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We're going our separate ways. Should we end it now?
21/f, 28/m
I have been dating this guy for about 7 months. Last night, I asked him where he saw himself in 5 years and what about 10 years. I never really asked him that question because I was afraid of the answer but I knew that I would have to figure out what he wanted anyway.
He said in five years, he'd hopefully be married--not ready for kids yet, retired (go big or go home thought), having his own business, maybe living in another place such as Denver or Austin. He asked me the same question (where I see myself in five years), I didn't answer his question. I changed the subject because in five years, I would be around 26-27 years old.
I didn't tell him, but where I see myself in five years? I want to get married at the age of 26. Not married BY the age of 26, I want to be married at the age of 26. Hopefully, I'd get my career started since I would graduate with my Master's around the age of 23-24.
I knew that he was going to move out of the house he was living in (he had house mates), and was thinking about buying or renting out a house. He was cleaning some stuff out of his room so it'd be easier to move, and I asked him if he figured out what he was going to do. He said that he didn't think it was a smart idea to buy a house right now, he's probably going to stay until the company he works for either fails or becomes more stable.
I'm going to be in the same city for the next four years--going to graduate school and then trying to earn my LPC. I was a bit concerned because he didn't want to break-up, but it seems like he may be aware that we're bound to go our separate ways at some point.
What should I do? Is it better to end it now than later?
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I think it's better to end it now if your having doubts and are concerned those are red flags it isn't a good sign that he's aware that you'll go your separate ways at some point he doesn't seem confident with what he told you he seems unsure while you on the other hand don't the truth is you both can say where you see yourselves years from now but the truth is you'll never really know where you'll end up or what the future holds he isn't the only guy out there there's plenty of them plenty of fish in the sea
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My advice is to stay the course. Your 5 year plan, because of your college courses, is more stable than his. While it is better to have a plan then no plan at all, his plan is unstable and fluid dependent on things outside his control. While there is nothing wrong with this type of planning he will need to constantly adjust his plan to meet the circumstances of the changes that affect his plan.
The changes in his plans may affect you and your plans depending on how you see your relationship with him evolving. Is he someone you want to make a life with? Does he see children in his future? At what age does he see himself being ready to be a father? A male can father children well into his geriatric years where as it becomes more cautionary for a women to bear children after age 30.
These are some of the question you want to ask yourself and him before you make any decision to stay or leave this relationship. The other big question of course is do you love him? We cannot answer these questions for you. We can offer advice or give you some direction as which way to go; in the end the decision has to be yours alone.
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First of all, don't put that much pressure on yourself. Getting married is a big step and unless you've already found a guy who you want to spend the rest of your life with, don't start making plans.
You never told him where you see yourself in 5 years. You need to have a talk with him.
Men have a different way of expressing themselves and communicating with each other.
Be as straight forward as possible with him!
No beating around the bush (they don't pick up on that).
Ask him if you both have a future together and what this future will look like.
I hope all goes well for you.
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It's tough. Do you see a future with him?
My impression is that he's fucking delusional. Retired by 33? He better find the cure for cancer or win the lottery by then if he's planning that. It seems like he has ideas, not goals.
Hopefully married, but not ready for kids? Dude, 33 is old. That would make him 51 - 53 when the kid is graduating high school. I'm 30 and my mom is around that age.
Having his own business is a nice idea, but guess what, you don't make money the first couple years of owning a business. You don't start a business and suddenly you're Apple or Microsoft.
It's clear that you have goals. You have your life planned out. He's acting like a teenager in a band thinking he's going to become a rockstar. You need to figure out if he's actually serious about these things he's talking about.
If not, I'd say go your separate ways. You seem like you have your head on straight, you'll meet someone who's a little more down to earth with their future.
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