|
What are we?
Me and my boyfriend broke up earlier about a month ago andlast week he agreed to see me and gave me the chance to win him back? And so we ended up showing our feelings for each other and he told me he loves me and missed me. And when i asked why cant we get back together right now he said that it doesnt work like that. And we ended up being intimate like how we have been so up to third base with each other. And i guess im just kinda confused as in why we cant be together right off the bat after we broke up eveen though we clearly have feelings for each other. So what does this mean?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
A person who wants to be 'won', isn't treating you with respect or honesty. Being together takes work and effort from both parties, even if one person's actions were more to blame for the breakup than the others.
As for what the rest of this means, you'll need to ask him. Maybe he isn't trying to be jerk - Maybe he is just genuinely unsure about how he is feeling and what sort of relationship he wants to have with you, if any.
Ask him how it does work. Do you go on dates? Do you talk every day? What does he see happening now that you (the BOTH of you) are back in touch and talking about the future? Don't be afraid to really specific.
As others have said, there is certainly a risk that he is just messing around with you, but if you care for him, give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he is just unsure. However, that doesn't mean that he can just do anything he'd like and not answer any of your questions. Ask him what he is thinking and feeling, and listen closely to what he says.
]
I agree with the other advisers.
I don't understand how "it doesn't work like that". That's exactly how it works. If he wanted to move slow and try things out, that's fine but you guys have gotten very, very intimate so it just looks like he wants the fun but not the commitment.
So if you are trying to win him back, that's not how it works. Of course, if something you did was the cause of the relationship, you work on that. You don't jump through hoops and do every thing he asks for just to win him back. The only thing you should be doing is showing you care about him and being there for him.
Just don't mess around with him until you guys are back together.
If you do plan on spending more time together, make sure it's just hanging out and talking. At that point, you'll be able to tell whether he wants you or if he just wants to mess around.
But honestly, it doesn't sound like he's very serious about getting back together with you.
]
I agree with Dragon, I also saw the problem here
He doesn't want to "win" you back, He wants you to believe there is hope in winning him back while he can use you in the process.
A guy that isn't an ignorant asshole isn't going to to tell a woman to try and "win" him back. Sounds like he has some serious growing up to do. You are missing the point here, He doesn't have feelings for you, He is messing with you.
]
I see a potential problem right off the bat by the words you chose.
"he agreed to see me and gave me the chance to win him back"
Are those actually his words more or less? or is it how you are interpreting the situation?
Either way...theres a problem.
I don't have your age but no matter, this is a basic that women need to learn and some females whether teens or in their 30s or older havent learned yet.
If a guy says he will take you back if you meet certain requirements, possibly changing who you are to better meet his needs, if you promise to jump through any hoops he wants you to, doing his every whim and pleasure, thats a warning that the guy has major issues and is likely a controller and have a potential of being verbally abusive if not physically abusive as well at some point. A Statement like that from a guy, shows he places himself at a higher level of importance than you, in his eyes, he is God, and you will do as he says or there's no room in his life for you.
The problem females run into, is that their self worth is hung up in having a guy, they feel incomplete if they don't have one. They are so willing to let some major issues slide just to keep a guy around. And that is the wrong thing to do. A guy like that wants a girl who is easy to control or threaten to do what he wants,
Now on the other hand, no matter why you both broke up, if you are the one feeling you have to win him back somehow in this '2nd chance' to prove your self worth of his companionship, then you are likely suffering low self esteem. Because reality is: No woman has to prove herself or do something special to win a guy over. All she has to do is BE HERSELF, and if that is not good enough to catch his interest, his love and his loyalty, then he is not the right guy for you and its a waste of your time to spend any time with him at all.
Being intimate wit
Being intimate with a guy can create emotional ties to him. But these deep feelings dont necessarily mean that its a good or healthy
Being intimate with a guy relationship. ONly you can really know. So dont base your decision on your feelings but the facts. Does he put you first, does he support you in your hopes and dreams, is he always building you up and complimenting you, does he uphold who and what you are, etc... only you really know if he is the kind of guy worth going back to or whether the issue lies with you and you need to focus on some personal growth issues before you are really ready to date.
]
More Questions: |