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Porn addiction - how do I get free of it?
Hello, porn is wrecking my life. I am 24 and revert to it every few weeks or months for up to an hour - way too much. It makes me really depressed and I feel unstable mentally because of it. I don't want to pursue a relationship till I feel a bit more stable as I don't want to screw up anyone else's life. I guess the obvious answer is STOP DOING IT but it is like a drug that seems impossible to break! :(
What should I do?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I don't agree with you that you have a porn addiction. You say you watch porn for up to an hour every few weeks or months. On any view, this is not a an addiction. A huge number of people will watch a lot more porn than that with no worry or ill effects.
Maybe you have been taught or brought up to believe that watching porn is somehow wrong. This is nonsense - as long as it's all consenting adults then it's all fun and games!
You are giving yourself a massively hard time about something which is really a non issue. Sometimes people suffering with low self esteem and low confidence fixate on a perceived awful thing they do which is really just how their general low mood and self esteem is manifesting itself but the problem is wider and deeper. I don't know if this true for you, it's something for you to consider.
For what it's worth - I watch porn more than you. I'm not addicted, I don't see it as a problem and I have healthy relationships sexually. I also know it's the norm within my friendship group. Non of us have a problem with porn, most of us watch it more than you!
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams and live the life you imagined
Ashok
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While some people may not agree, I do believe that there are a lot of things people can became addicted to besides the typical issues with alcohol and drugs. And in some cases, people just tend to have something of a predisposition to being an addictive personality.
Now whether people believe that porn is something that is ethical or morally acceptable or not really doesn't come into play here. What does come into play when dealing with any sort of addictive behavior is whether or not what you are doing is something that would be considered normal.
Based on your age and just about all statistical information out there, you are very much a normal person in engaging in this behavior. That being said, if it is something that still is going to bother you, there are certainly some steps you can take to get away from it.
I'd always recommend seeing a therapist or counselor. There is nothing to be ashamed of when working with a professional. Second, seek out some groups or even online forums for people going through the same problem.
And while I'm no therapist, I would think engaging in activities to try to redirect your focus or substitute may be good - exercise might be a useful option. If you do go that route, just make sure you're not allowing whatever you use as a substitution to become a replacement addiction.
Good luck.
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As others have mentioned, what you describe does not indicate you have an addiction. An addiction would lead to compulsive behavior such as excessively watching porn, shopping, drinking (really, anything) that significantly affects one's quality of life and functioning. You would have to watch a lot more porn and much more often for it to even be considered an issue. It's complex and very personal- what to you is seen as a problem, could be perfectly fine for someone else. There is nothing wrong with occasionally watching porn. BUT, if you see it as an issue and it makes you uncomfortable, then it's fine to try minimizing how much you watch it. However, I see no reason for you to feel guilty about sometimes watching porn.
I'd advise following some suggestions from previous columnists. You could also keep note of the times you watch porn/why you watch it, try writing down reasons why you want to stop, keep yourself busy with other things (e.g., exercise, take part in a hobby, etc), maintain healthy friendships and relationships, etc. I think the most important thing is to take care of yourself first. Also, don't feel bad about sometimes watching porn, and maybe deal with the feelings of guilt that are attached to it. You could speak to a private therapist (psychologist), if that's possible. At the end of the day, I believe it's more critical to take care of yourself first, and to not beat yourself up about this. It's really not an addiction and you have no reason to feel this bad.
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Viewing porn once every few weeks or months is not the behavoir of an addict.
There is nothing wrong with viewing porn. It's not a sign of mental instability or poor health, or any sort of physical problem. It's a normal thing that most people do, most happy boyfriends, husbands, fathers and even grandfathers. Many men who are loving and respectful of the women in thier lives - also watch porn.
If you don't want to view porn, the best thing for you is to seek out a support group of people who feel like you do. If you want to avoid porn for religious reasons, there are many groups online for religious people to dicuss thier struggles to live in accordance with thier faith when it comes to porn.
If you want to stop viewing porn, and think that will make you happier or healthier, you should absolutely keep on trying. However, you should also stop being so hard on yourself. What you are doing isn't harmful to yourself or others. You are not mentally ill or unstable because you occassionaly watch porn. You are human.
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You are not by any definition of the word addicted; addicted to porn. If you spend 1 hour viewing or reading porn and then can walk away for weeks or months at a time that is not an addiction. An addiction is when you cannot live without something, when must get your daily fix and you spend all your time trying to get that fix or in the case of porn or other things lavishing in the addiction.
I don't have an exact word for your problem but it is something like self-loathing after indulging in some form of porn. Why you may feel that way I really cannot say for certain. Most likely it has to do with upbringing, religious beliefs or both.
Porn does have it's place, if it didn't it would not be a multi billion dollar industry. If you're thinking porn only caters to the degenerates of the world you would be wrong. There is not enough of that class of people to support this industry to where it has grown. Most soft porn and some hardcore porn has become socially acceptable even though it remains somewhat closeted and viewed in secrecy.
Porn is also a relief valve for (young & older) people to masturbate with and relieve sexual tension. In some instances porn is a teaching aide for the young people to learn from. In older people they can indulge in some fantasy through porn before actually indulging themselves.
Porn definitely has its place in society. It is still something most people in polite society are not going to discuss around the water cooler. Though there is a good chance 4 out of 4 people around that water cooler have indulged in some type of porn during the past week and this includes that cute secretary. Have you ever read some of those Romance novels women read. They are more trashy than some of the porn novels men read.
In my view you are not addicted to porn. If you feel porn is a problem and you need help then you should see a psychologist as they are the ones qualified to help you.
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I think you are feeling down about yourself because you feel you are in the grip of some compulsive/addictive behaviour pattern you cannot control? It is not the fact that it is porn I think, any sort of compulsive behaviour pattern will tend to make us feel 'out of control'. There's nothing in your post to tell me whether you are male or female, but the next bit applies either way. Watching an hour or so of porn every few weeks (or especially months) really CANNOT be descibed as an out of control addiction, my friend! And the fact that you do this DOES NOT make you a screwed-up, unstable weirdo who does not deserve a real-life relationship. You will not mess up your partners life with your "dangerous porn addiction". Because you don't really have one. The vast majority of your time is spent NOT watching porn. An hour or so of your life every few months or weeks does not constitute obsession. Possibly once you are focussed on a real-life relationship you will not even watch porn at all. But people in relationships may also occasionally (and you are only an occasional viewer) watch porn. Individually, or as a couple even. Try not to build-up this harmless occasional entertainment into something it really isn't. Using your criteria, there an an AWFUL lot of out-of-control porn addicts out there!!! You're fine.
ps. I like comparative examples. Consider a guy who said he gets together with work colleagues every couple of weeks or months and they go out for the night and he enjoys a few beers. Would you say he was an alcoholic and this addiction was ruining his life? I think not. No reasonable-thinking person would even suggest it.
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