|
married 28 yrs. 2 years we lost our 23 yr old son to renal failure.
We done great together gor 2 yrs. Now im being treated as a child. Cut off fro ALL money. Put down constantly as he thinks im incapable of even talking. Fight fight fight. I dont think i can take another dark path. We decided i would be a stay at home mom. Now im interested in nothing. I just miss my son. I dont rub it in his face. He hurts too. But i would never say hurtful things to him. He NEVER did. Now every time i open my mouth its wrong. How can i make him c im trying and i love him more than ever.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Abusive Relationships?
Sound like your husband is cheating on you. Woman for heaven sake realize you are a beautiful human being, you are a queen, get yourself together, stop trying to live for your pathetic man you call as your husband, he is a sad excuse of a man, stop trying to prove how you feel for him, the death of your son was suppose to draw you both closer,but he is acting like an ass, The best thing and the best way to hurt him, is leave, get a divorce and get on with your life. You dont need his money, contact legal aid and tell them you want to get a divorce you dont have anymoney, they can probably allow you to file for a divorce with little money. Also if you got access to a computer go online to [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) on their site Goodwill have classes you can take for free, Goodwill even have a good program that can help you prepare for a jpb. Better yet,go to Google look up Allison Course, the classes are free, I recieved a certification through their program you only have to pay for your certificate once you complete your studies, your husband dont have know about your plans, let him keep thinking you all the things he think you are, make him eat all those words simpily by making him look like the smaller person. You hold the key to you destiny, start avting like you dont see him,start fixing your hair,start wearing makeup get a new hair color, the main thing to do is pray, Tell God whats going on in your marriage alkow him the Almighty heavenly Father take chsrge of your life. Everyday when your husband not around open the book to psalms 23 revite it. My grandma say sprinkling salt on the floor , and wearing red peppers in your shoes will keep problems far away for you. Everyday say things like Lord Bring me peace, Lord restore my life, Lord bless me with a job, lord bless me with a job, Say these things over and over again. Watch what will happen, Because God dont like ugly.
]
It sounds like his money restriction is his way of feeling in control of something when he's been so powerless in facing the death of your son.
You have built powerful skills as a stay at home mom, you've had the chance to spend as much time with your wonderful son as you ever could, and the loving patience you used many times with your son will help your teammate turn to you instead of against you in this painful time. You may have to step back, though. The memories in that house may be too overwhelming and your husband's hurt too dark to allow you to heal. For your own sanity, you may want to consider staying with a friend or relative, letting your husband know that you're just trying to process things, but that you're available for him whenever he needs you. If he feels he can choose to turn to you, it may be more empowering for him than for you to try to help him without his asking. Keep reassuring him that you love him, even if you need to protect yourself when he closes himself off to you, that you're still his teammate and will work with him when he's ready. Counseling can help, but it's not magic if he's not letting anyone in. Ask if there's anyone he will open up to and encourage him to talk about his feelings. Of course you should also find someone you can talk to.
You also can use some time apart to allow yourself to begin to be interested in other things again. Your son would want you to continue to live a full life, and you will find ways to use your experience to honor his memory.
]
I am so sorry to hear this. Grief will do a lot of strange things to a person, especially if a person doesn't process properly through all the stages of grief and gets stuck at one point along the way. When that happens, it will affect a person's life in very negative ways, if married, will affect that marriage in negative ways.
Take a good look back. If before the loss of your son, the husband treated you like a Queen, then its the grief likely thats caused this and both of you may want to consider seeing a grief counselor and get help to process through. If you ignore this, it will only continue and not get any better.
If the husband treated you okay most the time but there were hints of this kind of behavior in a milder form, then perhaps the death of the son brought what lurked inside him fully to the surface... I am just guessing.
If he's always been like this, but you did great for 2 years after the loss, it may have been that both of you needed something/someone to cling to just to get through during the grieving process, but now he's back to his normal inconsiderate, unloving self. Remember, I am not saying his is that...just supposing. Any woman with a man that treats her like that, I will advise to have the couple go for marriage and relationship counseling if you want to save the marriage. If he isn't cooperative and won't go, then either you decide to put up with this behavior or decide to leave, no matter how much you still love him. How can one leave so easily? If a mate is not willing to change there is no one who can say or do anything to make them change. Change comes from the inside, an internal desire to change, not from outside influences. So he has to be willing and counseling is needed no matter if its for grief or marriage counseling. If he won't listen to you to go in to counseling, talk to family, swallow your pride (if you haven't told anyone) and let them know whats really going on so they can help support you. Perhaps he'd be more willing to listen to a family member who encourages him to go, like a parent, a brother, best friend. I'll be praying for you dear.
]
More Questions: |