Member Since: July 3, 2013 Answers: 130 Last Update: October 3, 2016 Visitors: 5807
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Hi!
It seems like every store I go into has bean-bag couches and such along with chairs and the usual, just bags I guess, and I don't get it. Over the long-term do they last longer or are they THAT much more comfortable? I mean I sit in one there, but I am not going to sit there fro two hours like I would at home watching a movie to see what that is like. LOL! Can anyone tell me what they think of BB furniture?
Thank you! (link)
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It's just a really inexpensive way to make seating. The don't last and they aren't terribly comfortable, so you're smart to be suspicious! It's not a new thing, though, they've been in dorm rooms for decades.
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I am a man with a loving woman in my life .why do i have this pain in my tummy when i get horny (link)
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Is it possiw you pulled a groin muscle?
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'm 16 and have my first boyfriend. He is amazing and the exact answer to my prayers to God for a great first love. We have been dating for almost 5 months and we are in love. I have had immature short term relationships with guys, but my current boyfriend is the only guy I have ever been able to picture myself marrying. The only problem is his parents... They control every time we hangout and think up things for him to be busy with whenever we are supposed to hang out. His mom even booked a cruise during my birthday so he wouldn't be able to spend time with me for my birthday; however, on her birthday, she made him not talk to me at all and just pay attention to her. My mother has talked to her and she has admitted to having trouble letting her son go, and she said she would work on it but it has only gotten worse since then. And his father told him he can't tell me he loves me a lot. He has tried to talk to his parents but they get mad at him for questioning them. I just don't understand why his parents restrict him from me so much. I think everyone should get to experience a first love and I feel like my boyfriend isn't getting the full experience and I truly care about him and love him. I would never hurt him and I want him to be happy, and he's told me I make him happy and he wants to marry me one day. Even if we don't get married, he will always have a special place in my heart because he is the first boy I have ever loved. I'm so frustrated and we have been arguing a lot about not seeing each other a lot and I noticed that every fight we have had has been over something his parents have done. I've prayed and prayed about it, but nothing seems to improve. I love this boy so much. I don't know what to do anymore. (link)
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This will not be the answer you want to hear, but instead of praying to change his parents, I'm hoping to help you see it from their side. Do you really think his mom looked up your birthday and booked a cruise to prevent him from spending time with you? It's actually just good sense to control when and how your 16 year old hangs out with his girlfriend. We've all watched enough Teen Mom to know "True Love Waits" pledges are pretty unreliable contraceptive methods and in fact "U.S. states whose residents have more conservative religious beliefs on average tend to have higher rates of teenagers giving birth," according to the journal Reproductive Health. Maybe you think sex isn't a risk for you, but you're already thinking about marriage and true love and I don't think you realize how far down the track you are already.
I know it's tough that you can't see each other as often as you'd like, but his dad may be on to something in toning down the intensity. Reports on long-term relationships have described intense early relationships as being a roadblock to happy marriages later on. http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2009/jan/18/relationships-love. No marriage with jobs, kids, bills, rent, caring for aging parents, etc. can match the pure excitement, romance and feelings that you can have at 16. In some ways, it's not fair to your future husband, even if it's this same boy, to compare the focus you have now to the partnership you'll hope to build then. (And if it's the same boy, don't set yourself up against his mother if you can help it. That's a world of trouble no one needs). You are not ready in any practical sense to get married, so you're really just practicing at living a fantasy by fueling this intense love for this boy. Use this crucial time in your life to set educational goals for yourself and prepare yourself for a marriage where you and your partner can work together.
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Jist of what happened in the past
- I liked his best friend, same college
- We met and even though things got messed up ended up liking each other
- Started dating when he passed out (im still doing my undergrad)
- we have been dating a year. I'm 19 he's 22
- our parents know about us and we have met both sides
- we met in college and then he passed out and started giving exams
- he couldn't clear the exams he gave so his parents got paranoid about him going on the wrong path or getting distracted because of me
- he promised his mom hed clear the last exam for us to prove to her he can do something
- he started working with this ngo in town so we would see each very often
- our friends knew and he even told his best buds that he'd marry me if we continue dating for a while
- we never had any problems even though he is a bit flirtatious with other women he was loyal to me
- Had a few fights because of the guys friends I had but it was all sorted out
A week back since I'm on vacation across the country he texted me saying that his result came out and he didn't clear it so he had to break up to concentrate on his career
He said he still loved me but he had to let this go since we were mad about each other. He said he hoped we got back together but couldn't promise anything for the future and didn't want to give me false hopes.
He said I was the best thing that happened to him. He also said his parents raised him and he needs to make them proud by achieving something in life and hence he needs to give up all the distractions in his life.
Its been a week and he wouldn't answer any of my calls or messages and has completely cut off. He told his friends he called it off and didn't give a reason and he wouldn't reply back to my friends at all.
I don't know what to do. I want him back because I love him even if it involves waiting but I don't know what is going on in his mind. I am also scared out of stupidity hed go any do something really reckless to get over me.
I don't know what to say to him when we meet when I get back but I am willing to do anything to rectify this. Do you have any advice as to why this happened and it could truly get him back? Or am I living in a dream world where fairytales exist and he is truly over me? (link)
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He isn't likely to do anything crazy; he sounds like he's making his decisions from a very rational place. You need to be rational too and stop trying to distract him from his goals. You wouldn't want a partner who couldn't respect himself or didn't have interests outside of you. There's nothing you can do to make him succeed, but you can restrain yourself from derailing him. Show him that you are enough of a teammate and a friend to give him space to pursue his own goals.
You are 19, you have your own goals to set in order. No matter how great the man may be, you need to have your own skills and talents. You have a full life ahead of you that can be used to discover and create and make a name for yourself. What's more, nothing is certain, you need to be sure you can earn a good income and now is the time to build those tools, just like he is doing.
Let him try to prove himself. If he comes back to you, you'll have a better, happier man after this. If for some strange reason he doesn't come back to you, then he's not who you thought he was.
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I'm with this guy names Allah and we haven't been together that long . He recently just graduated and is now going into the military . I'm a senior I'm high school. I've always been against having a partner that's in the military because I know I'm not strong enough to handle that type of relationship. He's made it clear that he wants me to stay with him while he's there and I stayed in the reality of it and said it would be hard and things change and people and feelings change especially because I'm still gonna be in high school and the reality of it was that we wouldn't work and he's the one with the hope of it and he wants me to just try and see what happens and I'm not totally against it because I wanna be with him enough to not lose him but it won't feel like a real relationship to me because he won't be around and he's gonna miss everything that happens with me and I'm not emotionally prepared for losing him and not being around him. I really wanna be with him but I just don't want it to be a waste of my time waiting for him while he's in the military or having a relationship . I'm scared of what's gonna happen and I don't know how I'm supposed to deal with it . In a way I feel like he would be holding me back by asking me to stay with him but it's hard to just give up a relationship you built with that person and I'm not ready to let it go. I didn't plan any of this for myself and it hurts that I have the right guy and I'm just gonna lose him basically with whatever decision I choose (link)
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I'm a Milspouse and I never would have pictured myself as one. Sometimes it's tough, but it's all absolutely worth it because of who my guy is and how great he is at staying connected when we are apart and how I know that he's my ultimate teammate. If you were sure he was the right guy, it wouldn't be a question of your strength, because there wouldn't be anything else that could compare.
Long distance is tough no matter what, and the language you're using--"waste of time" and not "a real relationship" sounds like you've already weighed the possibilities and have decided to let go... But in the process of letting go, you still have to give yourself space to distill the value and lessons you've gained in the relationship the two of you built and then give yourself permission to trust that the right guy will come along later. It would probably be a waste of your time to do long distance when you're not sure.
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So I didn't get very many answers last time so I'm gonna ask this again: I am a 14 year old girl and I have recently made friends with a guy who I thought was really cute and have a crush on. When we talk I can hear him growling. He doesn't open his mouth, it's just like this deep throaty sound coming from his throat. The first time he did it I went "what was that?!" And laughed, thinking that it was a joke but he just says nothing and walked away. I can hear him doing it in class (it's a very quiet sound but I sit right next to him). And it's not me that's causing it, I hear him do it around his friends too. Could it be some kind if habit or tick? His friends never mention it, maybe they know what it is because he only talks about it with close friends? What could this be????
(link)
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Grunting, humming or throat-clearing are common tics that can be associated with factors like: medications, Tourette's, allergies, autism spectrum. Most commonly, though, a vocal tic is just an unexplained and temporary part of an otherwise normal childhood that he will grow out of. (See http://www.kidsgrowth.com/resources/articledetail.cfm?id=172)
His friends have probably just accepted it as something he does. Someone has likely pointed it out to him before, too, which may be why he walked away when you mentioned it... People with tics often feel embarrassed about them. This article has good advice on how to behave toward someone exhibiting a tic: http://www.handsonscotland.co.uk/topics/unusual/tic.html.
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I just got out of high school, but for five years up until almost the end of my senior year, me and this girl Carrie were best friends. We never hung out at each other's houses, we were just best friends at school and almost always had all of our classes together. She had a lot of problems with many old boyfriends since she was very young, and a tough home life. She was basically on her own since she was 13, her parents weren't too supportive. We stopped being friends because she did something to me, and then thought I was talking bad about her which I never would have done. She didn't believe me so I decided I didn't need someone like her in my life. The friendship was basically one sided anyways, she would tell me her problems and I would listen and give advice. I would give her rides everywhere because her parents wouldn't let her have her license. Anywho, after we stopped being friends I was pretty happy, but I would always see her staring at me and I've heard her talking about me multiple times. She hated me. And after this I started to not like her too. We worked in the same place, and she would take every chance to make me do dirty work or just try and take advantage of me. I quit that job because of my own problems at home and continued on with my life. I started talking to a boy, I had been friends with him ever since grade school, but we never talked much until now and realized we had so much in common. We started dating and I then found out that he had dated Carrie years ago before me and her were best friends. I was alright with that, things happen. I know that he is in love with me, and she has had about four boyfriends since him and is currently with someone, so she would have no reason to still talk to him. Well he has always given her rides to school since they live kind of close, not too often though. He started doing it less and less now that we started dating. He never asked what happened between me and her, but I would talk to him crying about what she did to me at school that day. He knows she hates me and that I don't like her. My boyfriend and Carrie both have jobs, and the buildings are near each other. Today I was visiting my boyfriend during his break and we were looking at funny pictures on his phone. A text pops up at the top and it's from Carrie. He seems to ignore it and starts laughing at the funny pictures. I however got instantly sick to my stomach seeing her name on his phone. I got silent. I didn't know that they were talking to each other. I know the message wasn't dirty or anything, but that was only one text, and the point is they are talking to each other. I pretended like nothing was wrong. I drove home crying, because I'm on my period and I'm super emotional. I was thinking if stuff I wish I could have said when I saw that text. "oh aren't you going to respond to her?" "That's weird I didn't know you guys were that close"
Now, I tell him everything. And I feel like he keeps information from me about his past. I am a virgin and I have told him that, but he hasn't told me if he was or not, and that was his only other girlfriend. Me and him have been together for five months. I just don't know what to do, knowing that they talk to each other.
Me and him are always sending funny pictures to each other. When I got home I send him a picture that said "when you see someone else text bae" and there was a series of crying faces, which could be comical, but not to me since I felt that and had been crying. He texted back and said "lol I hate the word bae" I responded "ok sorry." And he hasn't texted back since.
I'm pretty sad, I just need some advice about this. (link)
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I know your first concern is your boyfriend, and I'll get to that, but I want to talk about the friend first. I had a similar situation after high school. My friend was a lot like your Carrie, a taker, needy, dramatic, jumping from guy to guy in problem relationships, misconstruing things that had nothing to do with her as attacks; we fell out. The difference is, we moved to different states, didn't talk for years. I found out recently we live close again, so I reached out to find out if things worked out for her. She grew into a very giving, secure, down-to-earth person. She had all the qualities I cared about when we were best friends, but she also exerted a positive force on those around her now.
I can't guarantee that's the direction Carrie will go, but when my friend and I talked about how we parted ways, I came to understand how much we misunderstood what the other did and who really started it and how much we needlessly hurt each other.
You two were best friends for five years. She wouldn't be so focused on you now if she weren't still hurt about the loss of your friendship. It might make sense to confront her about how her behavior makes you feel uneasy and that you would not be able to feel safe enough around her to be friends when she treats you so poorly; really ask her why she felt you'd talk badly about her, and really allow the insecurity behind her fear to be heard without arguing or negating the truth of how she feels (even if you didn't say the thing she's afraid you said, there may be something that you didn't even really understand that she's been trying to deal with).
There are two good reasons to deal with Carrie as well as your boyfriend: I think you still care about her on some level, and it would be in your interest to work through this because if you're going to each stay in the same area, you'll have these problems over and over with her.
Your boyfriend hates the word bae, and that's fine, because it isn't meant to reject you. In fact, that has nothing to do with you or anything you want or feel because you're NOT telling him everything. You have to express your feelings in a more direct way if you expect to get the outcome you want. The "see someone else" text with sad faces isn't going to convey the fact that you want him not to give her rides or exchange texts. That's a valid request, you're not asking him to be unfriendly, just not to spend time alone together with an ex. It's not about trust, it's just inappropriate and unnecessary, and you're not seeking cozy exes tagging along in your relationship. If he loves you and hears that it's her and you and NOT him, he will get that. If he insists on keeping the relationship with her without a really good reason, then his priority isn't you.
You don't tell him everything about you if you haven't told him you want to know his sexual history. You are not out of line to ask, just be absolutely sure you really want to know. There's no reason for him to volunteer the information when you may not really want to hear the answer. Whatever that may be, let him feel safe to tell you anything. Don't freak out if it's not the answer you were hoping for--that would be unfair because his options would be to either lie or get into a fight. You don't have to Pollyanna pretend everything is peachy, you can tell him you would have wished it were different, but you know you can't change the past, and just reassure him that you accept him and be forthright about what you'd prefer for the future.
You have to know what you really, truly want and then ask for it. If you can't negotiate a respectful solution, you're in the wrong relationship. Good luck!
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We done great together gor 2 yrs. Now im being treated as a child. Cut off fro ALL money. Put down constantly as he thinks im incapable of even talking. Fight fight fight. I dont think i can take another dark path. We decided i would be a stay at home mom. Now im interested in nothing. I just miss my son. I dont rub it in his face. He hurts too. But i would never say hurtful things to him. He NEVER did. Now every time i open my mouth its wrong. How can i make him c im trying and i love him more than ever. (link)
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It sounds like his money restriction is his way of feeling in control of something when he's been so powerless in facing the death of your son.
You have built powerful skills as a stay at home mom, you've had the chance to spend as much time with your wonderful son as you ever could, and the loving patience you used many times with your son will help your teammate turn to you instead of against you in this painful time. You may have to step back, though. The memories in that house may be too overwhelming and your husband's hurt too dark to allow you to heal. For your own sanity, you may want to consider staying with a friend or relative, letting your husband know that you're just trying to process things, but that you're available for him whenever he needs you. If he feels he can choose to turn to you, it may be more empowering for him than for you to try to help him without his asking. Keep reassuring him that you love him, even if you need to protect yourself when he closes himself off to you, that you're still his teammate and will work with him when he's ready. Counseling can help, but it's not magic if he's not letting anyone in. Ask if there's anyone he will open up to and encourage him to talk about his feelings. Of course you should also find someone you can talk to.
You also can use some time apart to allow yourself to begin to be interested in other things again. Your son would want you to continue to live a full life, and you will find ways to use your experience to honor his memory.
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I've been engaged since September of last year. My fiancé's sister just got engaged a month ago. My wedding is in September 2015. Her fiancé wants to have the wedding in May 2015. They have only been dating for 2 years. My fiancé and I have been together for 7 years. We were going to get married this year but I've had a lot of medical complications. I'm upset about that fact they want to get married before us and want to take away our thunder. I think it's rude and disrespectful. His parents originally said they would stand up for us and tell her to wait and now they don't want to. My fiancé and I are getting into fights about this. We are suppose to talk to his sister and fiancé but honestly I'm so upset. Don't know what to do.
Sincerely,
Invisible (link)
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Someone you know well or are related to will be getting married the same year as you regardless of the year you choose, 2015 isn't "your" thunder to steal. By being engaged longer, you will actually have more attention--people will ask you about your plans and how the arrangements are going. No one pays attention to any of this stuff once you're married, so your sister in law will be old news by your wedding day. If she'd waited, lots of polite chit chat at your wedding would be devoted to her future plans, which would actually steal more attention than the other way around.
There's no reason to fight with your fiancé about something he can't change. His sister is presumably an adult and your fiancé can't force her to change her wedding date (nor can you). She's going to be your family, too, as of September, so you know you can't control your family, so you might want to be on the same team--wedding planning is stressful, you have a lot you two could commiserate about. Are you really worried her wedding will be better and yours will pale in comparison? Since it's a different season, it's likely to be different colors and motifs. Even if you'll have the same themes, buy her decorations when she's done, and you'll save so much $$! It's really up to you whether or not you're invisible; you'll be a glowing bride if you show grace under pressure and make your day in September your own.
{{Also, two years is a perfectly reasonable dating span, as is seven. Everyone takes her own path to commitment, it doesn't make sense to compare. If you're worried people will think you're taking too long, if they know about your medical issues, they'll understand. If they don't know, at worst they'll think you like independence and wanted to be sure, you've already got the ring, so don't stress, people will love your wedding.}}
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I am married for 3.5 years. My husband thinks i dont deserve him. I am too inferior too him. He is a doctorate nd i am only a diploma holder. Nd moreover he thinks i am dumb which probably i am. He married me under family pressure nd now asks me to leave him. I come from a very orthodox family ehich doesnt accepts divorced ladies. I love my husband a lot nd dont want to leave him. But he is not happy with me. So i dont know what to do. Please advice. I am 26 years old. (link)
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It doesn't work to beg for respect, begin with a sense of your own worth and expect to be treated in accordance with that high value. If you genuinely want to stay with your husband and feel safe with him, you need to start by not putting yourself down. Don't ever call yourself dumb. Everyone has gaps in knowledge, this is something you can change and improve if you work hard. Think about all the ways you know you are already intelligent and capable of learning, even if you haven't yet achieved the educational goals you're capable of. Once you are convinced of all the skills you've learned and ways you have already solved problems in the past, don't back down in your own belief in yourself. Maybe it's hard to feel confidence in yourself at first; you have to "act as if," which means that you will carry yourself in such a way that the intelligent, capable, and respected woman you want to be (and deep down already are) would carry herself. Set goals for yourself besides pleasing your husband, be motivated to get more educated or to start a business to make yourself proud and self-reliant. Think of a role model, a woman whom no one would speak to the way your husband has spoken to you in the past, and emulate her.
Your husband may treat you with more respect of his own accord once you respect yourself, or if he doesn't, you'll be strong enough to insist on better treatment, or if he is still unkind, strong enough to leave him and make the self-respecting life that you deserve. You may also want to look into what leverage you have in the relationship: property you may be entitled to in the event of a dissolution, how to improve your standing financially if leaving him becomes more attractive to you. It's easier to command respect from a point of strength whenever possible. Many blessings!
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Once I have anal sex and it didn't slipper to my vagina, am I still a virgin? (Stressed) (link)
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If the anal sex was consentual, then you are not a virgin, so far as virginity matters or means anything. An untouched vagina is not a prize that you need to save for last. Having anal sex is as intimate as vaginal sex, in some ways more so. What you've done with the partner is really your first time, so long as it was consentual. That being said, your lack of experience and understanding makes me concerned that you are under 18 and/or your partner coerced you or misled you. If that's the case, and you didn't consent or are legally unable to consent, you didn't lose your virginity; it's possible that you were raped instead. Virginity is not something someone else can take from you without your permission.
You really need to examine what virginity means to you and why you find that status so valuable, more valuable than saving anal sex. Vaginal sex is for most women more pleasurable and more comfortable than anal sex, so you're not doing yourself a favor by making your backdoor the first choice (except in protecting yourself from pregnancy).
I'm sorry you feel stressed. In my opinion, the only value of virginity is taking pressure-free time to allow yourself to figure out what you want, what pleases you, and how to protect yourself now and for the future... and learning to assert yourself before bringing another party--someone you can trust to respect your body and your wishes--into the mix. The good news is, you can take that time for yourself even if you're not a "real virgin." There's nothing a virgin can do that any other woman can't. Don't do anything that you are not enthusiastic about, or anything without protection (guarding emotions and preventing pregnancy & STDs) from this point on, no matter how much your partner wants it. That's the only thing that matters.
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I've been in a relationship with a girl from overseas for almost two years. I'm a 26 y/o guy, and she's 24. She came with me here about a year and a half ago. I treat her well, romance her, buy her roses, bake her cakes, take her out when I have time, tell her that she's beautiful, help her look for work, and a lot with English.
Last year she started acting funny and talking about a guy, and I found out she cheated on me by looking at her phone, and reading her emails (Not saying this was right, just that I did it). I confronted her, but I never really felt she thought what she did was wrong. I promised not to look at her stuff again.
For the half year since then she's been using her phone a ton, and hiding it from me. Lately she has been getting calls and messages from the guy she cheated with on me again, so often that even though she doesn't want me to know, it's inevitable that I would see at some point. She gets pissed off over trivial things, she's stuck to her phone 24/7, we hardly ever have sex anymore, and sometimes I don't feel like she even wants to be here.
So I gave her time, and everything just felt kind of wrong. I broke my promise and checked up on her. She's still cheating on me, and things never really stopped. She tells me she's faithful, nothing has happened, and she loves me, but I know she's lying.
Recently she got offered her dream job in my country, and the contract process is happening fairly quickly. She's staying here on a Partner visa with me, and we live together. If I break up with her, she either has to leave within a month, or become illegal. Apart from that, it will obviously make my life more hellish for that month than it already is living with a person who you know is lying to you with a straight face, while making out with another guy. I know that she is planning to stay with me for the two years it will take for her to gain permanent residence, and then leave me for the guy she is cheating on me with.
In my country, you can only ever sponsor two people to be partners, and if your first partner is granted PR, the length your second one has to wait grows to 5 years, rather than just 2.
I don't know how to handle breaking up with her, and what to say to who, when. I don't want to be taken advantage of, or have my name smeared by this. Breaking up with her before she gets PR will pretty much destroy her whole life as she knows it. She quit her job to come here with me, which is kind of a black spot on her employment history in her home country. I feel angry and upset about what she has done to our relationship, but I'm still battling feelings of love for her, and I don't want to see her broken. I wish everything I know about what's happened could be a lie, but I know it's not, so I have to deal with it.
To complicate things, accepting the job involves costly medical and security checks for her, and may mean we consider moving. I'm at university, and I only just found this out, right before the exam period. I really don't want to think about this before exams, and I definitely don't want to break up with her just before my first exam, so I am putting it off, but I feel so guilty for "supporting" her through the process of getting checks and references for this job that I know will be difficult if not impossible for her to keep.
What would you do?
What should I tell her? The truth? Or that I've fallen out of love, but don't know why? Or that one of her friends told me the truth?
How do I deal with the stress of living together with this oblivious lying girl who tells me she loves me?
What should I do to handle the resistance that I'm likely to have to breaking up with her? She won't want to break up with me, because she wants PR.
Can you tell me some steps and the order in which I might do them?
Any other general advice about the situation that I haven't asked a specific question about is more than welcome.
Thanks in advance.
-Troubled (link)
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I'm sorry you have to deal with this, it sounds like you really care about her and she's been using you. The right thing to do here in my opinion--and in general--is to tell the truth and follow the law. It sounds like your current partner lied not only to you, but also to your country. Since using people for PR almost certainly isn't the purpose behind the immigration program, this might be construed as fraud, depending on the laws of your country. You are considering complications for any potential future partners, but it's possible that you could have complications for yourself if you are helping her fake a partnership.
I think the whole scenario needs a truth cleanse. Tell her what you did and why. If she has anything to say about your snooping, I'd say that you were completely correct in looking at her phone, because she hasn't been trustworthy in the past, so if the relationship were important to her, she would have tried to earn your trust rather than be more sneaky.
Also, the truth makes it harder to resist the breakup. She clearly isn't your true partner in any sense of the word, it would be dishonest to tell your government that you are. I don't know where the other man lives or what his status is, but it would make more sense for her to ask him for help if her relationship with him is so important that she's been unwilling to give it up this long and risk her relationship with you for it.
Best of luck, you don't need this headache right now, but unfortunately, crises can't be scheduled.
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I am a 20 year old university student. My first year I had quite a few friends but a few of them left and the rest of the group just split. I sit in lectures alone and just leave campus early so I don't have to sit by myself. I never had this problem in school, I was actually quite popular, none of my friends from high school go to the university that I go to, and this is really beginning to affect me. I'm not a socially awkward person, I actually hold a conversation really well, the problem is, my campus is so huge that if you speak to a person you're most likely never going to see them again. I am in a four year relationship, and I'm becoming afraid as I realize my need for company is suffocating him. I'm often jealous at the amount of acquaintances that he is. I guess my question is, how do I cope with this situation? How do i begin to feel better about myself? (link)
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I've been there as a transfer student on the other side of the country, and as hard as it is, resist the urge to leave campus early. There are so many opportunities to make friends at school that are actually harder to find later. There is every kind of interest group available, go to an extra lecture or meeting--many have free food, so you won't be eating alone! Think about what kind of people you like and where they'd hang out. I did better at making friends in the gym, language clubs, newspaper, Amnesty, chorus & meditation group than in the giant jobs forum, athletic events, or bar crawls. My best friends in college were from the dining hall and photography lab. Make it a game, strike up conversations with 10 strangers every day and see how many are named George or take a survey of what toothpaste people use, ask for a simple favor or piece of advice on something. Just have any excuse to connect, especially in class--you're stuck there, try to make friends. You'll absolutely find yourself immersed in new friends soon.
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18/f
I want to stay the night this weekend at my boyfriends house.
My boyfriend has commented recently that I never go to his place (20 mins by train) but he always makes the effort to come to mine.
We've never stayed over at each others homes before. We've been dating for 7 months.
My mum is pretty strict. Whenever I even suggest that my boyfriend wants me to come to his house just for the day, she'll say "Well I'd prefer it if she came here for the day"
But I can't allow this anymore because it's making my boyfriend upset and his family think I don't like them.
How do I encourage my mum to let me stay over at his house? I mean his parents will be there, I'll bring a sleeping bag, I know I'll be safe but she is highly overprotective! (link)
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You know you're an adult and could do it if you truly wanted. The reasons you gave for wanting to sleep over were that your boyfriend is upset and his family thinks you don't like them (which honestly sounds questionable, because I can't imagine parents who would say, "I'm offended because my son's teenage girlfriend isn't sleeping over yet." I really don't believe they feel that way.) And on the other hand, you're using your mom as an excuse to turn down an invitation, which is fine. But aside from what your boyfriend wants, what his parents think, and what your mom says, get really clear about what YOU really want.
Your mom cares about you and has been around longer than you have, so it might be wise to talk with her about what's worrying her. It is likely sex. Even though you're an adult, it takes a lot of growing up through adulthood to really know what you want in a sexual encounter and, more importantly, to be able to express your preferences to someone you really like & love when they don't match perfectly. I'm really glad my mom talked to me about how to take the time to check in on what my body & soul felt before getting pushed too far, to know whether I was doing things for me or to please someone else, and to say no to things I didn't want without being afraid of making the other person feel rejected or being worried I would lose my crush's affection.
I completely understand wanting to get your mom's approval, because she wants what's best for you and you want her to trust you. But to show her that you can be ready to take care of your happiness in a vulnerable situation, you need to be in tune with your inner voice, be brave enough to speak up to her about what you do and don't want, and not require any one else's approval for your adult choices.
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I’m 23/female.
I mostly have experience in babysitting children and watching the elderly. I figured I need more experience and volunteered at a local YMCA for 6 months. I helped in the front desk, cleaned, laundry, and daycare. I was friendly to everyone so I have good references.
I have a lot of time in my hands. I took my college summer semester off to look for a job and get some money. I have applied to all of the fast food places in town, which are a lot. I also applied to small and large stores. I applied to different temp agencies. I even went to job fairs.
No one called me back. When they do they would say there are no openings or I’m just not what they’re looking for.
I finally found a job, working part-time at a daycare center but it’s on call. I don’t like that there is no solid schedule and I always have to wait for them to call me. It’s not an ideal schedule because I don’t know when they are going to call me. It is making it difficult for me to make plans for anything. Also, they barely call me. I just started 3 weeks ago and only worked 4 days.
My brother thinks I should join national guard or army, but I don’t have the body or drive for that.
What should I do?
(link)
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Summer is a great time to babysit or nanny. Look for someone who needs help with childcare, church vacation bible school groups, summer tutoring programs, etc.
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So I am a 19 year old girl from Europe who moved to LA last June.
I met a guy the first week I came here and eventually we started dating. He's 23 from around LA and unfortunately in a gang.
Just so we're clear, I am not one of those girls who looks for danger and would intentionally date a gang member. It just happened.
I just recently told my parents I've been seeing someone for a little over a year and that I'm in love. They don't know anything about him, just his name.
The thing is, I know how they would react if I told them what he does. I know how every parent would react..
He's really a great guy and never put me in danger
So basically I'm just looking for advice on how to tell my parents about him. Or should I not mention some things ? (link)
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If he's a really great guy he wouldn't be in a criminal lifestyle that increases murders, drug abuse, sex trafficking, hate and violence of every kind in his community. You say he never put you in danger yet, but the longer he's in, the more likely he will. Even if you're not killed or injured, you could be found guilty of something akin to aiding and abetting criminal activity. (Watch Orange is the New Black for how that turns out).
Be realistic. What could he possibly offer over nice guys who work in industries that serve their communities, advance civilization and improve people's lives? You think lawful, honest-working men can't be romantic and poetic and good in bed? Every woman I know is thankful she didn't stay with her bf at 19 and realized how idiotic they sounded when they made excuses for jerks like "but we looooove each other," this love is a chemical feeling and not a true foundation you want to build your life, plans, hopes, and your own strength of character upon. End it now so your parents don't have to find out about your relationship through a police report.
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Hello i am shivani a student my chemistry teacheralways gibes a smile towords me & he touched my hand 3times accidentally he look at me for long time while teaching
And sometime he ignore me is he flirting with me or i thinl much more (link)
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The role of a teacher, especially in grade/high school, should always have a respectful distance. His job is to have influence over his students and if you are imagining he is using that role for sex, you need to behave in a way that makes the distance clearer to you both. I have seen a lot of student-teacher misconduct and it never ends well. He would lose his job. If you have a crush, realize that it's notmal, but cultivate friendships your own age, don't read too much into it and focus on learning chemistry during class.
If things keep happening, then he is harassing you, not flirting. The difference between your and his experience and influence is too unequal to be appropriate. He grades you for an institution that has an obligation to be fair and objective, and treating a classroom like his harem isn't treating pupils fairly or giving them the chance to learn in a professional, respectful environment. If he keeps touching you, pull your hand away and make it clear that's not his place, because it's not appropriate for him to use his position to touch students.
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I don't feel physically attraced to my boyfriend anymore. But I do love him very much. I connect with him on an emotional level. He's like my best friend, I'm really happy to be around him, he generally makes me very happy and I also get butterflies when I see him. I don't want to leave him, because I love him!
I never thought that he was the hottest guy in the world but he does have things that I like. (longish hair, he has a nice face.)
The problem is that he doesn't take care of himself that much. He often has dirty fingernails and I don't like him touching me with them. He also has horribe acne on his back. (which I know isn't his fault but instead of doing something about it, he keeps scratching)So whenever he takes his shirt off, I get a little grossed out just because it looks really horrible sometimes. He doesn't shave very often and whenever he kisses me it hurts because of his beard. And he also doesn't brush his teeth every day which also makes me not want to kiss him. His feet often smell, his mouth gets dirty after he eats etc. He's also extremely skinny, which makes me feel kind of .. fat. Like I am able to crush him any time if I'm not careful. (Which also obviously doesn't turn me on.) I never want sex, I dread it. I also don't want to kiss him and cuddling hurts because he's so skinny. He also seems very needy at times. Like I seriously feel like his mom sometimes. If he doesn't have a stomachache, he has a headache, if he doesn't have that, then it's something else bothering him. I do like taking care of him but not all the time. I've tried talking to him about it before but I'm not sure if he understood how much this is affecting our relationship. I do think that I can be attracted to him again, if we work on these things. But how can I tell him properly without hurting his feelings too much? (link)
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He probably really does have a stomach ache and headache all the time from not taking care of himself. There's a concept in behavioral research called the "keystone habit," where once you see yourself as a person who does x (insert responsible self-respecting habit) you can see yourself as a responsible, self-respecting person and other good habits fall into place. If you want to salvage the relationship, I would start with brushing the teeth. If you don't live together, make sure there's an extra toothbrush wherever you meet, say you want to brush your own teeth so your breath doesn't smell, put the paste on the brush he'll use, too, and brush your teeth together. I know you don't want to mother him, the idea is that once he associates the brushed teeth with the make out habit he will start caring about hygiene and take over from there.
Tell him how fragile the vag flora (totally true) is and that you don't want to introduce foreign bacteria in your hoo-ha and have him cut his fingernails and wash his hands. This habit is only one you'd have to bring up every two weeks most likely and he may start picking up that he wants to take care of his hands because they're touching you.
Shower together and bring acne-fighting soap; you have no idea how powerful this can be as both a habit you want to instill and a reward in itself. I was the one who didn't shower enough in our relationship because I was a bit of a hippie, and my husband got a nice loofa and soap and used it on me in foreplay and then I wanted to shower more to have that smell and pleasant memory.
You might just ask him to plan a special dress-up date to get him to groom himself and make a big deal about how handsome it makes him look.
It's also always great to do physical activities for dates so his body can work those muscles a little bit and you'll both be healthier: going on walks or biking or dancing, whatever. He sounds like a nice guy, and it doesn't sound like it would take much to get you in a good place together. All these habits can be learned, and working on them together will prevent hurt feelings and could go a long way to rekindling the romantic feelings for you also.
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My husband is in the military and after 13 years he is separating due to medical reasons. He wants to move back to our hometown to be near both of our families, primarily his mother and aunt. Well, I am hesitate. I didn't have the best childhood due to both of my parents being alcoholics. They both still drink heavily and can get violent and emotional when doing so. My oldest brother still lives in the area and drinks excessively as well. To top it off, my sister-in-law and her husband live about an hour away and love to drink and party and are somewhat open swingers. Their sexually active 15 year old daughter is free to do as she pleases and their 12 year old son is often left on his own. While I respect my husband for wanting to be near his mother and his disabled aunt, I am having a hard time dealing with the fact of being near the rest of our family. While it would be nice to be near family, this is not the situation I have envisioned. I don't want our children thinking drinking excessively and having multiple partners is okay. Should I accept the fact we are moving back and deal with the situation as it comes or continue trying to talk my husband into moving somewhere else? (link)
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I can see why you want to protect your kids from negative influences in your family. If you do decide to move back to your hometown, however, one comforting thought is that kids are really more perceptive than you think. Just because they see someone behaving drunkenly or being nonmonogamous doesn't mean they will assume that that's the right way to behave for them. They will likely run into people like that eventually on their own, but your having the chance to be beside them to talk to them about your values makes it a guided learning experience rather than just being thrust into "the world" with no knowledge of what's out there.
If it's too much for you to be around, remember it's amazing how much easier it gets to avoid family members as you get older and have a family. Get the kids involved in things outside the house, activities and events where even if relatives would show up, they wouldn't show up drunk. If your family takes offense that you're spending more time with your husband's family, it might be possible to gently explain what influences you do and don't want around your kids, and they may find it worth sacrificing a few drinks to respect your wishes and see the kids.
Good luck!
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21/f
I'm dating a guy who tends to turn tables on me. For example, whenever he acts "off" or awkward and whenever I confront him about it, he tends to redirect the conversation, "turns the table" on me and says that I'm being weird. So, all the sudden I am the focus of the conversation.
I've told him if I do anything that upsets him or if something is bothering him, to let me know and to be direct and straight forward because I don't like playing the "guessing game." We're not in a complete relationship maybe that's why he doesn't feel like he has the right to tell me something is bothering him?
But I don't know what to do or how to handle the tables being turned on me since he's pretty good at it. He's good at beating around the bush.
Help? (link)
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I think directness could make it possible to communicate despite his non-sequiturs.
You could respond that you're happy to discuss your behaviors next and how to improve them, but unless that is the reason for his discomfort (in which case you'd like a more specific explanation of what is weird to him), his isn't really a relevant response to the issue you brought up and you'd like to have your concerns answered since you raised those first. It sounds like a really frustrating situation, but if you can learn to gently press on in calm, factual communication in the face of illogic, you'll have a skill that will serve you well in many future encounters.
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