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Razhie. Advicenators Member Since: June 13, 2005. Answers: 5077. Visitors: 211514.
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The Question
Well right now I am fairly new and inexperienced with sex. But I have this situation where I go limp whenever I apply a condom. This has happened twice with the girl i'm with and it has been frustrating and embarassing for me. I have been practicing on how to put the condom on with ease and less focus from the sensation but I still can not keep the erection with it on. It's able to get right back up once I'm stimulated again, but when the condom comes i lose the moment. So I was wondering if using Libido max is safe and will help me with my situation?
The Answer
Probably not.
I mean - it's probably safe - it probably doesn't 'do' anything at all.
Most sex 'supplements' rely on the placebo effect - they seem effective only because they people taking them really, really believe them to be.
Libido max is a "Male Enhancement Supplement" and pretty much anything that call's itself 'male enhancement' is a crock of shit. Sildenafil (which is the active ingredient in Viagra) cannot be sold as a 'supplement' in the states, so the thing that has been scientifically proven to work, isn't in that supplement.
Besides that, your 'libido' is not your problem. You desire for sex is there. When doctors talk about libido the mostly mean the basic desire to have sex, and the ability to get aroused at all. Remaining hard is a rather separate physiological issue, not an issue of lack of desire.
The most common advice given to men who struggle maintain an erection when the condom is introduced, is to masturbate with one on. A lot of sexual response is habit and expectation. If you bring condoms into your masturbation habit, you can help to alter your expectations of using one.
You might also try having your partner put it on, or have her continue to offer some sort of stimulation while you are putting it on... and of course there is always the options of exploring different types or brands condoms.
So, I'm just a girl, maybe the gentlemen here can give you some better advice, but I've also got to throw out there that this isn't really that much of a problem from my perspective. Certainly nothing to be embarrassed about! Especially if you are relatively new to using condoms. It might even be a problem that fades as you gain experience, although even if doesn't, it's a far, far cry from the end of the world. You'll find fun and inventive ways to manage.
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The Question
I did not read it but my English teacher who was gushing about it and how excited he was for the movie said it was much better than youth targeted books today like those two and also I have read that the reason the movie is not doing good is because Lions Gate films targeted their marketing towards the Twilight/Hunger Games type audiences but they were not the right audiences to market it towards
The Answer
You could certainly compare Ender's Game to The Hunger Games - although not so much to Twilight. Ender's Game is much more in the vein of a traditional syfy series, not a 'youth' series.
I don't think Ender's Game is 'better than youth targeted books today'. It's certainly one of the better books of it's era, and tops out a bunch of 'best of' lists, so it's not really fair to compare it to any mediocre books of the era we are currently in. Although I really enjoyed Ender's Game when I first read it, the other books in the series have ranged from preachy to just plain weird. If you asked my honest opinion, although I'm probably about the same age as your English teacher, I'd say over all I enjoyed the Hunger Games as a series much more.
As for the movie, I think there are few reasons it's not doing to well. The first is simply that its getting luke-warm reviews. The critics don't like it much. That doesn't have too much to do with the way it's pitched or marketed, it's just not an excellent movie.
There certainly may be some confusion around how to market it, because like I said before, it's really not a youth novel. It's classic science fiction, and it wasn't written to be adapted to film. Most of the action is internal, emotional and intellectual.
The other reason it might not be doing so great, is that many people are boycotting the movie. The man who wrote the Ender's series is Orson Scott Card, and he's a bigot who has said very hateful things about homosexuals, and who has been a leader in organizations that think homosexuality should be criminal. A lot of people are going to stay away from the movie for that reason.
If you are curious, you should pick up the book and read it. It's a longish book I think, but not a difficult read, and if you like it there are like 10 other books that take place in the same world (although they don't all follow Ender). I'd skip the movie tho.
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The Question
My boyfriend and I are a relatively happy couple, we have been together 2 years and live together with a child from his previous relationship. When we first started dating he always acted to raunchy and had cravings towards me. I remember when I could make him drip beads of sweat. I know that after a while the lust level does go down. But I feel as if we still have a lot of sex. He never really talks about it with me or tells me he is craving it anymore. This morning he told me he feels his sex drive isn't really there anymore and it made me feel like I am not enough or attractive enough to keep him excited. We do a lot of fun kinky things to mix it up and keep it interesting but I feel sometimes that he might now be satisfied with just me. Is there any special way to rekindle some magic and lust? Or boost his sex drive? I feel so inadequate but I love him dearly..
The Answer
You need to stop making this all about you.
Did he tell you why he felt his sex drive was lower? There are lots of possible reasons, including stress and illness.
Did he tell you he's unhappy with the situation? Or did he let you know his sex drive was lower to explain to you that he was quite content with your sex life, even tho you were having less sex than before.
Are YOU unhappy with the situation? Do you want to be having more sex, or do you just feel like he 'must' want more and are worried about pleasing him?
You jumping to the conclusion that 'you aren't enough for him' is destructive and frankly, insulting to him! You owe it to him to have a lot more honest talking about what you both want before you panic, and start scheming and stressing.
TALK TO HIM FIRST. Honestly, and share your own preferences as well. Sex is not all about what the girl can do for the guy. It's part of the bond you share. So talk it out before you start spinning your wheels trying to 'solve' problems you assume are there.
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The Question
Okay so I live with 2 other girls (Mandy and Sam). We live in Kansas so it's starting to get pretty cold. Well Sam and I have turned the heat up a little (70) because the house gets cold so quickly. However, Mandy keeps turning it down to 65 and it is freeeeeezing. She doesn't turn it down because it feels more comfortable to her that way, she turns it down because she "can't afford a higher gas bill."
I understand not being able to pay for things. I can't afford to eat out every night. I can't afford a new car or a $600 handbag. However I DO work a lot of hours so that I CAN afford things I need, like rent, utilities, school, and HEAT. I would consider that I priority. I mean if I'm paying for a house, I'd at least like to be comfortable in it.
Mandy has a job as well, but she doesn't put in very many hours and the money she does have goes toward clothes and other things that she is definitely not needing right now. How do I explain to her how ridiculous is to freeze our butts off instead of spending a few extra dollars??
The Answer
I don't normally recommend this, but I think you need to stop focusing on making her understand your point of view, and simply explain to her that she must respect it, or move out.
In Kansas, if your landlord had control of your thermostat, they would be legally required to maintain the temperature AT LEAST 68 degrees throughout the winter. Most employers are required to maintain 70 degrees in indoor offices.
It's just not reasonable to leave the heat at 65. You'll get overtired and make yourselves sick as your bodies spent extra energy trying to stay warm. If she can't understand those basic facts - thats fine. She simply needs to respect it. Or she needs to be asked to leave.
This is deal breaker.
Sure, you could suggest splitting the utility bills differently through the winter, but I wouldn't do that. Doing that suggests she has a reasonable disagreement with you two, and she doesn't have a reasonable disagreement.
You might also point out to her that if you and Sam go out and buy space heaters to maintain a basic level of comfort in your own rooms, that will actually cost far, far more on the bill than the running the central heat at a reasonable (ie, legal minimum) temperature.
Honestly, I'd get together with Sam and just present a united front. Rarely is there a case where one person is simply wrong, but this is one of those cases. She's going to have to learn that this is not acceptable behaviour when living with others.
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The Question
I find this a very interesting topic, because most people willing to thrust their opinion down my through has never even tried it.
I'm a very level guy, totally willing and able to understand most of what people to to each other, but once in a while, and it take persistence and perseverance, someone gets just a little bit too close too... doing what ever they want and when ever they want it.
I do not intent to ruin their lives, but I intend to show them who precisely they are dealing with.
Why is everybody telling me NO.
They say it always backfires, it's wrong, the wheel is round...
The people saying that never seems like the type to stand up for themselves or try to get back, or even stand up for themselves.
When have you taken revenge, when has it not felt good, and when has it back fired?
The Answer
The few times I've engaged in petty acts of revenge, it's never felt good for more than a few minutes. Maybe the first time I tell a friend about it I get a laugh, but usually not even that. Most people don't like to listen to someone else brag about having been cruel or vindictive. I've usually come out looking like the bad guy, and I've always regretted it. Every single time.
I'm not going to go into details, because as much as you don't like to hear it, the details don't matter at all. Everything you've been told is true.
Motivation is key. The moment you are motivated by revenge, you are on the path to looking like a fool, feeling like a loser.
There is nothing good about deliberate cruelty, not even if you think they deserve it. I don't believe in karma or any such spiritual nonsense, but I know being nasty comes back at us in ways we can't imagine. There is no 'getting back' at someone. There is the choice to put more badness, anger and hurt into the world, or less.
If you choose to put more badness, anger and hurt into the world, you'll feel bad about it in the end. Unless you are a crazy person.
Standing up for yourself has nothing to do with exacting revenge. Anyone who thinks the only way you can stand up for themselves is by attacking someone else, is a complete moron. If you can't find a solution to a problem, besides revenge, than you aren't actually solving any problems, you are just inventing different ones.
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The Question
the Beatles have launched their music careers in the 1960s all the girls went crazy over them and made them their talk of their craze they became very popular among everyone even after breaking up in the early 1970s and never got back together becuase John Lennon died in 1980 and George Harrison died in 2001 but Paul Mccartney and Ringo Starr are still around but in the late 1990s new boybands launched their careers and became popular the Backstreet Boys Nsync and 98 Degrees but they didint measure up to the Beatles then came the Jonas Brothers whos popular was only temporary and then Big Time Rush now One Direction who wont stay popular but people are still buying Beatles mercendise even some people younger then me like the Beatles is that confusing
The Answer
Why is Mozart still popular? Charles Dickens? Shakespeare?
Why do people care about JFK's presidency and murder?
Why do people buy books about Stalin, or Joan of Arc?
Because these people changed the world through their actions, and in some case, their art.
It's really not confusing. The Beatles may be history, but they aren't even distant history and regardless of how long ago they worked, they remain the best-selling band in history, ever. Many people lived through the Beatles craze, and inspired their children with that love as well. Also, frankly, the Beatles made far, far more interesting and intellectual art and political statements than the Backstreet Boys ever tried to do. People still care about the Beatles for the same reason that fifty years from now people will still care about Madonna, but are pretty unlikely to give a damn about Carly Rae Jepson.
You don't have to like the Beatles music to recognize that they A.) Defined what 'stardom' for a generation of young people B.) Were competent and intelligent songwriters and C.) Their politics and opinions reflected the sociocultural era they lived in and played a big part in the Summer of Love, the birth of bohemianism and the very idea of youth activism. They also more or less invented the modern idea of a music video.
It might sound like I'm a big fan - I'm actually really not. I enjoy a few songs but I'm not a huge Beatles fan. I don't much like Picasso either, but I understand their historical importance.
Pop music may seem like nothing more than girls going crazy for the latest boy band (and sometimes, sure, that's all it is) but some times it's much more than that. The Beatles is an example of what may have been seen at the time as simple trendy or popular, actually having an enormous effect on people's views, politics and lives.
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The Question
Alright first off I apologize in advance and please reply nicely.
I'm very nervous. I've been taking sooo many preg tests and I'm beyond paranoid. I've been getting cramps and some soreness in one breasts.
Had sex and he wore a condom. Didn't break!
I took two equate tests and both negative!
I also took a bunch of cheap ones and a bunch of them were negative. I also stored one in the car and since it was cold later on I looked at it then had another line. Test not to read after ten minutes.
I took another this morning and it was negative.
I also took a different one and read it within the 2 minutes it said then I think I saw another line.. Not sure
I'm so confused I thought you shouldn't read the test after so long
Please say I'm not pregnant!! But good thing is I've been getting cramps
The Answer
It sounds like you aren't pregnant.
You don't mention how long ago you had sex, or when your next period was expected, and those details would help us answer with more certainty if the tests you took were reliable - but even without that information - it seems like you aren't pregnant. There isn't any reason to think you are, if the condom was used properly, and without a problem.
You might not like this advice, but in all honestly, you should stop having sex. If you are experiencing this degree of panic, when a condom was used and used properly without a problem, then you just aren't emotionally equipped to be having sex with anyone. You just aren't ready.
It's okay to be afraid of being pregnant. It's perfectly good to know you don't want to be pregnant, but this amount of paranoia and anxiety means you shouldn't be having sex at all until you can approach it with a healthier and calmer appreciation of the risks.
Stop hurting yourself. Don't have sex at all, if you can't handle the fallout.
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The Question
21/f
So I am travelling to Amsterdam, all of Germany and Austria in Dec. This is my first time to Europe and I need some advice. I will be taking the Eurail for most of my travel and I'm not sure which is the best type of luggage to take with me e.g. bag with wheels? I have heard that there are a lot of stairs to get to hostel rooms etc.
Also, what type of footwear.. I have flat feet, aka no arches. I was thinking of taking a pair of tall leather boots which I can also spray with waterproofing for walking and also nightlife.
I am from Brisbane, Australia, and I have trouble comprehending how cold -20 degrees Celsius is.. I'm slim and probably won't have enough body fat to keep me warm with two layers. So I am thinking I will wear a silk singlet, a long sleeved cotton top, with a woolen sweater over, and an additional trench coat looking thing like this http://www.fashionvice.com/files/dkny_wool_trench.jpg
Please provide images if you can, it would help me understand I'm sure.
Any random pieces of advice will be appreciated as well!
Thank you all!
The Answer
You know it doesn't really get to 20 below zero in Germany/Austria in December right?
Unless you are traveling much, much farther north, into Russia, or Sweden, you are look at more like -3, maybe -10 at the worst.
In which case your current plan for warmth is probably fine. If you were actually headed into a -20 climate, that jacket would never cut it. But at -5 or so, with a decent scarf and sweater underneath you'll probably be comfortable.
I live in an area in Canada which is a bit north of Germany - and it only occasionally hits -20 below here. When it does, I couldn't wear sprayed waterproofed boots and a trench. I'd need a parka and winter boots designer specifically for that temperature. But -3 is autumn weather, and I wear a jacket much like that.
If you are worried about staying warm, get a jacket that does up to your chin, rather than a trench. That makes a huge difference.
Then, just make sure you are prepared to deal with the wind - that's the real problem in the cold. Warm hats, headbands, gloves and scarves will help you stay comfortable. It doesn't matter much if your body is warm if your ears and fingers are freezing off.
For your luggage, check out the Eurail restrictions on luggage size and make sure you get something that meets them. When packing for a long trip, the smallest luggage you can bear is always the best. Some people will swear by backpacks- a good travel backpack with an internal frame is definitely best if you are jumping from hostel to hostel-but I've always preferred luggage with wheels when I have longer stays in places. Just stay away from messenger bags and things that hang on one shoulder. Those hurt pretty bad after a day or two.
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The Question
Hello everyone. I'm fourteen years old, a sophomore in high school, female, and bisexual, for your information.
I've been talking to this guy at my school a lot lately. He's two years older than me and a junior. I've been in classes with him for the last four years, but we've only been friends this year. He seems to really like me, at very least as a friend. We tease each other a lot, and he sometimes compliments me on things I say in class or my clothes. It sometimes seems like he looks for excuses to be around me. One of my other friends thinks he likes me. I really hope he likes me.
Today, he casually asked me if I wanted to go see the new Hunger Games movie on Friday. I accidentally told him I couldn't because I thought he was asking me if I was going to the midnight premiere, and I'm really frustrated at how stupid I act sometimes. I wish I'd told him I could go. I'm also really wondering whether he meant to ask me out on a date.
The Answer
Adviceman is deeply incorrect, and probably unintentionally, very discriminatory in the way he handled your report of you sexual orientation.
Be honest, be respectful and be out.
Being 'out' in any way that isn't part of the sexual majority, be that bisexual, gay, transexual, transvestite, pansexual, asexual, is the MOST IMPORTANT political statement you can make against discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation, identity and activity.
Maybe you wont always identify as bisexual! Some people don't. I know people who identified as bi or lesbian in high school and college, and now don't. I also know people who identified a straight until their 30s, and now don't. Maybe you'll change your mind, learn more about yourself and your desires, and choose different, more accurate labels. Does that mean you are lying today when you call yourself a bisexual? Absolutely not. It means you are human being.
No sane person says you can't love pop music today, just because you might love reggae tomorrow.
When people say you are 'just experimenting' tell them they damn fucking right you are experimenting, and you have the right to experiment with your own identity and your own body, and that you have told them the most true thing you can at this point in time. If they can't respect that, if they need to put you down because they don't 'believe you are really bisexual' or that 'you are sure' or you don't pass whatever fucking test they have decided makes you really a bisexual, or really any other thing, then they can take their bigotry and disrespect and get out of your life.
You don't have to know for sure, not when you are 14 and not when you are 25 and not when you are 80. Pick the label that is the most true for you, speak with honesty and respect to others. Be safe and be kind. Tell those who cannot accept your honesty, or can't respect you, to fuck off.
Sex absolutely can be dangerous, but the only thing that is dangerous about acknowledging your own sexual identity publicly, is other people's intolerance and bigotry.
Anyways, as for the guy. It's hard to say. He might have been trying to arrange a date-like situation, where you could both try hanging out one-on-one without the added pressure of calling it a date. Although there is no knowing for sure, that seems the most likely situation to me.
There is certainly some concern over dating someone two years older than you when you are fourteen. He is likely to have different level of experience and different expectations from a relationship. That is something you need to be aware of and cautious of, but there are very, very few states where you'd be tripping over any laws to date him.
So, for now relax a bit. If you don't change your attitude towards him, he's more likely to assume that you really couldn't go, not that you had rejected him. You could also follow up with your own invitation, if you were comfortable, or invite him along with a group of your friends. What happened is certainly a bit frustrating, but it's not reason to get discouraged.
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The Question
Can i get pregant if I masterbate (fingering) with vaseline and there was possibly sperm in the vaseline. Im only 15 and DONT know what to do! please help!
And Ive missed my period!! Im scared,please help.
The Answer
Can't happen.
Unless the sperm is deliberately kept alive, say by freezing it, it only survives outside of the body for a few hours at most.
However, it's important to note that vaseline isn't the best product for sex or masturbation. When masturbating, Vaseline doesn't break down quickly, it sticks around inside of you for a quite a while and it can lead to infection. It's also not safe for use with condoms. Oil-Based lubricants breakdown latex condom and can cause them to break.
Water-based lubes are better. You can buy them at most drug stores. Do yourself a favour and get one. It'll be less embarrassing than needing to see a doctor due to infection.
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The Question
Okay, im 8 months pregnant, im the third babys mother, and for Thanksgiving BF mom invites BF and i to spend time at her house where baby mother#2 will be there and #2 makes it very clear that she does not like me, attitude and all. BF's mom went as far to tell me shes like a daughter to her, when I explained why I didnt feel comfortable going, so instead of planning a whole day trip there, she said she'll pick us up and bring us there for an hour.... I dont even want to go for 5 minutes. A little background on me an BF, we used to date when we were 20, he cheated on me with a girl so we broke up, I looked him up, found him down the road in a prison work release, he says hes not with anyone, he LEAVES work release to spend 4 dayys at my house says he Loves me, goes back to prison, I find his phone that says wifey on a contact name which turns out to be #2, call her, shes a wreck to hear that hes cheated on her again, says I can keep him, so just before he.gets out of prison for good my ex talks with me and I ended up getting drunk and we slept together and I told BF about it, and said I didnt think we should be.together, I was confused and didnt want him to move right in, he said he still wanted to, but the worst part is I blatenly told his mother what happened to so maybe she could talk him in to not coming to my house.. then now that he did, I tried to make it work, we got pregnant, and stuff has been a mess ever since. What should I do?
The Answer
She is the mother of her grandchild, and the co-parent of your boyfriend's child. Your boyfriend's mother is absolutely, 100% right, to keep a close relationship with that woman, if that is what they both want.
If you want to be with this guy, then you're going to have to face his family, and his family includes the mother of his child. If you want to make this relationship work, than go for an hour, hold your tongue, be polite and talk about the weather.
Your boyfriend is dog, a repeated cheater and a liar, and his ex has every reason not to like you either, but if you want to be with him and have anything like a respectful and healthy relationship, you need to be able to sit for an hour in respect and decency with his mother, and the mother of his child.
If this is what you really want, suck it up and make it work.
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The Question
hi, are single father worth to date? because they're so defensive of their childs and even though they're not with their exes anymore but they are so defensive. they don't love their exex still, do they? especially the ones that who already has a girlfriend of 4 years. thanks.
The Answer
A single parent is right, even morally obligated, to be respectful and caring towards their co-parent. It doesn't mean they still have feelings for their ex, it means they are decent human being, who understands how important parents are to their child's life, and their responsibility towards their ex and their child.
You can't generalize about all single parents - of course some are still in love with their ex, and some treat their ex's horribly - but a single parent who is respectful and caring towards their ex is the BEST kind of single parent to date - because they are the most responsible, mature and loving kind.
If you can't cope with the fact that a single parent has that important relationship with their ex and child, then maybe you aren't cut out to date a single dad.
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The Question
Me and my boyfriend broke up earlier about a month ago andlast week he agreed to see me and gave me the chance to win him back? And so we ended up showing our feelings for each other and he told me he loves me and missed me. And when i asked why cant we get back together right now he said that it doesnt work like that. And we ended up being intimate like how we have been so up to third base with each other. And i guess im just kinda confused as in why we cant be together right off the bat after we broke up eveen though we clearly have feelings for each other. So what does this mean?
The Answer
A person who wants to be 'won', isn't treating you with respect or honesty. Being together takes work and effort from both parties, even if one person's actions were more to blame for the breakup than the others.
As for what the rest of this means, you'll need to ask him. Maybe he isn't trying to be jerk - Maybe he is just genuinely unsure about how he is feeling and what sort of relationship he wants to have with you, if any.
Ask him how it does work. Do you go on dates? Do you talk every day? What does he see happening now that you (the BOTH of you) are back in touch and talking about the future? Don't be afraid to really specific.
As others have said, there is certainly a risk that he is just messing around with you, but if you care for him, give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is just unsure. However, that doesn't mean that he can just do anything he'd like and not answer any of your questions. Ask him what he is thinking and feeling, and listen closely to what he says.
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The Question
I'm 21 and the guy I like is 26. We met at work and the way that we met was very cute, it turns out that we live on the same street and we kept following each other home when we left for the day at the same time. I totally noticed him, and he must have noticed me too, because he added me on Facebook shortly after. We talked a ton on Facebook at first and then he asked me for my number so now we have been texting every day for about a month now. One day he gave me a ride home, and he was very eager to get together and talk again so we made plans.
On our first date (it seemed to me that it was a date, but nothing has really been defined) he picked me up and we went for ice cream, and went fine. We were both nervous. When he dropped me off, I asked if he wanted to come in and hang out more, but he politely declined and that we would hang out again.
I seem to be more open than he is. I told him that I like him, and he implied that he likes me too, but we both just got out of long-term relationships, so I'm afraid of being just a rebound girl to him.
He showed interest in doing something with me/hanging out a lot at first, and we went on one date, but he hasn't initiated seeing me again. I'm starting to feel weird that we text so much but we don't spend time in person, and I can't figure out why he isn't asking me out again, so I said to him "we should hang out as just friends sometime soon, no pressure" and he said "ok :)" but he seems to change the subject when I initiate. I have asked him to hang out a bunch of times but now he's saying things like "I'm bad with plans." So I can't decide if he wants me to initiate or if he's just messing with me.
We talk during the day sometimes, but he always makes a point to text me at night. Two nights ago, he told me he was tired and said something like "too bad I can't lay with you," and I responded saying that he was teasing me and that I wanted him here, etc.
So the next night, when he was tired again, he tried to have a conversation to the same effect, and when it started to be "what would you do to me if you were in my bed?;)", etc., I told him that he was insinuating that he wanted a sexting relationship with me, and that I wasn't comfortable making a habit of that if we aren't committed to each other. I was very straight up with him, and told him I didn't want to feel used if he's only into me enough to do that, but not into me enough to date me.
In response, he told me that he's not a shitty guy, and that he's sorry for portraying himself that way, that I'm gorgeous and that I have a great personality, and he thinks too highly of me to treat me like that. He said it wouldn't happen again, and that would never use me, etc...but had no response to what I said about dating.
I still don't know where I stand with him or what he wants from me. And I don't know why he's not asking me out again. I have a feeling that he's shy, and that's why he keeps texting me. I tried pulling away a bit and he got bummed when I didn't text him back.
Or maybe he feels like he doesn't have to chase me because I told him that I like him and now there is no mystery, so I feel like I should have kept my mouth shut. He's giving me such mixed messages that I'm afraid he would reject me if I asked him to do something because he seems picky about where he hangs out. I feel like I shouldn't have to do all the work, especially because he is the guy and he is 5 years older than me, and you would think that he's more experienced with this stuff.
Should I keep talking to him or give up? Should I initiate something or wait for him to make the move?
The Answer
Ask him to hang out again.
If he says no, then you have your answer and you can move on.
It's all nice and well to think that he should have made a move and that you don't want to do the work - but if that's the way you feel, then this relationship is already over. Move on.
If you want to hang out again, make a plan and invite him along.
Frankly, this guy sounds like he is either lazy, or not that into you, but the worst thing that can happen is that you ask him out, and he says no, or that you go out, and find out he's not that interested.
Either way, I think knowing is better than not knowing. So take a chance. Yeah, it might fail horribly. Accept that and take the chance anyways.
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The Question
Hi. Ok so i was on my boyfriend instagram today and i came across some girl that his friend was dating. He liked 12 of her pictures and on one of the pictures my boyfriend asked her for her facebook. I don't know why he would ask her for that and especially liking all her pictures. I dont wanna talk to him because then hes going to think i was snooping around his instagram. What do you think about this or what would you do if it was you. I know if i did it he would be mad :(
The Answer
Well, his instagram is public, right? It's not like you hacked into it. Right?
If my boyfriend did this, I'd ask him who she was, because I'd be curious about who it was.
But obviously you aren't just curious. You are suspicious. You think he's doing something shady. You also think he'd be angry with you for asking about it, so he probably knows that you think he is doing something shady.
I don't know what you should do about this. I don't know you or your boyfriend.
I do know you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone you can't trust. If your boyfriend has never given you reason to doubt him, and him making new female friends on Facebook is enough to freak you out, then you might need to take some time and not date anyone for a while.
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The Question
I feel so quilty saying this, because God might be mad that I am questioning him, but im so scared. I never touch the Bible but I should. And when I hear a voice in my head I think its just my imagination. Im scared of dying, cause its just so scary. I know its part of life, but there is so many things out there that can kill you, it makes no sense. I wish I could ask what happens when you die, but I can,t. I ask and pray for God to show me something like they do in the Bible but nothing happens. The stuff in the bible is so awesome, but none of that stuff has happend. Im just so scared. Please tell me what you know.
The Answer
There are really smart people who have devoted their lives to exploring that question, and have come up with wildly different answers.
No one can prove God exists in the same way we can prove that Advil reduces pain, or that the moon revolves around the earth. There is just no evidence like that. It's a matter of faith, and a matter of opinion.
You could read thousands of different opinions on the subject, and still not be sure what you believe is true.
And that's okay. If any sort of God does exist, and is angry when people doubt that, then God is an asshole who hates everyone, 'cause everyone doubts some, if not most, of the time. If there is anything even remotely like a God or gods (and personally, I don't accept that there is) then it/they are probably not assholes who hate us all for doubting it.
This is what I know: Life is scary. It's scary whether you believe in God or not. Regardless of what you believe, you have to find ways to be at peace in the world, even when it's scary.
It's okay to be scared. It's okay to have questions and to be looking for answers. Both of those things are great and smart ways to be. It's not worth wasting your time stressing about things you can't be sure of. Make your choices, keep thinking and keep trying to be good. God or no God, you can be okay, even great.
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The Question
so im having trouble with my science project and the questions..
Recount the evolution in thought about elements, from ancient ideas (e.g., the Greeks' four element and the Chinese' five elements) to the knowledge of over 100 elements
Describe the work of early scientists, (Thompson, Rutherford, Bohr) in the evolving model of the atom
Describe the work of John Dalton concerning elements, atoms, compounds, and molecules and how he explained reactions in quantitative terms.
these are the questions..i dont get them..and if you know the answer can you please tell me??
The Answer
Edit in response to feedback:
You need to be much more specific about what you don't understand. These questions are pretty clear about exactly what they want you to cover in your answers, and you explicitly asked for someone to tell you the answers - which would be doing the work for you. You might have only meant for someone to help you understand the questions, but that is not what you wrote down.
Also, ratings of 1 shouldn't be given unless the answer was abusive. My answer wasn't abusive. You can find out more about what counts as abuse here: http://www.advicenators.com/faq.php?f=47&
Finally, name calling is not okay here. We are here to give advice, not to be insulted by you because you don't, or can't, do your own school work.
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We don't help people with homework here, but these questions are very general. Honestly, these questions are so straightforward the answers are probably in your textbook, or they can be found rather easily with Google or with Wikipedia.
If you need some help learning how to do research, ask questions about how to do that.
If you need help to make sure you've answered the questions well, post your answers and ask people to take a look at them and make sure they make sense.
But we don't do people's homework for them. You need to pay attention in class, do your readings and learn how to do research when necessary. These are all very interesting questions and not too difficult to answer. You can probably do it with a bit of focus, and if you can't, it's probably time to ask the teacher for extra help.
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The Question
I am a 23 year old female. My boyfriend of over 4 years broke up with me over a week ago. I am beside myself upset.. I would to cook, clean, do laundry, take out his dog, feed his dog, got him a job, made him lunch everyday, even paid for our dinner or drinks sometimes.. the whole 9 yards..
He broke up with me because he said that it was unfair to me that I did everything, and he wasn't fully in on our relationship anymore. This came out of no where for me which is why I think I am so upset..
He has been involved with drugs, and really bad crowds as well so I think it's probably a good thing this happened, because I was able to get out while I still could.. but the pain is severe.
What I really need is someone who doesn't know me, my boyfriend or anything else about our situation.. to try and help me with advice, through this time..
All I want is for him to give a damn about me, and to be upset over this, I mean 4 years is a long time.. and I feel like I'm the only one upset..
Please, somebody give me advice or tell me what I should do.. I know if I ask if it's worth it to try for it again, it's probably gonna be a bad thing.. and I know I'm young, but it doesn't help how I feel..
The Answer
Let's be honest: He's upset over this, but part of 'being broken up' is that you can't help him with that, just like he can't help you, and that you don't have any right to the intimate knowledge of his feelings that you had when you were his girlfriend.
Let's be even more honest: Sure, it's nice to think that he broke up with you 'for your own good', but that's bullshit. Basically no one does that. He broke up with you because he didn't want to be with you anymore. You might have been wonderful, the best woman he ever met, but he didn't want to be in a relationship with you anymore. Whatever the reasons, that is the core truth of the matter.
Don't try for it again. Don't speak to him any more than absolutely necessary. Don't Facebook stalk him. You don't get to know what's going on in his head, or his life, and the sooner you make peace with that, the better you'll feel. Going through a break up, means going through it without your ex's support.
You sound like you know this wasn't a great relationship for you. You know he took advantage of you. You know he didn't have his shit together. You know that probably wouldn't change if you got back together. So all you are left with is the grief and the anger.
So grieve, and be angry. Punch pillows and complain about him to your friends. Cry it out and eat ice-cream. Figure out how to soothe yourself. The pain wont go away over night, but it will go away, and you'll probably be proud of yourself at the end of it.
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The Question
I'm a girl, and started masturbating at around age 6. I started by basically humping a stuffed animal or pillow til I reached orgasm. I don't even know what made me figure it out. I've never been sexually abused and knew nothing about sex or even masturbation until around middle school. I'd do it in secret and as a young kid I remember feeling incredibly ashamed about it afterwards and never telling anyone about it.
I am 18 now, and know it's completely natural and everything but I still remember how much I used to feel that masturbation was a dirty little secret and made me different from others when that is not the case. Even when I'd read about it being natural and common online it just seemed like such a lie. I just could not believe it. When I just started earlier than others. I'd do it about once or twice a week, which is still pretty consistent with me now. Just like how sometimes I'd go for 1-2 months without doing it at all.
but yeah, so basically I had my period at age 10, right after i had orgasmed in my bedroom. like I remember going to the bathroom to pee and seeing blood when I wiped myself and crying and thinking I was dying from my vagina. and then i told my mom about the blood (never had a masturbation or sex chat with my parents, we dont have that kind of relationship) and she's like "it's something to celebrate!" and I'm like wtf. cause this was all a few months before I had even learned about puberty in school (via the pancake movie) so it was all new to me. and then when my periods started i had to use birth control cause they would last too long, like 2 weeks each. and i'd get horrible cramps so bad that for years i'd have to miss one day of school almost every month, on the worst day. my mom had bad cramps too, growing up, but her period started later. my older sister (one year older than me) never had troublesome cramps, and her period started about 2-3 years later than mine. little sister getting her period before big sister, despite the fact that i weighed less than her, and we ate around the same foods. she's about 7 inches taller than me now, too. but she's always been one of the tallest girls in her grade. i was above average as a kid, but ever since puberty, i'm now just average.
so my periods would be so bad i'd have to take 2-3 different medications, use a hot water bottle, and crouch on the couch. not really anymore, but for years i'd always throw up at some point, and have a runny stomach.
but anyways, so i'm just wondering if i hadn't masturbated that time.. or even at all, would my period have happened later? did masturbating make me mature faster? it bums me out cause it makes me wonder if it has stunted my growth, as both my parents are above 5'8", my sister is 6'0" and i'm only 5'5". could i still grow 2-3 more inches? i really hate being this short.
i exercised quite a bit at that age, so it couldn't have been from lack of exercise. and i didn't get much sleep during my teenage years but around age 10 i got plenty. my diet was probably healthier than most other american kids my age, too. sometimes i'd sneak a sugar cube but it's not like my parents were buying me mcdonalds and cookies everyday. my mom would always cook healthy meals and i'd bring healthy lunches to school
The Answer
Nope. Masturbation had absolutely nothing to with your earlish puberty. It's wasn't a cause of it, or a symptom of it.
It has nothing to do with your height, or your painful periods.
There is just no connection whatsoever. Your body would still be exactly what it is, even if you never masturbated in your life.
If you have had regular check ups in your life, there is really nothing to be concerned about.
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The Question
So my boyfriend and I have been together for two years and he has a child from a previous relationship. I love her to death and think of her as my own. After he had his daughter he received a vasectomy so he wouldn't have another accidental pregnancy. well a few weeks ago I started getting abdominal pains and throwing up. I didn't think it was a possibility but I took a pregnancy test just to be sure. Well low and behold it came out positive. Twice. So we go into the doctors and they run a test and confirm I am 6 weeks along. Well, I am still going through school and right now my mom is dealing with cancer. I feel like having a baby is just not the path for us right now. I want to own a home and have a life set before we involve another child. We went in and found out his vasectomy did not hold and that Is why we got pregnant. We will be getting his vasectomy redone and we are strongly leaning towards terminating my pregnancy. I feel guilty and horrible but if I can't give my child a proper life it isn't time yet. We both did briefly consider but ultimately we have decided to end it. Is it natural to feel emotional about this? I feel like I am letting go of a child I will never get to know and feel bad they don't get the chance. (So I don't need anyone preaching about it being wrong it is my body)
I also have to decided to opt for the pill. What are the side effects and what should I expect? Is this going to make me even more emotional? And how long will it be before I get my period again? Any advice both to cope emotionally or to help me prepare my body would be helpful.
The Answer
It's normal to experience some conflicted feelings about terminating a pregnancy, no matter what you choose.
I'm not 100% sure, but it sounds like you mean you've opted for the medication abortion to terminate your pregnancy - rather than surgical. Frankly, you are lucky. Most women live in places that don't even give them that choice.
You'll want to ask the doctor or nurse at the clinic your questions as well, but generally a medical abortion is a very safe, and very reliable way to terminate an early pregnancy. It's very uncomfortable, usually described as a really extreme period, with more blood and more cramping than usual. Your next period may be a bit delayed, but the body generally goes back to normal pretty quickly. There is nothing you need to do to prepare your body, you just need to be prepared for a bit of rough ride through the symptoms. Just take care of yourself the same way you would if you were having really bad cramps.
Medical abortions wont 'make you more emotional' like taking a normal birth control pill each day might. It's a quick, intense dosage, that doesn't have the lasting effecting on your body chemistry.
You are letting go of the possibility of being a parent right now. It's okay, even good, to acknowledge that that is exactly what you and your partner are choosing. There are people out there who think a fetus is the equivalent to a child - I don't accept that spiritual belief, and I suspect you don't either if you are seriously considering abortion - but a fetus is the idea of a child for you and your partner, and it's okay to grieve giving up on that idea and the loss of that potential in your lives right now. It's If you are confident in your reasons and your choice, then it's okay to also experience some sadness, even regret. Regretting something, or feeling sad about it, doesn't necessarily mean it's the wrong thing.
One third of American women opt for abortion at some point in their lives. Some of them will experience sorrow or regret, and the media likes those stories, because they are interesting. But most studies show women who choose abortion, although it's extremely complicated and they may feel regret, rarely claim they think they made the wrong choice.
The best thing you can do is keep talking and asking questions, of yourself, your healthcare providers, your partner, and anyone else you can turn to for support in your life. It's a tough choice, but one way or the other, it's a choice you'll make and live with, and you'll be okay.
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