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Long distance relationship
I am a 19yo female from Australia. I have been in a relationships or two years with a guy in the US. We have never met (only Skype video calls and messaging). I want to go and see him, but he fears the fact of me having to leave and come home again.He believes it will ruin things between us. I have tried everything to get his head around the whole idea, but he won't have a piece of it. What should I do? Do I just surprise show up for a month, or do I just stay away? I'm going insane not having him around. Any advice would be amazing. Thank you so much x
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
You've got a lot of good and lovely answers and I do not wanna add to what has been said.
All I wanna add is to point out a salient point based on my experience as a Nigerian.
Are you sure this guy is for real? How did you conclude he is in US? You may be a future victim of scam cos these yahoo yahoo boys (as we call them here in Nigeria) can really take their time in getting your heart to control your head.
Be cautious and make sure you are dealing with a real American.
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Hi,
This is a difficult one for a number of reasons. I wonder - have you got firm plans to some day be together properly because if not what he is basically saying is all he wants is this 'Skype relationship' to continue as it is indefinitely. If you do have these plans to untimely be / live together then that throws up another issue - planning a life with someone you have never met in real life is risky. Talking on line isn't the same as real life and online only relationships are not the same as real life relationships. I would say that you need to spend real time together to really know if it would work between you in the real world.
Either way - I completely understand your frustration that he won't agree to you going over to visit.
If he seems reluctant to have anything more that talking online then you have to ask yourself why. You have to ask yourself if you really accept his reasons. I'm afraid I don't fully buy the reason he gave, it seems odd to me. If he felt about you as he says and everything he's told you about himself is true and honest etc. Then I can't see why he wouldn't be desperate for you to go. Anyone who was in love would be desperate to see the person and the difficulty of them leaving would not deter them from wanting to meet in my honest opinion. My concern would be that there's more to this.
I think you need to think very carefully indeed. This isn't a long distance relationship where you met in real life where together a while then one moved a way, it's not a long distance relationship where you go see each other whenever you can. You have never met in real life, never touched each other, never spent even a second of time in the real physical world with one another. And now he says he doesn't want you to visit. Even if there is no dishonesty on his part then you still have to ask is this enough for you and is this something that is ultimately going to make you happy.
Maybe have a very serious chat with him and explain how you feel and that you are not sure you can go on with this as it is. Sometimes giving an ultimatum is necessary.
Good luck,
Ashok
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Hopefully I'm wrong but I think you are just an online lover to him. You don't mention his age though if he is anywhere near your age I do not see him going two years without some type of physical contact. A male of 19 with raging hormones needs a sex life. If he truly had feelings for you he would be counting the days until you arrived or until he could get to you.
You Skype so what possibly could be different between you if you see each other in person. The only thing I can think of is your present situation provides him with a fantasy while he has the physical relationship close to home.
My advice find someone at home and forget about him. This relationship will never go further than what it is and just running to him unannounced will only be a waste of money and a traumatic disappointment to you.
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Go see him!
You've been in a relationship with this guy for 2 years! That's a very long time without any physical contact. Maybe he's afraid that you won't feel the same about each other when you meet in person? It might be very different than what you imagine it to be..
But you'll never find out if you dont go see him.
Good luck.
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Well, you have a few choices.
1. Accept the fact that you two live far apart and may not see each other until you're financially stable and continue your Skyping. Can it work? Absolutely. Is it going to be hard? Absolutely. Talking isn't the same as seeing and holding. But if you love each other, you'll find a way eventually.
2. Convince him that seeing each other isn't going to ruin things. You've gone two years without the ability to hold, kiss, cuddle, ect. It's going to be hard to go home after that month, but it will only make you want to continue it more. There's nothing like the touch of the person you love.
3. You're not going to like this one, but this is where you ask yourself: Is it worth it? I mean, if I had a long distance girlfriend in separated by an ocean, I would do everything in my power to make sure I got to see her. I would work a second part-time job to afford a yearly trip. This guy seems to think that seeing each other is going to hurt you? That doesn't seem right. You might have to consider cutting your losses.
Believe me, I've been in love. You feel like this is the person and you'll never find anyone else. It's wrong. You will. Don't hold yourself back. Be happy. Have someone who is willing to hold you. Want to hold you.
Anyways, I'm a straight male and I find Australian men attractive. I'd totally go gay for that accent.
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