SexnCandy's advice column

askSexnCandy

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: Please help. I love this girl, and I know "love" is used in many ways, but I just feel it, that once in a life time love. I truly love her! She said she liked me but she needed time to decide. Over the past few months, we've gone on a few I guess you could say dates, but still no answer. Then tonight, after I left her house she left her Instagram on my iPod. I didn't know at the time, so when I opened it up I realized it was her account. She sent a direct to a guy saying " you are my one and only forever" and calls him bae, vise versa. Please help! I love her so much!!! Please...

It sounds like she is dating someone else as well. As you are not in an exclusive relationship with this girl, you are both free to date other people.
And that's OK.

On the other hand, her message ("you are my one and only forever") leads me to believe that she is in a serious relationship with this guy. That's not something you'd say to just anyone. Though I don't know how old you both are, so I can't be sure.

Tell her to be honest with you and ask her if she is seeing someone else. It's really not fair on you if she already has a boyfriend. You have the right to know!

Also, if she lies to you and says she's not seeing anyone else then she's obviously playing with you.
Don't let her lead you on forever.

Q: Hey , um i really fell in love with this girl , and we really wanna get married and have our own life.But there is one problem though , i discovered that she is a atheist :( , and according to my religion ,Islam , Guys cannot marry non Muslims unless they convert , or at least the kids would be Muslims.Islam is not strict or anything but its just a major law that must be followed.i don't know I'm thinking about giving up my religion for her but i would be in deeeeep shit , ill lose my relationship with my mother , sister and friends:(. I tried to make her convert but she just doesnt believe in the existence of god , should i try harder or what.what can i do , i really love her.should i give up my religion ?:(

If she does not believe in your religion then there is no way you can change her mind about it. And even if you did, it would not make you both happy. Just like she can't convince you there is no God, you likely won't be able to convince her there is one.

You have to ask yourself, how important your religion is to you. And also if being with this girl is worth ruining relationships within your family.

Maybe you should talk to your family about this and see if there is another solution to this problem.

Q: Hi, so for a while, I've been noticing this guy (we're in highschool) looking at me, like a lot. like he'll literally stare at me. And whenever I talk to him, he acts different around me and I'm not sure if it's because I piss him off or if it's because he likes me. Anyways, today I told my friends who are good friends with him (because one of them has an older brother who is his bestfriend) that I like him (I have spoken to him before, we've already had conversations) and they told me that he hooks up with people and all which I guess is normal... idk. It sort of hurt when I found out about this because I've never hooked up and I don't want to ever hook up and I really like this guy, so how could I make him only attracted to me? I mean I guess he already likes me face or something since he's always looking at it. How can I be even more conspicuous to him? I want him to only want me, how do I do that?

Unfortunately, there is no magic formula that will make him only attracted to you. He may find you attractive but if you want a relationship with him that is going to take you getting to know each other a little more.

You also have to consider whether this person wants a relationship at all, since he is sleeping around. If what you are looking for is a relationship than you will have to set aside your feelings and determine if he is willing and able to be in a relationship with you.

Q: wen I tried to enjoy the sex with my boy friend he inserted his penis into my vagina but it was not entered completely but only 4inches n bloodcame out due to hymen break n later he tried but not entered more n he said that it wont enter more deep n disappointed n I felt depressed with that thing but later when I tried to finger, my finger entered for only 3 inches and some tng inside stopped me to enter deep n blood oozed all over my finger I was afraid plz tell is there any problem with me am I not eligible for sexlife

You're totally fine! It was your first time so you were nervous and probably very stiff.
Some women bleed a few times after their first time and it can be very hard for him to push through the first time. Especially when your body is stiff.

So when you try again, try to relax. Nothing is wrong with you! Tell him to take it slow and start out with his fingers. Remind him that this is your first time and to be gentle with you. There really is no rush.

Q: 21/f, 28/m

I have been with this guy for 7 months now. I know I must be reading too much into this, but I noticed that he posted on Facebook that a woman older then him, asked him a few questions because he looked so young and was curious as to how he got his job, etc. His friends commented on it saying that he should have asked her out on a date, that she was into him, etc. He liked the comments but said that she was a bit too old and not his type. Which, pretty much made it clear that nobody really knows about me.

I've asked him before if anybody knows that he's seeing me, he said no. He says he's a private person who doesn't talk about himself a lot. A close friend of his knows about me and so does his house mates (my guess is because they see me at their house), but that's about it.

I'm the type of person who tells others if he/she asks if I'm seeing anybody. Which, majority of the time, people do ask. It seems like he's somewhat bothered by it but I don't really understand why.

I know there's a difference between secrecy and privacy, but it makes me curious if he's keeping me a secret and telling other people that he's not seeing anybody when they ask. Am I thinking too much into it or should I just wait for awhile before talking about it with him?

I understand how you feel. You're into this guy and you want the whole world to know. Of course you've already told your friends about him and maybe even your family, changed your relationship status on Facebook etc. Women do that. Most men don't. To a guy it's really not that important to tell people about a relationship, he just doesn't feel the need to tell everyone he knows! That does not mean that he's not committed to you!

These things are actually important and show you how committed he is to you:

- he spends a lot of time with you (not just at home but also in public )

- he's there for you when you need him or at least tries to as much as he can.

- he listens to you. Actually listens to you! Even when your talking about "girly stuff"

Now if that's not the only thing that worries you and he's behaving suspiciously and actually trying to keep you a secret, there's only one way to find out. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Let him take you to a friends party or any kind of gathering where his friends will be and let him introduce you.

And don't worry about Facebook. I could care less if people on Facebook knew my relationship status. He likely feels the same.

Q: 21/f

The guy I am dating and I have already had a conversation about what we liked in bed. We already discussed what we like most, what we can do to make things better, etc. But there is one thing that made me feel a bit awkward. He sometimes looks into my eyes during intercourse. I don't know why it makes me feel uncomfortable, maybe I'm just not used to it? I hear from a lot of people that guys don't usually do that and I have not ran into anybody who actually did that until now.

Is it normal to feel uncomfortable? Is there a way where I can get over the discomfort?

Looking someone directly in the eyes during Sex can be a very intimate experience and that's maybe what's making you feel uncomfortable.
I wouldn't say that guys don't usually do that. In fact I know from own experiences that they do.
It's OK for you to not want to stare at each other during sex. I know people who prefer to close their eyes or just not look at each other directly. Think about what exactly makes you feel uncomfortable. Is it that he's awkwardly staring at you? Or maybe it's that no guy has ever done that before and your not sure what it means? If it doesn't turn you off and you're just not used to this kind of intimacy, you shouldn't let it bother you. In fact you should enjoy it. He obviously enjoys looking at you! So take it as a compliment. He probably likes seeing the expressions on your face when your having Sex, so try to relax and show him how much fun your having.
Good luck !

Q: Hello, 20 year old female. Some of you may judge me hard core right now but please spare me the mom-talks, I already know I messed up. Over Halloween weekend, I was at a party at my college with my friends. I was drunk but I have been drunker before so I wasn't worried about anything that I would do as I know I had control. This kid that I hooked up with last year was at this party and after we started to make out at this party, we walked back to his place. When we got back, we were still making out and he started to finger me. As the night progressed, I remember him putting on a condom, but I cannot for the life of me remember anything that happened after that. However, I do remember his roommates coming back to his apartment so we stopped. Everyone settled in and went to bed and he pulled me into the bathroom for a blowjob. He didn't finish because his friend that was visiting, called him that he didn't know where he was. So, I told him to go out and look for him and I was going to stay back at his place. He came back with his friend, laid down next to me and sighed. He said he was so close to finishing and he was mad he couldn't. We both fell asleep and woke up the next morning and his roommate saw the condom on the floor, I guess he took it off at some point and never threw it away, I don't know. That was when I realized, though, that I didn't remember what happened from the time he put that on to the time his roommates came back. So, I am kinda freaking out that we did have sex and if I don't remember it, anything could have happened. I worry too much about everything all the time but if I don't remember it, it could've been unprotected or anything. The only thing I am certain of is that he didn't finish because he wanted a blowjob after whatever happened when I don't remember. And since guys can only finish once, there's no chance that I could be pregnant, right? I am supposed to get my period today. It's 10:00, I'm never super regular either so I could get it tomorrow or Wednesday, I span from about 26-29 days. I just need someone to put my mind at ease.

If he didn't finish, which I know he didn't because if he did, he would have stopped and he didn't because he asked me for a blowjob, then he didn't finish during whatever happened previously. This happened last weekend, so it's been a little over a week. So, that also can be taken into account that it was a week before my expected period which is when it's the lowest expected time to get pregnant. Someone please just help me out.

Could you maybe ask him or does he not remember either? There are men who can only finish once per night and some who can climax a few times a night.

So the only way you'll know for sure is when you get your period or take a pregnancy test, although it's a little too early to take a test.

You should really think about getting birth control pills!! Using those AND a condom are to best way to prevent a pregnancy and protect you against STD's.
You won't have to worry about getting pregnant when your on the pill, so please take my advice!

I hope it goes well for you.

Q: Hey everyone. I'm a 17y/o f btw,

So I've been with someone for a little less than two months. He's an amazing guy who speaks both my languages, he loves to read (almost as much as I do), he likes the same type of music, he's just great. He's a perfect gentleman and he agreed to meet my family the second week we were dating.

He's a year older. He's in college and he's working at his college. Still, he takes time off on fridays and has lunch with me. We live about five minutes away from each other, so he can also visit after school.

The problem is that I'm a very independent, cranky girl. I used to get home and go to sleep until the next day. And now I text him when I get home and if I'm going to sleep. I talk to him on the phone pretty much all the time, and we text constantly. He's also the type of guy that if you're mad, he wants to talk it out. I'm not used to talking about my problems or why I'm cranky so I usually end up telling him to mind his own business.

So this has created a lot of stupid arguments. I felt like maybe he was invading my space? So I got defensive over everything and I'd end up hanging up, turning my phone off and going to sleep pissed.

Then I'd wake up and realize that I was being stupid and call him and apologize. And in about three days, it'd happen again.

Honestly, he's everything I wanted in a guy, but sometimes I just feel numb. Sometimes I just want to cut it off before it becomes something serious. I feel like it'd be easier to just break up with him and keep being as I was than to work through whatever issues we may have. Maybe I need more time to get used to it or maybe I'm just being selfish?

Is this your first relationship? It might be difficult for you to adjust to this new situation, but if he's as great as you said, it's definitely worth it. Being selfish is ok to some extent. Just remember that it's all about compromising. You need to meet each other half way.
He seems to be really mature if he wants to talk it out with you after a fight. You don't find that in every man...

I hope you guys work it out!

If you ever feel like talking this is my email: sex_n_candy@outlook.com

Q: I'm 15/f and I have applied to several jobs and I finally got a call back from one but I was out at the movies so I need to call them back. I'm nervous about having a job interview as my anxiety is crazy and I get frequent panic attacks.. I need some tips please

This is what I do before a job interview:

Look into the company's history. Remember a few important details. If it's a chain, how many stores in how many countries? What's the company's philosophy?

Think about what your skills/talents and your weaknesses are.

Why do you want to work there? What do you like about the company/store ?

Also, before you go to the interview listen to a song that you like and usually cheers you up.

I hope you get the job! Good luck!

Q: 19,F.
I moved to a new city recently for university and I met a man there. We got on almost instantly and we started texting, calling and seeing each other regularly. He would come to spend time with me after work and I would go and see him after Uni.
this lead me to believe he liked me- calling for 4 hours at a time, texting all day..
I don't mind this and I don't find him annoying- i just don't understand what he wants, as he has a girlfriend that he is supposed to marry but hasn't yet due to family issues or something(i don't know the story well).. at first he referred to us as friends but carried on flirting with me and eventually kissed me. so the second time it happened I told him it would have to stop as it can't be an accident twice, and that i didnt want to develop feelings for him if he is going to go and get married to his girlfriend in the end and I be left with nothing.
he agreed,A week passed and we ended up seeing each other again but this time we slept together and it was absolutely perfect for me i could genuinely be with him as a boyfriend and am starting to develop stronger emotions toward him but i was left feeling confused and frustrated once again. I thought that contact would stop after we slept together and he had 'got what he wanted' but he still speaks to me every day, calls me and invites me out with him. I don't understand this because I would love to just go for it as i really really like him and can see myself being with him but do I really want to risk my emotions when hes got a girlfriend ? someone said he might be using me as a backup incase this planned marriage fails.. but I'm not sure. just cant stand this not knowing any longer- and I don't want to speak to him again about it since i already did !

So he has a girlfriend and still wants to keep seeing you? Did he tell you he was gonna leave her?

Just because he sleeps with you doesn't mean he's serious about you! Most men don't need a strong emotional bond to be physically intimate with someone. I don't know him so I can't really say much about his feelings. Just be aware and don't let him trick you into sleeping with him before you've had a very much needed talk. You don't want to be an affair and neither do you want to be a rebound in case his relationship with this other woman doesn't work out. I understand that you don't want to talk to him about it again, it was probably a very uncomfortable conversation. But you deserve to know what's going on. You shouldn't sleep with him again before you haven't settled this.

I really hope you figure it out and he doesn't break your heart!

If you want to talk about this in private send me an email ( sex_n_candy@outlook.com )

Q: hey, am an 18 years old highschool senior girl, am not confortable with the way i look i mean i know am not ugly and many people told me am beautiful as well but thats not the issue am worried about i am very slim girl. and all my friends are all bigger and curvier than me, they always makes fun of me well they don't mean it in a bad way its just a joke to zem, but it makes me feel bad about my self and the boys as well see me as some skinny girl, so they don't respect me as a girl and i have seen many boys after my friends but not after me ; well i searched on the internet and i found out i need to work out, build muscle,but thats not what i want i don't want to be muscley girl i just want to weight normal, and look normal am just tired of being called the thin and baby face girl always,even 14 years old cousin looks bigger than me i don't really know what to do about it p/s i need help/advice!!

I agree. You are perfect the way you are. There is always someone who you think is more attractive than you and (trust me on this) always someone who thinks your more attractive than them. Being slim is definitely nothing to be ashamed of! There are so many girls out there who would kill to look like you.
Everybody has their own image of a perfect body. So some guys might be more into curvy girls. But there are A LOT OF guys out there who are into slim girls. But what it comes down to in the end is how you see yourself. Nothing makes you more attractive than believing and knowing that you are attractive.

Next time your out with your friends, forget about your insecurities and concentrate on what's going on around you. I'm sure you'll notice that there are many guys out there that are attracted to you!

Feel free to send me a private email if you want (sex_n_candy@outlook.com)

Q: So I'm a twelve year old girl and I'm literally in love with Neil Patrick Harris. It's so wrong because he's 41, gay, married, and has two children but I just can't help it. He makes me happy and even though I may never meet him I still love him. Help me get rid of these feelings!

It doesn't really matter if he's gay and married. Either way he's a celebrity and forever out if your reach (and also waaaay to old for you). We've all had a crush on a celebrity when we were teenagers. But that's all it is. You really don't have to do anything about it. Just remember that what you feel for him is not real. You might find him attractive and nice, but you don't know what he's really like. He might just be a real douche and doesn't let it show on TV and interviews.

Q: I'm really really pissed! This relationship is long distance.
The man I ''Love'' I have to use it loosely,seems to not want to talk to me,and also there's a few other things I just dont like!
First off,he never calls me,we dont talk much!
He spends time going out to party,watching movies,hanging out with friends,going here,going there. And he barely pays any attention to me.
Its breaking my heart more and more and more.I don't know how much longer I can do this baloney!

Second.He is always liking sexy photos of models and women on his Instagram! I'm pretty too.I take sexy shots also.I give him enough attention.
I try my best........I give him all that I can.Im doing the best that I can.But it hurts me. Whedre am I in his life??
Am I some kind of virus that I dont count? What about me?? I should count! I should fucking matter! But I dont. I try to talk to him about him about it.No dice.But hey,I love you honey.I love you baby. Baloney! All of it is just a lie! And I hate him for that!
Here is what I look like.

http://instagram.com/p/u_OoCPSBYp/?modal=true

Am I so darn hideous or watever that Im not worth a phone call?? Hmmm??
Please my heart is breaking.Its become too much for me..........

Being in a long distance relationship is hard enough but it becomes way much harder when only one of you is trying to make it work.
I know exactly how you feel. Sometimes we just don't get the attention that we want and we wonder is something wrong with us? Are we not pretty or hot enough?
Over the years I learned that it has absolutely nothing to do with a girls looks (your very pretty btw). Your looks are not gonna keep a guy from cheating on you and they are not gonna change the way he feels about you and how much time he wants to spend with you. So bottom line is, if this guy likes you and WANTS to talk to you he will call you! Men are very simple and it is that simple.

My advice is, your young and attractive. You could have someone else in your bed in a heartbeat. Let him know that. He better work harder to make you happy.

Good luck.

Q: I swear I see God when I have sex with my current partner - he's the first man to ever make me cum. The problem is he doesn't seem to get off....ever. We've been together twice, the sex has gone on for hours and still no climax for him. I have suggested we bring another woman in (hoping that would help) he says he doesn't care either way, Im not really inclined to force the issue and I don't want to pressure him about it but I feel like maybe I don't please him....what should I do?

This is a tough one. I think communication is key when it comes to relationships AND Sex. Many people are afraid of opening up about their sexual preferences. Maybe he has a fetish that he's not telling you about? You definitely don't need to make it a three some to make it work.

You might wanna try out some things in order to find out what he likes:

- role play
- toys
- light bdsm (let him tie you up or the other way around)

This might even go deeper than that and he has a erectile dysfunction, which I don't think is the case here because you were having Sex for hours and people with this problem usually can't stay erect for very long.

I hope it works out for you. Good Sex can change your life.

Feel free to send me an email if you'd like to discuss this in private: sex_n_candy@outlook.com

Q: I'm 15/f. I have kissed 6 different people before over the course of many years. Um, there's this one guy that I really really like and he likes me a lot too and it's scary because we both went to a party and I got drunk and so did he and some people said we kissed but others said we didn't wnd I don't think we did.. So I'm really nervous for tomorrow because we are hanging out and he said he wanted to kiss me to make it a for sure thing. I'm nervous as hell and my anxiety has been crazy. I need ways to calm myself?

I agree with silly rob. It's totally normal to be nervous, it just shows how much you like him. You already know he likes you too, so don't worry it's going to be fun. Enjoy it!

Also, this is what I do before going on a date:
Take your time to get ready, wear your favorite outfit, maybe try a new hairdo. You'll feel much more confident and relaxed.

Q: I m using cindom but I m getting pregnet how it is

Condoms protect you against STD's, but they are not a 100% safe. They can slip off or break, so the best way to prevent an unwanted pregnancy is to use birth control pills. They are 99,9% safe when taken correctly. They do not protect you against STD's though. Using both is probably the best if you are not in a serious relationship.

Q: I'm 15/f. And I have been masterbating since I was like 14. Although j don't really know what an orgasm feels like for what cumming feels like. I want to experience both of these but I'm not sure how ! After a while of masterbating I get kinda annoyed and bored of it because I cannot orgasm or cum. What's the difference? Also, if your a female, can you give some tips and techniques to making masterbating a lot more enjoyable ? Thanks:)

Every woman is different when it comes to reaching orgasm. Only you can find out what you like and prefer. There are different types of orgasms and different ways to reach it (with or without penetration). A lot of women require stimulation of their clitoris to reach their climax. You might be one of them. Just touch yourself wherever it feels good and take your time.

Also, cumming is having an orgasm, unless you're referring to "squirting" which I don't think you are.

If you have any more questions, feel free to ask :)

Q: (Sorry if this is a repeat question...though it was approved by mods, there seems to have been an issue with this showing up on the main forum).

I used to work with him, and when I moved to a different state it was really difficult. It was like...the world was beautiful in a nostalgic sense, something I once saw but couldn't anymore. The vitality was gone because I couldn't share it with him. Over the years the intensity of those feelings decreased, but they were always there. Sometimes I would dream that I was back there and he was there with me, and I would wake up and the loss was overwhelming.
But as fate would have it (and it truly was a twist of fate), I am back and working with him again. And it's almost like nothing's changed, like those years in between never happened. Except before, I thought my interest was one-sided: we had a very friendly professional relationship, but I didn't think it extended beyond that. Now, he's making what seem to be flimsy excuses to talk to me, he'll offhandedly ask if I'll be at different events around town, he'll ask my opinion on his work, etc. I'm on a short-term contract and he often asks if I'm making plans to stay beyond that end date. I have nothing but the greatest respect for this man, so I never would have tried to push things unless I thought my feelings might be reciprocated. But now...
It's driving me mad, because I know this flirtation under the guise of friendliness is where it will stay unless one of us makes the first move. I won't. I won't because I won't risk losing his respect in case I'm misinterpreting his behavior. And I know him - he won't unless he's sure I'm interested, in no small part because he's "the older man." The age gap is big. And I'm quite sure neither of us is regularly attracted to someone well outside their age range, so this is very new territory.
But this man is my soul mate. What am I saying? I don't even believe in soul mates. But there he is. So how can I subtly let him know I'm interested? I don't want to be too direct too quickly, because I can backtrack more easily out of a subtle approach if it turns out I've misread the situation. Any thoughts?

Make up an excuse to spend some alone time together. Make sure you give him a chance to make the first move. Be subtle but don't make it too difficult for him. You need to do something about this or you'll never find out what could have happened and that's probably worse than being rejected.

Good luck.

Q: 21/f, 28/m

I have been dating this guy for about 7 months. Last night, I asked him where he saw himself in 5 years and what about 10 years. I never really asked him that question because I was afraid of the answer but I knew that I would have to figure out what he wanted anyway.

He said in five years, he'd hopefully be married--not ready for kids yet, retired (go big or go home thought), having his own business, maybe living in another place such as Denver or Austin. He asked me the same question (where I see myself in five years), I didn't answer his question. I changed the subject because in five years, I would be around 26-27 years old.

I didn't tell him, but where I see myself in five years? I want to get married at the age of 26. Not married BY the age of 26, I want to be married at the age of 26. Hopefully, I'd get my career started since I would graduate with my Master's around the age of 23-24.

I knew that he was going to move out of the house he was living in (he had house mates), and was thinking about buying or renting out a house. He was cleaning some stuff out of his room so it'd be easier to move, and I asked him if he figured out what he was going to do. He said that he didn't think it was a smart idea to buy a house right now, he's probably going to stay until the company he works for either fails or becomes more stable.

I'm going to be in the same city for the next four years--going to graduate school and then trying to earn my LPC. I was a bit concerned because he didn't want to break-up, but it seems like he may be aware that we're bound to go our separate ways at some point.

What should I do? Is it better to end it now than later?

First of all, don't put that much pressure on yourself. Getting married is a big step and unless you've already found a guy who you want to spend the rest of your life with, don't start making plans.

You never told him where you see yourself in 5 years. You need to have a talk with him.
Men have a different way of expressing themselves and communicating with each other.
Be as straight forward as possible with him!
No beating around the bush (they don't pick up on that).
Ask him if you both have a future together and what this future will look like.

I hope all goes well for you.

Q: I am a 19yo female from Australia. I have been in a relationships or two years with a guy in the US. We have never met (only Skype video calls and messaging). I want to go and see him, but he fears the fact of me having to leave and come home again.He believes it will ruin things between us. I have tried everything to get his head around the whole idea, but he won't have a piece of it. What should I do? Do I just surprise show up for a month, or do I just stay away? I'm going insane not having him around. Any advice would be amazing. Thank you so much x

Go see him!

You've been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years! That's a very long time without any physical contact. Maybe he's afraid that you won't feel the same about each other when you meet in person? It might be very different than what you imagine it to be..

But you'll never find out if you dont go see him.

Good luck.