posters down lost all of my medication and threw it out & that's not even the most annoying part. I had a headache and just wanted to be left alone and they came in my room & pinned me down trying to perform an exorcism on me! I had bruises all over they were forcing me down so hard &I was just like dude just leave me alone I have a headache and you guys are screaming and yelling and crap, they ripped off my that I've had since 2010 of my favorite rock band that my friend bought for me & on top of all that they refuse to replace my medication that THEY lost because I have a sprained sacroiliac and bad back spasms and arthritis and an ulcer and my dr. can't replace my medication (Percocet) until the 5th. At first my dr. wouldn't prescribe me anything stronger than tramadol but my pain got to the point where I couldn't even walk by myself &I had really low blood pressure & anemia plus c-dif, but I have nothing to take for it because they through it all out. I have to literally hide the things in my room they took my mardi gras masks that I got for donating food to the homeless shelter and threw them out. Am I wrong for being totally pissed off at them at this point for trying to force me to go back to Christianity? I'm not an atheist or an agnostic I'm a spiritualist and my beliefs are based in love, peace, and harmony, I'm a vegetarian, I believe in aliens and I believe in spirit guides and God but not a jealous, fearsome judgemental one trying to convince us that we're all sinners. Fear is the opposite of love so why would a source made of love demand to be feared. I've respected their beliefs and constantly have to ask them to do the same but this time they took it too damn far. I shouldn't have to hide things in my room when my family comes over because they'll take it out it's my room and I have the right to have whatever I want in it, They even ripped my blinds down (which are black because I get really bad migraines ever since I was a baby) and broke them off the wall TWICE and I had to use push pins to put them back up cause I'm really light sensitive. And now they're doing the same thing to my twin sisters stuff (who has the same beliefs as I do) and I'm just getting sick of it at this point. They even consider me being a vegetarian a sin but apparently it's okay to torture and kill animals for food. How fucked up is that. I'm 24 and female.
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I'm sorry you are going through such a rough time in your life, physically, emotionally and mentally. While there's not a whole lot that can e done about some physical ailments (other then medication or physical therapies of some sort)the emotional and mental aspects do not have to remain a part of anyone's life.
Coming for a Christian background myself, I surely known and believe that Christianity at it's core can be a good thing for many people. However, a lot of times, as with any formal faith structure, people take things to extremes that both hurt the faith itself and people in their lives.
I'm assuming you've tried to reason with you parents and find some common ground. If you have not, try to help them understand that that at the core, all religions value the same things, love and the caring and humane treatment of others. If they won't accept that, then is truth the aren't really living out what the profess to believe anyway.
Follow what works for you as long as love, respect and the like are the goal. As my own priest once said, "there are many roads (religions/faiths/belief systems) leading to just one destination (Heaven/Nirvana/Enlightenment...).
If they simply cannot accept you, please seek help from community organizations and such that are out there to assist with jobs, housing and medicine.
Good luck.
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Q: I need help, I was put out my aunt and uncles house at 17. I am now 22. I've always had a problem growing up. I struggled with depression for as long as I could remember. I started to get myself together when I was 21. Had A Job Found A Room at But I Lost My Job And Was Still depressed. I find myself always being depressed and always hating them for giving up on me so I gave up on myself. I been jumping from family member to family member I'm depressed and lost. I'm currently unemployed and ready to just really give up this time.
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First of all, I am sorry to hear about the situation you've been going through over the course of the last five years. And while I have no idea what it is like personally to get thrown out of your home, I do have some insights into the issue of depression.
It seems like you've been trying but have ended up failing several times and this contributes to your cycle of depression. But, that doesn't mean giving up is the solution.
There is a quote by Thomas Edison that reads: “Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”
In fact, many, many people have tried and failed at any number of things many, many times but through persistence eventually succeeded in whatever they decided to go into.
To help you along the way to success, you can combat your depression with the help of online forums or local groups for people going through similar situations. And of course, don't be afraid to reach out to a therapist or counselor. If you can't afford it, there are programs out there that can help. And lastly, as I frequently suggest, either get a copy of or borrow from your library a great book by Dr. David Burns "Feeling Good."
Stay strong and don't give up.
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Q: He's 27/m
We've been together for only 6 months.
A couple of months ago, we went to the bookstore and he told me that he has always wanted to read The Enders Game, since he has heard good things about the series. So, I bought him that book--he read it, and liked it. He then said that he wanted to read the second book afterward.
I went to the bookstore yesterday, and decided to buy him the rest of the series for his birthday. I also got him another book (as a joke) and then I also got him a sweater. My sister thinks it's enough but I wasn't sure if my gift would be good enough. She thought two books and the sweater is enough and that four was a bit excessive. I wanted to get him something else, but since I've only been with him for six months, I decided to wait until later to get him something nicer.
Is my birthday gift enough? Should I get him something else?
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Buying gifts for someone you care about can be a bit of a challenge at times. In some instances it is about what to get that person and in others, like yours, it's about how much.
My personal thought on this is that we need to put aside all the other factors and focus on one thing - does the gift seem to be something that will bring that person joy or be useful for them?
As corny and overused as the phrase has become over the years, it's still quite true that it is the thought that counts. The quantity of the items doesn't matter and nor should there be any specific amount you feel like you have to spend. If people truly care about one another, none of that will matter.
So, in conclusion to your question, I would certainly say what you have done is more than adequate.
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Q: Hello, porn is wrecking my life. I am 24 and revert to it every few weeks or months for up to an hour - way too much. It makes me really depressed and I feel unstable mentally because of it. I don't want to pursue a relationship till I feel a bit more stable as I don't want to screw up anyone else's life. I guess the obvious answer is STOP DOING IT but it is like a drug that seems impossible to break! :(
What should I do?
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While some people may not agree, I do believe that there are a lot of things people can became addicted to besides the typical issues with alcohol and drugs. And in some cases, people just tend to have something of a predisposition to being an addictive personality.
Now whether people believe that porn is something that is ethical or morally acceptable or not really doesn't come into play here. What does come into play when dealing with any sort of addictive behavior is whether or not what you are doing is something that would be considered normal.
Based on your age and just about all statistical information out there, you are very much a normal person in engaging in this behavior. That being said, if it is something that still is going to bother you, there are certainly some steps you can take to get away from it.
I'd always recommend seeing a therapist or counselor. There is nothing to be ashamed of when working with a professional. Second, seek out some groups or even online forums for people going through the same problem.
And while I'm no therapist, I would think engaging in activities to try to redirect your focus or substitute may be good - exercise might be a useful option. If you do go that route, just make sure you're not allowing whatever you use as a substitution to become a replacement addiction.
Good luck.
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Q: Hello,
I absolutely HATE bugs - If I see one, I automatically freak out and feel like I'm going to pass out. My brother has bed bugs and my mother has been visiting lately due to his daughter being ill, and I'm afraid of her bringing them back and getting to me. She shakes off her clothes really good before she gets in the house and washes them, but I'm terrified of getting them. My mother doesn't sit down or anything just in case, but I'm so paranoid. Do I have anything to worry about? My mother does her research on how to not bring them back and stuff like that, I just REALLY don't want to get them...
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Bed bugs are a growing problem in some regions. However, if it would turn out that you ended up getting them in your home, it's not as if it is a problem that cannot be fixed.
A few signs that bed bugs might be in your bed are waking up and finding small marks with so minor amounts of blood on some areas of your body. From what I've heard, they tend to go after people's ankle areas.
You can also flip over your mattress and do some looking, a lot of people find them near the headboard.
I know it may make you feel a little grossed out but as far as I know, for the most part they are more of just an annoyance than anything. So, if you do end up with them, just take the proper steps to get rid of the little guys and you'll be just fine.
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Q: I had unprotected sex about a year ago with my then-boyfriend. Prior to having unprotected sex, I asked him to get tested for HIV and other STIs.
He lived in a different city, so I couldn't go with him to make sure he actually got tested. He said that he did, though, and showed me a piece of paper from the clinic, signed by a nurse, stating that he was HIV negative.
I didn't question it at the time, but as our relationship progressed I learned that he was dishonest about a lot of things - a year later, I am suddenly extremely anxious that he lied to me about the HIV test and forged the letter.
My main concern is that my current boyfriend and I had unprotected sex; he's never had unprotected sex before, so I know he's clean, and when he asked me, I told him that my ex (the only person I'd previously had unprotected sex with) had been tested and was clean.
Being infected would be terrible, but passing it on to an innocent person would be even worse. I made an appointment to get tested Friday. Until then, I cant function; I'm an anxious mess. Any advice?
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I totally understand your concern. I myself had an incident about a decade ago that caused me months and months of anxiety about the possibility of contracting HIV or some other incurable STD.
But, in my time of distress, I made it my mission to learn and educate myself on these conditions.
The truth is that while it is always a good idea to protect yourself, and you really would be best off to consider this in the future, it is actually pretty hard to contact HIV. That's not necessarily the case with the other diseases out there but in all instances, medical advances have made these things treatable so that people can still live long and productive lives.
This informing was obtained from a world renowned medical doctor specializing in STDs based out of Seattle, Washington.
If you find that you have HIV, know that you can carry on. And while it's doubtful that you both have it and passed it along to your boyfriend, please know that if you did, you had no intent in hurting him in any way.
If your results come back negative, don't fret over your old boyfriend anymore. You are way past the window of when it would show up in your system so you should have no worries that the negative test was true and accurate.
Be strong and from now on, make sure to be safe.
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Q: On Monday I have the only chance to be with my family and hang out with them. I had been planning this for like a month and a half now. However, my mom started talking about it with my grandmother and now she wants to come along and drag my little cousin along with her. Let me explain:
Im in college right now and have to be two hours away from home until the weekends, where I only work with my parents or study. This is the only free Monday I have and for many reasons its the perfect family day. My grandmother is not coming with us because she wants to be with me, its because my cousin (he is about 10-11 years old) loves being with us (which I also believe is because of my brother and the fact that mom buys him stuff, people think were rich when were really not at all). She even told mom to ask for my permission, as if I would not want them to go. I love them, the problema is that my cousin is very... reckless. He doesnt listen to anyone, always gets into trouble, and is not satisfied unless everything HE wants to do is done. Im just afraid that whats supposed to be a stress free day will only cause more mayhem and that is not what I need right now. What do I do?
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So, you're facing what I really think is a fairly common family situation. Personally, I've been through several scenarios that are very similar to what you are describing. And with that being the case, I know you're probably feeling kind of stuck.
You say your cousin is reckless and tries to always get his way. That's not exactly shocking for someone his age.
My suggestion would be to go ahead and take your family day and try to make the best of it. Even if it is a little chaotic, at least you will be with people you love. If you can, maybe you can find something to keep him occupied a bit so you can have some less stressful moments to share.
Good luck.
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Q: Lately I've been feeling extremely insecure about myself. I know its wrong, but I feel like whatever Major I get or university I graduate from will speak too much of me. A cousin of mine didn't manage to get into the one I did, which is a nice college, and my mom Heard that apparently his mother (who is also my godmother) was talking about me behind my back. She said in a discreet way that I would either not make it through college or that I would end up like my two cousins - pregnant. It really hurt me and everytime I think about changing majors that pops up and restrains me. I'm in the science department, in Geology or Earth Sciences. I like it, but its not my passion. I would prefer going into journalism or graphic arts. In the college I'm in the closest things I have to those are either a Major in English or in Plastic Arts, since this college doesn't give much emphasis to arts, but more to the sciences and mathematics. There are other colleges that are even closer to my own home, one has a program on Technology on Tele-Radial Communications and the other has a program in Graphic Arts. I'm afraid of not finding a job with these though. Any suggestions about any of that? Preferably if its worth following my dreams in the "arts" business.
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Deciding upon a college major can be a big challenge for any young person. That's probably why so many students don't declare a major until a few years into their college education.
When it comes to your godmother, I would try not to worry about what she has to say. Negative attitudes don't help anyone.
Now, as far as your dilemma between changing majors and even schools goes, I think that in life you do have to follow your passions. But, at the same time, it's not a bad idea to have a backup of sorts. Perhaps you can major in something like graphic arts and minor in something more science or math related. Another option, if you're up for the extra work, is to double major.
When it comes to your worries about getting a job, it is my experience that most vocations don't necessarily require a specific degree but just that you have one at all.
But, if you just want to be on the safe side, you can always look into the job market for the field you want to study. Sometimes the job market can be sluggish but it's usually pretty diverse when it comes to opportunities.
If you're still unsure, go ahead and do as I mentioned other students sometimes do earlier, treat yourself an undeclared major by taking the core classes every major has to take first and getting them out of the way. That will give you some extra time to think about what you want to do with your shcooling.
Good luck.
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Q: I am in grade 8 and I am a chubby female.Do high school guys in grades 8-10 still look at me with interest of getting to know me or dating me?
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High school can be a rough and confusing time in a person's life. But as far as your question goes, there is really no one size fits all (no pun intended) type answer.
Different boys, and later in life men, like different things. Sure, a lot of them might like the stereotypical image of beauty shoved in our faces by magazines and media. But, others will certainly like girls that fit a different mold.
There are boys out there who are visually attracted to girls who are fuller figured, ones who people might call geeky, one who have a goth or punk style and just about every other type of girl out there.
Some will say that's it's what's on the inside that counts. That may be true once you get to know someone but one of the big things that really appeals to both genders is confidence. Be confident in who you are and go from there.
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Q: Hey I'm a 14 year old girl and I feel like such a loser. I'm just so different from all of my classmates. They like to pretend that they don't care, and that they're too cool for things, and stuff like that so it makes me feel stupid when I get enthusiastic or excited about something. I also watch sci fi shows and read too many books and excel in science and history class. I correct the teacher a lot and go into long winded explanations because I get excited about the subject. I apologize too much even when I didn't do anything. I write poems that I never show anyone because not even my own mother would understand my depressed inner thoughts. And to top it all off, I have a dreadful case of social anxiety, so I replay and disect conversations in my head until my thoughts about how stupid I am eat me alive. How can I fix myself? What's even wrong with me?
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I'm sorry that you are having such a difficult time. And while my situation back at your age was somewhat different, I can certainly relate to your overall problem.
Now I'm not just saying this but you really need to accept the fact that you are not a loser. In fact, the very things that make us different are also the things that make us special.
Never feel bad about your enjoyment of reading. And no, you can't ever read too much. If you love sci-fi, embrace that.
Ultimately, there's nothing wrong with you except the way you feel about yourself. And sadly, this is a common thing in teens and people of all ages.
First off, you should seek out some other people who have similar interests. Second, you could probably benefit from seeing a counselor or therapist. Last but not least, you need to change your thinking patterns that are holding you back and making you depressed. I suggest reading the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns. It has helped tons of people like you.
You can, and I am confident that you will, get through this.
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Q: 19/m
So I recently started college about a month ago. I want to try to dress better a young man, right now I wear alot of cargos, t-shirts, sweatshirts.. but I only have so many so I rewear my stuff alot and feel like I'm constantly wearing the same thing every day.
What are some ways to dress better? I want to dress better to help look better just in general, but also cause I want to have variety and to look better for the women.
Where can I go that a student wont break their bank account? What should I look for, for clothing? I feel like if I had a girlfriend she would be able to tell me what women like and what looks good on me, but I don't and I also am terrible with my self esteem and confidence so I have no idea where to start and what does look good, in general I'm pretty lost when it comes to matching, and getting good looking clothes on me haha.
Any tips/advice is helpful and appreciated! :)
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First off, I understand you wanting to look better. It is something that often comes with maturity. But please note that your primary motivation should be to do it for yourself, not because of what girls or anyone else might think.
This is especially the case because different girls like different styles so there is no right or wrong answer.
Now, as far as the dressing itself goes, I suggest you check out clearance racks at your local department stores. If you are a little more adventurous and don't mind used stuff, you can check out thrift stores too.
The most important thing is to get items that fit you body and shape well, nothing too tight or really baggy. Secondly, you really should pay attention to making sure colors match well and maybe go well with your skin tone or hair color. That sort of thing can go a long way.
Good luck on this.
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Q: I live with my mother and stepdad, but a few weeks ago while walking with my grandmother, I came across my biological father and we made small talk and exchanged cell phone numbers. I haven't seen him in almost a decade and I really want to get to know him again as he does me. The problem is that him and my mother did not have the best history as I was growing up and now that I'm 22 I'm nervous that she may find out that I am in touch with him. Should I tell her or shoyld I keep it a secret?
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Absolutely tell her. Keeping a secret like this can eat at you inside and somehow, someway, chances are she'd eventually find out anyway.
I understand that their relationship has a difficult history. But that's exactly what it is - history. People can and do change and that could easily be the case since they've been apart of so long.
As an adult, you have every right to learn more about your father and I really think your mother, while she may or may not like it, would certainly respect you more for telling her the truth than hiding it from her.
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Q: I'm a 20 year old girl and about a month ago I met this 26 year old guy. He's roommates with my best friend so I see him quite a bit and we've hung out alone a few times. He's the sweetest guy ever - always paying for dinner, buying flowers randomly, and just the little things he does. He told me he loves me and it freaked me out. I like him but we barely know each other. And we've had intercourse once and he's just too gentle for my liking. And to be honest his age kind of intimidates me but I've never met someone as sweet as him and my friend keep telling me that if I should be with someone it should be him. I dont know if I should give this a chance.
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Personally, I believe that within reason, age is just a number. The age difference between the two of you is something far too insignificant to play a factor in what could be a wonderful relationship.
As far as the "I love you" goes, I can understand how that might freak you out a bit so early on in knowing each other. Perhaps you should make your feeling on this known. After all, if you do plan to pursue this as a relationship, honesty is a crucial thing for any couple.
All in all, I say give it a try. After all, what do you have to lose? You'll never know what could be if you don't give it a shot.
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Q: My friend is gorgeous, she looks just like Kate Winslet when she was young. But you'd never know it from her facebook photos and selfies! From just about every angle, her face appears doughy and gross with flat hair. Her delicate features just don't seem to register through a camera.
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I do some work as a photographer and much of it is with models. That being the case, I think I might have some helpful insight.
There are a lot of things that can influence how good or not a person may look on camera. First off, if they are shy or not thrilled with having a photo taken, that can make a world of difference but that doesn't seem to be the case here.
Selfies are often pretty bad. This can be because phone cameras usually aren't that good. But, even if they are, the person taking the picture often has to position themselves in a strange angle to get the shot and a lot of times they don't have adequate lighting or the camera's flash makes them washed out.
Even if someone else is taking the photo, if they don't know the technical elements of photography, it could make for a less than appealing picture.
First off, for your friend's delicate features to show through, the camera should be above her and she should be shot at a downward angle.
Next, make sure there is enough light in the room but not so much that the picture becomes overexposed or washed out. That's why ideally you should really avoid using a flash unless you absolutely have to.
Last but not least, she needs to be sure that an attractive personality comes across in the shots and that her body language draws people to the pictures rather than turning them off.
I hope this helps.
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Q: 19/m
I want to become a better person. Someone that isn't so hard on themselves, people always tell me that I am very hard on myself. I think I am too, well lately I have been agreeing with what others told me. During high school I was always down in the dumps, I would have some days I would be happy but most days I was neutral that would lead to being down. Now that I started college (3 weeks in) I have been feeling a bit better but I still feel down during the day. I try to cheer myself up but I don't know how.
I want to become a better person. I want to become a role model, someone that is always happy, well not necessarily always happy but someone is more happy than I am now. I was feel negative. I feel out of place with other people, like I don't fit in. I am always quiet around people in groups, I'm the person never really included in the group, the kid that you see walking behind a group of people. If that makes sense. I wanna just become a better person. I want to change my life and become just a new person. I don't really know how to become someone that is positive, and can make the best out of a situation. I always am in situations that I get down about. Like currently I have a health issue that has not been able to go away for a few years. The doctors don't seem to be able to help me with it but it doesn't really hinder me in any ways except my self esteem and what I think of myself. The health issue is similar to Angular Chilitis except it isn't that because none of the medicines i have been prescribed help it so I think the doctors are not treating it right but that is another issue... I just want to be able to look in the mirror and say I am a good person, look at any situation in my life and still be positive, hence the health issue example, I know I should be super happy I can still participate in all day activities because my health is good besides that, hopefully makes sense.
Also I want to be a better person because I hate thinking about what other people have done to me, and I can't get over it. Example would be my recent ex girlfriend. She got back with me but she played me as a rebound waiting for her ex. I know I shouldn't be hung up about what she did to me but it bothers me. Some days I want to just text her telling her bad stuff but I know it isn't right so I don't do it. I juust want to be able to climb over the barrier of what people have done to me, no matter what they did. She isn't the first girl to have done something like that and I know time takes it away but I want to start to put things into my own hands.
Sorry for the wall text, especially if this makes no sense. I don't know how to put what I feel/think into words for you guys to help me, I did my best though.
any help would be appreciated. thank you :)
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When I was in high school, it was a nightmare for me, college did brig better times. That being the case, along with other specific aspects of your situation, I can assure you that I can relate.
For some of us, for any number of possible reasons, we do tend to be hard on ourselves. This can be especially problematic when we internalize our feelings and when it hinders us from connecting with others.
I think there is something we need to distinguish first here, you're struggles in no way suggest that you are a bad person and thus it's not so much that you are looking to be a better person but to experience life much richly and fully.
It's not possible for any person to always be happy. But, it is possible to not let sadness linger and to in some cases turn it into a positive in some way or another.
My suggestions, based on personal experiences quite similar to those you describe, would be the following steps:
1. Having moved into college is a transitional time in your life. Take that opportunity to make a personal transition into the person you want to be.
2. Seek out a professional therapist or counselor. They are out there for a reason after all, to help people like you.
3. Study up on the idea of cognitive distortions. A great source that I recommend is the book "Feeling Good" by Dr. David Burns.
4. Join offline groups, like perhaps through Meetup.com or online forums to meet people going through a similar situation. Trust me, there are a lot of them.
5. You may want to even practice meditation or self hypnosis. They might sound a bit silly but if these things didn't have benefits, people wouldn't have kept doing them for thousands of years.
Above all, try to remind yourself that you are a person, just like anyone else, and deserving of respect, even from yourself.
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Info
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Member Since: September 29, 2013 Answers: 200 Last Update: December 6, 2015 Visitors: 9812
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