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He's a private person but I feel like he's keeping me a secret
21/f, 28/m
I have been with this guy for 7 months now. I know I must be reading too much into this, but I noticed that he posted on Facebook that a woman older then him, asked him a few questions because he looked so young and was curious as to how he got his job, etc. His friends commented on it saying that he should have asked her out on a date, that she was into him, etc. He liked the comments but said that she was a bit too old and not his type. Which, pretty much made it clear that nobody really knows about me.
I've asked him before if anybody knows that he's seeing me, he said no. He says he's a private person who doesn't talk about himself a lot. A close friend of his knows about me and so does his house mates (my guess is because they see me at their house), but that's about it.
I'm the type of person who tells others if he/she asks if I'm seeing anybody. Which, majority of the time, people do ask. It seems like he's somewhat bothered by it but I don't really understand why.
I know there's a difference between secrecy and privacy, but it makes me curious if he's keeping me a secret and telling other people that he's not seeing anybody when they ask. Am I thinking too much into it or should I just wait for awhile before talking about it with him?
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I would confront him about it sooner rather then later by you waiting a while before talking about it with him your wasting time that won't get you anywhere i think he's shady it's shady that he hasn't told anyone about you he's acting like your relationship him dating you is a bad
thing it's almost like he's ashamed him telling you he's a private person is ridiculous that's a excuse i would end it with him it isn't right fair to you you deserve to be treated better and not like a secret you shouldn't be kept hidden that's ridiculous you don't deserve that he should feel be proud to date you and it seems like he isn't find yourself another better guy one that won't treat you the way he is you deserve better
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I understand how you feel. You're into this guy and you want the whole world to know. Of course you've already told your friends about him and maybe even your family, changed your relationship status on Facebook etc. Women do that. Most men don't. To a guy it's really not that important to tell people about a relationship, he just doesn't feel the need to tell everyone he knows! That does not mean that he's not committed to you!
These things are actually important and show you how committed he is to you:
- he spends a lot of time with you (not just at home but also in public )
- he's there for you when you need him or at least tries to as much as he can.
- he listens to you. Actually listens to you! Even when your talking about "girly stuff"
Now if that's not the only thing that worries you and he's behaving suspiciously and actually trying to keep you a secret, there's only one way to find out. Talk to him and tell him how you feel. Let him take you to a friends party or any kind of gathering where his friends will be and let him introduce you.
And don't worry about Facebook. I could care less if people on Facebook knew my relationship status. He likely feels the same.
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You should have a good talk with him, tho if hes not willing to discuss it at the very least, then leave him. Here's some things about common nature and dating I'd like to share to show you how unnatural he is.
Think about something new you got and you were so excited you could hardly wait to tell your friends about it, maybe an outfit, maybe a raise at work. Something special that comes into a persons life, isn't something they keep quiet about and don't share...that goes against human nature. Some people don't get as boisterously excited but they will tell. And what could be more special in someones life than their new boyfriend/girlfriend? Other than the first couple dates where you might not blab to others in case it doesnt come to anything, most people once they've decided to date the person, make a commitment to date, will share it with others.
Now in order for a person to want to date someone, they need first off to be physically attracted to that person. Then you date to find if there are things deeper than skin level that you are attracted to in that person. He is old enough to be at an age where he might be looking for his long term or life partner. So here's a couple possibilities:
1. Either he likes the companionship of females and or the sex but doesn't want to make any real commitment long term, just get benefits without giving anything to her or
2. Or it may be related to his family either expecting him to not marry beneath his place in society, like if they are rich people, blue-bloods, that sort of thing, or he's see parents divorce and the drama of it and is afraid of making the same wrong choice in a partner, therefore he is gun-shy.
So you need to find out if there is some reason why other than his pitiful excuse.
You are young enough to not have had enough different personal examples in your life of how a guy treats you if they are really into you. Maybe he likes you a little, but so far, it doesnt sound like you are a match in how you think and feel on things and I am sure there are other area's too. What about chemistry? With chemistry, it'll feel as if each of you is the best kisser ever, without it, more like kissing a sibling, someone you care about but don't feel romantic towards. Just caring isn't enough for a healthy relationship so look at this area too for possible clues to another problem with this guy.
You are not overthinking this. Your female intuition has brought this to your attention for a reason. You are intelligent enough to realize it may not be a good idea to over react without having all the information. So ask him to talk with you. After 7 mos. there should be some trust there to confide in you. If he can't, thats another thing to put on your list of what you want to avoid in a guy because you are trying to find the kind of person you want to be with and enjoy to be with long term, maybe even marriage, even if that's in the future yet. Just to go run errands, my husband asks me to go with him because he loves to show me off, no matter if I am dressed nicely or jeans and tee, he is proud to have me as his wife and say's he wants other people to see me with him. I think thats what you;re looking for and this guy is not like that. Besides, a person who wants to show off their partner and be seen with them and introduce them to all friends and family is usually someone who has deep feelings for you or has already fallen in love with you. Good luck dear.
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Maybe there is someone else and maybe not. Perhaps he is unsure if you are going to be a steady girlfriend or not. At any rate he's behaving like an ass and the whole "I'm a private person" line is pure and utter BS.
There is some reason why he doesn't want to acknowledge the relationship or you to friends, family whomever and that's not right. Either he's with you and proud of it or he's not. Put your foot down and tell him either he tells people you're together or you're leaving because you aren't wasting time waiting on someone who has no clue what he wants.
He's treating you like a doormat and this behavior isn't right. I think you deserve better and should look for it. I wouldn't want to be with anyone embarrassed, ashamed or whatever else to acknowledge who I am. You shouldn't put up with that kind of shit. He's in the wrong and has serious explaining to do.
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