|
Doubting my relationship
Hey everyone. I'm a 17y/o f btw,
So I've been with someone for a little less than two months. He's an amazing guy who speaks both my languages, he loves to read (almost as much as I do), he likes the same type of music, he's just great. He's a perfect gentleman and he agreed to meet my family the second week we were dating.
He's a year older. He's in college and he's working at his college. Still, he takes time off on fridays and has lunch with me. We live about five minutes away from each other, so he can also visit after school.
The problem is that I'm a very independent, cranky girl. I used to get home and go to sleep until the next day. And now I text him when I get home and if I'm going to sleep. I talk to him on the phone pretty much all the time, and we text constantly. He's also the type of guy that if you're mad, he wants to talk it out. I'm not used to talking about my problems or why I'm cranky so I usually end up telling him to mind his own business.
So this has created a lot of stupid arguments. I felt like maybe he was invading my space? So I got defensive over everything and I'd end up hanging up, turning my phone off and going to sleep pissed.
Then I'd wake up and realize that I was being stupid and call him and apologize. And in about three days, it'd happen again.
Honestly, he's everything I wanted in a guy, but sometimes I just feel numb. Sometimes I just want to cut it off before it becomes something serious. I feel like it'd be easier to just break up with him and keep being as I was than to work through whatever issues we may have. Maybe I need more time to get used to it or maybe I'm just being selfish?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
I agree, its good to be independant but as adviceman said, it might be best to focus on why you are describing yourself as cranky. I understand that opposites can attract and it may be more that your personality is being an introvert while he is an extrovert. At your ages, i didn't have any relationship skills yet. It is hard to know how to respond best in a relationship.
One way that has helped me is using my imagination and putting myself in the other persons shoes. So imagine your best girlfriend treating you as you've treated the boyfriend. All of a sudden she's acting cranky and upset, short tempered and cuts off all communication with you without giving you a word of explanation.
Wouldn't you wonder and naturally want to know if it was something you said or did? You would likely try contacting her again and again to try to get some answers. You wouldn't likely turn your back so easily on a long term friendship like that and give up so easily would you?
So in that perspective, I find it normal for him to want to talk it out to find out what is wrong. I don't believe its a matter of him invading your space. You're not even living together, if you can't get to the bottom of what your issues truly are and willing to work on yourself as well as both of you compromising, then there will be no future for your relationship, no matter how great a guy he is and no matter how patient he is now. Patient people may not run of out patience as fast as others, but if an issue was 24/7, eventually they do. I know, I am one. Patient almost forever but I do have my breaking point.
As was suggested, it could be something you're battling that you aren't aware of. Have you always been a cranky personality all your life, even as a little kid? If not, when did it change. How long have you been a person needing their own space? If you've always been like this, you just may not be the right personality type match, and nothing will fix it.
If you've been more like this during your teens years, it could be you've changed more than you realize. While it could be depression, one thing I've read makes lots of sense, that the extra hormones of puberty can put a female on hormone overload which can change a personality totally into a different person, become easily angered, always sad, or very touchy about everything. The hormones being off, too high or too low can be fixed by a Dr. You might want to go in for a check up to check that out.
Talk to mom. Has she noticed your personality changed drastically from before puberty to now? aRE you still on their insurance, and can you go see the Family Dr. to get checked out.
Yes, some people are private people but even so, when a person like that wants to be in a relationship, good communication is very important to having a healthy relationship. Without it the relationship can crumble. If this is your first time dating, of course there will be adjustments you need to make. But if hormones or depression is there, it will make things difficult for you even if you are trying to do your best. If he's special enough that you don't want to lose him, I would go talk to the family Dr. and get a check up. And I would recommend reading books on communication in relationships or in general dating and relationship advice books because there are a lot of helpful hints out there. I have learned over my life to make adjustments myself and change in some areas for the better so I can have more successful relationship. A lot of that had to do with getting what I was feeling within, verbalized on the outside. Making fair boundaries, if down time, alone time, or call it your bubble time is needed, have key phrase agreed upon between you that you can communicate so he knows its nothing he's done, and you need to be by yourself. If you find that you need to be by yourself, more than time being with him, then something is out of balance and an out of balance relationship will have problems and may not last.
]
Is this your first relationship? It might be difficult for you to adjust to this new situation, but if he's as great as you said, it's definitely worth it. Being selfish is ok to some extent. Just remember that it's all about compromising. You need to meet each other half way.
He seems to be really mature if he wants to talk it out with you after a fight. You don't find that in every man...
I hope you guys work it out!
If you ever feel like talking this is my email: sex_n_candy@outlook.com
]
Being independent should never be a problem it is really a good attribute to have. The problem I see is the "cranky girl." Why are you or do you consider yourself a cranky girl? What is it about your daily life or something within you that cause you to be this way?
You're sleepy, your cranky these are two symptoms of clinical depression. Not unusual for teenagers going through puberty. Clinical depression in a teenager is somewhat of a hormonal imbalance caused by puberty as new hormones are released into your system. Dealing with them causes stress and the hormones to deal with stress or either insufficient or not in balance.
I suggest you visit your family doctor and have a complete physical. The doctor will want to do this in any case when you ask to be screened for depression. The screening itself is nothing more than your doctor asking you a number of questions. Based on your answers your doctor can make a diagnosis. The reason for the physical is to rule out any other organic reason for your feeling as you do.
If you do not find out why you are this way now how you feel now will affect you well into your adult life. It will affect your future relationships and even your employment future. It does not have to as the cure is relatively quick and easy.
]
More Questions: |