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Currently engaged, and my ex came back in the picture...
I am currently engaged to be married... Happily engaged, if I might add. We're in the middle of planning our wedding next year... While looking at wedding invitations online... My ex, who holds a soft spot to my heart... Calls me. Begging me to come back to him. The last time I heard from him was 8 months ago. He has tore my world apart for 2 years this past October. I'm confused, because although I love my fiance, my heart is being dragged towards my ex. What should I do? Who should I pick?
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
While no one can make the decision for you, it has to be your own, we can surely give you a few things to consider.
You clearly had a back breakup, do you want to risk that happening again?
If your ex really cared that much, why would he wait until now to reach out to you?
You obviously have feelings for your fiance otherwise you would have never gotten this far in the engagement and wedding planning process.
Is this new hesitation about your ex or is it possible that it's just about being unsure of the relationship you are in now?
Just because we may love someone doesn't always mean we are meant to be with them.
You need to take some time to seriously reflect on things and eventually you've find your answer.
Good luck.
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I dont know the issues for why he is an ex so despite the fact you have a soft spot and your heart feels a kind of love for him, perhaps it would help to review the reason's if any, why you broke it off to begin with.
Our hearts are capable of feeling love for many at the same time. the love is different or changes. Think of how true a love we have for siblings, parents, partners, friends. All different kinds of relationships but the love is there.
In your case, since most people are monogamous, you will need to choose, but I know nothing about either guy to give you my opinions.
So I will share what I can in hopes it helps you to think things out. I have found that for many people, it is possible to be in love with and married to one person while having feelings for a past partner. Let me share an example of my own 2nd marriage. My husband is the sort who when he makes a commitment to love someone, realizes you can't turn off that love, you can only change it's importance in your life. Once loved by him, a person whether friend or mate, is considered "Family" to him forever. And so it is with his ex wife. She is an orphan, no family other than him, his dad and their one daughter. She's alone and when a crisis hits such as her dog died in accident, she has no one else to lean on, so she calls. Not all women would be able to stand the fact he cares about and loves her as family and still will speak words like 'honey' to her, but the difference he honestly shares with me is that his marriage with her as he knew it was good but had it's difficulties, things were not perfect and she wasn't the best match for him. With me, I am the kind of person he was looking for when young but lived far away without a chance of meeting me back then. We are a perfect match and he realizes he has gone several steps better than who he had before, even though they parted as friends. He has things with me he never had with her so there is no desire for her as a best friend in the marriage relationship let alone as sexual partner. He knows that would be a few steps backwards for him.
What you need to determine, despite the good feelings of caring for the ex, is whether going back to him would be settling for less. Is the fiancee an improvement in the relationship territory, more perfect for you? Which one is the best friend for you. Which one is the better sexual match. This is a big one. Because the best fit as best friend and sex partner are the foundations of a long term relationship such as marriage. Which one do you feel uncontrollable desire and passion with. Which one takes time to make sure all your needs are met? Which one gives you orgasms. Do you both have libidos at the same level. Its okay if someone has a low libido, meaning they don't require sex as often as someone with a high libido but both should be high or low, a mix of both won't work, cause resentment, unfulfillment and in many cases, people with low libido's turn their sex drive off and those with high ones, cheat outside the marriage or ask for a divorce. So be sure that you are a match sexually. If you feel there is more to share, you may write to my column.
Good luck.
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Ouch!! Ouch! Triple Ouch!
Oh honey,what can I say?
Sweetheart,take a weekend road trip,just by yourself to clear your mind,and decide what your heart wants
You are engaged,and I assume you are happy yes?
First,think about the man you are engaged to.
Does he make you happy? Does he treat you well?
I he fully comitted? Do you see forever with him,plus a family?
Second,think of why you and your ex split in the first place. Was it a fight? Was it mutual? Did he cheat? Were you guys arguing or not getting along? Think about those things.It sounds he left you,forgive me if I am wrong there!
This is a lifelong choice,and honey,I cannot make that choice,and noone can either,only you dear one,you must choose what your heart decides and what it wants.
You must also realize,that someone will get their heart broken. And that will suck very badly on all counts.
Let's just say,you left your fiancee for your ex,do you any guarantee that you wont split up again down the road? How long will it last? What happens if he dumps you? You will end up alone,without any comfort.
If you choose your fiancee,a man who does love you,you will have a life long committment,he loves you!
Your heart needs to make a choice,and personally,you should cut off contact with the ex,I know that sounds harsh.But if he left you,he is liable to do so again.In fact he may only be calling you because he is alone and doesnt want to be alone,and he has noone else,all that is a big possibilty.
Weekend road trip my dear! Take the time out! It is a big desicion!
Also,pray,even if you dont believe,pray that you will make the right choic!e!!
Be blessed dear one!
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