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Boyfriend's parents
'm 16 and have my first boyfriend. He is amazing and the exact answer to my prayers to God for a great first love. We have been dating for almost 5 months and we are in love. I have had immature short term relationships with guys, but my current boyfriend is the only guy I have ever been able to picture myself marrying. The only problem is his parents... They control every time we hangout and think up things for him to be busy with whenever we are supposed to hang out. His mom even booked a cruise during my birthday so he wouldn't be able to spend time with me for my birthday; however, on her birthday, she made him not talk to me at all and just pay attention to her. My mother has talked to her and she has admitted to having trouble letting her son go, and she said she would work on it but it has only gotten worse since then. And his father told him he can't tell me he loves me a lot. He has tried to talk to his parents but they get mad at him for questioning them. I just don't understand why his parents restrict him from me so much. I think everyone should get to experience a first love and I feel like my boyfriend isn't getting the full experience and I truly care about him and love him. I would never hurt him and I want him to be happy, and he's told me I make him happy and he wants to marry me one day. Even if we don't get married, he will always have a special place in my heart because he is the first boy I have ever loved. I'm so frustrated and we have been arguing a lot about not seeing each other a lot and I noticed that every fight we have had has been over something his parents have done. I've prayed and prayed about it, but nothing seems to improve. I love this boy so much. I don't know what to do anymore.
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This will not be the answer you want to hear, but instead of praying to change his parents, I'm hoping to help you see it from their side. Do you really think his mom looked up your birthday and booked a cruise to prevent him from spending time with you? It's actually just good sense to control when and how your 16 year old hangs out with his girlfriend. We've all watched enough Teen Mom to know "True Love Waits" pledges are pretty unreliable contraceptive methods and in fact "U.S. states whose residents have more conservative religious beliefs on average tend to have higher rates of teenagers giving birth," according to the journal Reproductive Health. Maybe you think sex isn't a risk for you, but you're already thinking about marriage and true love and I don't think you realize how far down the track you are already.
I know it's tough that you can't see each other as often as you'd like, but his dad may be on to something in toning down the intensity. Reports on long-term relationships have described intense early relationships as being a roadblock to happy marriages later on. [Link](Mouse over link to see full location). No marriage with jobs, kids, bills, rent, caring for aging parents, etc. can match the pure excitement, romance and feelings that you can have at 16. In some ways, it's not fair to your future husband, even if it's this same boy, to compare the focus you have now to the partnership you'll hope to build then. (And if it's the same boy, don't set yourself up against his mother if you can help it. That's a world of trouble no one needs). You are not ready in any practical sense to get married, so you're really just practicing at living a fantasy by fueling this intense love for this boy. Use this crucial time in your life to set educational goals for yourself and prepare yourself for a marriage where you and your partner can work together.
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Sounds like both families are church going? It may be that his parents are just more strict about dating in a Christian family than yours are. Yes, they are having trouble it sounds like with giving their teen more responsibility and decision making over his life. They need to relax that control. In 2 yrs he'll be considered an adult and able to make his own decisions. If they continue to clip his wings so to speak, he won't be able to start taking on adult responsiblitys in 2 yrs.
what you are going to want is a guy who is able to love and respect his parents but not allow them to control him and sometimes in worst case scenerio, it means cutting off contact and no visits and perhaps moving far from them and making any decisions just with his girlfriend/wife. If a guy can not let go of his parents running his life and take back control in the future, then he is not a good option for marriage as the in laws will be running your life too through your tie to him in marriage.
You are at an age where really long term relationships are not the norm. And in my opinion they shouldn't be yet. There are years of learning left to experience as far as relationships go, discovering what you do and dont like about a guy and always trying to make an improvement with the next based on what things you didnt like about the last. You rob yourself of a learning experience by hanging around waiting for things to get better. I'd say, wait around for now, do your best to not get too worked up, and see what he is like in a few years time. I guarantee his parents won't have changed but hopefully for your sake he will have changed.
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